Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

surviving deployment

Another Month Down, Another Brave Crate

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Another Month Down, Another Brave Crate

I received a free box for review!

I am a BIG fan of countdowns. I know not everyone likes them, and I never do them publicly, but for my own sanity, I need to have some type of countdown going. At least to see how far we have come and how much further we might have to go.

Once we hit that one month mark of a deployment, I can start to look forward to another month down. Each month down is another month closer to that homecoming date.

Have you heard of Brave Crate? They are a monthly box just for military spouses going through a deployment. How awesome is that?

While Brave Crate wasn’t around during our past deployments, if we go through one in the future, I know signing up for the box would be one of the first things I would do. Why?

  • Monthly Mail- Who doesn’t love getting mail? I LOVE it, even more so when my husband was away. I love fun boxes and cool treats. And this monthly box? It is made ALL for the military spouse.
  • Try new products- One of the best things about a monthly box is that it is filled with new products, many I have never seen before. This helps me find new small businesses to order from or to find a new product I can use and love.
  • Made just for us- I LOVE that Brave Crate is made just for military spouses going through a deployment. They have challenges and ways to use the products to get to your goals.
  • The Brave Crate Community- Did you know Brave Crate also has a Facebook group? They are pretty amazing and can be a good place to talk deployments, find new friends, and gush about the latest box.

What’s in the box???

Here is what came in May’s Brave Crate Box!!!

Another Month Down, Another Brave Crate
Another Month Down, Another Brave Crate
Another Month Down, Another Brave Crate
Another Month Down, Another Brave Crate
Another Month Down, Another Brave Crate
Another Month Down, Another Brave Crate

How much does Brave Crate cost?

The box is $33.99/month for a 6-month subscription. Shipping for your box is only $6 no matter where you are! Brave Crate also offers monthly and 3-month subscription options.

Are you interested in a Brave Crate box? If so head on over and sign up, use the code SWCL and receive $5 off your first box!

When Your Spouse’s Deployment Gets Extended

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When Your Spouse's Deployment Gets Extended

They tell you not to trust the date you are first given for your spouse’s return from a deployment. That is good advice. Deployment dates change all of the time. Maybe by just a few weeks, maybe just a few days, and sometimes by a few months.

Being aware that nothing is set in stone is a good idea. You don’t want to get disappointed. You don’t want to disappoint your kids. And as much as you want to have a firm date, you know you can’t ever really get one.

However, when your spouse’s deployment gets extended, it can be one of the most stressful things you have to go through. We went through this in 2007, and now, more families are going through it due to the new restrictions about troop movements due to what is going on in the world.

A deployment extension means, having to wait longer than you ever thought you would for your spouse to return home from deployment.

A deployment extension means you will probably always assume a deployment will get extended in the future, just to protect yourself.

A deployment extension means that there will be more missed birthdays and more missed holidays.

A deployment extension can truly mess with your emotions. You know dates could have changed, but that still won’t prepare you for actually going through it. You know you are strong enough to get through even a few more weeks of a deployment, but you also feel yourself starting to break at the thought of even more time apart.

When a military family has to go through an extension, it creates a lot of fear. Will the deployment be extended even longer? Will we ever get a homecoming date?

When a military family has to go through an extension, it can be hard to relate to other family and friends who don’t have to go through it. It can be hard to relate when people are talking about spending too much time together when all you really want is your loved one back in your arms.

When a military family has to go through a deployment extension, the stress levels can be very high, and everyone can be very emotional. There will be tears, and anger and frustrations, even when it comes to little things in life.

My heart goes out to any military family going through this right now. You thought the deployment was almost over, but now it needs to go on a little longer. You thought you had gotten through the worst of it, but now you still have too many days ahead of you. You might be feeling like you are alone in how you feel, but I assure you, you are not.

When I found out my husband was going to get extended, I felt defeated. I felt like I didn’t have the energy to make it through any more deployment days. I was so sad, and so frustrated that this was happening.

For us, a deployment extension meant that my husband would be gone over a year. I am not sure how many military families are facing that right now. But being deployed over a year brings up even more struggles and frustration. There is just something about hitting that year mark that is just so sad and frustrating.

