Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military spouse

The Lessons You Learn When You Are a Solo Parent

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My son was not even a year old and my husband and I started talking about him going back into the Army. I remember telling him that I couldn’t possibly parent my son while he was away from us for months and months. I couldn’t possibly do it alone. I needed him!

Just a few months later, my 13-month old son and I dropped him off as he headed off to Germany as an active duty soldier. At the time I had no idea what the next few months or years would bring. I had no idea how much solo parenting I would have to do.

By the time we got to our 4th deployment, I think my husband had been gone more than he had been home. I went through so many months of solo parenting during those early parenting years.

These days, he is home a lot more often and I am so thankful for that. But I will never forget the years he wasn’t. I will never forget all those days as a solo parent, that went on for months and months, causing me to have to completely rethink the way I parented and the way I lived my life.

I learned a lot during my periods of solo parenting. I am still learning even now. Taking one parent out of the house changes the dynamic and you have to figure out how to adjust.

Here are some of the lessons I have learned as a solo parent:

You can only do what you can do

You will learn this lesson rather quickly. There is only one of you. You might also be on a limited budget.

You can only do what you can do. You can only be in one place at one time. You will have to make some choices, ones you might not have had to make if you were not a solo parent.

You can do more than you think you can

This is huge! There have been so many times when I would cringe and think that I couldn’t get through a deployment or other situation. I felt so overwhelmed. But in the end, I was able to make it through.

Remember, I used to think I couldn’t possibly solo parent with one child, and yet in the end I did, and now do it with three. We, military spouses, are capable of more than we think we are.

Somethings are actually easier

My husband was gone for many of the newborn years with my 2nd and 3rd babies. And those early months were actually easier in some ways than when he was home with my oldest son. That isn’t to say I would wish him away or glad he missed those months, not at all.

But the little things, like nursing in the middle of the night became a lot easier. I didn’t have to worry about waking him up. I didn’t have to worry about being too loud. I could just attend to the baby and that was my sole focus at the moment.

I am a better parent when my husband is home

As much as I try to look for the good during my time as a solo parent, at the end of the day, I am a better parent when my husband is by my side. We are both different people and handle situations differently but I think we complement one another.

If I am getting too stressed out, he can take over. If he needs a break, I can step in. And sadly, when I am solo parenting, I don’t have that. And I miss it.

The small stuff doesn’t matter

You will find that as a solo parent, you stop worrying so much about all the little stuff. There is so much we have to think about as moms and letting some of that go is a must when your spouse is away. You simply don’t have the space to worry about it.

Of course, what is “small” might be different for each person. I am fine with a pizza night, but others might not be. I want everyone to sleep in their own beds, but others are all about a family sleepover.

I have also learned that I can’t compare myself to other moms. I just can’t. For one thing, I would be comparing knowing 100% about myself to the smaller % that others show the world. That just isn’t a good way to live your life.

You have to figure out what works for you and your family and what your kids really need. You need to do what is best for your own family and not worry about anyone else. And doing so will bring you a lot of peace.

Self-care is so important

Self-care is always important. But as a solo parent, self-care is a must. And do not feel guilty for taking time for yourself.

If you have small children, see if your base or post offers any free childcare options. They might have a Super Saturday or night out you can use. Take advantage of these times, even if all you are going to do is grab a book and sit at a coffee shop for three hours.

Find things you like to do and make plans to do them. Yes, you want your kids to be okay and live their best life, but you can also stop and make time for yourself too. Even if you have to be creative to find that time.

Whenever you go through something challenging, there will be lessons to learn along the way. If you are in a season of solo parenting, remember, you will be able to get through this, and learn from it all as you make your way to the finish line.

What is your best solo parenting tip???

How to be a Military Spouse With Boundaries

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How to be a Military Spouse With Boundaries

I recently saw a post on Facebook that talked about how you can still be a good person and say no, and that you are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm and I loved it.

