The Truth About Missing Your Spouse
He had been gone a few months, and I was getting used to the deployment. As if you could get used to living without your spouse. I was at that point where missing him went pretty deep.
I missed him being around. I missed the time we had together. I missed him coming home from work. I missed everything about him.
But then I reminded myself that missing your spouse is a part of the military spouse package.
Deployments will happen. He will be gone. And I will miss him.
When they first deploy, you miss their presence in your home. You miss them being there on a lazy Saturday and being there for your kids. But months into the deployment, missing them feels different.
The truth about missing your spouse is that sometimes you get used to doing so and other times you miss them so much you feel like your heart is going to burst. And you can have both of these feelings in the same week.
You can get to a point where him being gone is your norm. You have your routine. You feel as though you can make it through the deployment. Then one day you wake up and realize you haven’t kissed them in six months and you will have to wait for a few more.
You walk by a couple and feel pains of jealousy even though you have never met them before.
Even the simplest of things like holding hands when you are walking down the street seems like a huge loss.
You miss the silly jokes and the flirting you guys do with one another.
You laugh at how you used to get annoyed when he worked an extra hour. You would give anything for that now.
You know he could be gone longer, but all you want at the moment is for him to be home ASAP.
You talk yourself into doing something fun, even if you are not in the mood to do so.
You smile for your kids, hug them while they cry, and try to reassure them that Daddy will be home soon, even if it is going to be a while.
Missing someone on a day to day basis is exhausting.
You will feel that catching up with you. Breathe. Try to find ways to relax. Try to find ways to connect with each other, even from overseas.
Know that all you are doing is getting through X amount of days before you will be together again. This is just a number. Your number might be long, your number might just be a few weeks, but you just need to get through them.
During my hardest days, I remind myself that all I need to do is get through those days the best way that I can. I plan things, I write in my journal, I remember all the fun times we have had and know we will have more in the future.
Missing your spouse is going to be difficult. This is a good thing.
That means you guys are connected, that you love one another, and when you are apart it can hurt.
That doesn’t mean you will be sad 100% of the time. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself. At the end of the day, you have to live your life, even without them.
Staying in bed for a nine-month deployment simply isn’t an option.
The truth about missing your spouse is in the end, the distance makes you stronger. You figure out ways to get through those days apart. You learn how to communicate in ways you didn’t have to in the past. You learn not to take one another for granted.
If you are in a period of time where you are missing your spouse, know that you are not alone. So many other military spouses, as well as other spouses, are going through the same thing. You will get through this. You will make it to the other side.
What do you to help yourself when you are really missing your spouse?
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Last Updated on June 24, 2021 by Julie Provost