Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military spouse

If Current Events Have You Worried, Here is Something You Can Do to Help

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If Current Events Have You Worried, Here is Something You Can Do to Help

Telling our stories is one of the most patriotic ways we as spouses and family members can support our service members.

My spouse is active duty Air Force, and I don’t know about you, but I’ve been on edge all month. Ever since our military activity started ramping up earlier this month – it’s a scary time to have a loved one in the armed services! 

I know I’m not the only one feeling this way. Families across the branches are in a place of uncertainty and anxiety. Will my service member deploy? How will this deployment look different from previous ones? When will they come back?

To an extent, we’re used to this. After being at war for 19 years, we know the routine. But this? This feels like it could go very differently…

Amid our fear of what’s to come, it’s easy to feel helpless. Like there’s only so much I can do compared to all that pushing against me. All these top-level decisions about military actions and troop movements feel high-up and out of our reach.

But we military spouses are not helpless. We are powerful. And we have an opportunity to make an impact.

One of the most important things we can do as military spouses and family members is to tell our stories, because we know better than most the consequences that wars abroad have here at home.

For us, wars come with missed birthdays and expensive post office receipts. Sleepless nights and meltdowns in the grocery store. Loneliness and emotional homecomings. 

People get that war comes with violence. How many movies have been made about the front lines? But what people don’t see is the perpetual anxiety of the families back home, or the single-parenting of the spouse holding it all together. That’s a story that’s missing. 

Think about it this way: Our nation’s leaders rely on having the most complete and accurate information at their disposal to make the best decisions possible – right? Well, our lived experiences as military families is part of that. We are the ones who feel the trickle-down effects of decisions to go to war, and our story-telling helps them see the big picture.

So, if you’re looking for a way to channel your frustration and dread into meaningful action, I’ve got the perfect place for you: the Secure Families Initiative.

We are a nonpartisan group of mil spouses who are interested in getting more involved in advocacy around the foreign policy issues that affect us most. I started this program because, personally, I think this kind of stuff is way more fun when you do it as part of a community.

SFI offers trainings for folks who want to get involved, but may not know where to start. We also have opportunities to take direct action if you’re ready and yearning to go! We even offer information about voting – how to register, where to find your polling place, and what candidates/issues will be on your ballot. There’s something for everyone.

Sign up for SFI today and join a tightknit community of mil spouses taking action. It’ll be a great way to ease whatever anxiety you have, and take a bit of control back when it all feels very much out of our control.

Remember: doing something – no matter how small – may feel inconsequential, but when we all work together, we can make a huge impact.

By Sarah Streyder
Director of the Secure Families Initiative
https://securefamiliesinitiative.org/

5 Things to Remember If Your Spouse is Deployed Over Christmas

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5 Things to Remember If Your Spouse is Deployed Over Christmas

The holiday season is here and Christmas is around the corner. Are you ready? I am not, I still have so much to do. But as I am getting everything ready for this year, I am reminded of a Christmas quite a few years ago.

My husband had left for Iraq at the end of November, on Thanksgiving Day of all days. Thanks, Army!

He had been gone about a month before Christmas Day and there was no chance he would have R&R that early, back in the days of a regular old R&R in the middle of a deployment.

As the day got closer, I knew we would have to do something to help us enjoy this holiday. I couldn’t just spend it watching movies and hiding under the covers, my boys were only two and four years old.

That’s why I made plans with my friend and her kids. We decided we would have our own little Christmas morning and then get together for the Christmas meal. We split up the food, and sometime in the afternoon, we headed over to her house to celebrate.

I had such a good time that morning with my little boys. I filmed them opening their gifts to send to their dad, and enjoyed watching them enjoy the Christmas magic.

Then we got dressed and spent the rest of the day with friends and their kids. I still think back to that Christmas all these years later. It is one that will always stick with me. While my husband was away, I don’t remember being too sad that day.

I do remember the joy of my kids that morning. I do remember the fun times I had with my friend. I do remember the feeling of peace and knowing I could get through whatever this deployment was going to bring.

If you are getting ready for a Christmas with a deployed spouse, please remember these 5 things. And have a wonderful holiday season:

You can still have a good time

I know it might seem that you will be sad and gloomy all of Christmas Day but it doesn’t have to be that way. What makes you happy? What makes your kids happy? Think about what would make for a good Christmas Day and plan for that.

