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My dating years were a long time ago. Think, the 90s. Before dating apps and smartphones. I always knew I wanted to be married someday and I met my husband when I was 22 after a couple of boyfriends that were not the right match for one reason or another.
I had never dated someone in the military but was involved in several long-distance relationships. I hated them. I didn’t want to be apart from my boyfriend. I hated feeling like half of my life was where I was living, and the other half was too many miles away. And we didn’t even have the military getting in our way.
Over the years I have met many military girlfriends. Some become spouses, and some do not. I am not sure what the key ingredient is, but I also think there are some warning signs that girlfriends need to reflect on before they get more serious with their military service member.
Whether they are dating them during a deployment or not, their boyfriend is going to be under a lot of stress while serving in the military. Being a military girlfriend is going to be challenging, for even the most committed of women.
Here are some reasons why you should probably break up with your military boyfriend…
Something seems fishy
If you have never met in person before, you are running the risk of being scammed. Sadly, not everyone who claims to be in the military truly is. There are scams out there to get unsuspecting women to send money to their military boyfriend. However, he isn’t even in the military, and the reasons he gives for needing the money don’t make any sense.
Some examples are telling their girlfriend that the military is not giving them food or will not let them come home from Iraq or Afghanistan without buying their own plane ticket. If you are dating someone online and things seem a bit fishy, you could be getting scammed. Make sure that the person you are with is who they say they are.
They cheat on you
There has to be trust in a military relationship. Without trust, everything falls apart. You will have to spend time apart. You might have to go weeks or even longer without regular communication.
You have to trust that he or she is going to be faithful to you. They have to trust that you are going to be faithful to them. If that trust gets broken, it can be hard to repair. While there are some cases when couples can move beyond cheating, in most situations, walking away is your best option.
Your gut is telling you to
I think deep down we always know if we should be with someone or not, even if we can’t admit that out loud. I have been the girl who sat down with a pros and cons list about my current relationship. But as I look back, it was evident that was not a good relationship to be in.
I knew that, but I wanted everything to work out. Had I listened to my gut earlier on, I would have saved myself some pain. Listen to your gut, do some soul searching, and you should be able to figure out if you should be with the person you are with. When I met my husband, my gut told me that yes, he was a good guy and worth being with and I listened.
They are abusive
This seems obvious, but sometimes it isn’t. Emotional abuse can be easy to hide. Threatening, bullying, being too controlling, criticizing you, and trying to manipulate you are all red flags. Things are not going to get better the longer you are together.
Marriage won’t fix things but will make them worse. If you feel like you are being abused, seek help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a good place to start. No one deserves to be treated like this. Even if you don’t think they are being abusive, anyone who treats you like crap isn’t worth your time.
You don’t want the military lifestyle
Being a military girlfriend is giving you a preview of what you will experience if you stay with your boyfriend long term. For some, the military is going to be a 20-year career. Can you stand by them during that time? Can you see yourself as a military spouse?
If you don’t want this lifestyle, if you think it would be too difficult, it’s okay to say so and walk away. This life, it’s a hard one. Deployments, solo parenting and so many stressful days. That being said, even some of us seasoned military spouses have felt like we couldn’t get through this life, but we just keep going, one day at a time if need be.
Why you shouldn’t break up with your military boyfriend
Yes, some couples do break up. During basic training, during a deployment or just during regular military life. However, some couples make it.
They get through the difficult parts and become a stronger couple through everything they have to go through. Some couples make the relationship work and go on to have a life together. So why shouldn’t you break up with your military boyfriend?
Because he treats you well and he is truly what you want.
This might seem simple, but at the end of the day, if you are with someone that is going to treat you the way you should be treated and he is truly what you want in a boyfriend or a spouse, you can get through almost anything.
We can never know the future or what we might have to go through together. Life can throw you so many curveballs. Be committed and know that you can handle this military life if you actually want to be with him.
What advice would you give to someone dating someone in the military?
Don’t forget to check out The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life: Surviving a PCS and More by Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and Mrs Navy Mama. Your guide for learning about military life.