It’s been 19 years since my husband re-joined the Army, and we were sent to Germany for four years. 18 years since I joined him, and he was deployed to Iraq for the first time. 10 years since we went from Army active duty to National Guard, and 10 months since he officially retired from the military. And this side of it feels a little bit normal and a little bit weird.
There was a time during his military service when I felt he was never home. There was always a long deployment, a training, or a monthly drill sending him away. He was always going to miss something. Big things like the birth of our second child or little things like a fun event at church. And everything in between.
There Are Huge Spaces in My Scrapbook Where He is Missing
There are huge spaces in my scrapbook where he is simply missing, and at times, it never felt like we would get to the point where we are today. A time when he would never go away. When he would never have to. When the military didn’t have a say.
It’s been 10 months since his last drill. Last year, during his December drill, a tornado ripped through our city. I will never forget that.
After 10 years of drill weekends, I developed a bit of a routine. There were lots of movies and TV shows he wouldn’t be interested in, Chinese food, and decluttering sessions. And now all that is over. He is home with us every weekend.
He Was Gone For So Much of My Children’s Younger Years
He was gone for so much of my children’s younger years. Birthdays, first steps, special needs diagnosis, vacations, and day-to-day life.
But now he is here for all of it. All the big things and the little ones.
As he retired from the National Guard, we didn’t have to think about where we would move. However, I hope we can eventually find a new place to call home. Since we were not day-to-day Army, that transition wasn’t as encompassing.
There Are Things I Am Getting Used In This New Normal
But beyond him going away for drill and other duties, there are a few other things I am getting used to.
Whenever we planned a trip, either as a family or solo, I always worried that something would come up and make us cancel. Like it did in 2020. Now, I no longer have that worry, and it’s hard to wrap my mind around.
I sometimes miss being an Army wife and being in that community, but some of that has more to do with working full-time hours and my age. Still, I do feel disconnected from a community that was so much in my life for so many years.
Life Goes On, Seasons Change
But like anything else, life goes on. Seasons change, and things are different from how they used to be. Here, on the other side of military life, we are finding our new normal as husband and wife and family.
The me of 15 years ago dreamed of the day I would no longer have to miss my husband. That I would no longer fear so much for his safety. That I would no longer worry when the next deployment would hit or how I would get through it. And now here we are. On the other side of service.
Are you a veteran spouse too? What has been the biggest adjustment?
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