With a deployment in the future, you could be a little worried about your marriage. You have heard the stories, you just don’t know what being away from one another for an extended period of time will be like.
How will your marriage get through this? Will you come out stronger on the other side?
Here are 13 super smart marriage tips for military couples during a deployment:
1. Communication is important
Although you won’t always be able to talk to one another because of the mission, communication is important to do when you can. This might mean writing emails or sending text messages. Do whatever you can to stay connected over the miles. If you do have to go a longer time without talking, writing actual letters can be a way to “talk” to your spouse when you can, and then you can send them when you know they will be able to get them.
2. Don’t one-up one another about who has it harder
You could go back and forth about who has it harder during a deployment. The truth is, you can’t compare. You are each going through a difficult situation and need that grace from your spouse to understand. Don’t one-up each other, it’s not worth the fight.
3. Remember, the military has to come first
The military comes first. This is the way that the military is. You have to accept that and move through the difficulties that come with military life.
You have to find ways to cope and handle being apart. Your service member can’t come home early from a deployment because you want them to, you just have to stick things out. And while this can be so difficult sometimes, remember that this is just the way the military is can sometimes help.
4. Don’t hang up on each other, and if you do…
Don’t hang up the phone on one another, even if you are angry. If you do in the heat the moment (which happens) send a quick email or call back if you can. Hanging up that way isn’t good when talking on the phone is the biggest part of your relationship.
5. Don’t feel like you have to talk for hours every day
You and your spouse don’t have to talk for hours every day to be connected. When you do, you run out of things to say. Sometimes a simple 15-minute phone call is all you need to say “hi, I love you” and check-in with one another. You can also keep an ongoing list of things to talk about since the last time you chatted.
6. Don’t stay in your house all of the time
Don’t stay in your house all the time. Make plans. Stay busy.
Your service member will want to know you are still living your life, even if they are away. And getting out there will make time go by a little faster. While being at home can be comforting, try to get out at least once or twice a week.
7. Talk about money before they leave
Make sure to talk about money expectations before they leave. How much will they have to spend overseas? How much will you have to spend on the kids? What will you be saving for and what will you do with the extra money that you receive?
Money can be a big stressor. When you are living apart and running two different households, being on the same page with money is even more important.
8. Remember why you love each other
At the end of the day, remember why you first fell in love in the first place. Remember your first date, the first time you said I love you, and the first time you knew you would get married. Remembering who you guys are together is important.
9. Watch a show together
Watch a TV show together and then talk about what happened in the episode over the phone or even in an email. This will allow you to connect over a shared experience.
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10. Read a book together
Like watching a TV show, you can read a book together and discuss what is being said. A marriage book can be a good idea too such as The 5 Love Languages Military Edition. Doing this can help improve your relationship.
11. Talk about your day
When you are able to talk on the phone, share your day with them. Let them know what the kids have been up to. Email photos of you and the kids. Your service member should want to hear about what you all are up to back home.
12. Write love letters
Write paper love letters to one another and send them in the mail. Getting letters from home is the best for our service members and also an enjoyable thing to get in the mail for those of us back home. You can pour out your heart and let your spouse know how much you care about them.
13. Look at the deployment as a temporary thing
Remember, deployments are temporary, and while they can be difficult for a military marriage, they don’t have to define your marriage. They can make your marriage stronger. You just have to get through them, even when they feel like they are neverending.
What marriage advice would you add to this list?
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