But whether you thought you would have a four-month deployment and now looking at six months, or a nine-month deployment and now dealing with them being deployed almost a year, you are allowed to grieve a delayed homecoming.

Your feelings are real and it’s okay to be frustrated that you are not going to see your spouse when you thought you would. Yes, you know how important it is to keep people safe and travel restrictions are apart of that. But that doesn’t mean you are not going to grieve what was or what your expectations were before this happened.

I can tell you to stay busy, that’s really all you can do but these days staying busy is harder then it used to be. Maybe staying busy will be working on a household project or taking a long drive with the kids every day.

I can tell you to reach out to friends, which is important. But during this time you can’t all get together like you used to. You can’t meet up for coffee or a playdate, and that adds another level of frustration. Thank goodness we still have our phones and social media.

I can tell you to take this one day at a time, but I know how hard that. I know that the long days don’t want to move and that it seems like the deployment will never be over. I know how hard it is to wait even longer than you thought you would have to.

This time in history is a hard time for everyone. We are all missing something, but for those military families going through a deployment extension, they are missing a part of their family, and that truly can be heartbreaking.

If you are not going through this right now, have compassion for those who are. This is something that could happen to any of us with a spouse in the military and has happened to many of us in the past. Let’s come together as a community to get through this, and help one another through the days ahead.

18. “Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” – Joshua J. Marine

As Military Spouses, What Happens in the World Can Hit Us Hard

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As Military Spouses, What Happens in the World Can Hit Us Hard

As military spouses, what happens in the world can hit us hard.

We wonder what it will mean for the military, what it will mean for our spouse.

We just don’t know what will happen and we can get pretty freaked out by it all.

Some say this is what our spouses signed up for, but the reality is, we can never really know what a military career will look like.

By marrying a service member, we start a new journey.

Will it lead us to amazing places? Will we find our community? Will we be challenged beyond anything we could ever imagine?

Yes! Yes! And Yes!

Military life means deployments and moving, probably too often. It means going days, sometimes longer without being able to talk to the person we love. It means sitting back and having to wait to see what will happen next.

As the country tries to figure out what is going on overseas, we sit there knowing that if it isn’t our spouse going over there right now, it is someone else’s. If it isn’t our soldier leaving soon, it will be someday. And we know how hard these types of things can hit the military community as a whole.

I can tell you to stay strong, but the tears might still come. I can tell you not to worry, but there is so much to worry about. I can tell you to depend on your friends, and maybe that is the only thing you can do right now.

As I watch what is happening in the news, I wonder what is to come. Will this be another Iraq? Will this not be quite as bad as we think it might be? What is going to happen?

I wish we could see the future so we know what is ahead. I wish we could plan everything for the next five years. But the reality is no one really can, and as military spouses, we can’t know which way the tide will turn. We don’t know what all of it means for our spouse.

We have to just stay strong, as much as we can. We have to reach out when things feel a little too much. We can’t let all the little comments get to us, because let’s face it, not everyone is going to say the right thing.

This is an emotional time. There are many different viewpoints about what we should do, even within the military community. There are many different ways this could go.

There are so many things you will go through as a military spouse. Maybe your spouse will only serve for a few years, and you will look back at this time as the “Army years.” Maybe your spouse will serve over 30 years, and deployments are going to be apart of the memories of your life together. Whatever the case, saying goodbye to your spouse is never easy, especially when you are unsure of where they are going off to.

I can remember sitting with my friends and our kids at a McDonald’s in Germany. Our husbands, who had been deployed for over a year, were being extended. This seemed impossible. It seemed like something that couldn’t possibly happen.

But it did…

And as heartbreaking as that news was, as hard as the next few months were, somehow we got through that long deployment. Somehow we made it through those unsteady days.

When I see the articles about service members being deployed because of this new threat, I feel so much for their families.

For the new spouse, who didn’t think this would happen so soon.

For the seasoned spouse who thought this last year of military life was going to be uneventful.

To those who have been through this before and to those who have no experience with a long separation.

Know that we see you, and we have your back. The days won’t always be easy, but you have people praying for you. You have people who get it. You have people in your corner.

