Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

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How Military Spouses Can Prep For Online Schooling

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This post is sponsored by MedCerts! 

How Military Spouses Can Prep For Online Schooling

After 20 years I decided to go back to school, but I was nervous about doing so. I decided taking an online class would be the best way to get back into school mode after so much time. A lot had changed technology-wise since I had been in college, but these changes only made schooling online a little bit easier.

Many military spouses choose to go to school online. Even before the pandemic, going to school online gave you a bit more flexibility. If you had little ones, and a spouse who was never home, as we military spouses often do, you would still be able to attend class and work on a degree. Going to school online gives you more options.

In order to go to school online, you will need to prep a bit before you get going on your school year.

1) Make sure you have a good space to get your work done. A desk or a table works best. You want to be in the best environment for learning and studying.

2) Make sure you have the right supplies. A dependable computer is a must, but also, make sure to have notebooks, pens and pencils, and anything else you might need before classes start. 

3) Talk with your family about expectations. They will need to understand you will need the time to study and get your work done. Having everyone on board is a must. 

If you are currently wondering how to go back to school as a military spouse, MedCerts is a great option!

  • MedCerts has been helping military spouses create new career opportunities for over 10 years. They have trained and up-skilled more than 30,000 individuals across the country and partnered with over 1,000 organizations to build talent pipelines.
  • Their programs are completely online which means you can access them from anywhere you might PCS, from Georgia to Germany. You will have 24-hour online access to all course materials and videos. 
  • Most of their programs only take between 4-6 months to complete, which allows you more flexibility to learn online. 
  • MedCerts focuses on certifications in high-demand areas of Allied Healthcare and IT. You can find programs in the healthcare and medical, professional development, and information technology fields. You can find online healthcare, online professional development, and IT certificates. 
  • Most of MedCerts programs can be paid for with MyCAA, which means no money out of pocket. MyCAA is a grant offering $4,000 to military spouses pursuing a certification in a high-demand, portable career. 
  • MedCerts is a top military spouse-friendly school. It was designed by Victory Media, which is the publisher of Military Spouse Magazine. 
  • Who is eligible? Military spouses who are married to active duty members of the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, or National Guard are eligible. They would need to be in the pay grades of either E1-E5, W1-W2, or O1-O2. For National Guard, and/or AGR members, the sponsor must be on federal Title 10 active duty orders. 
  • Your course materials and exam prep is included, and you can find live one-on-one mentoring support to help you through anything you might have questions about. 
  • When you finish a course you will receive a certificate of completion and a free National certification exam. After certification, they also offer job placement support.

MedCerts can be a good way for military spouses to go back to school online. Qualifying spouses can do so for free, and be able to work on their own careers, even during the crazy of military life. Head on over to MedCerts and sign up to work towards your own goals.

20 Years of War

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20 years of war

The very last of American troops left Afghanistan yesterday. Just about two weeks before the 20th anniversary of 9/11. 20 years. Why can’t I wrap my mind around that?

20 years is a lifetime for some. 20 years ago, social media wasn’t something we knew anything about. 20 years ago, we had cell phones that made phone calls and that’s about it. 20 years ago, I was a college student, who has just met the love of my life, a veteran who had served in the Army in the 90s.

As the first troops left for Afghanistan, we, the American people had no idea what that would look like. We knew it had to be done. America was attacked. America was in pain. America was grieving.

As those first troops left for Afghanistan, did they know that the babies they left at home would be old enough to fight the same fight, years into the future? Did they know that this was just the beginning of a long time of war? A long time of wishing for peace and not finding it?

My husband has been deployed to Afghanistan twice. I have a video of my young son trying to pronounce where he was. That has been replaying in my brain a lot the last few weeks. Afghanistan, the place the soldiers go. Back then, it was a deployment. It was where he was sent. When the military calls, you go.

As we heard the news last week about the 13 members of the military who were lost in the last days of our time over there, I think back to the past 20 years and all we have lost.

We have lost so many men and women to this fight. So many families will never be together again. So many hurting people.

