Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military spouse

Just Keep Swimming Military Spouse, Just Keep Swimming

by

Just Keep Swimming Military Spouse, Just Keep Swimming

I was on my high school swim team, all four years. I had a love/hate relationship with it. For most of my high school years, the practice was at 5:45 in the mornings. Diving into the pool that early in the morning was so tough most days. And then there was the workout.

We practiced for over an hour. Lap after lap after lap. Often we would be required to do 20 laps at a time. As anyone who works out on a regular basis knows, you have to figure out how to get to the end of your workout, and that isn’t easy.

After practice was over, I would climb out of the pool and feel amazing. We would shower, get dressed, and head to class, having already done our workout for the day.

Often during my husband’s deployments, I think back to my swim team experience. Swimming was difficult. I was not a super-fast swimmer naturally and even had a few Olympic swimmers on our team. We worked hard, all season long.

But just like a deployment, as good as climbing out of the pool felt, diving in to get started was so hard.

Even though I had done it before. During that pre-deployment period, there are so many fears.

Will it be as hard as I think it will be?

Will he come home to me?

Will he come home the same person?

As the date gets closer, everything becomes a lot more real. And that day you have to say goodbye for the deployment? Everything seems a bit surreal.

But then you dive in…

And just like I did in the pool so many years ago, you start your “swim.” You start your deployment; you start moving forward. Because you know you can’t stay on the side. You know you have to start. You know you have to dive in.

As you get going with your deployment, you will probably feel a wide range of emotions.

Some days are going to be difficult and others a little easier. You might go a few weeks feeling like you got this and then hit a period of time when you feel like you can’t. The important thing is to “just keep swimming.” You just have to keep going.

I would often try to think about all the things going on in my life while I was swimming my laps. I would try to think of all the things I wanted to do in the future. I used that time to focus on myself as my body did the work to get through my workout.

During deployment, I use that time to work on myself. To become a better person. To reflect on who I am and where I am going. To work through any struggles and power through.

As the deployment comes to a close, time can stand still at times.

The days don’t seem like they are moving. But when this happens, you just have to “keep swimming.” You just have to keep going to get to the finish line.

If you are in a season of deployment right now, remember to “just keep swimming.” That might look like making more plans with friends, going to visit family, or starting something new. Even if some of these things are on hold because of what is happening in the world right now. As the days go by, celebrate what you have accomplished.

I could give you a list of things to do to stay busy during a deployment, but in the end, your mindset is going to help you get through your deployment. You don’t have to be happy about the deployment or greet each day with joy, your spouse is gone, and that is a sad and difficult thing.

Reminding yourself to keep going, that you can get through this, will go a long way in helping you do just that.

Just keep swimming military spouse, just keep swimming!

13 Super Smart Marriage Tips For Military Couples Going Through A Deployment

by

13 Super Smart Marriage Tips For Military Couples Going Through A Deployment

With a deployment in the future, you could be a little worried about your marriage. You have heard the stories, you just don’t know what being away from one another for an extended period of time will be like.

How will your marriage get through this? Will you come out stronger on the other side?

Here are 13 super smart marriage tips for military couples going through a deployment:

1. Communication is important

Although you won’t always be able to talk to one another because of the mission, communication is important to do when you can. This might mean writing emails or sending text messages. Do whatever you can to stay connected over the miles.

2. Don’t one-up one another about who has it harder

You could go back and forth about who has it harder during a deployment. The truth is, you can’t compare. You are each going through a difficult situation and need that grace from your spouse to understand. Don’t one-up each other, it’s not worth the fight.

3. Remember, the military has to come first

The military comes first, it always does. You have to accept that and move through the difficulties that come with military life. You have to find ways to cope and handle being apart. Your service member can’t come home early from a deployment because you want them to, you just have to stick things out.

4. Don’t hang up on each other, and if you do…

Don’t hang up the phone on one another, even if you are angry. If you do in the heat the moment (which happens) send a quick email or call back if you can. Hanging up that way isn’t good when talking on the phone is the biggest part of your relationship.

