My oldest son will be turning 11 next week. I know it is a little cliché to say but how did we get here? Where did my little baby go? 11? For reals???
The truth is, as fast as time has gone, as quickly as it has seemed that the years have passed, I have really embraced every stage of his life. From when he was a baby, to a toddler, to that stage that had me loosing my mind between 3-5, though his younger elementary school years and now as an official pre-teen heading closer and closer to those teenage years.
As I think about the 11 years we have had together, I feel so emotional. I have so many things to say. So here is my letter to my son, my oldest boy, who came into this world on that September day in 2004 and changed me forever by making me a mom.
To my son…
I can still remember the day you were born. You were early. Earlier then I thought possible because they always told me that first pregnancies are usually later. But you wanted to be born and join the world. On September 29th, at about 7:30 in the morning, you were born and made us parents. I remember holding you as you sucked your little finger. You were my son and I was now a mom. Everything changed in that moment. I remember taking you home and getting used to having a child. That was a very special time for me. It was a time I never experienced again. Being a new mom is something you can only experience once.
For two years and two months it was just you and me. I didn’t always know what I was doing but I did the best I could with you. We bonded a lot during those two years and two months and I was so glad we had that time together. Then your brother came along and I was so happy to give you something so special. A little brother to play with, to fight with and to grow up with. I didn’t know at the time how much you guys would need each other.
We had some struggles, a lot of them. Between the troubles you had with talking and being a bit behind to the deployments your Dad had to go on. It was hard for me. I am sure I didn’t always do the right thing. But you still kept smiling. Even on the hardest days you would smile and remind me that everything was going to be okay.
We gave you another little brother to love when you were six and I love your relationship. You don’t fight too much and you are always there to help him out.
And now I look at you and see the teenager and the man you will become. I swear that everyday you grow a little bit taller and I think I might have even heard the first signs of your voice changing the other day. My baby boy who is no longer a baby, I love you so very much. You are such a loving person and you have such a big heart. I adore the fact that you can not go to sleep without hugging and kissing me goodnight. That you help with the dog and your brothers when I need you to. That when I am sad you go out of your way to cheer me up. That I see you have gotten a little bit of your Dad’s humor which I love and I smile when you use it to make me laugh.
The next few years might be more difficult than we think they will be. I really don’t know. They tell me we are in a sweet spot right now and that is the truth. I hope and pray that you know you will always be able to talk with me about anything. About growing up, about girls, about your friends and your hopes and dreams. I want the best for you and that is why sometimes I tell you “no” when you want me to say “yes.”
There are so many things I want to teach you before you leave our home and head out into the world as an adult. I am thankful I have a little more time before that happens.
So my sweet son, I hope you have a wonderful birthday. You have filled my life with joy and I am so proud to be your Mom.