I wish we could wave a magic wand and never have to deploy any other troops. I wish that another military family would never have to experience that knock or even a call about an injured love one. I wish the terrorism and the hate would go away, and we could live our lives free of all of it.

But I know better. I know that will never be the case. I know that as long as my husband serves in the military, he could be deployed again. To somewhere else.

And America will always have our military. Ready to defend and support. Ready to deploy, to somewhere in the world.

None of us know what the future will bring. Ask the military spouse whose husband joined the military in 2000. They had no idea how things would change for them in the course of just a year or two.

Ask the military spouse who thought she was marrying a civilian. Who is now helping her spouse pack for their first deployment.

Ask the military spouse who assumed she would have her children and raise them down the street from grandma and grandpa, who is now raising them in Japan, or Germany, or in a US city far from home.

When our service member joins the military, or when we marry them, joining them in their military world, we have to understand that they have a sense of duty. And that can be such a hard thing to come to terms with.

They have a duty to go and to serve, or they never would have enlisted in the first place. They have a duty to go, even when we need them back at home. They have a duty to America that sometimes has to come first.

We have to stand by them as they go places we might not think they should go. We have to have their back when they come home and have a hard time processing everything. We are the ones holding everything together as they make their way through the ranks, fighting for our freedom in different types of ways.

After so many years of being a military wife, I can’t imagine what our life would be like without the military in it. The military has formed who we have become as a couple, and as a family. The military has determined what my husband would be around for and what he would miss.

As I watch the children of some of the soldiers I know put on the uniform too, I pray that their time in service is a bit easier. I pray that they will get more breaks to be with family and that the road isn’t so hard. I pray that we have learned from the last 20 years, and know when we are pushing these young men and women too hard.

20 years of war is a heavy thing to come to terms with. 20 years is a long time. Our world has changed so much in that time, for the good and for the bad.

20 years of sending our men and women in uniform.

20 years of wondering if our spouse will be home.

20 years of wondering when they will have to go back again after this deployment is over.

20 years of sending a soldier back overseas after just two weeks at home with his family.

20 years of really hoping that we have done what we could to help stop the spread of terrorism in our world.

20 years of children missing a mom or dad.

20 years of homecomings with welcome home hugs, and kisses, and proposals.

20 years of war.

What will the next 20 years look like?

When They First Leave: Tips for Starting a Deployment

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Happy to have this guest post by Holly. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

When They First Leave: Tips for Starting a Deployment

I find that the hardest part of my husband being gone is always right at the beginning and then at the end. I always feel “lost” for a few days, adjusting to our new normal without him, and then I feel so stressed at the end getting ready for him to come home and trying to make sure everything is just right. This post tackles my tips for those first few days away…

Make Time for You

I know what you’re thinking, “don’t worry, he’s gone, I have tons of time for myself”, but really, on the first night alone, take some time for yourself and enjoy it. I always pour a bubble bath, grab a good book, and watch a chick flick on Netflix.

I love stretching out in the bed and controlling the remote (which usually never happens). Also, think about using this time to better yourself. Eat healthy, make time for the gym, and read that new self-help book you’ve been too busy to open. Not only will this help you pass the time, but you’ll make some positive changes that you can continue once he returns.

Spend Time with Friends

After you’ve had enough “me time”, search out your besties and find something fun to do. Sometimes that’s going out for a girl’s night, hitting up a concert, or even just grilling on the deck. Spend some time with the girls and build up those relationships.

Struggling to make friends in a new place? Try visiting with moms at school, daycare, or sporting events. Visit with other ladies at the gym or search out new friends at work. This is a great time to hang out with new people and check in on those you haven’t been able to visit with for a while.

Make Special Time with Your Children

One of the small blessings of my husband being gone is how close my son and I are. We spend lots of time together, just the two of us, and we have a great relationship. We try and do fun activities together and make new memories, even when my husband can’t be there to enjoy them with us.

I’ve found myself getting braver as he gets older too. We go camping together, weekend trips, and we’ve even ventured on a few road trips, just the two of us.