13 Super Smart Marriage Tips For Military Couples Going Through A Deployment

5. Don’t feel like you have to talk for hours every day

You and your spouse don’t have to talk for hours every day to be connected. When you do, you run out of things to say. Sometimes a simple 15-minute phone call is all you need to say “hi, I love you” and check-in with one another.

6. Don’t stay in your house all of the time

Don’t stay in your house all the time. Make plans. Stay busy. Your service member will want to know you are still living your life, even if they are away. And getting out there will make time go by a little faster.

7. Talk about money before they leave

Make sure to talk about money expectations before they leave. How much will they have to spend overseas? How much will you have to spend on the kids? What will you be saving for and what will you do with the extra money that you receive?

8. Remember why you love each other

At the end of the day, remember why you first fell in love in the first place. Remember your first date, the first time you said I love you, and the first time you knew you would get married. Remembering who you guys are together is important.

9. Watch a show together

Watch a TV show together and then talk about what happened in the episode over the phone or even in an email. This will allow you to connect over a shared experience.

This post contains affiliate links! 

10. Read a book together

Like watching a TV show, you can read a book together and discuss what is being said. A marriage book can be a good idea too such as The 5 Love Languages Military Edition. Doing this can help improve your relationship.

13 Super Smart Marriage Tips For Military Couples Going Through A Deployment

11. Talk about your day

When you are able to talk on the phone, share your day with them. Let them know what the kids have been up to. Email photos of you and the kids. Your service member should want to hear about what you all are up to back home.

12. Write love letters

Write paper love letters to one another and send them in the mail. Getting letters from home is the best for our service members and also an enjoyable thing to get in the mail for those of us back home. You can pour out your heart and let your spouse know how much you care about them.

13. Look at the deployment as a temporary thing

Remember, deployments are temporary, and while they can be difficult for a military marriage, they don’t have to define your marriage. They can make your marriage stronger. You just have to get through them, even when they feel like they are neverending.

What marriage advice would you add to this list?

Join my email list and receive a free Guide for your first 30 days of deployment! 

When Military Life is New

by Leave a Comment

When Military Life is New

When military life is new, everything thing seems so strange.

You learn quickly that nothing really makes sense the way you think it should make sense. You learn quickly that patience is going to be needed. You learn quickly that some days are going to get you pretty frustrated and there will be nothing you can do about the situation but wait.

And there will be a lot of waiting…

Waiting on orders. Waiting on people. Waiting for something good to actually happen.

There will be a lot of wondering…

Wondering where you will live. Wondering what a deployment will be like. Wondering if this new life will be as difficult as you think it might be.

As you join this new community, you can’t help but meet new people, from all over the country, even from different parts of the world.

You will make friends with some of them, and some of those friends will turn into family, as you get through deployments and separations together, making memories along the way.

You will learn new skills, and apply them to new situations. You will figure out how to get a house ready for the movers with only two-weeks notice. You will figure out how to pull everything together when at first you didn’t think you could.

When military life is new , you can get pretty worried about deployments.

Before your first one, you might assume that being away from your significant other is too difficult. You might assume that you are not strong enough to get through the time away. But you will find that you are strong enough and that you can do hard things, even things you didn’t think were possible.

There will be homecomings and celebrations. You will sometimes think about how different your life is now, and all the amazing experiences you have gained from it. There will be good days and bad ones.

And as one deployment comes to an end, you will feel the confidence that you can do anything that comes your way. There might be bumps in the road, but you will get creative and figure out how to best go forward.

When military life is new, unknown words can confuse you.

You might not know the MWR from the DFAC, but you will soon figure these military acronyms out. At the same time, after 15 years you might hear phrases and you still don’t know what they mean. This is all apart of this life.

You will figure out the right times to go to the Commissary, and how to tip the baggers. You will figure out if the PX is worth shopping at, and what events are worth going to. You will learn about your FRG and decide how much you want to be apart of that.