No matter what happens today, or tomorrow, or next week or next month, know you are not alone. We have each other. And that is something we can depend on!

Don’t forget to check out The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life: Surviving a PCS and More by Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and Mrs Navy Mama. Your guide for learning about military life.

One Long Deployment

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One Long Deployment

They walk away, they have to. The time has come for them to leave.

To deploy. To head overseas. To do what they have trained to do.

We stay behind, we know we have to. We have to stay strong, even if that is hard. We have to be the ones at home, holding everything together.

You second guess in moments like these. Should he have really joined the military? Should I have really married into this?

As you stand at the start of one long deployment, you wonder how you even got there…

Time goes by, and the days pass. Cross one off, then another. One week at a time.

You hold it together. You have to. For the kids. For yourself. For them.

You talk every other day, sometimes every day, sometimes you have to go longer.

You remind yourself that things are much better now. You remind yourself having a spouse off at war used to mean just letters, now you have so much more. But even that reminder doesn’t make them seem closer.

As you start off that one long deployment, you find yourself in a weird place, and wonder if anyone else can understand.

Can they understand the deployment ache? The feeling that something is missing, even if you are having a good day? Do they understand how that feels?

Can they understand the sadness that can come, knowing this is your life, knowing there will be more deployments?

Can they understand how yes, you did choose this, but no, you really had no idea what military life would be like? That you really didn’t know how your emotions would play out?

As you get through that one long deployment, you wonder if there is anyone else you can connect with, anyone else who is going through the same thing?

You go to the FRG, you go to the local playgroups, you join a book club. At first you are not so sure. Can these other spouses relate? And then you find that yes, some of them can.

You make plans, you are going to help each other through. You find your people. Others who get deployments. Others who can truly understand.

You find yourself in a place of almost contentment. Yes, your spouse is gone. Yes, they are deployed, but you are finding your way.

This one long deployment is halfway over, and you feel as though you have gone through so many different phases since they left. You were heartbroken, you were sad, and now you have found a place of peace, but can you stay that way?

As time moves on, you feel the up and down of the deployment. The good days, the bad days. The hard days, the easier ones.

You have worries. Will they get extended like they did last time? Will they happen to come home early? Will they be changed when they do come home?

Staying busy is key, you know this, but some days, you don’t want to do anything. You want to take a day off. Take a day off of a deployment? That’s not even possible.

As you round each corner, you think about how much this one long deployment has taught you. How much you have learned. How you have grown.

You are more independent now. You have figured out how to be, because it was the only way.

You have more strength than you did before. What seemed impossible is now possible. And you hope some of that is rubbing off on your kids.

You look towards the finish line and wonder what homecoming will really be like. Is homecoming like the videos you have seen on the news? Is it as happy as they want you to think it is? What if there is more below the surface?

And then you find yourself at the end of this one long deployment. You have less than a month, then less than a week and time stands still. The calendar doesn’t want to move.

And you feel ready, so ready for this deployment chapter to be over in your life. You are so ready for normal again. To be a full family.

You know that you have both changed. You knew that going in. And you hope and pray the first few days, weeks, and months together can be a time of healing.

You get together with your friends. You make homecoming signs. You share your after deployment plans.

And then the day comes, the one you have been waiting for, this one long deployment is finally over. You have your homecoming outfit, that’s ready, but are you? You are full of emotions and as nervous as you were before your first date.

You get the kids ready, and head in your car. You can’t eat, you can’t do much of anything but focus on the task ahead. You park the car and head to the gym to wait.

And you wait…as if you haven’t done enough waiting but this time the waiting is different. This time you are waiting just a short amount of time, maybe a few hours. You made it through months apart, you can handle a few hours.

You are thankful your friends are surrounding you, even if some of their spouses already made it home. Being in the last group is difficult, but you did it and now you are here.

As you sit and wait, you think about this one long deployment and everything you have been through. You think about your highs and lows. You think about the good and the bad.

And then it is time. It is time. It is time. It is time.

Everyone stands up, with smiles on their faces. The doors open and it is time!

You look for them, in the sea of green. You find them, so serious, still in soldier mode.

They see you, you know they do but they can’t react, not yet. And you wait and then you don’t have to anymore. And then they are in your arms again. And you did it…

You survived this one long deployment. You made it to the finish line. You found a way through and got to the other side.