Whether this is the first time he has left or the tenth, these three tips seem to help get us through whatever military life throws at us. I figure you can look at their absence as an awful burden or as an opportunity to gain insight into yourself and build relationships; the latter makes for a much happier you and therefore a much happier military family in the trips to come.

Holly Corcoran is a military wife of 10 years, mom to one adorable and resilient seven-year-old, and third-grade teacher living in the flyover states. She juggles home, parenting, and teaching, while also sometimes taking calls from Afghanistan. Connecting with other military spouses and friends is a constant reminder “we’re always under the same sky.”

Oh, Afghanistan…

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Oh, Afghanistan…

I see you. I see you in the news. I am not sure how to feel.

Oh, Afghanistan…

The place my husband has been, where so many men and women have had to go over the years.

Oh, Afghanistan…

A place that has been so much a part of my world for so very long. A place I really don’t know too much about myself.

Oh, Afghanistan…

The deployments, the endless deployments to ensure America’s freedom. The endless deployments, as we military families stay behind and hope and pray. The endless deployments, ones that didn’t bring all of our men and women home.

As I log onto Facebook this morning, I see so many thoughts and opinions about what is going on. People asking for prayers. People asking for understanding. People who are angry.

I feel weird even thinking about how to respond. I feel weird even having an opinion on it all. I wasn’t the one that went there. I wasn’t the one that put on that uniform.

But then I remember. I remember when my husband left for Afghanistan when our baby was two months old. I remember not knowing if he would be back a few months later or in over a year or even if at all.

I remember when he had to go again a few years later. During a time that hit me hard. During a time when I felt at my lowest and needed a husband by my side.

But he wore the uniform. And he went where he was told to go. I couldn’t even get to the point where I could decide if Afghanistan was worth it. He was serving our country. He was doing his part.

I have to leave that to the other people. To those, we vote into office. To the American people who make those votes. To those who have more power over the situation than I will ever have.

As a military spouse, I can’t nitpick a reason why my husband had to go away. I can’t overthink if everything we had to give up to do so was worth the sacrifice. I just can’t and I won’t. My brain won’t let me do that.

As a military spouse, Afghanistan was where my husband had to go. Just like Iraq was where he had to go. They are deployments. They are “downrange” and filled with so much emotion when we say their names.

Oh, Afghanistan…these last 20 years. Have they been in vain? Have they all been for nothing? I sure hope not.

I sure hope that in these last 20 years, good has been done. I sure hope that in these last 20 years, there has truly been a fight for freedom. I sure hope that the time and the money and the sacrifice has been worth it.

I have to believe it. I can’t think that it wasn’t.

As we turn on the news and it seems that everything is falling away, I hope we can remember what was accomplished. I hope we can truly see the good that was done.

There is so much blame. Who is really at fault?

We have questions. So many questions. As I watch some of the children of the men my husband first deployed with put on the uniform too. As I know my own children are just a few years away from being old enough to do the same. I wonder why this has become a multi-generational war?

We have questions. Should we have not pulled out? Should we have stayed longer? Maybe a few more years?

Or maybe we should have left years ago? Maybe there was a better time to do so?

And as we are living in the middle of this pandemic that doesn’t want to end, as we are living with so many other frustrations, is this yet another one we will have to add to our list of things to worry about?

Us military families, what happens in the news can and does hit us hard. Will this hit us hard? Will this mean more deployments? Will this mean longer deployments?

We know in our hearts how much Afghanistan has turned our lives upside down. We know how much pain some of our service members are in because of it. And we worry that what is going on now will cause feelings of defeat or that the military sacrifices don’t matter.

We post 9/11 military families have been through so very much. We have said goodbye way too many times. And at this point, we are wondering what will be next?

Oh, Afghanistan…these are just the words of one military spouse. One who loves and cares. And is trying to make sense out of it all.

When Your Spouse Wants to Join the Military, But You Are Not So Sure

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So your spouse is thinking of joining the military?

When Your Spouse Wants to Join the Military, But You Are Not So Sure

When I married my husband, the Army was a part of his past. He had served in the military when he was younger, and that was before my time. He had stories and photos, and that was about it. We were married as civilians and started our life together.