You will learn about OPSEC and PERSEC and TRICARE. You will figure out what to say and what not to say. What you put out there on social media, especially about a deployment matters.

When military life is new, you will daydream about going off to Europe, and Hawaii and Japan.

You will soon learn that you might end up in Texas, Alabama, and the desert of California. There really are so many different options for a military career. And you don’t always get a say in the matter.

And wherever you PCS to, you will figure out how to bloom where you are stationed, and find the good in a place you might not want to be. You will get to explore places you never thought you would ever go. You will have to leave your comfort zone, but find amazing things when you do.

And when it comes time to leave, to PCS somewhere new, you might not want to go. You might want to stay forever. But you know this isn’t possible and you know it will be time to move on.

When military life is new, you will soon learn how much this military life will surprise you.

From the amazing friends that you will meet!

To the places you will get to go!

To the love you will feel at every homecoming, and all the little moments this life brings.

If you are new to this life, welcome. Being a military spouse can be such a wonderful thing. While some days will be harder than others, know that you have joined an amazing community. Know that you have people to walk this life with, no matter what this life brings.

How long have you been a military spouse?

Twas the Night Before Christmas…Milspouse Style

by

Twas the Night Before Christmas...Milspouse Style

I get commissions for purchases made through some of the links in this post.

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, no one was stirring, except one military spouse.

She knew what tonight was, but wasn’t feeling the cheer, her husband of 12 years was simply not here.

He was serving his country, on deployment #4, she simply couldn’t wait until April, when he would walk through the door.

Her kids were in bed, excited for morning, they didn’t want to go, despite her stern warning.

She looked at a picture, taken last year, when he was home beside her and she didn’t have much to fear.

But this year was different, and he was far away, but she still wanted to try to have a wonderful Christmas day.

She put on some music, and finished her last chore, she loved her sweet family, down to the core.

Christmas was special and a time to love, and she would get through this deployment, with help from above.

Her husband was deployed, and that made her sad, but thinking of her children Christmas morning made her heart very glad.

She turned out the light, and headed to bed, loving the lights of the tree, both green and red.

As hard as it was, she found her inner strength, she could handle this deployment, no matter the length.

Solo parenting was hard, and she hated missing him, but she knew in the end, it wasn’t so grim.

She had her friends, and her children by her side, and would take this deployment day by day even if she sometimes cried.

Because one day in April, would be homecoming day, and she would load up her children in her van, not a sleigh.

And they would head to the gym, where they would need to wait, with the other spouses and children on this very important date.

As a military spouse, we can spend Christmas alone, but we do what we can to warm up our home.

She would spot him right away, standing in the crowd, and when it was time they would run to him proud.

So if you are a military spouse, with your love far away, I want you to know you will get through Christmas Day.

It might not be exactly like before, but Christmas has magic you just can’t ignore.

Merry Christmas to all and know that it’s true, you got this military spouse, you absolutely do.

For the Military Spouse Who Can’t Go Home For Christmas

by Leave a Comment

For the Military Spouse Who Can't Go Home For Christmas

I get commissions for purchases made through some of the links in this post.

When we first got married we decided that we would switch off each holiday. One year we would spend Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his. Then the next year we would switch.

This worked well for three years. Then we moved and my husband joined the Army and that schedule went out the window. Among other things that changed when we became a military family.

As a military spouse, you sometimes have to let go of what you thought your life would look like. And that includes how you spend your holidays. One year your spouse might be deployed, and the next you could be PCSing from one part of the country to another. Your plans have to be flexible.

This year, however, we don’t have to feel as alone. This year, during a pandemic, everyone is being told to stay put. Everyone is being told to not travel during the holidays. We aren’t the only ones having to change the way we do things during this time of year.

A little bit of the pressure you might normally feel has been lifted, at least for 2020. Maybe you were dreading the long drive back home, or maybe the cost of airline tickets was hurting your pocketbook.

