Are you married to a service member? Going to be? Military marriage can be very difficult sometimes. There are extra stresses those who are not associated with the military don’t have to worry about. Here are 10 things to remember as you start your life together:
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Be there for each other- This is the #1 thing you can do. Just be there. Over the course of your marriage, each of you will need each other in different ways. Checking in with one another is a great way to learn what is going on with your spouse and figuring out what they need from you at the moment.
Don’t assume anything- Assuming will get you into trouble. If you are not sure about something, just ask. This is your spouse, you should feel comfortable doing so. This is why communicating is so important.
I think a lot of our struggles over the years have come from assuming different things about each other. The more we talk about how we are feeling about what is going on in our lives, the better we can move forward.
Don’t get jealous- This is hard, especially if your spouse is gone a lot. Other people get to be in the same place as your spouse and you don’t get to be. Try not to let it bother you.
Talk things out if something doesn’t seem right. Remember, they are married to you and that is who they will be coming home to as soon as it is possible to do so.
Know your love languages– If you haven’t read the book already, the Five Love Languages is a great way to get to know your spouse. My husband and I have different love languages. Knowing this makes things a bit easier because I understand how he feels loved and how he shows love back. They also have a Five Love Languages Military Edition.
Put yourself in their shoes- This is always a good thing to do. You never know what someone is going through or if you would act the same way if you were in their shoes. When your spouse is deployed, try to imagine what they are dealing with. To have to leave home for so long, trusting you to handle everything from children to finances to your home. It is a strange thing to think about sometimes.
Remember to trust– I really believe that in order to get through a deployment you need to have a lot of trust. I see trust as this invisible thread that connects you. You just have to trust your spouse even when they are across the world. Without that trust, everything falls apart.
Hold hands- Keep holding hands, kiss often, give each other hugs. Doing this will bring your closer and remind you of when you first met. This is a simple way to show your spouse you are still in it with them.
Date- Regular dates with your spouse are a great idea but they are not always possible. Sometimes they are just gone too much or working all the time. Other times you have small children and finding a babysitter feels impossible.
Do what you can to date your spouse. Make a lunch date while kids are in school, plan a nice dinner after the kids go to bed, go on a walk with your baby in a stroller. Think about the different ways you can have a date even if it isn’t on a regular basis.
Tell them you love them- Don’t ever stop telling your spouse that you love them. Say these words before you hang up the phone and before you go to bed each night. Write them a love letter. Speak their love language so they always know that you care.
Be silly with each other- Laugh, flirt, be silly when you can. There is something about laughing together with my husband after all these years that I just love. Even through all the stresses in life, I am thankful we can still laugh with each other.