But the funny thing about life is you never know where you might end up. You never know where the road might take you. And even though I married my husband not thinking about being a military spouse, a few years later, that’s exactly what I became.

After being married for over three years, my husband re-joined the Army, and we became a military family. Everything seemed to change when that happened. Everything about our future, our children and future children, and how our life would play out changed.

Now, some military spouses marry their service member after they have already joined the military. Some get married right when they joined. But there are many of us who were with their service member before they decided to join.

You may be in a place where your spouse or partner is thinking about joining the military. And this is making you a bit nervous. They want to join the military but you are not totally sure. The military is a whole new world and you could be having a few reservations about the decision to join.

This is totally normal. Joining the military can lead to some major changes in your life. When your spouse signs up for the military, you might have to move far away, you might have to find a new job, and your life might feel like it has been turned upside down.

The truth is, if you are already together before the military, you both need to be a part of the decision to join. You need to have discussions about what joining will mean, and how life might have to change. Because, yes, life is going to change.

Here are a few things you can do if your spouse has decided they want to join the military or if they are starting to ask questions about the process:

Ask your questions

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. You might have some fears or worries about what military life will be like, and it is best to seek out answers. The more you know about what you are getting into, the better.

Have some serious discussions about what your spouse has in mind when they join the military. Will this be a big career change or something they want to try for a few years? Sometimes, they might not even know but feel they need to at least try it to find out.

Remember, everyone’s military life looks different

Before my husband joined the military, I thought I had an idea of what our years as a military family would look like. But I never could have predicted the reality.

You can talk to other military spouses about their experiences to get an idea of what to expect, but keep in mind that your reality might be different. Even the amount of times your spouse will be deployed during a given amount of time can be all over the place based on what is going on in the world, your spouse’s job in the military, and where they are stationed.

You are stronger than you think

One of the biggest lessons I have learned as a military spouse of almost 16 years is that I am much stronger than I think I am. When this whole journey started, I didn’t think I could ever be a solo parent. I found the idea impossible.

But I realized quickly that what once has seemed impossible was actually possible. Is it always easy? No, solo parenting is very challenging and some days, it does feel impossible. But us military spouses get through those times. We have to.

So while you might fear that you are not capable of this, you might actually be able to get through the challenging parts of military life. We rarely feel we can conquer the mountains of military life, but we do.

Plan to make friends

If your spouse does go on to join the military, plan to make friends. You will need them. These other spouses who get how a deployment might go, or what moving every three years is really like.

As you join the military community you will be able to find mentors and other seasoned spouses who have been there. You will be able to connect with others and find your own “battle buddies.” You will make memories with these other military spouses, and they will become the best part of your military life.

Take it all day by day

In many parts of military life, you will have to take things day by day. This starts from day one when they leave for basic training.

There is so much to this life, and so many changes, that each day can be different from the next.

Try not to sweat all the small things, and look forward to the future. There are so many amazing parts to being a military spouse. Military life is truly the good mixed with the bad.

If your spouse wants to join the military, take this request seriously. Talk things over, and see if this is something you can support your spouse on.

Each family is different, and joining the military might not be the best choice for every family. But if you and your spouse decide that joining is the right choice, know you have a big community of other military spouses out there to help you through. You got this!

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

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So happy to have this guest post by Victoria on loneliness and what you can do about it during military life. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

“I’m having trouble fitting in around here.”

“How can I make friends at this new base?”

I see these comments or variations on many military spouse websites. And, of course, the pandemic didn’t help the feeling of loneliness and isolation. If you are a MilSpo, you have felt this at one time or another. You’ve just moved to a new location. You haven’t had time to explore your new community or meet the neighbors, what with unpacking boxes and enrolling the kids in their new school, and getting them settled.

When we moved to Oklahoma in 2009, my adult daughter was concerned because we had been there for a few months, and I wasn’t talking about any new friends yet. I’m uber extroverted, so for me not to be relating stories about all the new friends I’d made by now was disconcerting for her.