You don’t have to go home

When your spouse is deployed, your family is going to expect to have you home with them for the holidays. Why would you even think about staying where you are? Well, there are a lot of reasons to do so.

While being with family might be what you need, you don’t have to feel pressured to go if you don’t feel like going. Maybe the cost of the plane tickets is too much. Maybe the thought of flying across the country with two toddlers by yourself is too much. Maybe you just want to be in your own home.

You can make memories with friends

You can turn this Christmas into a time to spend with friends. If you are at a military duty station, most likely you know others with a deployed spouse over Christmas. Why not make plans to get together?

If you aren’t, reach out within your friend circle and see if anyone else might need the company over the holiday. There are other reasons why a spouse might not be home for Christmas.

You don’t have to spend the entire holiday together. That can be too much for some people, I know it probably would for me. But having Christmas dinner or even just dessert can make for a nice treat during the day. And there are always memories to be made.

You can celebrate again later

If your spouse missing out on Christmas is really bothering you, why not plan a mini-Christmas when they get home? This is your family, you can do what you want.

Maybe they won’t be home until April? Who cares? Have a mini Christmas once they get home, and enjoy the time together no matter what you decide to do.

You are not alone

Remember, you are not the only military spouse without their husband or wife by their side this Christmas. So many of us have been through this, even if we are not going through it this year.

We have figured out ways to make it through and you will too. We have found joy in the season, even when we are sad. We figure out ways to get through and have a wonderful Christmas anyway.

If your spouse is deployed over the holidays, what have you done to make things a little easier for yourself?

Don’t forget to check out The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life: Surviving a PCS and More by Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and Mrs Navy Mama. Your guide for learning about military life.

New to Military Life? You Need This Book!

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The Newbie Guide to Military Life
Hello my dear friend! It is so good to have you here! We are so excited to share this amazing resource with you!
I want this AMAZING RESOURCE!

Let me lay a scenario out for you. Your SO is packing, getting ready for your family’s first deployment. You help gather the necessities, packing that bag to its maximum ability and checking off the packing list. They are leaving for months…months…You didn’t want to think about it. They are leaving in the morning and your mind is going a hundred miles per hour. What are you going to do with your time? How are you going to stay SANE?

After all, you have been told that deployment is “normal”.

Then you try looking at the LES, and note that the SDGI is higher than you thought and you wonder why you are getting BAS, BAH or COLA. Plus they are going TDY OCONUS soon and probably should just GOBach but you are trying to decide if you should PCS along with them…

Wow…

Speaking of PCS, should you do a DITY or a PPM move? How are you going to find the best pediatrician, dog park (can you even move your dog?) or should you even get on the waitlist for on-base housing? What about finding new friends and a support system? As a NEW MILSO, all of these situations can come into your mind. 

And you may be wondering how to find the answers to your questions!

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Having a spouse as a member of the Armed Forces, it likely doesn’t take you long to figure out there’s a whole lot about military life that can be downright confusing. Many times we have wanted to scream, or throw our hands up and just run away.

That is why we created this guide! This guide focuses directly on you as a new MILSO and gives you some insight into some of the more frequently asked questions. Whether you are male or female, with kids or without, we all have questions when we begin this military life. 

Does This Sound Like You?

  • Feeling alone in military life?
  • Confused by all the acronyms?
  • Experiencing your first deployment?
  • PCSing for the first time?
  • Is TRICARE stressing you out?

Then you need this guide!

I’m EXCITED!

No matter what you are experiencing as a new MILSO, this guide is here for you—like a best friend pushing you along on this new journey! Look through the chapters and print-ables to give you some simple yet helpful insight, tips and tricks as you navigate.

Noralee and Julie hope that this guide will give you the confidence to begin and steps to take in order to make your years as a MILSO the best you can! Because as we have learned over the years, sometimes the hard way, military life will continue to surprise you, but with the right information you will be able to not only survive, but THRIVE! 

Hear What Other MILSOs Have to Say!

“Julie and Noralee have, once again, gone above and beyond for military spouses. Their MILSO 101 book is perfectly titled, a summary of key basics any military spouse or significant other might want to know. Whether it’s deploying, moving, or just finding your footing in your new military life, Julie and Noralee give you things to think about, actions to take, and provide their typical style of realism and comfort. Even after 15 years in military life, I found some nuggets. I appreciated their checklists and an appendix of resources and links, divided by chapter, making it incredibly easy to locate additional information on topics covered.”