So many times, we as military spouses, get to a place of extreme burnout. We are simply taking on too much. And while I think there is nothing we can do about being the only adult in the home for months at a time or putting up with different military life challenges, we can control our boundaries and what we allow in.

I try so hard to avoid burnout. I don’t like the feeling that I have taken on too much. When I do that, I find myself way too stressed out and that isn’t good for anyone.

Boundaries are important for everyone. They can keep you grounded, and allow you to live your best life. They can help you stay calm in an otherwise stressful time in your life. Here is how to have them as a military spouse:

Say no

It’s okay to say no sometimes. I know, that can be so hard to do, but saying no sometimes is necessary. Saying no can be necessary to our physical, emotional, and mental health. Saying yes to everything just because we are asked is a quick way to become overwhelmed with everything.

Remember, you aren’t meant to solve everyone’s problems

Helping other people feels so good, and there are so many chances to do so on a daily basis. But remember, you are not solely responsible for everyone’s problems. You can lend a listening ear, or even direct them to a place that can help. You don’t physically have to do everything for them. That is just too much for one person to take on.

You can be picky about your friends

You are going to run into all types of people in your daily lives. Some of them you will get along with and some of them you won’t. That’s life. You might have a coworker that gets on your nerves or a long-time friend who doesn’t respect you.

A part of having boundaries is recognizing that you don’t have to be close friends with everyone. You can be respectful of other people, without having to let them into your personal life. You can be choosey when it comes to who you spend your free time with.

Remember, saying no to one thing means saying yes to another

One of the most important things about boundaries is that by saying no to one thing, you can be saying yes to another. There are only so many hours in the day, and you can’t say yes to everything. Think long and hard about every yes you give. You don’t want to say yes to something you really hate when that means you will have to say no to something you really love.

That being said, you will have to say yes to things you don’t want to do all the time, especially if you have kids. But even with that, choose your best yes, and what works for your family. Saying no sometimes will free up time to say yes to things that are most important to you.

Following these tips can be difficult sometimes. Saying no isn’t always easy, even if you really want to. But having some type of boundaries in your life can make things a little easier, especially when you add in challenges that come with military life.

What All These Years of War Mean to a Military Family

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What All These Years of War Mean to a Military Family

War.

Going to war.

Sending your spouse off to go to war.

War.

It’s a word that military families know well. It is a word that brings up a lot of scary feelings. It is a word that probably feels different based on your experience with it.

As we head into 2020, with news of tensions heating up in Iran, us military families can’t help but think what this means. More war.

Some of us have been doing this for a long time. A very long time.

And all these years of war can weigh on us. Even though we know this is a part of the deal. Even though we know that being a military spouse means deployments to war zones. Even though we know that this was a part of what enlisting meant.

Some military families are getting ready for yet another deployment. And after so many, this may feel quite exhausting. The weight of previous deployments sits on their shoulders. The weight of the last fifteen, sixteen or seventeen years feels like a burden that is sometimes to difficult to bear.

As deployment orders come, military families do what they always do.

At first, there could be tears, maybe many of them. Children don’t always understand and the spouse wonders how they will manage. As deployment orders come, slowly we military spouses accept what is to come with them.

We know that saying goodbye will be difficult, it always is.

We know spending months apart is not going to be a picnic, it never has been. And adding more distance isn’t ideal.

We know that there will be good deployment days and bad deployment days and anything in between.

And as much as we know we can get through another separation, after so many years of war, saying goodbye again is another burden and one we really wish we didn’t have to go through.

For some, there just wasn’t enough time at home.

For others, a deployment comes at the worst possible time. Their spouse will miss so much, just like they have before. Just like they have the last six or seven times.

We could argue if it is right for the same people to go through this over and over again. But then if they didn’t go, who would? We are an all-volunteer military for a reason, a reason that most of us support.

But at some point, we also have to ask, how much is too much?

How many months away is okay? How much more do military families endure? Is there a breaking point?

