What To Think About Before You Marry Someone In The Military
Whatever situation you are in or whatever situation you have been in, you did have to make the decision to become a military spouse. You had to decide that YES, you wanted to spend your life with someone who is in the military. That YES, you wanted to become his wife or her husband which meant becoming a military spouse and everything that would include.
So, what does being married to someone in the military mean? What would life be like to marry your boyfriend who is now a soldier? What does it mean when your husband of five years wants to join the Marines? What would it mean to marry the person you are in love with knowing that marrying them meant moving across the country and living as a military spouse?
Here are some things you need to think about when trying to make this decision:
Saying Goodbye Will Be A Part Of Your Life
No matter who you are or what type of military spouse you are, you will have to say goodbye and often. You will have to sleep alone. You will have to wait for orders and your future. This is all a part of military life. How long they are gone and how often they will go can vary but the truth is, you will have to say goodbye to your spouse on a regular basis. If you can’t even imagine that being a part of your life, you are going to have a difficult time as a military spouse.
You Will Have To Be Away From Home
If your spouse is going to be going Active duty, you most likely will have to move away from home. In some cases, you can try to stay if your home is near a military installation or if your spouse does some type of duty that allows him to live close by to where you are from. However, in most cases, you will not be able to stay there for their entire career and you will have to move away. You could end up across the country, across the world or just the next state over. You never really know and sometimes you don’t get a say, especially as they move up in rank.
The Kid Thing
Ahh, kids. When you are thinking about the future and having kids, do you think about how your spouse might not be there? It’s a sad reality that they might miss your pregnancy, the birth and the 1st year. They could miss the terrible 2s or kindergarten. They could miss out on so much and sometimes there is nothing you can do about that but accept that. Can you handle that? Some people don’t think they can. I thought I could and it was harder than I could have ever imagined. For some military couples, they don’t plan to have kids while in the military. Their plan is to have them later on in life and that is an option as well. However, a lot of people don’t want to wait on kids and many military families have them during those years when the service member might not always be home. You need to be prepared for that.
The “D” Word
Your spouse might deploy for just a few months at a time. They might deploy for a year. They might have to deploy too often or get frustrated that they are not able to go and do their job. Deployments are rough. From the pre-deployment stage to after they come home and everyone tries to get back to normal life. If there are no deployments there will be trainings or other reasons they have to go away for weeks or months at a time. There is no way around that.
The Community
I have talked about the hard parts of military life. The parts that make it difficult to want to commit to this life. The reasons some people get out of the military before they thought they would. But what about the good things about military life? The community of military spouses that you will become a part of. The thing is, as hard as life gets, you won’t be alone in going through them. Many other spouses would have gone through what you are going to have to go through. Many spouses get that and can offer a listening ear. You will make some of your closest friends as military spouses. Friends that will help you through solo parenting, deployments, pcsing and even retirement.
Is It Worth It?
Is military life worth it? Is your love worth it? Only you can answer that. Only you know what you can handle and what you can’t. I will tell you that if in your heart of hearts that you know you should be with this person, you should be with them whether that includes military life or not. That is a special kind of love and you don’t want to walk away from it because you are scared of the future or what military life is really going to be like.
Are you a new military spouse? Are you dating a service member?
What are you most worried about when it comes to committing to military life?
Last Updated on November 15, 2017 by Julie Provost
It’s definitely worth it! I have to say having the opportunity to travel all over the country to me is exciting. xxxooo
PS I didn’t know you sold Scentsy. I was just telling someone I need to buy some scents for our new place. xxoo
For me it’s the choice between to evils. Do I live knowing we’ll say many goodbyes or live without him? Turns out there’s no choice. I won’t live without him and I’ll face what I need to. Ito nice to know I’m not alone
This is a great post!! All these topics make so much sense and put military life into prospective. Being a girlfriend of someone in the military I think to myself can I really live this life but I wouldn’t change the crazy times for nothing.
These blogs and articles I read like this make me laugh. It blows my mind that people read these things and somehow don’t see the HUGE problem that for some reason, we are supposed to be thankful for this shitty lifestyle we were handed. I married my husband I didn’t marry depression, anxiety, 10 month separations, or mandatory FRG events. I married my husband. That being said marriage is hard wherever you go, no matter who you marry. However, this lifestyle these women who these old ways of thinking expect me, and US to be thankful for this lifestyle. I was a nurse, gave that up for what? 10 month separations every other year unbearable FRG events that expect me to “bear the weight” of his job, And told day in and day our I chose this. Incorrect. I will not sit here and I write this for the other women who feel the same or future spouses. I will not sit here and “thank” the military my husband or this lifestyle for anything. I owe them nothing I am not grateful, for the depression, anxiety and constant lonely nights I suffer because of this. Tricare is not worth it (blue cross is just as good) the countless trips to my therapist are not worth it. Moving every two years and expected to be thankful and thrilled about it, is not worth it. I am speaking to the women too afraid to say it. Bullied into silence by the uneducated old 1950’s mentality women who drill into new spouses head we must sit and take this “blessing of a lifestyle” (which believe me after 13 years is far from a blessing) with a shit face grin an American flag pinned to our backs and a complete disregard for ourselves as human beings. Don’t sit there and listen to this and be bullied into living a life you can’t. Talk to your husband I did, when I found it to be to unbearable this “blessing” of a lifestyle. He understood and unlike so many of these other husbands understands I have needs to, no FRG event or bullshit Pinterest page is going to make it better for you ladies. If you’ve tried and this just isn’t for you. Talk to him if he is not understanding that you are a human being and have needs to I implore you to leave. Get that degree be that independent women we know you can be. Don’t follow suit with some of these women who spend their lives “sucking it up” life is more then seattling it’s about crafting the life you want for yourself. The time will come that someone will come into that life’s you’ve made and fit just fine.
Stay strong, but never loose your value as a human.
Can someone please help me. Bf is deploying for first time out of country for one year we were perfectly fine at times talked about marriage though his last one didn’t work he has been very happy in this one he says and family loves him. He just broke up with me telling me he can’t bare to see me have to move away from my friends family and live alone when he has to go and doesn’t want me waiting doesn’t want me sad he can’t let me go through it so he is taking away the choice. What do I do? I have a good career I can move around the states I will be okay but I know that but how do I show him I’m ready for this with him if he won’t go through it. He says because he doesn’t want to get married ever and he knows one day I will
Want to . I rather be with him
Than to date and marry someone that will never be what he is to me