There are many reasons why going home for Christmas can be hard for military families. But at least this year, staying in your own home is more normal. At least this year, it is a lot more understandable to the civilian world why you would not be traveling around the holidays.

During a normal year, you still might feel like you just want to stay in your own home. Your spouse may be deployed, and the idea of traveling across the country with three kids is just too much. You might have just moved into a new home, and want to set up there instead of leaving everything to spend the holidays in someone else’s home.

Not being able to go home for Christmas can be emotional, no matter the reason. And this year, even more so. But even if that is what you have planned to do, you can still feel a bit disappointed by it.

You might miss the way you always got together with relatives for Christmas Eve. You might miss the last-minute holiday shopping you would do with your sister, or how you would bake Christmas cookies with your grandma and cousins.

If you can’t go home for Christmas this year, know you are not alone. So many families are staying local, and not traveling. So many families are having to pivot and change the way they do the holidays.

The good news is, there are so many things you can do from your very own home. Start some new traditions and enjoy the time you have together. Make the holidays the way you want them to be, after all, you are in your own home, and you can do exactly that.

Are you overseas? Try to incorporate some of the traditions from the country you are in. You can then take them back with you when you move back to the US.

Embrace not having to travel during the busiest travel days of the year. Think about how your children will have memories of waking up in their own beds on Christmas morning. We have been doing this for years, and I LOVE that my kids will have memories of waking up in their own homes and coming downstairs to see the Christmas magic.

You can’t always go home for Christmas and that is okay. You can still have a special Christmas filled with happy memories and moments with your own family. And you might find that being in your own home is exactly where you want to be for the holiday season.

Do you usually go home for Christmas? What will you be doing this year?

18 Inspiring Quotes To Help You Get Through a Deployment

by Leave a Comment

I get commissions for purchases made through some of the links in this post.

Over the years military life has changed. From the way you PCS to how TRICARE works. But one thing that always seems to be true is that service members will get deployed.

While things are different than they were back when my husband re-joined the military in 2005, military spouses are still saying goodbye to their loved ones for deployments, and other times apart. Military spouses are still having to live without their partner for months at a time. Military spouses are still having to figure out how to get through deployments.

Sometimes, hearing a good quote or truth about military life can be just what you need to get through a difficult deployment day.

Here are 18 quotes that can do just that. I hope that they help you get through the next day, next week, or even month of your deployment. I hope that you can remember them during your more difficult days, and be inspired.

Deployments are not easy, and we could use all the help we military spouse can get to get through them.

The end of a deployment is a good time to try something new. A new hobby, a new habit, or a new way of doing something. Mix it up a bit, that will help the time go by a bit faster.

Sometimes you have to take your current struggle one day at a time. Other times you have to take it an hour at a time.

The best types of friends are those who let you vent about deployments, bring you boxes when you PCS, and help you laugh about life as a military spouse.

You will find that the first and last month of the deployment are the hardest. Do what you can to make it through the deployment days and homecoming will be your reward.

Whenever I feel like I can’t accomplish something, I think about how I solo parented three children, for nine months, and only lost my mind, 55.5 times.

Military spouses are strong not because we are made of something else. We are strong because we have to be. Because history wanted us to fill this role and we decided we could do it.

We wait, we love, we hope, we pray…until they are back in our arms again.

Take your deployment one week at a time…one day at a time…one hour at a time.

You might go a few weeks feeling like you got this and then hit a period of time when you feel like you can’t. The important thing is to “just keep swimming.”

Don’t base the status of your life on a bad deployment day. Those days come and then they go. They do not last forever!

When time stands still, think of something to focus on. Go for a walk, dive into a book, or call a friend. You got this!!!

Use a deployment for a time to explore. Get out and do something you and your kids have never done before. Don’t be afraid to make memories. Don’t be afraid to have fun just because one parent is away.

Solo parenting got you down? Pick your cure: 1) A tub of ice cream, 2) a glass of wine, 3) a binge-worthy Netflix show, 4) all of the thee above x 2.