Would so many leave the service before 20 years if there were not as many deployments? Would the military be stronger if we were not involved in so many years of war? Is there any other way?

My fear and the fear of many is that this could go on for so many more years. During my time as a military spouse, I have seen quite a few changes when it comes to deployments. Things change, they always do.

These days I don’t hear too much about 15-month deployments, but I also know a Navy ship returned after 10 months last week.

Communication is so much easier than it used to be. But due to recent announcements, some will be deployed without the technology they have been used to.

And as much as we might think things are getting better overseas, are they? Will they? Won’t there always be something?

It often seems like when things seem calm, something else happens. When it seems as if the world might be getting better, something else happens in to remind us that there will always be tensions.

We, as military spouses and families want to stay strong. We want to be there for our service members. We want to be the ones back at home holding down the homefront. But what happens when yet another deployment seems a little too much?

All these years of war have been hard on military families. There is no ignoring that. Rates of anxiety and depression have gone up. We need all the extra support we can get. We need help to get through these years, no matter how long they last.

As your service member returns home, there can be even more stressful situations. From PTSD and helping your spouse heal to just the day to day of having your partner back in your home or your daily life. This all adds to the stress military families experience.

Then to do it all over again just a few years, or even months later. Repeat for the rest of your spouse’s career. That is quite a lot to take on to our shoulders. Are already weary shoulders.

I think more than anything it is important for America in general to remember this. It is easy to say the military should do this or do that, but the military is made up of men and women, all with families, all with loved ones back home.

It is important for America to know that military families need support systems.

For our children, in and out of school. For us, for our careers, and for our day-to-day lives.

We need good friends to depend on, good leadership that understands the importance of families, and a listening ear when things get a little too much for us back at home.

Wars will come. We know this. We are aware.

We will try to prepare for the road ahead as much as possible. We will try to figure out the best way to make it through another deployment. We will put on our game face and do what we have to do.

For all the years of war, we have been through and for all the years of war that might be ahead.

If you are new to military life, please check out The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life: Surviving a PCS and More by Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and Mrs Navy Mama. Your guide for learning about military life.

If Current Events Have You Worried, Here is Something You Can Do to Help

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If Current Events Have You Worried, Here is Something You Can Do to Help

Telling our stories is one of the most patriotic ways we as spouses and family members can support our service members.

My spouse is active duty Air Force, and I don’t know about you, but I’ve been on edge all month. Ever since our military activity started ramping up earlier this month – it’s a scary time to have a loved one in the armed services! 

I know I’m not the only one feeling this way. Families across the branches are in a place of uncertainty and anxiety. Will my service member deploy? How will this deployment look different from previous ones? When will they come back?

To an extent, we’re used to this. After being at war for 19 years, we know the routine. But this? This feels like it could go very differently…

Amid our fear of what’s to come, it’s easy to feel helpless. Like there’s only so much I can do compared to all that pushing against me. All these top-level decisions about military actions and troop movements feel high-up and out of our reach.

But we military spouses are not helpless. We are powerful. And we have an opportunity to make an impact.

One of the most important things we can do as military spouses and family members is to tell our stories, because we know better than most the consequences that wars abroad have here at home.

For us, wars come with missed birthdays and expensive post office receipts. Sleepless nights and meltdowns in the grocery store. Loneliness and emotional homecomings. 

People get that war comes with violence. How many movies have been made about the front lines? But what people don’t see is the perpetual anxiety of the families back home, or the single-parenting of the spouse holding it all together. That’s a story that’s missing. 

Think about it this way: Our nation’s leaders rely on having the most complete and accurate information at their disposal to make the best decisions possible – right? Well, our lived experiences as military families is part of that. We are the ones who feel the trickle-down effects of decisions to go to war, and our story-telling helps them see the big picture.

So, if you’re looking for a way to channel your frustration and dread into meaningful action, I’ve got the perfect place for you: the Secure Families Initiative.