-Jen Pasquale, Founder of Pride & Grit

“I so wish I’d had this book when I first became a Navy wife! Even now, seven years later, I learned so much! Whether you have questions about deployment preparation, where to live, a PCS or even how to see the doctor, Noralee and Julie have your back! In true military spouse fashion, these ladies have a wealth of knowledge and a heart for sharing it with others. I cannot recommend taking advantage of their experience enough!”

-Rachel McQuiston, Owner and Chief Care Package Maker, Countdowns and Cupcakes

“Where WAS this book ten years ago!?  Encouraging, informative and insightful- “The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life” is the gift I wish I had for myself as a brand new military spouse.  It’s also the gift I plan to give to those I love as they begin their own military spouse journey.  Noralee Jones & Julie Provost have taken what you can only learn through years of experience and distilled it into a single resource.  This guide would have saved me untold hours of research, frustration, trial and error.“

– Becky Hoy Founder, Brave Crate

Included in this guide!

  • 10 Chapters based on the most frequently asked questions from new MILSOs
  • Handouts and worksheets to supplement chapters and bring solutions!
  • Resources list with links and specific posts broken down by topics
  • Guide for Acronyms, PCSing list, and more!
  • PLUS a guest handout from Rachel with Countdowns and Cupcakes!

Let us help you journey from confusion to confidence as you navigate the first few years in this new life. Read it from cover to cover or take it one topic at a time as they come up. This guide is perfect for personalizing to your needs! 

Don’t Delay! Grab Your Copy Today!

Get Your Book Today!!!

And don’t forget to visit my amazing co-writer, Noralee, at MrsNavyMama and sign up for my mailing list for even more military spouse support!!!

When They Are Gone For Thanksgiving

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When They Are Gone For Thanksgiving

When they are gone for Thanksgiving, the holiday changes. What you did before, you might not be able to do this year. Some traditions will have to be postponed.

You make plans with a few other spouses from your FRG. One has volunteered to make the turkey, the other stuffing and dessert. You will bring mashed potatoes and rolls. A few other friends will bring the rest.

You already know the kids will want to play together and are thankful for a big playroom. Kids will have fun and you will too. Having fun together with friends is the best thing to do when your spouse is deployed, especially during the holidays.

You thought about going home for Thanksgiving but the idea of flying across the country, with three young kids, over Thanksgiving weekend was a little too much. You will miss your family but know what is best for you and your kids. Maybe next year will be different.

When they are gone for Thanksgiving, part of you wants to skip the whole thing.

You think about not even bothering, what’s the point? But then you remember that skipping holidays isn’t something your spouse would want. That they would want you to have a good day, even if they were not there to celebrate with you.

And now that your plans are set for a Friendsgiving, you are feeling pretty good about the day. You made plans and should enjoy your friends, their kids, and all the yummy food.

You are thankful you don’t have to go through all of this alone. You have your military community to get through you. Other spouses that understand what a deployment is like, and how to make it through.

When they are gone for Thanksgiving, you think about how they will spend their day overseas.

You hope they get a good meal. You hope they feel loved. You hope the turkey isn’t dry and the pumpkin pie is as good as the one you usually make each year.

They got your Thanksgiving care package the week before. Some of their favorite candies, a cake in a jar, and a few turkey crafts your kids made for them. You know getting that box made him smile.

You hope for a phone call on turkey day, but know that might not happen. Sometimes communication isn’t the best but you have learned to accept that. However, hearing their voice on a holiday would be a nice treat.

When they are gone for Thanksgiving, you have to decide what traditions you will still do and which ones you will skip.

You want to put the Christmas tree up but that is hard to think about since they usually help you with decorating. You know your kids will want to decorate and that will motivate you to make it happen.

The lights on the tree will be healing and the stockings on the fireplace will make you smile. The joy of the season will help on the more difficult deployment days. You hope the magic of the holidays will flow and help all of you during this time of year.

You plan to video everything. You will take more photos than you normally do. You don’t want them to miss anything.

When they are gone for Thanksgiving, you can start to get a bit jealous of those who have their spouse by their side.

While this can be normal, remember that next year that could be you. With this military life, some years they will be missing holidays and some years they will be home with us. Remembering that can be helpful if you are struggling during this time of year.

And most likely, next Thanksgiving won’t be the next holiday they will be home for. Look ahead and think about the new year and everything it will bring. You could be missing them now, but time will go on and soon it will be time for homecoming and your time apart will come to an end.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Deployments are rough, and your emotions can be all over the place. Figure out what works for you and your family and make the best of your time apart.