Not all military children handle a deployment in the same way. You know your child, do what is best for them.

The pre-deployment period is going to be stressful…make time for one another, be understanding, and try not to worry too much about the future.

Roses are red, violets are blue, deployments suck, that much is true.

Don’t ever think you have to be the “perfect” military spouse. Be you. Life is easier that way.

If you have just started a deployment and feel a bit lost, remember you are not the only one going through this. So many other military spouses have done the same.

What helps you the most when you are going through a deployment?

This is Your Military Life

by

“I could re-join the Army,” he told me one day. We had been trying to figure out what he should do career-wise. What change he should make.

“Hmm…I don’t know about that,” I told him. “I’m not sure about that, we have a kid now.”

Back then, I couldn’t imagine a reality where I was home with my son and my husband was far away for months at a time. It just didn’t seem real. That type of life didn’t seem possible.

I laugh about that now. I think about all the solo parenting I have done over the years and what I thought was impossible, was very possible.

And that is one of the biggest things about military life. One of the biggest lessons you will learn. That you can do what you thought you couldn’t.

Maybe you will PCS overseas by yourself with a toddler, never having imagined that your first flight to Europe would look like that.

Maybe you will go through your first deployment in a brand new state, one you never thought you would ever visit, let alone live in, so many miles from home.

Maybe you will encounter the most difficult of days, and get through to the other side, wondering where you found the strength.

I strongly believe that through everything you go through as a military spouse, there will be a lesson there. Lessons you might not see right away. Lessons that might take some time to understand.

As hard as the deployments might be, you find ways to get through them. One day at a time.

You find your people, even if that takes longer than you would like. Even if that means having to say goodbye later on. You find people who will become your best friends, and you can go through this life together, even if you are miles away.

Even after 15 years, I still have my super frustrating days with the military. This summer, trips were canceled because of Guard duties. I kept trying to tell myself that this was all apart of this life, but doing that is easier said than done.

In between deployments, with no moves on the horizon, life can be pretty “normal” sometimes. You can get so used to military life just going along with your own life, without too many hiccups.

Your spouse gets home at a regular time, you enjoy the weekends together, and life just goes on. And then…orders come, or you hear rumors of deployments, and you are reminded that this is a military life. That you are a military family.

There is so much deployment advice out there. From staying busy to making friends, to trying not to sweat the small stuff. Sometimes all of that will work, and other times it won’t.

You might find yourself struggling more than everyone else. You might find yourself wondering how you can get through the next week of deployment, let alone the six months you have left. You can find yourself wishing for another type of life.

I get inspired by seasoned spouses. Those who have been doing this even longer than I have. They have so much wisdom for those of us in the weeds.

They have been there, pcsing with small children, back to back deployments, and always having to say goodbye to people they care about.

They have been there and can comfort and support when you are feeling down or unsure how the future will go.

Not everyone’s military journey looks the same. We all will go down different paths. But the military community is here for each other.

While not everyone you meet during this life will be supportive, I assure you most of us will be. We can lend a helping hand or a listening ear. We can tell you what worked for us, and what didn’t. And we can help each other through.

No matter how long you have been a military spouse, no matter how many deployments you have to go through or how many PCS moves you will make, remember, this is your military life.

This is the path you are on and you are stronger than you realize. You might not always feel that way, I certainly don’t, but time will show you that you are. The military life isn’t always easy, but it’s yours. Every step of the way.

Finding Yourself, When Your Spouse Deploys

by

Finding Yourself, When Your Spouse Deploys

Whenever my husband is gone, I find I have a little more time for myself. I have more time to think about things, and more time to figure out what I was to do and change in my life.

Life is still busy when he is gone, sometimes even more so, but I love to take that time to reflect on well, everything.

As you go through deployments during your years as a military spouse, you will find that no matter what happens while they are gone, you will learn something new, and grow as a person.