We are a nonpartisan group of mil spouses who are interested in getting more involved in advocacy around the foreign policy issues that affect us most. I started this program because, personally, I think this kind of stuff is way more fun when you do it as part of a community.

SFI offers trainings for folks who want to get involved, but may not know where to start. We also have opportunities to take direct action if you’re ready and yearning to go! We even offer information about voting – how to register, where to find your polling place, and what candidates/issues will be on your ballot. There’s something for everyone.

Sign up for SFI today and join a tightknit community of mil spouses taking action. It’ll be a great way to ease whatever anxiety you have, and take a bit of control back when it all feels very much out of our control.

Remember: doing something – no matter how small – may feel inconsequential, but when we all work together, we can make a huge impact.

By Sarah Streyder
Director of the Secure Families Initiative
https://securefamiliesinitiative.org/

5 Things to Remember If Your Spouse is Deployed Over Christmas

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5 Things to Remember If Your Spouse is Deployed Over Christmas

The holiday season is here and Christmas is around the corner. Are you ready? I am not, I still have so much to do. But as I am getting everything ready for this year, I am reminded of a Christmas quite a few years ago.

My husband had left for Iraq at the end of November, on Thanksgiving Day of all days. Thanks, Army!

He had been gone about a month before Christmas Day and there was no chance he would have R&R that early, back in the days of a regular old R&R in the middle of a deployment.

As the day got closer, I knew we would have to do something to help us enjoy this holiday. I couldn’t just spend it watching movies and hiding under the covers, my boys were only two and four years old.

That’s why I made plans with my friend and her kids. We decided we would have our own little Christmas morning and then get together for the Christmas meal. We split up the food, and sometime in the afternoon, we headed over to her house to celebrate.

I had such a good time that morning with my little boys. I filmed them opening their gifts to send to their dad, and enjoyed watching them enjoy the Christmas magic.

Then we got dressed and spent the rest of the day with friends and their kids. I still think back to that Christmas all these years later. It is one that will always stick with me. While my husband was away, I don’t remember being too sad that day.

I do remember the joy of my kids that morning. I do remember the fun times I had with my friend. I do remember the feeling of peace and knowing I could get through whatever this deployment was going to bring.

If you are getting ready for a Christmas with a deployed spouse, please remember these 5 things. And have a wonderful holiday season:

You can still have a good time

I know it might seem that you will be sad and gloomy all of Christmas Day but it doesn’t have to be that way. What makes you happy? What makes your kids happy? Think about what would make for a good Christmas Day and plan for that.

You don’t have to go home

When your spouse is deployed, your family is going to expect to have you home with them for the holidays. Why would you even think about staying where you are? Well, there are a lot of reasons to do so.

While being with family might be what you need, you don’t have to feel pressured to go if you don’t feel like going. Maybe the cost of the plane tickets is too much. Maybe the thought of flying across the country with two toddlers by yourself is too much. Maybe you just want to be in your own home.

You can make memories with friends

You can turn this Christmas into a time to spend with friends. If you are at a military duty station, most likely you know others with a deployed spouse over Christmas. Why not make plans to get together?

If you aren’t, reach out within your friend circle and see if anyone else might need the company over the holiday. There are other reasons why a spouse might not be home for Christmas.

You don’t have to spend the entire holiday together. That can be too much for some people, I know it probably would for me. But having Christmas dinner or even just dessert can make for a nice treat during the day. And there are always memories to be made.

You can celebrate again later

If your spouse missing out on Christmas is really bothering you, why not plan a mini-Christmas when they get home? This is your family, you can do what you want.

Maybe they won’t be home until April? Who cares? Have a mini Christmas once they get home, and enjoy the time together no matter what you decide to do.

You are not alone

Remember, you are not the only military spouse without their husband or wife by their side this Christmas. So many of us have been through this, even if we are not going through it this year.