When they are gone for Thanksgiving, you can still enjoy the holiday.

There is so much to be thankful for, and so many blessings. Try to remember what you have, and try to give back when you can. There are so many ways to give.

This Thanksgiving you can volunteer in your local community. You can plan to take part in Giving Tuesday which is coming up the first week of December. You can spend time with your community, making memories and getting through the hard stuff together.

Thanksgiving is the beginning of the holiday season. Going through this with a deployed husband or deployed wife isn’t going to be easy. But, you can still enjoy the holidays, find ways to make memories, and come out stronger on the other side.

How will you be spending Thanksgiving this year?

The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need

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The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need

I received a free box for review!

I love getting mail!

I especially loved getting mail when my husband is deployed.

Just something about getting a package in the mail makes me happy and puts me in a happy mood.

If you haven’t already heard about Brave Crate, you will be in for a happy surprise. Brave Crate is a box just for military spouses going through a deployment. How awesome is that?

If you sign up with Brave Crate, you will be getting your very own package in the mail once a month. Not only that but this package is made just for a spouse going through a deployment.

What’s In Each Brave Crate Box?

  • An intro to the month’s theme with tips and tricks from other military spouses
  • A beautiful calendar to track your countdown
  • 4-6 full size products to help you set goals, focus on wellness and support your marriage
  • One challenge card inspiring you to work toward purpose during deployment
  • Access to monthly webinars, challenge groups and interviews through our online community

I just received the latest box and wanted to share it with you. As you can see the box is filled with some amazing goodies.

The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need
The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need
The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need
The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need
The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need

Opening that pink box is always such a fun surprise!

How much does Brave Crate cost?

The box is $33.99/month for a 6-month subscription. Shipping for your box is only $6 no matter where you are! Brave Crate also offers monthly and 3-month subscription options.

I really think Brave Crate is such a great thing to have during a deployment. I really wish I could have ordered them during all of our deployments. Check out some of their past boxes and see the variety they provide, month after month.

Are you interested in a Brave Crate box? If so head on over and sign up, use the code SWCL and receive $5 off your first box!

You will be glad you did 🙂

When Military Life is New

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When Military Life is New

When military life is new, everything thing seems so strange.

You learn quickly that nothing really makes sense the way you think it should make sense. You learn quickly that patience is going to be needed. You learn quickly that some days are going to get you pretty frustrated and there will be nothing you can do about the situation but wait.

And there will be a lot of waiting…

Waiting on orders. Waiting on people. Waiting for something good to actually happen.

There will be a lot of wondering…

Wondering where you will live. Wondering what a deployment will be like. Wondering if this new life will be as difficult as you think it might be.

As you join this new community, you can’t help but meet new people, from all over the country, even from different parts of the world.

You will make friends with some of them, and some of those friends will turn into family, as you get through deployments and separations together, making memories along the way.

You will learn new skills, and apply them to new situations. You will figure out how to get a house ready for the movers with only two-weeks notice. You will figure out how to pull everything together when at first you didn’t think you could.

When military life is new , you can get pretty worried about deployments.

Before your first one, you might assume that being away from your significant other is too difficult. You might assume that you are not strong enough to get through the time away. But you will find that you are strong enough and that you can do hard things, even things you didn’t think were possible.

There will be homecomings and celebrations. You will sometimes think about how different your life is now, and all the amazing experiences you have gained from it. There will be good days and bad ones.

And as one deployment comes to an end, you will feel the confidence that you can do anything that comes your way. There might be bumps in the road, but you will get creative and figure out how to best go forward.

When military life is new, unknown words can confuse you.

You might not know the MWR from the DFAC, but you will soon figure these military acronyms out. At the same time, after 15 years you might hear phrases and you still don’t know what they mean. This is all apart of this life.

You will figure out the right times to go to the Commissary, and how to tip the baggers. You will figure out if the PX is worth shopping at, and what events are worth going to. You will learn about your FRG and decide how much you want to be apart of that.

You will learn about OPSEC and PERSEC and TRICARE. You will figure out what to say and what not to say. What you put out there on social media, especially about a deployment matters.

When military life is new, you will daydream about going off to Europe, and Hawaii and Japan.

You will soon learn that you might end up in Texas, Alabama, and the desert of California. There really are so many different options for a military career. And you don’t always get a say in the matter.