The problem was that we only had one car, and we didn’t live on base, so it was harder for me to get around and meet people. I assured her I was okay, and I had a lunch date with a group of women the next day. Life was good, although I was more than ready to get my social life going.

I’m afraid my advice for counteracting loneliness might not sit well with introverts. However, it is necessary if you want to get the most out of your military assignment.

Get Out: You have to get out of your house and introduce yourself to your neighbors—whether you live on base or post. People are busy, so the days when neighbors stopped by with a plate of cookies are rare, even though their intentions might be good. In Oklahoma, I made the cookies and took them to the neighbors to introduce myself.

Join In: Join, join, join anything that interests you: spouse clubs, chapel groups, the PTA at your children’s school. Anywhere you can find like-minded people. Spouse clubs usually have smaller clubs such as book clubs, Bunko, golf, bowling, Mahjong — just about anything you are interested in doing.

Volunteer: When you help out others, you are helping yourself as well. So many organizations on base can use your help, and I’ve made some of my closest friends through volunteering. Check with your Family Readiness Center for volunteer opportunities on your installation.

Do It: I can hear some of you already saying you are shy and have a tough time putting yourself out there. My response is to say, “too bad. Suck it up and do it anyway.” Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is necessary to make an effort to find your niche if you want to get the most enjoyment out of your life as a MilSpo. And remember, the more you do it, the easier it gets!

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

Victoria Terrinoni is the author of “Where You Go, I Will Go: Lessons From a Military Spouse,” available on Amazon. Her husband, Dave, retired in 2018 after 31 years in the Air Force. They live in central Illinois so that they can spoil two of their four grandchildren. She has a blog about her military life at https://victoriaterrinoni.wordpress.com

Embrace the Suck: Advice to a MilSpouse Going Through Your First Deployment.

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Happy to have this guest post by Megan on her best advice for a military spouse. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Embrace the Suck: Advice to a MilSpouse Going Through Your First Deployment.

I just spend 3 hours on the phone with a spouse friend discussing spouses going through their first deployment. She’s a seasoned spouse who has been through her own trials and tribulations with deployments. I am a spouse going through my first deployment.

The more we talked the more I realized how different all her experiences are from my first. I guess the bottom line is it doesn’t matter if it’s your first or you’re tenth deployment. It doesn’t matter if it’s a 6-month deployment or a year deployment. It all sucks. So, the question is how to embrace the suck of a deployment.

I use the saying embrace the suck a lot when talking about my deployment experience. It’s become my deployment motto. It sounds harsh but it’s true.

When you are dealing with a deployment you must embrace the suck. We don’t like it. We don’t want to do it. It’s hard.

But there is nothing we can do about it. The truth is….it sucks, and we must rise to the occasion and survive it. So…. embrace the suck.

There is a lot of negative feelings surrounding the word deployment. When I married the military, I never heard one good thing that involved a deployment. It’s either terrible or sad.

The only good thing I can remember seeing or hearing is the welcome home videos online. Those are like Hallmark movies and always hit you in the feel-goods. Doesn’t matter how tough you are, watch one of those videos and you will cry! Outside of the welcome home, there isn’t a lot of good being said about a deployment.

So…. I’m going to share my suck and the positives of my first deployment. Here’s my advice for spouses going through their first deployment. Are you ready?!?!?

Pre-deployment is terrible. 

There will be fighting. You will not see eye to eye on anything. You as a spouse will want to cherish everything you do together or as a family. You will want to cling to him, hug him, kiss him and you will cry a lot. 

He will not. He is preparing to leave you. Most service members take this time to emotionally separate from their spouses. 

Do not take this personally. They are packing bags and getting ready to do one of the hardest things they have to do……leave their families. It’s not easy for them to walk away but it’s their duty. Understand that it’s mission first and their way of dealing with being away from you at this point.

Once they leave, they will call home and sound super happy and excited. 

You will not be being happy or excited. You will still be sad and adjusting to your empty house, your new single parent responsibilities, or an empty house. 