We have figured out ways to make it through and you will too. We have found joy in the season, even when we are sad. We figure out ways to get through and have a wonderful Christmas anyway.

If your spouse is deployed over the holidays, what have you done to make things a little easier for yourself?

Don’t forget to check out The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life: Surviving a PCS and More by Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and Mrs Navy Mama. Your guide for learning about military life.

New to Military Life? You Need This Book!

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The Newbie Guide to Military Life
Hello my dear friend! It is so good to have you here! We are so excited to share this amazing resource with you!
I want this AMAZING RESOURCE!

Let me lay a scenario out for you. Your SO is packing, getting ready for your family’s first deployment. You help gather the necessities, packing that bag to its maximum ability and checking off the packing list. They are leaving for months…months…You didn’t want to think about it. They are leaving in the morning and your mind is going a hundred miles per hour. What are you going to do with your time? How are you going to stay SANE?

After all, you have been told that deployment is “normal”.

Then you try looking at the LES, and note that the SDGI is higher than you thought and you wonder why you are getting BAS, BAH or COLA. Plus they are going TDY OCONUS soon and probably should just GOBach but you are trying to decide if you should PCS along with them…

Wow…

Speaking of PCS, should you do a DITY or a PPM move? How are you going to find the best pediatrician, dog park (can you even move your dog?) or should you even get on the waitlist for on-base housing? What about finding new friends and a support system? As a NEW MILSO, all of these situations can come into your mind. 

And you may be wondering how to find the answers to your questions!

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Having a spouse as a member of the Armed Forces, it likely doesn’t take you long to figure out there’s a whole lot about military life that can be downright confusing. Many times we have wanted to scream, or throw our hands up and just run away.

That is why we created this guide! This guide focuses directly on you as a new MILSO and gives you some insight into some of the more frequently asked questions. Whether you are male or female, with kids or without, we all have questions when we begin this military life. 

Does This Sound Like You?

  • Feeling alone in military life?
  • Confused by all the acronyms?
  • Experiencing your first deployment?
  • PCSing for the first time?
  • Is TRICARE stressing you out?

Then you need this guide!

I’m EXCITED!

No matter what you are experiencing as a new MILSO, this guide is here for you—like a best friend pushing you along on this new journey! Look through the chapters and print-ables to give you some simple yet helpful insight, tips and tricks as you navigate.

Noralee and Julie hope that this guide will give you the confidence to begin and steps to take in order to make your years as a MILSO the best you can! Because as we have learned over the years, sometimes the hard way, military life will continue to surprise you, but with the right information you will be able to not only survive, but THRIVE! 

Hear What Other MILSOs Have to Say!

“Julie and Noralee have, once again, gone above and beyond for military spouses. Their MILSO 101 book is perfectly titled, a summary of key basics any military spouse or significant other might want to know. Whether it’s deploying, moving, or just finding your footing in your new military life, Julie and Noralee give you things to think about, actions to take, and provide their typical style of realism and comfort. Even after 15 years in military life, I found some nuggets. I appreciated their checklists and an appendix of resources and links, divided by chapter, making it incredibly easy to locate additional information on topics covered.”

-Jen Pasquale, Founder of Pride & Grit

“I so wish I’d had this book when I first became a Navy wife! Even now, seven years later, I learned so much! Whether you have questions about deployment preparation, where to live, a PCS or even how to see the doctor, Noralee and Julie have your back! In true military spouse fashion, these ladies have a wealth of knowledge and a heart for sharing it with others. I cannot recommend taking advantage of their experience enough!”

-Rachel McQuiston, Owner and Chief Care Package Maker, Countdowns and Cupcakes

“Where WAS this book ten years ago!?  Encouraging, informative and insightful- “The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life” is the gift I wish I had for myself as a brand new military spouse.  It’s also the gift I plan to give to those I love as they begin their own military spouse journey.  Noralee Jones & Julie Provost have taken what you can only learn through years of experience and distilled it into a single resource.  This guide would have saved me untold hours of research, frustration, trial and error.“

– Becky Hoy Founder, Brave Crate

Included in this guide!