When You Miss Them

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When You Miss Them

When you miss them, your heart can feel like it will never be the same.

When you miss them, you feel that deployment ache, and know that no matter what, a part of that ache will be there until they return home.

When you miss them, you have to find ways to make it through, to live your life, even with your hurting heart.

As a military spouse, deployments will come. There is nothing we can really do about that. Some deployments will come more often than others, there will definitely be seasons, and you will figure out how to navigate them the best way you know how.

When you miss them, you figure out who your true friends are, and help each other through.

When you miss them, you figure out what works for your family during a deployment, and what doesn’t.

When you miss them, you find a deeper love, that you might have missed had they never gone away.

As any seasoned military spouse knows, each deployment can be so different. Each deployment can come with its own challenges. And just because you have been through a deployment before it doesn’t mean you know what is ahead or what the next deployment will be like.

When you miss them, your heart skips a beat when you see them come online for a quick chat.

When you miss them, it can be difficult to see other couples, but you try to keep in mind that yours will be home with you soon.

When you miss them, you remember all the time they were home and promise yourself you will never take that time for granted again.

Any marriage is going to go through challenges. For the military spouse, these challenges can seem huge when their spouse is literally living on the other side of the world. Keep in mind that deployments are temporary and do what you can to stay connected over the miles.

When you miss them, each day down is another day closer to their return.

When you miss them, each day down means you are getting through the deployment, one day at a time.

When you miss them, you will figure out how to deal with the time they are away, and make it to the finish line.

When you first start a deployment, you will probably start missing your spouse as soon as you say goodbye. This is normal. You will feel like everything has changed, and it has. You will wonder how you will get through this time apart.

But, somehow you will be able to do just that. You will be able to take your deployment and get through it day by day. You will always miss them, that won’t go away, but you will find ways to cope with the distance until they return.

To the Burned Out Solo Parent

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To the Burned Out Solo Parent

It’s almost bedtime, almost. You start your bedtime routine at 6:30 on the dot and if all goes well, the kids will be asleep by 7:30, or 8:30, usually by 9, but sometimes even as late as 10:00. It just depends.

If your spouse is deployed at the moment, it really doesn’t matter how long bedtime takes, it will still be 100% on you to get those kids to bed. There will be no trading off nights, no asking for help, no relief if you had a burned out day and need to just chill by yourself for a bit.

Solo parenting doesn’t allow that.

Solo parenting means you play both mom and dad, even if you are tired.

Solo parenting means you make all the daily decisions for the kids, and that can get exhausting.

Solo parenting means you can’t wait for the little bit of me time you get after the kids go to bed, but know you will probably just want to go to sleep yourself.

The first time I ever became a solo parent my son was 13 months old. It was quite a shock to the system. And one I never fully got used to. Everything was on me. And at times, I felt like I couldn’t get it done.

So to the burned out solo parent, I get it. This is hard. Really hard.

You have too much to do, you just do

That’s the reality of the situation. You have to prioritize and let some things go. You can’t do it all, and if you try, solo parenting will be that much more difficult for you. You are doing everything you have to do and stepping in for the other parent as well.

Keep this in mind when you feel like you can’t get it all done, you weren’t supposed to get it all done. Some things can wait for the next day, the next week, or even when they get back home.

You have to stay busy

Staying home all day, every day, with children and no spouse coming home at night is going to make this whole deployment thing a bit more complicated.

Find places to go, even if you just walk down to the park. Find people to hang out with, even if it is just for an hour. Find new hobbies, and get your kids involved in them too.

You have to give yourself a break

What you are doing is not easy, and a lot of people might never understand what solo parenting is really like. They might say things that annoy you or piss you off. They just don’t totally understand.

But don’t let them get you down. Figure out what works for you and your kids and do it, even if what you choose to do is different than the norm.

Find that me time

I know, it’s hard to find time for yourself but see what you can do. Things that have helped me along the way were hourly care on post, MOPS, PWOC, trading babysitting with friends, having family come and help, spending time on myself after the kids go to bed, and being able to say no sometimes. Taking care of ourselves is so important too, we can’t forget that in the midst of our solo parenting days.