During my first deployment, I found my inner strength and realized I could solo parent, for over a year if I needed to. This gave me the strength to get through future deployments. And while I am thankful that we have never had to go through another long deployment like that, I am thankful that I learned from it.

During our second deployment, I learned about the beauty of true friendship and what it means to help each other out. During that deployment, I found such a good friend, and we needed one another to get to the finish line. Going forward, I find the friendship of a good friend so important during military life.

During our third deployment, I battled a lot of fears. I was scared when I wasn’t before and I wasn’t even sure why. I learned to handle those fears and to figure out ways to move past them. I was able to take that into future separations.

During our fourth deployment, I realized I needed extra help. I had hit some type of wall and I couldn’t continue in the way I was going. That deployment broke me and I had to figure out how to make it work, for myself, for my kids, and for my husband.

We have gone through other separations and each one I grow in some way. Each one I learn something new. And I try to take what I have learned into the future, through military life, or anything that comes my way.

If you are going through a deployment, there are some things you can do to reflect more on your life, and learn some pretty amazing lessons along the way.

Journaling

Keeping a journal is such a good way to do this. You can spill out your thoughts and no one has to ever read them. You can read older entries and learn more about how far you have come.

Talking With a Friend

Talking things out with a good friend can also be helpful. Sometimes we can’t always see things that our friends can. And by talking to friends, we can be there for them and their journey as well.

Take Time For Yourself

We all need time to ourselves. Even if that means a nice bubble bath when your kids are sleeping in the next room over. Having time to yourself will allow you to have the mental space to work through anything you are dealing with and to figure out better ways to cope during a deployment.

Don’t Be Afraid to Try Something New

Stepping out of our comfort zone can be hard to do. But sometimes doing so leads to so many amazing things. If you have the opportunity to try something new, go for it. You never know where it might lead.

Use the time during a deployment to make some healthy changes, and learn through your challenges. You will be glad that you did.

The Lessons You Learn When You Are a Solo Parent

by

My son was not even a year old and my husband and I started talking about him going back into the Army. I remember telling him that I couldn’t possibly parent my son while he was away from us for months and months. I couldn’t possibly do it alone. I needed him!

Just a few months later, my 13-month old son and I dropped him off as he headed off to Germany as an active duty soldier. At the time I had no idea what the next few months or years would bring. I had no idea how much solo parenting I would have to do.

By the time we got to our 4th deployment, I think my husband had been gone more than he had been home. I went through so many months of solo parenting during those early parenting years.

These days, he is home a lot more often and I am so thankful for that. But I will never forget the years he wasn’t. I will never forget all those days as a solo parent, that went on for months and months, causing me to have to completely rethink the way I parented and the way I lived my life.

I learned a lot during my periods of solo parenting. I am still learning even now. Taking one parent out of the house changes the dynamic and you have to figure out how to adjust.

Here are some of the lessons I have learned as a solo parent:

You can only do what you can do

You will learn this lesson rather quickly. There is only one of you. You might also be on a limited budget.

You can only do what you can do. You can only be in one place at one time. You will have to make some choices, ones you might not have had to make if you were not a solo parent.

You can do more than you think you can

This is huge! There have been so many times when I would cringe and think that I couldn’t get through a deployment or other situation. I felt so overwhelmed. But in the end, I was able to make it through.

Remember, I used to think I couldn’t possibly solo parent with one child, and yet in the end I did, and now do it with three. We, military spouses, are capable of more than we think we are.

Somethings are actually easier

My husband was gone for many of the newborn years with my 2nd and 3rd babies. And those early months were actually easier in some ways than when he was home with my oldest son. That isn’t to say I would wish him away or glad he missed those months, not at all.

But the little things, like nursing in the middle of the night became a lot easier. I didn’t have to worry about waking him up. I didn’t have to worry about being too loud. I could just attend to the baby and that was my sole focus at the moment.

I am a better parent when my husband is home

As much as I try to look for the good during my time as a solo parent, at the end of the day, I am a better parent when my husband is by my side. We are both different people and handle situations differently but I think we complement one another.