  • 10 Chapters based on the most frequently asked questions from new MILSOs
  • Handouts and worksheets to supplement chapters and bring solutions!
  • Resources list with links and specific posts broken down by topics
  • Guide for Acronyms, PCSing list, and more!
  • PLUS a guest handout from Rachel with Countdowns and Cupcakes!

Let us help you journey from confusion to confidence as you navigate the first few years in this new life. Read it from cover to cover or take it one topic at a time as they come up. This guide is perfect for personalizing to your needs! 

Don’t Delay! Grab Your Copy Today!

Get Your Book Today!!!

And don’t forget to visit my amazing co-writer, Noralee, at MrsNavyMama and sign up for my mailing list for even more military spouse support!!!

When They Are Gone For Thanksgiving

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When They Are Gone For Thanksgiving

When they are gone for Thanksgiving, the holiday changes. What you did before, you might not be able to do this year. Some traditions will have to be postponed.

You make plans with a few other spouses from your FRG. One has volunteered to make the turkey, the other stuffing and dessert. You will bring mashed potatoes and rolls. A few other friends will bring the rest.

You already know the kids will want to play together and are thankful for a big playroom. Kids will have fun and you will too. Having fun together with friends is the best thing to do when your spouse is deployed, especially during the holidays.

You thought about going home for Thanksgiving but the idea of flying across the country, with three young kids, over Thanksgiving weekend was a little too much. You will miss your family but know what is best for you and your kids. Maybe next year will be different.

When they are gone for Thanksgiving, part of you wants to skip the whole thing.

You think about not even bothering, what’s the point? But then you remember that skipping holidays isn’t something your spouse would want. That they would want you to have a good day, even if they were not there to celebrate with you.

And now that your plans are set for a Friendsgiving, you are feeling pretty good about the day. You made plans and should enjoy your friends, their kids, and all the yummy food.

You are thankful you don’t have to go through all of this alone. You have your military community to get through you. Other spouses that understand what a deployment is like, and how to make it through.

When they are gone for Thanksgiving, you think about how they will spend their day overseas.

You hope they get a good meal. You hope they feel loved. You hope the turkey isn’t dry and the pumpkin pie is as good as the one you usually make each year.

They got your Thanksgiving care package the week before. Some of their favorite candies, a cake in a jar, and a few turkey crafts your kids made for them. You know getting that box made him smile.

You hope for a phone call on turkey day, but know that might not happen. Sometimes communication isn’t the best but you have learned to accept that. However, hearing their voice on a holiday would be a nice treat.

When they are gone for Thanksgiving, you have to decide what traditions you will still do and which ones you will skip.

You want to put the Christmas tree up but that is hard to think about since they usually help you with decorating. You know your kids will want to decorate and that will motivate you to make it happen.

The lights on the tree will be healing and the stockings on the fireplace will make you smile. The joy of the season will help on the more difficult deployment days. You hope the magic of the holidays will flow and help all of you during this time of year.

You plan to video everything. You will take more photos than you normally do. You don’t want them to miss anything.

When they are gone for Thanksgiving, you can start to get a bit jealous of those who have their spouse by their side.

While this can be normal, remember that next year that could be you. With this military life, some years they will be missing holidays and some years they will be home with us. Remembering that can be helpful if you are struggling during this time of year.

And most likely, next Thanksgiving won’t be the next holiday they will be home for. Look ahead and think about the new year and everything it will bring. You could be missing them now, but time will go on and soon it will be time for homecoming and your time apart will come to an end.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Deployments are rough, and your emotions can be all over the place. Figure out what works for you and your family and make the best of your time apart.

When they are gone for Thanksgiving, you can still enjoy the holiday.

There is so much to be thankful for, and so many blessings. Try to remember what you have, and try to give back when you can. There are so many ways to give.