And wherever you PCS to, you will figure out how to bloom where you are stationed, and find the good in a place you might not want to be. You will get to explore places you never thought you would ever go. You will have to leave your comfort zone, but find amazing things when you do.

And when it comes time to leave, to PCS somewhere new, you might not want to go. You might want to stay forever. But you know this isn’t possible and you know it will be time to move on.

When military life is new, you will soon learn how much this military life will surprise you.

From the amazing friends that you will meet!

To the places you will get to go!

To the love you will feel at every homecoming, and all the little moments this life brings.

If you are new to this life, welcome. Being a military spouse can be such a wonderful thing. While some days will be harder than others, know that you have joined an amazing community. Know that you have people to walk this life with, no matter what this life brings.

How long have you been a military spouse?

When You Are New, After a PCS

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When You Are New, After a PCS

Your flight got in late, so by the time you got to the post hotel, you still didn’t have a good idea of where you now were. Where you would call home. Your next duty station.

You have seen photos and heard stories. Both good and bad. But this PCS has made you nervous and you aren’t sure all what to expect. 

As you wake up the next morning, you suddenly remember something you forgot to do before you left your last duty station. However, it doesn’t matter, you have moved on to the next place. This is your reality now.

You go out with your spouse and kids, go exploring. You might have to wait for housing and just hope that wait isn’t too long. The hotel is okay but the thought of having to stay there for a while makes you kinda hyperventilate. Especially with little kids.

You get things sorted out. You find the PX. You find the Commissary. Things are so different than your old post, how will you ever find your way around?

Days pass and you are still at the hotel but housing tells you only a few more days. Your kids are getting restless, your kids are getting anxious and so are you. You just want to get to your new house.

Your son wants to know when they will see their best buddy again and your daughter is confused about everything. She is only three and you are not sure she will even remember this move. You are not sure what your kids will remember about all of this. 

A few more days pass and then it is time to move in, to your new home. You question if living on post was the best choice, you just don’t know. You question if accepting this house was the right choice, or should you have waited for something else? 

Well, the choice has been made and it is time. Time to get to know the place that will be yours for the next few years. The place you will put your belongings and make yours, even with the white walls and tiny kitchen.

As you move your things in, you find your kids exploring too. You hope and pray the kids in this neighborhood are nice. You hope their parents are too.

Time goes on and you still feel so new. You had to ask someone where the MWR was, for a second time, you just can’t seem to remember. You worry you will never figure it out.

More time goes by and although some people have been friendly, you haven’t made any friends yet and you wonder what to do. Should you join that book club you have seen advertised? Should you take your kids to MOPS? It all feels a bit overwhelming.

More time goes on and you start to get used to the routine again. Everything has been unpacked, your kids are making friends and you are starting to find some of your new duty station’s hidden gems.

But still, you feel like the new girl, not sure how to find your people. Not sure of your place here. Not sure what to do next.

You miss your friends, you miss your people. You used to have a solid group. People to hang with, people to have fun with, people to get through deployments with.

But then, when you aren’t even noticing, you find yourself fitting in more and more each day. You are making friends, and finding your place. 

This new duty station is becoming your home. And your previous one is becoming a memory. And you have some hope that this move is going to be a good one, even though it took you a while to get there.

Just like everything else you have experienced in military life, you figured out how to make it through this PCS. To get to the other side. To get past the stress and the emotions of a move and a new home.

While you know that you will have to do all of this again in a few years, you hope that you can remember what you learned from this PCS. You hope that you will remember that as hard as saying goodbye is, there will be hellos in your future. You hope that you will remember that although so much of the move is stressful, a PCS is a good time for a new start, and a time to thrive in different ways than you have done before.

How many times have you moved with the military?

5 Things to Do When Your Spouse Deploys Before the Holidays

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Things to Do When Your Spouse Deploys Before the Holidays

We celebrated the Thanksgiving of 2008 a week early. My husband had the day off, so the Thursday before, I woke up with turkey and mashed potatoes on my mind. We had a full and fun day, and it didn’t matter one bit that we celebrated a week before everyone else was celebrating.

You see, on Thanksgiving of 2008, we would be doing something else. We would be saying goodbye to my husband for his 2nd deployment to Iraq. There was no way for us to celebrate Thanksgiving on the actual day, so we changed things around and doing so was the best thing we could have done.