So to the burned out solo parent, think of one thing you could do right now to help ease some of the stress. Write it down, make a plan to get it done, or ask a friend to help you. There are things you can do to make this part of military life a little bit easier.

How do you make things a little easier for yourself when you are in a season of solo parenting?

The First Night After the Deployment is Over

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The First Night After the Deployment is Over

You have waited for months and months, and the day is finally here.

Homecoming…

The deployment is over, and you will get your spouse back, after so much time apart.

If you have never been through a deployment or homecoming before, you might be asking yourself how that first night will go, after the deployment is over. For months now, you have joked with your friends about how that will be, and how exciting having your spouse back in your arms again will feel. You have some idea of how things will go, but you still might not really be sure.

What if he is different?

What if she is simply too tired?

What if both of us have changed too much?

And as the day to homecoming draws near, this might be something you worry about. And that is natural, especially if your service member has been gone for a while. You just don’t know what to expect or what that first night home after the deployment is over will be like.

Here are a few things to think about as your homecoming day approaches:

Talk about expectations

One thing you can do before the deployment is over is talk about your expectations for that first night. Find out what both of you are expecting and go from there. You can get on the same page about that first night before they even board a plane.

Everyone is different. What works for my husband and I after a deployment might not work for you and your spouse. Talking about this isn’t going to hurt anything and can save you from hurt feelings and disappointment once the deployment is over.

Give them space

You might need to give your spouse some space. Think about how they have been in a war zone with their battle buddies for all these months and now they are making their way back home. Things are going to be very strange for them and they might need to take some time to adjust.

Your soldier, or other service member might not want to come home to long to-do list. There will be time to get back into normal life later. And that might just depend on your spouse’s personality and how the deployment went for them.

Enjoy each other

If the mood is right, have fun with your spouse. Get to know yourselves intimately again. Being together might probably feel strange right at first, you might be nervous too, but that is okay.

A lot of couples decide to try for a baby right after a deployment, if this what you want to do, make sure you talk about your plans before they get home. That way, you are on the same page and there are no surprises that first night.

Plan for the kids and other family members

If you have children, have a plan for what you will do as a family after your spouse is home. Will you all go out to dinner? Have a nice meal at home? Make plans to see other family?

Most spouses do want to bring their kids to the homecoming ceremony, but some like to see their spouse first, and have the kids see them the next day. Do what feels right for your family. Sometimes homecoming ceremonies can be in the middle of the night and not every child can handle that. Sometimes, a fun surprise with the kids the next day can be just as amazing.

In addition to the kids, you might run into other family members who want to see your spouse too. This can be tricky because you will want your spouse to yourself. Make sure expectations are talked about before homecoming. Things can get heated when you have planned a romantic dinner at home but your mother-in-law has invited 50 people to her house for a welcome home dinner.

Post Deployment Resources

The reintegration period isn’t always roses and sunshine. This can be difficult for both the service member and military spouse. If you or your service member are struggling, here are some resources for you to help get to a better place.

If you are going through a deployment now, or will be soon, make sure to visit the surviving deployment section on my blog for more posts to help you through.

When Your Spouse Deploys

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When Your Spouse Deploys

When you are married to a soldier, you know the time will come; you know that they will eventually deploy. If they haven’t yet, you know they will and while you might know this is all coming, hearing those words are never easy.

They come home from work one day, walk in the door, and by the look on their face, you know what they are going to say.

There have been rumors, the other military spouses talk. You knew a deployment might happen, but you hoped they wouldn’t leave until next year. When your kids were not as young, when you had less on your plate, when the timing seemed better.

When Your Spouse Deploys

But is there ever a good time for a deployment?

“I have some news,” he says. “What is it?” You say, now is not the time to beat around the bush.

“We are deploying.”

“Okay.” You are not sure how to respond. You are shocked. You are not shocked. You want more details, and so you ask for them. He tells you that it will probably be in June, next June, unless they send him early in May, or even April and there is a slight chance he won’t have to go until late July, even August.