This Thanksgiving you can volunteer in your local community. You can plan to take part in Giving Tuesday which is coming up the first week of December. You can spend time with your community, making memories and getting through the hard stuff together.

Thanksgiving is the beginning of the holiday season. Going through this with a deployed husband or deployed wife isn’t going to be easy. But, you can still enjoy the holidays, find ways to make memories, and come out stronger on the other side.

How will you be spending Thanksgiving this year?

The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need

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The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need

I received a free box for review!

I love getting mail!

I especially loved getting mail when my husband is deployed.

Just something about getting a package in the mail makes me happy and puts me in a happy mood.

If you haven’t already heard about Brave Crate, you will be in for a happy surprise. Brave Crate is a box just for military spouses going through a deployment. How awesome is that?

If you sign up with Brave Crate, you will be getting your very own package in the mail once a month. Not only that but this package is made just for a spouse going through a deployment.

What’s In Each Brave Crate Box?

  • An intro to the month’s theme with tips and tricks from other military spouses
  • A beautiful calendar to track your countdown
  • 4-6 full size products to help you set goals, focus on wellness and support your marriage
  • One challenge card inspiring you to work toward purpose during deployment
  • Access to monthly webinars, challenge groups and interviews through our online community

I just received the latest box and wanted to share it with you. As you can see the box is filled with some amazing goodies.

The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need
The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need
The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need
The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need
The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need

Opening that pink box is always such a fun surprise!

How much does Brave Crate cost?

The box is $33.99/month for a 6-month subscription. Shipping for your box is only $6 no matter where you are! Brave Crate also offers monthly and 3-month subscription options.

I really think Brave Crate is such a great thing to have during a deployment. I really wish I could have ordered them during all of our deployments. Check out some of their past boxes and see the variety they provide, month after month.

Are you interested in a Brave Crate box? If so head on over and sign up, use the code SWCL and receive $5 off your first box!

You will be glad you did 🙂

When Military Life is New

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When Military Life is New

When military life is new, everything thing seems so strange.

You learn quickly that nothing really makes sense the way you think it should make sense. You learn quickly that patience is going to be needed. You learn quickly that some days are going to get you pretty frustrated and there will be nothing you can do about the situation but wait.

And there will be a lot of waiting…

Waiting on orders. Waiting on people. Waiting for something good to actually happen.

There will be a lot of wondering…

Wondering where you will live. Wondering what a deployment will be like. Wondering if this new life will be as difficult as you think it might be.

As you join this new community, you can’t help but meet new people, from all over the country, even from different parts of the world.

You will make friends with some of them, and some of those friends will turn into family, as you get through deployments and separations together, making memories along the way.

You will learn new skills, and apply them to new situations. You will figure out how to get a house ready for the movers with only two-weeks notice. You will figure out how to pull everything together when at first you didn’t think you could.

When military life is new , you can get pretty worried about deployments.

Before your first one, you might assume that being away from your significant other is too difficult. You might assume that you are not strong enough to get through the time away. But you will find that you are strong enough and that you can do hard things, even things you didn’t think were possible.

There will be homecomings and celebrations. You will sometimes think about how different your life is now, and all the amazing experiences you have gained from it. There will be good days and bad ones.

And as one deployment comes to an end, you will feel the confidence that you can do anything that comes your way. There might be bumps in the road, but you will get creative and figure out how to best go forward.

When military life is new, unknown words can confuse you.

You might not know the MWR from the DFAC, but you will soon figure these military acronyms out. At the same time, after 15 years you might hear phrases and you still don’t know what they mean. This is all apart of this life.

You will figure out the right times to go to the Commissary, and how to tip the baggers. You will figure out if the PX is worth shopping at, and what events are worth going to. You will learn about your FRG and decide how much you want to be apart of that.

You will learn about OPSEC and PERSEC and TRICARE. You will figure out what to say and what not to say. What you put out there on social media, especially about a deployment matters.