They will be living their best life. I know this is hard to understand but that’s a good thing. You want them to be happy. You want them to be excited. 

I once told a spouse who was frustrated with this. It’s so much better to hear your deployed spouse is living their best life than them calling you miserable. If they call you miserable, that’s when you understand you cannot help them.

It will break your heart; you will feel completely helpless and, in all honesty, there is nothing you can do for them. So, when your spouse calls home telling you how amazing it that’s a good thing. Even when life isn’t that great for you now.

I will say I am not one of those spouses who will tell you to hide your emotions from your deployed spouse.

I know there are a lot of spouses out there that will tell you not to tell your service member the bad stuff going on at home. You’re supposed to tell them it’s all rainbows, sunshine, and glitter. You’re not supposed to cry. 

However, I am one of those spouses that will tell you to openly communicate with your service member. Your service member needs to know how you are feeling, that you miss them, that it’s been a hard day and that Murphy moved into your home.

I’m not saying blow the phone up but don’t emotionally shut down. Your service member still needs to know things just like when they are having a hard time, they will need you.

Murphy will move into your home. 

Murphy’s law says if it will go wrong it will. Murphy will be like the boyfriend you can’t break up with. Stuff you never imaged would happen will happen.

You will have to watch YouTube videos and learn to do all kinds of stuff you never dreamed you would do. Keep in mind this is a good thing and brag to your service member. After all, not every spouse can fix a hot water heater! FYI lawn mowers need oil. Not sure who needs to hear this, but they do!

Your service member will have hard days. 

There will be days when something happens, and they need you. You need to be able to give them a pep talk.

Love them from a distance and be supportive. Even when you are having a bad day. You need to be prepared to be there for them. Sometimes at the end of the day, they might be having a harder day than you are. Please recognize that and support them the best way you can.

Find your tribe!!! 

And I don’t mean a tribe of civilian friends. I mean a tribe of military friends. A tribe that can understand, keep your secrets, and gives you guidance. I would not be able to survive all the cray of a deployment without my tribe of military spouses. They will guide you, love one (even from afar), and being your sounding board. You cannot do a deployment without a military spouse tribe.

Prepare yourself for the phone calls, texts, and video chats to tapper off. 

There will come a time when the communication slacks off. This does not mean something is wrong. This means your service member is doing their job or enjoying some downtime. 

Try not to take it personally if you do not feel emotionally connected to your service member. They are getting into their new normal just like you are. It’s a process.

I know it’s hard, it was for me. I didn’t like my husband being so far away and not wanting to constantly talk to me. But just like you are living your new life alone they are there to do a job so they can get back home to you.

Take some time to grieve. 

It took me two months to pick up my husbands’ shoes off the living room floor or to fold the last load of his laundry. Leave it there until you are ready. When you are you will know. There is not a rule book on how to handle these kinds of things. It’s hard. Take your time. When you’re ready to pick the shoes up, you will. 

Take this time apart as a positive thing. 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard, there will be bad days but try new things. Find new hobbies, go to school, focus on work, eat junk food in bed, and watch whatever you want on TV. Deployments do not mean it’s the end of a marriage or the world. It can be a great time for you to self-reflect and discover new things about yourself.

Remember deployment is temporary. 

I know going into a 13-month deployment it felt like it would last forever. It’s temporary. Your service member will come home. Everything you’re going through or will go through is temporary. Just keep that in the back of your mind, it will eventually end.

There will be anxiety when the end is coming.

I have not personally experienced the end of a deployment, yet. My husband is still gone right now. However, I did get to watch a homecoming of my best friend and her husband. 

Don’t worry about the perfect coming home outfit. Wear something comfortable. You really don’t know how you will react when you see your service member. 

When I saw my friend see her husband for the first time, she ran to him, threw her shoes off, and jumped in his arms. I realized I needed to wear pants and tennis shoes after watching them. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Cue the Hallmark movie theme music and tears.

Finally, remember you are a military spouse! 

You married the military. You love your service member. You are strong. You have made it through TDYs, PCS, Schools, trainings, and anything else the military world throws at you.