Your brain tries to go to the next year. Wasn’t that when you were finally going to take the kids to Disneyworld? Guess that will have to wait. You also wanted to start school? Go back and finish your degree, but is a deployment the right time to do so? Maybe, maybe not.

“Okay,” you say, because you can’t say anything else, you are still trying to process everything.

You are still trying to figure out what you are going to do and how you are going to get to a place where you can handle this.

When Your Spouse Deploys

“It’s still four months away,” he says. And you know that. He isn’t leaving tomorrow. You still have plenty of time. But you also know that time will go by too fast, as it always does. That four months isn’t that long.

You are now in pre-deployment mode, even if the deployment doesn’t seem real. Your emotions change, you start to feel like you are more in survival mode than you were before. You worry more about the kids, calculating how old they will be when he leaves and when he is supposed to get home.

And then time passes. He starts to get his things together. Army stuff everywhere. You don’t want it in your living room, but that is where he has to pack.

And one day, his Army stuff is gone. And you know he will soon follow.

It’s now the week before the deployment. He is leaving. Earlier than you wanted, later than he first said. You were able to squeeze so many memories in the last few months, but were they enough? Are they ever enough? The kids know he is going; you don’t know how hard the deployment will be for them.

You pray for your spouse, for patience, for relief from the pain this deployment brings. You know you can get through this time apart, but how many times will it feel like you can’t? How many breakdowns will you have during the months he is away?

Then the week turns into just a couple of days and then it is the night before. What do you do the night before they deploy? And then it is the day of. You wake up too early, can you sleep through this day?

When Your Spouse Deploys

No, this is the day you say goodbye. The day the countdown begins.

And then it is time to get into the car, you try not to cry, but the tears are right there. You have decided that you simply can’t stay until he leaves. You will say your goodbyes and take the kids back home. That is what works best for you and your family.

And then you give him that one last hug, one last kiss, one last goodbye. You are committed to doing this; you will not walk away, you hope this deployment makes your marriage stronger.

When you get home from dropping them off, you think about all the things he will miss, and that is when the waterworks flow. You worry about their safety and hope you can find a way to calm your fears.

When your spouse deploys, you will find a way to make it through. Through those lonely nights, through the time apart, and through everything that comes your way.

If you have just started a deployment, or in the middle of one, make sure to check out my deployment posts and join my Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Facebook group. Deployment support is out there.

 

Just Keep Swimming Military Spouse, Just Keep Swimming

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Just Keep Swimming Military Spouse, Just Keep Swimming

I was on my high school swim team, all four years. I had a love/hate relationship with it. For most of my high school years, practice was at 5:45 in the mornings. Diving into the pool that early in the morning was so tough most days. And then there was the workout.

We practiced for over an hour. Lap after lap after lap. Often we would be required to do 20 laps at a time. As anyone who works out on a regular basis knows, you have to figure out how to get to the end of your workout, and that isn’t easy.

After practice was over, I would climb out of the pool and feel amazing. We would shower, get dressed and head to class, having already done our workout for the day.

Just Keep Swimming Military Spouse, Just Keep Swimming

Often during my deployments, I think back to my swim team experience. Swimming was difficult. I was not a super fast swimmer naturally and even had a few Olympic swimmers on our team. We worked hard, all season long. And overall we did well.

But just like a deployment, as good as climbing out of the pool felt, diving in to get started was so hard.

Even though I had done it before. During that pre-deployment period, there are so many fears.

Will it be as hard as I think it will be?

Will he come home to me?

Will he come home the same person?

As the date gets closer, everything becomes a lot more real. And that day you have to say goodbye for the deployment? Everything seems a bit surreal.

Just Keep Swimming Military Spouse, Just Keep Swimming

But then you dive in…

And just like I did in the pool so many years ago, you start your “swim.” You start your deployment; you start moving forward. Because you know you can’t stay on the side. You know you have to start. You know you have to dive in.

As you get going with your deployment, you will probably feel a wide range of emotions.

Some days are going to be difficult and others a little easier. You might go a few weeks feeling like you got this and then hit a period of time when you feel like you can’t. The important thing is to “just keep swimming.” You just have to keep going.

I would often try to think about all the things going on in my life while I was swimming my laps. I would try to think of all the things I wanted to do in the future. I used that time to focus on myself as my body did the work to get through my workout.