When military life is new, you will daydream about going off to Europe, and Hawaii and Japan.

You will soon learn that you might end up in Texas, Alabama, and the desert of California. There really are so many different options for a military career. And you don’t always get a say in the matter.

And wherever you PCS to, you will figure out how to bloom where you are stationed, and find the good in a place you might not want to be. You will get to explore places you never thought you would ever go. You will have to leave your comfort zone, but find amazing things when you do.

And when it comes time to leave, to PCS somewhere new, you might not want to go. You might want to stay forever. But you know this isn’t possible and you know it will be time to move on.

When military life is new, you will soon learn how much this military life will surprise you.

From the amazing friends that you will meet!

To the places you will get to go!

To the love you will feel at every homecoming, and all the little moments this life brings.

If you are new to this life, welcome. Being a military spouse can be such a wonderful thing. While some days will be harder than others, know that you have joined an amazing community. Know that you have people to walk this life with, no matter what this life brings.

How long have you been a military spouse?

When You Are New, After a PCS

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When You Are New, After a PCS

Your flight got in late, so by the time you got to the post hotel, you still didn’t have a good idea of where you now were. Where you would call home. Your next duty station.

You have seen photos and heard stories. Both good and bad. But this PCS has made you nervous and you aren’t sure all what to expect. 

As you wake up the next morning, you suddenly remember something you forgot to do before you left your last duty station. However, it doesn’t matter, you have moved on to the next place. This is your reality now.

You go out with your spouse and kids, go exploring. You might have to wait for housing and just hope that wait isn’t too long. The hotel is okay but the thought of having to stay there for a while makes you kinda hyperventilate. Especially with little kids.

You get things sorted out. You find the PX. You find the Commissary. Things are so different than your old post, how will you ever find your way around?

Days pass and you are still at the hotel but housing tells you only a few more days. Your kids are getting restless, your kids are getting anxious and so are you. You just want to get to your new house.

Your son wants to know when they will see their best buddy again and your daughter is confused about everything. She is only three and you are not sure she will even remember this move. You are not sure what your kids will remember about all of this. 

A few more days pass and then it is time to move in, to your new home. You question if living on post was the best choice, you just don’t know. You question if accepting this house was the right choice, or should you have waited for something else? 

Well, the choice has been made and it is time. Time to get to know the place that will be yours for the next few years. The place you will put your belongings and make yours, even with the white walls and tiny kitchen.

As you move your things in, you find your kids exploring too. You hope and pray the kids in this neighborhood are nice. You hope their parents are too.

Time goes on and you still feel so new. You had to ask someone where the MWR was, for a second time, you just can’t seem to remember. You worry you will never figure it out.

More time goes by and although some people have been friendly, you haven’t made any friends yet and you wonder what to do. Should you join that book club you have seen advertised? Should you take your kids to MOPS? It all feels a bit overwhelming.

More time goes on and you start to get used to the routine again. Everything has been unpacked, your kids are making friends and you are starting to find some of your new duty station’s hidden gems.

But still, you feel like the new girl, not sure how to find your people. Not sure of your place here. Not sure what to do next.

You miss your friends, you miss your people. You used to have a solid group. People to hang with, people to have fun with, people to get through deployments with.

But then, when you aren’t even noticing, you find yourself fitting in more and more each day. You are making friends, and finding your place. 

This new duty station is becoming your home. And your previous one is becoming a memory. And you have some hope that this move is going to be a good one, even though it took you a while to get there.

Just like everything else you have experienced in military life, you figured out how to make it through this PCS. To get to the other side. To get past the stress and the emotions of a move and a new home.

While you know that you will have to do all of this again in a few years, you hope that you can remember what you learned from this PCS. You hope that you will remember that as hard as saying goodbye is, there will be hellos in your future. You hope that you will remember that although so much of the move is stressful, a PCS is a good time for a new start, and a time to thrive in different ways than you have done before.

How many times have you moved with the military?