You have waited for months and months, and the day is finally here.
Homecoming…
The deployment is over, and you will get your spouse back…after so much time apart.
If you have never been through a deployment or homecoming before, you might be asking yourself how that first night will go after the deployment is over. For months now, you have joked with your friends about how that will be and how exciting having your spouse back in your arms again will feel. You have some idea of how things will go, but you still might not really be sure.
What if he is different?
What if she is simply too tired?
What if both of us have changed too much?
And as the day to homecoming draws near, this might be something you worry about. And that is natural, especially if your service member has been gone for a while. You don’t know what to expect or what that first night home after the deployment is over will be like.
Here are a few things to think about as your homecoming day approaches:
Talk about expectations
One thing you can do before the deployment is over is talk about your expectations for that first night. Find out what both of you are expecting and go from there. You can get on the same page about that first night before they even board a plane.
Everyone is different. After a deployment, what works for my husband and me might not work for you and your spouse. Talking about this isn’t going to hurt anything and can save you from hurt feelings and disappointment once the deployment is over.
Give them space
You might need to give your spouse some space. Think about how they have been in a war zone with their battle buddies for all these months, and now they are returning home. Things will be very strange for them, and they might need to adjust.
Your soldier or other service member might not want to come home to a long to-do list. There will be time to get back into normal life later. And that might depend on your spouse’s personality and how the deployment went for them.
Enjoy each other
If the mood is right, have fun with your spouse. Get to know yourselves intimately again. Being together might probably feel strange right at first; you might be nervous too, but that is okay.
A lot of couples decide to try for a baby right after
Plan for the kids and other family members
If you have children, have a plan for what you will do as a family after your spouse is home. Will you all go out to dinner? Have a nice meal at home? Make plans to see other family?
Most spouses want to bring their kids to the homecoming ceremony, but some like to see their spouse first and have the kids see them the next day. Do what feels right for your family. Sometimes, homecoming ceremonies can be in the middle of the night, and not every child can handle that. Sometimes, a fun surprise with the kids the next day can be just as amazing.
In addition to the kids, you might run into other family members who want to see your spouse too. This can be tricky because you will want your spouse to yourself. Make sure expectations are talked about before homecoming. Things can get heated when you have planned a romantic dinner at home, but your mother-in-law has invited 50 people to her house for a welcome home dinner.
Post Deployment Resources
The reintegration period isn’t always roses and sunshine. This can be difficult for both the service member and military spouse. If you or your service member are struggling, here are some resources for you to help get to a better place.
- Operation We Are Here
- Military OneSource
- Real Warriors
- VA Deployment and Reintegration Resources
- Brainline
- Post-Deployment Support With the American Red Cross
- National Guard Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program
- FOCUS: Resilience Training for Military Families
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
If you are going through a deployment now or will be soon, make sure to visit the surviving deployment section on my blog for more posts to help you through.
Kylie
I’m a military wife, My hubby is in the military, ( being on a 4 year contract). Calling him and texting him all day every day, I love to hear from him knowing that he’s safe. Soon my hubby will be home from deployment in Nigeria, once he’s home in a year, I just wanted him to settle in after being so long away from home. I’ll be doing everything for him on his first day home of course.
Being happily married to this guy makes me the happiest woman I ever been in my life. I just can’t wait to have him home back in my arms,
With lots of kisses and so on.
Julie
Awe it is so amazing to have a love like that 🙂
Jenna
My boyfriend has been overseas for a year and 3months he was suppose to be home at the end of March but due to the virus he can’t come home Till the borders reopen… I’m a little nervous this will b the first deployment of us being together an I’m starting to stress out about how he will be when he comes home! Any other advice you can give to slow my mind down!!!! I keep reading horror stories!! Probably not smart!!
Jennifer
Hi All,
My boyfriend has been deployed since December 2022, and will be coming home in a few months. We’ve only been together close to 10 months and this is my first deployment experience. I’m very excited he’s coming home but also super nervous.
Vicki Terrinoni
Julie, spot on. I was selfish because I didn’t even want my kids to be at the airport when he came home, let alone his office or extended family! As time went on, I learned to be more patient with others who wanted to see him too. But we made sure that we were alone as a family once we got home. The hardest reintegration for me was actually his last deployment. The children were out of the house and married. I had freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted and suddenly I had to consider someone else’s desires. That was quite an adjustment.
Julie
Oh yes I think we do learn over time. And I can totally see how it would be so hard to get used to someone else at home when it is just us for a while.