For The Military Spouse Who Lost A Loved One This Year

In February of 2017, we lost my SIL unexpectedly. Over the years since, we have lost other family members. So many of us have.

The holidays can bring up a lot of emotions. You think about how this is the first time your loved one will not be there for the holidays. The first time you won’t be able to wake up and see them Christmas morning. The first time you won’t hear their voice on the phone when you call to wish them Merry Christmas.

You might be going through a deployment, without your spouse by your side to lean on during this time.

You might already be feeling lonely, and now you are dealing with a hole in your heart for your missing loved one. This can all be so hard to deal with. This is when writing in your journal, writing letters to your spouse, and staying busy will help.

You might be in a new city, missing your group of friends. You depended on them after your loss, you still need them, but they now live states away from you. You don’t know anyone well enough to confide your sadness is.

You might be struggling to know how to act after the loss. You might not be the closest person to the one who passed away, but you still feel their loss. You want to reach out to those who are closer, but you are not sure how to do so.

So for the military spouse who lost a loved one this year, I understand.

Your loved one is missed, by so many. Even if you think you are done mourning, the holidays can make it feel like you were not. Know that you are not alone, that others know what you are doing though, and talking about your loved one is okay.

Know that going through the holidays without them will seem strange, especially if this is the first one. It will seem like someone is missing and rightly so, someone is. You might have pictured this year differently than it turned out and that in itself is hard to come to term with.

Reach out to your loved ones and mourn together.

Understand that some might be having a harder time with their loss than others do. Some might not be able to make it through the holidays without a lot of support. Some might feel like they took a few steps back in their grief.

And if that person is you, know that you can get through this season too. That your grief is understandable, that your loss is very real, and that no one expects you to treat this holiday the same as you have in the past.

After a loss, you have to adapt to a new normal. You have to figure out how to go on without them. And this isn’t always easy. The holidays can be a reminder of what you lost and what you no longer have.

Every new memory you make is a reminder of what they are missing.

So to you who have lost someone this year, do what you can to have an enjoyable holiday. Tell your closest friends and family what you are struggling with. Find ways to honor your loved one especially.

Life is filled with good and bad things. Some years will be harder than others. Know, you are not alone and that you will figure out ways to get through the holiday season.

How do you cope with losing someone during the holiday season?