Some of you have had babies without your spouses, have raised babies without your spouse, faced all kinds of obstacles without your spouse and who knows what else. We can do this, and we will do this!

You will get through all the suck. You will cry, you will be lonely, you will have great days, you will have terrible days. It’s part of it but at the end of the day, YOU CAN DO IT!!! It’s what makes Military spouses special!

The best advice I can give it try to enjoy yourself. Take a vacation. Enjoy your alone time.

Spend time with friends and family. Go to school. Dive into work. Work in your yard. Crochet a blanket. Whatever it is that you have always wanted to do……do it!!!

It’s the perfect time to discover who you are. Love yourself and the time will pass. Remember embrace the suck. That’s all you can do. Embrace the suck and live your best life.

My name is Megan Davis. I have a full-time paying job and volunteer jobs that I love. I currently work as a Personnel Supervisor at Westaff where I match people in my community looking for jobs with companies looking for workers. I volunteer as the Family Readiness Group Leader for the 2-108 CAV Squadron in Shreveport. I work with Military Spouse Advocacy Network (MSAN) mentoring other National Guard Spouses. Following these passions, I was recognized as the 2020-2021 Louisiana National Guard Spouse of the Year. I love helping people, specifically military spouses. One of my main goals is to make sure military spouses know they are not alone when trying to navigate through the military world. I want to help give them the courage to speak out and help build a support system for them so they can make it through all the crazy things the military life throws at us. I am also a student at the University of Louisiana at Monroe for my bachelor’s degree in risk management. Graduating from ULM has been my biggest goal for years and I am proud to say I am almost there.

Just Another Deployment Night

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It’s another deployment night when the sun fades away, and the lights go on, and we are reminded of the distance.

They have been gone a while, too long really, and yet the days on the calendar don’t want to turn as quickly as we hope they would.

No one is coming home for dinner, no one is going to be there to help with the kids, no one will be there to snuggle with once they go to bed. Those are things that will have to wait. Wait until the deployment is over.

It’s another deployment night, a time to reflect, and figure out what we can do to better ourselves. There are fewer distractions, and time to journal, and to work on our own goals.

As military spouses, we so often have to give up a dream. Or two dreams. Or three.

But a deployment can be a time to figure what chasing our dreams during military life is really going to look like. What we can do vs what we can’t. What will work, and what do we truly want to do.

But even so, even with more time to breathe, we can feel the overwhelm that the deployment brings. We can feel the pressure of having to do all the things, for all the people. The feeling of never being able to have the energy to get our to-do list done.

It’s another deployment night, and as you look at the empty side of the bed, you can’t help but think of all the things you miss about them. Their smile. Their laugh. The way you love to do life with them.

You think about all that will happen when they come home. You worry a bit too, not sure how the transition will go. You two have been living separate lives, and they will be dealing with all the deployment brought.

Still, you think about how once they do get home, you won’t have to miss their smile anymore. They will be laughing alongside you again, and you will get back to making those memories that you hold near and dear.

As the sun goes down on another deployment night, you won’t how many more deployments or separations you might have in the future. You pray you get a big long break between this one and the next. But you know no matter how long they will be home, the time will never be long enough.

You find a new series to watch on Netflix or Hulu, hoping that diving into a new fictional world will make the nights not seem too long. And that works, until it doesn’t. But you keep on trying because you have to stay busy and you have to keep your mind going.

You grab your calendar, trying to find fun things to do. You want to stay busy, but sometimes you just don’t want to have to do anything. Still, you know staying busy is important. Time will go faster that way.

Days pass, nights pass, and you finally find yourself towards the end. 30 days to go…20, now 10. This deployment is almost over. Through all the days apart. Through the long deployment nights. The end is in sight, and all you can think is, wow, I did it. I made it through this deployment.

The deployment part of military life is never easy. Yet deployments come, whether we are ready for them or not. The best thing to do is find ways to get through a deployment, even if that is one day at a time. Take a look at my other deployment blog posts for more ideas and encouragement on getting through a deployment.