If I am getting too stressed out, he can take over. If he needs a break, I can step in. And sadly, when I am solo parenting, I don’t have that. And I miss it.

The small stuff doesn’t matter

You will find that as a solo parent, you stop worrying so much about all the little stuff. There is so much we have to think about as moms and letting some of that go is a must when your spouse is away. You simply don’t have the space to worry about it.

Of course, what is “small” might be different for each person. I am fine with a pizza night, but others might not be. I want everyone to sleep in their own beds, but others are all about a family sleepover.

I have also learned that I can’t compare myself to other moms. I just can’t. For one thing, I would be comparing knowing 100% about myself to the smaller % that others show the world. That just isn’t a good way to live your life.

You have to figure out what works for you and your family and what your kids really need. You need to do what is best for your own family and not worry about anyone else. And doing so will bring you a lot of peace.

Self-care is so important

Self-care is always important. But as a solo parent, self-care is a must. And do not feel guilty for taking time for yourself.

If you have small children, see if your base or post offers any free childcare options. They might have a Super Saturday or night out you can use. Take advantage of these times, even if all you are going to do is grab a book and sit at a coffee shop for three hours.

Find things you like to do and make plans to do them. Yes, you want your kids to be okay and live their best life, but you can also stop and make time for yourself too. Even if you have to be creative to find that time.

Whenever you go through something challenging, there will be lessons to learn along the way. If you are in a season of solo parenting, remember, you will be able to get through this, and learn from it all as you make your way to the finish line.

What is your best solo parenting tip???

How to be a Military Spouse With Boundaries

by 2 Comments

How to be a Military Spouse With Boundaries

I recently saw a post on Facebook that talked about how you can still be a good person and say no, and that you are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm and I loved it.

So many times, we as military spouses, get to a place of extreme burnout. We are simply taking on too much. And while I think there is nothing we can do about being the only adult in the home for months at a time or putting up with different military life challenges, we can control our boundaries and what we allow in.

I try so hard to avoid burnout. I don’t like the feeling that I have taken on too much. When I do that, I find myself way too stressed out and that isn’t good for anyone.

Boundaries are important for everyone. They can keep you grounded, and allow you to live your best life. They can help you stay calm in an otherwise stressful time in your life. Here is how to have them as a military spouse:

Say no

It’s okay to say no sometimes. I know, that can be so hard to do, but saying no sometimes is necessary. Saying no can be necessary to our physical, emotional, and mental health. Saying yes to everything just because we are asked is a quick way to become overwhelmed with everything.

Remember, you aren’t meant to solve everyone’s problems

Helping other people feels so good, and there are so many chances to do so on a daily basis. But remember, you are not solely responsible for everyone’s problems. You can lend a listening ear, or even direct them to a place that can help. You don’t physically have to do everything for them. That is just too much for one person to take on.

You can be picky about your friends

You are going to run into all types of people in your daily lives. Some of them you will get along with and some of them you won’t. That’s life. You might have a coworker that gets on your nerves or a long-time friend who doesn’t respect you.

A part of having boundaries is recognizing that you don’t have to be close friends with everyone. You can be respectful of other people, without having to let them into your personal life. You can be choosey when it comes to who you spend your free time with.

Remember, saying no to one thing means saying yes to another

One of the most important things about boundaries is that by saying no to one thing, you can be saying yes to another. There are only so many hours in the day, and you can’t say yes to everything. Think long and hard about every yes you give. You don’t want to say yes to something you really hate when that means you will have to say no to something you really love.

That being said, you will have to say yes to things you don’t want to do all the time, especially if you have kids. But even with that, choose your best yes, and what works for your family. Saying no sometimes will free up time to say yes to things that are most important to you.

Following these tips can be difficult sometimes. Saying no isn’t always easy, even if you really want to. But having some type of boundaries in your life can make things a little easier, especially when you add in challenges that come with military life.