During deployment, I use that time to work on myself. To become a better person. To reflect on who I am and where I am going. To work through any struggles and power through.

Just Keep Swimming Military Spouse, Just Keep Swimming

As the deployment comes a close, time can stand still at times.

The days don’t seem like they are moving. But when this happens, you just have to “keep swimming.” You just have to keep going to get to the finish line.

If you are in a season of deployment right now, remember to “just keep swimming.” That might look like making more plans with friends, going to visit family, or starting something new. As the days go by, celebrate what you have accomplished.

I could give you a list of things to do to stay busy during a deployment, but in the end, your mindset is going to help you get through your deployment. You don’t have to be happy about the deployment, or greet each day with joy, your spouse is gone, and that is a sad and difficult thing.

Reminding yourself to keep going, that you can get through this, will go a long way in helping you do just that.

Just keep swimming military spouse, just keep swimming!

To the Military Spouse Starting Their First Deployment This Year

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To the Military Spouse Starting Their First Deployment This Year

With a new year brings a lot of promise. We can’t help but think of all the things we will achieve, all the ways we will grow, and all the fun we will have. But for those with a deployment in the near future, things aren’t quite as exciting. Instead of looking ahead to the potential a new year can bring, there is dread. Instead of being happy about the new year, there is sadness, thinking about everything their spouse will miss.

To the Military Spouse Starting Their First Deployment This Year

If you are a military spouse starting your first deployment this year, know that what you are feeling is normal. Deployments are scary, and if you have never been through one before, you have no idea what to expect. You might be worried you won’t be able to make it through, you might be concerned your children will not understand, you might not see how you can say goodbye to the person you promised your life to.

The reality of saying goodbye for a deployment is that somehow, you do it. You drive them to where they need to go, you hug and kiss goodbye, and then you go home. And while you might do all of this with tears in your eyes, you will somehow find yourself in a place where you are ready to take on the months ahead.

So, to the military spouse starting your first deployment this year, make sure you are prepared for when they leave.

Figure out what you might need to make it through the time apart. Talk to your spouse about expectations, how to handle your finances, and anything else that is important to the two of you. You can never be 100% prepared for a deployment, but you can do things to make the transition a little easier.

Make sure to figure out a way to make friends at your current duty station.

I know that making friends is hard to do. Not everyone is nice. Not everyone gets you. But finding at least a couple of people to go through this deployment with will make the deployment easier. You will have people to walk through this hardship with and that is a good thing. Get out there and connect with groups and events at your duty station. They might have a lot going on that you can take part in and eventually meet people who will become your friends.

To the Military Spouse Starting Their First Deployment This Year

If you have an FRG, try to connect with them.

FRGs are not always the best, there can be a lot of drama, but sometimes the FRG is going to be the place to go to get through this. These are the spouses that doing EXACTLY what you are doing, for the same amount of time. If nothing else, maybe you can find a few other spouses through the FRG to meet for coffee once a week or get your kids together for a playdate. Don’t write off the FRG before a deployment just because you have heard they can have issues.

Buy a journal, write in it often.

Writing in your journal can be an excellent way to express yourself during the upcoming deployment. The journal would be a place to vent out about a bad day, complain about whatever is bothering you, and write our your feelings on everything that is going on. No one has to read what you write, not even your spouse. The journal is just for you and having one can be a good tool to have during your deployment.

To the Military Spouse Starting Their First Deployment This Year

Once the deployment starts, you can begin your countdown.

One day down means another day closer to them being home. There is something about the pre-deployment period that makes life difficult. You are both so stressed out about what is going to happen, that sometimes, once they leave and your countdown begins, you can feel a lot more in control of the situation. Know that no matter how many deployment days you see ahead of you, each day is a step forward and getting through each day can be a cause for celebration.

As you look at the rest of your year, not sure how things are going to go, know that there is support out there for you and your situation. From blog posts to websites, to books, to Facebook groups, to groups at your duty station. From a good friend you can hang out with a few times a week to a family member, you can call on your hardest days. Find the support that works for you and know that deployments eventually end and your spouse will be back with you again.

What are your best tips for getting through a deployment?