Years later, my husband was going to have to be gone for a few weeks for a new job over Christmas. When I first heard this I got really upset. Then I made a plan. When your spouse deploys, you learn how to get creative about things.

We changed Christmas morning to December 19th. And it worked out perfectly. We told the boys that Santa was going to come early because he knew their dad had to be away on the 25th. They went to bed on the 18th, just like they would have on the 24th. Everything worked out.

So then, when my husband left and the 25th came, we had already celebrated Christmas. We didn’t feel the loss quite as much, which was quite a relief.

As military families, we always have to adjust. We have to figure out how to make things work, even if we are not used to doing things that way. If you are getting ready for deployment or other separation around this time of year, you could be feeling a little down and frustrated.

However, there are a few things you CAN do to make this a little more okay. Here are some ideas:

  • Decorate early

I have seen military families decorate for Christmas in October because the mom or dad was going to deploy in November. I have seen people put up the Christmas lights the first week of November because that has always been a tradition and they didn’t want to miss it this year. If your spouse is leaving around the holidays, why not decorate early so they can take part in it?

  • Celebrate early

Like we have done in the past, why not celebrate a little early? There is no law that says you have to celebrate the holidays on the day they are on on the calendar. Figure out when the best time for your family to celebrate is, and celebrate then.

That way, when the actual holiday comes around and they are gone, you will not feel like you have missed out on celebrating together. You can even decide to celebrate early to take the stress of their deployment date out of the picture. Waiting to see if they deploy on the 23rd or the 26th is a lot less stressful if you already celebrated Christmas a week before.

  • Video and pictures

One Christmas, when my husband was deployed, I videotaped my boys opening gifts. That way, my husband was able to watch everything and didn’t feel as left out. If your spouse is traveling over the holidays or getting situated in his new location for a deployment, there might not be time to connect on the holiday, but you can always share videos and photos with them later.

  • Visit family

If your spouse is leaving for deployment around this time of year, going to stay with family can be a good idea. That way you are not as alone right when the deployment begins, and it is a more emotional time of year. Besides, your family will probably want to see you and your kids and celebrate with you this year.

  • Take a trip

If you don’t have a family to go to or just don’t want to visit them this time of year, you and your kids could always take a trip over the holidays. You could even go with another spouse and their kids. Getting out of your house and visiting somewhere new can be a good way to get through this holiday season when you are starting a new deployment.

Life can be tricky when your spouse deploys around the holidays. You might not even know when they are actually leaving and as you get closer to the holidays you are used to celebrating together, things can get pretty stressful. See what you can do to make this year special anyway.

Do you have any tips for someone going through this? What has worked for you?

One Long Deployment

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One Long Deployment

They walk away, they have to. The time has come for them to leave.

To deploy. To head overseas. To do what they have trained to do.

We stay behind, we know we have to. We have to stay strong, even if that is hard. We have to be the ones at home, holding everything together.

You second guess in moments like these. Should he have really joined the military? Should I have really married into this?

As you stand at the start of one long deployment, you wonder how you even got there…

Time goes by, and the days pass. Cross one off, then another. One week at a time.

You hold it together. You have to. For the kids. For yourself. For them.

You talk every other day, sometimes every day, sometimes you have to go longer.

You remind yourself that things are much better now. You remind yourself having a spouse off at war used to mean just letters, now you have so much more. But even that reminder doesn’t make them seem closer.

As you start off that one long deployment, you find yourself in a weird place, and wonder if anyone else can understand.

Can they understand the deployment ache? The feeling that something is missing, even if you are having a good day? Do they understand how that feels?

Can they understand the sadness that can come, knowing this is your life, knowing there will be more deployments?

Can they understand how yes, you did choose this, but no, you really had no idea what military life would be like? That you really didn’t know how your emotions would play out?

As you get through that one long deployment, you wonder if there is anyone else you can connect with, anyone else who is going through the same thing?

You go to the FRG, you go to the local playgroups, you join a book club. At first you are not so sure. Can these other spouses relate? And then you find that yes, some of them can.

You make plans, you are going to help each other through. You find your people. Others who get deployments. Others who can truly understand.

You find yourself in a place of almost contentment. Yes, your spouse is gone. Yes, they are deployed, but you are finding your way.

This one long deployment is halfway over, and you feel as though you have gone through so many different phases since they left. You were heartbroken, you were sad, and now you have found a place of peace, but can you stay that way?

