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You are here: Home / Asperger's / What having a child with Asperger’s really means

What having a child with Asperger’s really means

January 31, 2013 by Julie 7 Comments

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My son Drew was given the diagnoses of Asperger’s last January. We have known for a year that this is officially what he has. That it is why he acts the way he does, thinks the way he does and is the way he is.

Each day is different. Some days are okay, some days are happy, some days are sad, some days are way too difficult. Add having my husband gone for lengths of time and I get beyond stressed out sometimes.

What does having a child with Asperger’s really mean?

* That if your kid wakes up and something doesn’t feel right to him, you better take care of it before he leaves for school. If you don’t, it could ruin his whole day. The littlest thing could ruin his day. When my Mom came in late Wednesday night, I told her to wait in my room until he left for school Thursday morning and she could say hi to him after school. Why? Because if he saw her he might freak out and that would make for a horrible day at school. It isn’t that he doesn’t like Grandma, it is that she isn’t normally in our home in the mornings and it takes him a while to get used to her.

* That I worry about him all day at school. If I have a doctor’s appointment, I worry that I will have to leave it to go pick him up. I can never 100% relax. I would never feel comfortable leaving Clarksville during the school hours. The frustrating thing about this is over the last six months of school I have only had to go pick him up three times. Yet I still worry about it. I worry I will commit to something and then have to back out of it. A few weeks ago I was watching my friend’s daughters in the early afternoon but we had to set up a backup just in case.

* That regular parenting rules don’t always apply. I hear people talk. About kids who hit. Kids that don’t listen. Kids that need to be spanked. Makes me cringe sometimes. Because of the way Drew is, normal parenting rules simply don’t apply. He isn’t telling me no because we never discipline him. In fact, before we knew what was wrong, we explained it by feeling like he was a kid who had parents who gave him everything he ever wanted and never said no. When in reality we weren’t like that. It was extremely frustrating. I am finding that the older he gets, the more he understands that he isn’t going to get everything he wants right when he wants it. And then when he doesn’t, it isn’t the end of the world.

* That I am careful about who we hang out with. Not everyone is understanding. I need safe people. I need to hang out with people who can understand that sometimes Drew doesn’t act like a regular 6 year old. I am thankful that I have found a good support group here. At least for now. Being a Military community, everyone moves but for now, we have some amazing friends here at Ft. Campbell.

When you have a special needs child, you see the world a little differently. What was important to you as a new Mom, probably doesn’t matter much anymore. I know that over the years my son will learn more about how to act. This makes me feel good and gives me hope that he can live a normal life.

Filed Under: Asperger's, Military Children, Special Needs Tagged With: asperger's, Special needs

About Julie

Owner of Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life. Writer, reader, coffee drinker. Mom to three boys, wife of a National Guard soldier. Living life in Tennessee.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Laura

    January 31, 2013 at 12:36 pm

    Thank you for sharing this. Although i’m not a special needs mom myself it’s good to learn how to better love my friends that are.
    I can’t imagine the stress you deal with but I hope that the right people come along and love on your family, especially when your husband is away!
    Glad to have found your wonderful blog today. 🙂

    Reply
  2. MrsMcDancer

    January 31, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    While my son does not have Aspergers, He does have special needs and I can relate to a lot of what you say in this post, especially when it comes to planning play dates. I find myself still trying to learn that this may not be what I expected when I first held my little boy, but we will learn together and I’ll do my best to make him successful ( even if his successes may be different from the kid next door)

    Reply
  3. Amber

    September 24, 2014 at 1:25 pm

    Yes to all of this. My son also has Aspergers. I always worry. I’m actually working on a blog post now on how Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory is like my son. I’ve seen a lot of autism moms do something similar.

    Reply
    • Julie

      September 25, 2014 at 6:55 am

      Can’t wait to read your post!

      Reply

Trackbacks

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    […] a few months of testing, our middle son was diagnosed with Autism. At the time he was given the diagnosis of Asperger’s which they have since stopped doing. If he were diagnosed today, he would have gotten the […]

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About Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life

Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Welcome to Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life! I am so glad you are here.

My name is Julie and I have been a military spouse for 17 years!

My husband of 20+ years has served in the active-duty Army and now the Army National Guard. We have lived in Germany & Tennessee during our time as a military family.

We have three boys and have been through four deployments together.

I hope that you can find support for your own deployments, PCS moves, or anything else military life brings you 🙂

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