As time moves on, you feel the up and down of the deployment. The good days, the bad days. The hard days, the easier ones.

You have worries. Will they get extended like they did last time? Will they happen to come home early? Will they be changed when they do come home?

Staying busy is key, you know this, but some days, you don’t want to do anything. You want to take a day off. Take a day off of a deployment? That’s not even possible.

As you round each corner, you think about how much this one long deployment has taught you. How much you have learned. How you have grown.

You are more independent now. You have figured out how to be, because it was the only way.

You have more strength than you did before. What seemed impossible is now possible. And you hope some of that is rubbing off on your kids.

You look towards the finish line and wonder what homecoming will really be like. Is homecoming like the videos you have seen on the news? Is it as happy as they want you to think it is? What if there is more below the surface?

And then you find yourself at the end of this one long deployment. You have less than a month, then less than a week and time stands still. The calendar doesn’t want to move.

And you feel ready, so ready for this deployment chapter to be over in your life. You are so ready for normal again. To be a full family.

You know that you have both changed. You knew that going in. And you hope and pray the first few days, weeks, and months together can be a time of healing.

You get together with your friends. You make homecoming signs. You share your after deployment plans.

And then the day comes, the one you have been waiting for, this one long deployment is finally over. You have your homecoming outfit, that’s ready, but are you? You are full of emotions and as nervous as you were before your first date.

You get the kids ready, and head in your car. You can’t eat, you can’t do much of anything but focus on the task ahead. You park the car and head to the gym to wait.

And you wait…as if you haven’t done enough waiting but this time the waiting is different. This time you are waiting just a short amount of time, maybe a few hours. You made it through months apart, you can handle a few hours.

You are thankful your friends are surrounding you, even if some of their spouses already made it home. Being in the last group is difficult, but you did it and now you are here.

As you sit and wait, you think about this one long deployment and everything you have been through. You think about your highs and lows. You think about the good and the bad.

And then it is time. It is time. It is time. It is time.

Everyone stands up, with smiles on their faces. The doors open and it is time!

You look for them, in the sea of green. You find them, so serious, still in soldier mode.

They see you, you know they do but they can’t react, not yet. And you wait and then you don’t have to anymore. And then they are in your arms again. And you did it…

You survived this one long deployment. You made it to the finish line. You found a way through and got to the other side.

Secrets to a Happy Military Marriage, in GIFs

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Secrets to a Happy Military Marriage, in GIFs

Being in a military marriage can be pretty unique, depending on your situation. Moving every few years, saying goodbye for months at a time, and living in a military community has its ups and downs.

What is the secret to a happy military marriage?

Well, here you go…in GIFS!

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Even though they can’t seem to ever put their clothes IN the laundry basket.

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Be forgiving. Even if they have to go away for training during your kid’s spring break, for the third year in a row. Remember, the military is making them do this.

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Have a regular date night. Even if that means having a special dinner after the kids go to bed because you just finished a PCS and don’t know a single person to watch your kids.

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Write love letters. Just don’t forget to actually put them in the mail and send them. Sure, they can read them when they get home, or four years later when you are cleaning out your desk.

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Remember, both of your careers matter. Even if the military makes it hard to follow yours. Through five different states in eight years. Can I transfer my license here?

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Listen to each other, even if the connection isn’t the best and you can only talk for 5 minutes at a time during a deployment.

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Remember, deployments don’t last forever, even if it seems like they have been gone for 43 years.

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Don’t compare your relationship to the highlights of other relationships. You never know what is really going on behind an Instagram filter.

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Seek extra outside help if you need it. I know TRICARE can be a pain sometimes, but they do cover counseling to help you and your spouse out.

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Be honest. About what you are dealing with, about your career path, and about how you feel when they hog the bathroom. Oh wait, would you consider that “small stuff?”

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Talk to one another about your finances. You have to get on the same page about how to spend your money, and you need to let them know that the Walt Disney World military discount is an amazing one!

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Learn your spouse’s personality. This is something that can take some time to figure out. The longer you are married, the easier it will be to figure it out. And if you are stuck, you can always take a Buzzfeed quiz about them.

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Help one another out. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. For example, you hate to cook, they love the kitchen. You are handy with tools, they would rather hire someone to fix whatever is broken. You love finding a new place to live after a PCS, they got sick of that years ago.

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Keep your promises. For example, if you say you will wait for them to watch the next season of Blue Bloods, wait for them. If you don’t, they will know. They always know.

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