Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Christmas in the military

5 Things to Remember If Your Spouse is Deployed Over Christmas

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5 Things to Remember If Your Spouse is Deployed Over Christmas

The holiday season is here and Christmas is around the corner. Are you ready? I am not, I still have so much to do. But as I am getting everything ready for this year, I am reminded of a Christmas quite a few years ago.

My husband had left for Iraq at the end of November, on Thanksgiving Day of all days. Thanks, Army!

He had been gone about a month before Christmas Day, and there was no chance he would have R&R that early, back in the days of a regular old R&R in the middle of a deployment.

As the day got closer, I knew we would have to do something to help us enjoy this holiday. I couldn’t just spend it watching movies and hiding under the covers, my boys were only two and four years old.

That’s why I made plans with my friend and her kids. We decided to have our own little Christmas morning and then get together for the Christmas meal. We split up the food, and sometime in the afternoon, we headed over to her house to celebrate.

I had such a good time that morning with my little boys. I filmed them opening their gifts to send to their dad and enjoyed watching them enjoy the Christmas magic.

Then we got dressed and spent the rest of the day with friends and their kids. I still think back to that Christmas all these years later. It will always stick with me. While my husband was away, I don’t remember being too sad that day.

I do remember the joy of my kids that morning. I do remember the fun times I had with my friend. I do remember the feeling of peace and knowing I could get through whatever this deployment was going to bring.

If you are getting ready for a Christmas with a deployed spouse, please remember these 5 things. And have a wonderful holiday season:

You can still have a good time

I know it might seem that you will be sad and gloomy all of Christmas Day but it doesn’t have to be that way. What makes you happy? What makes your kids happy? Think about what would make for a good Christmas Day and plan for that.

You don’t have to go home

When your spouse is deployed, your family is going to expect to have you home with them for the holidays. Why would you even think about staying where you are? Well, there are a lot of reasons to do so.

While being with family might be what you need, you don’t have to feel pressured to go if you don’t feel like going. Maybe the cost of the plane tickets is too much. Maybe the thought of flying across the country with two toddlers by yourself is too much. Maybe you just want to be in your own home.

You can make memories with friends

You can turn this Christmas into a time to spend with friends. If you are at a military duty station, most likely, you know others with a deployed spouse over Christmas. Why not make plans to get together?

If you aren’t, reach out to your friend circle and see if anyone else might need the company over the holiday. There are other reasons why a spouse might not be home for Christmas.

You don’t have to spend the entire holiday together. That can be too much for some people, I know it probably would for me. But having Christmas dinner or even just dessert can make for a nice treat during the day. And there are always memories to be made.

You can celebrate again later

If your spouse missing out on Christmas is really bothering you, why not plan a mini-Christmas when they get home? This is your family, you can do what you want.

Maybe they won’t be home until April? Who cares? Have a mini Christmas once they get home, and enjoy the time together no matter what you decide to do.

You are not alone

Remember, you are not the only military spouse without their husband or wife by their side this Christmas. So many of us have been through this, even if we are not going through it this year.

We have figured out ways to make it through and you will too. We have found joy in the season, even when we are sad. We figure out ways to get through and have a wonderful Christmas anyway.

If your spouse is deployed over the holidays, what have you done to make things a little easier for yourself?

Don’t forget to check out The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life: Surviving a PCS and More by Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and Mrs Navy Mama. Your guide for learning about military life.

Making Your Holidays Special When Your Heart Is An Ocean Away

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He had left in November of that year for his 2nd deployment. That meant he was going to miss Christmas. We were also not going to be going home as we were in Germany and the idea of traveling with a 2-year-old and 4-year-old over the holidays was a little too much. Plus, my parents were coming to visit around my birthday in January.

As I looked ahead to Christmas day I couldn’t help but be sad about my husband missing the holiday. Our boys were still so young. These holidays are important. They are what we will look back to years in the future, the Santa years when everyone was young enough to believe and the toys were rather simple.

But there was nothing I could do. My husband would be in Iraq that Christmas and we would be home in Germany without him. The good thing was I was not alone. Quite a few other spouses were going through the same thing, being without their spouse for Christmas. This included one of my best friends, who also had small children.

We decided that being by ourselves this Christmas wasn’t going to work well for us. We also knew that we needed to plan something to help us get through the day. We made plans. We would spend Christmas morning with our own children, watch them open their gifts, and then meet up to make Christmas dinner together while our kids played.

This was one of the best things we could have done. Were we still sad and missing our husbands? Yes, but we had something else to focus on and so did our kids. That Christmas didn’t turn out to be too horrible after all and all it took was a little planning to make the holiday special.

The key to getting through the holiday season without your spouse by your side is to make the holiday special anyway. Do what you can to bring in the holiday joy, even if you don’t feel like doing so. Here are some great ideas on how to make your holidays special, even when your heart is an ocean away:

Plan Your Special Days

If you celebrate Christmas, plan that day out. What will it look like? Where will you eat? How will you spend that time? Find whatever will work for you and your family. Just plan something. Even if your plan includes taking the kids to a park and picking up fast food on the way home.

What will Hanukkah look like this year? What about New Years? Start planning now to figure out how those days can still be special for you and your children.

Save Presents

Save a few presents to open when mom or dad is back home, even if that will be June. You can have a mini-Christmas later. You don’t even have to let your kids know there are more presents. You can save presents for your deployed spouse as well. Make a fun day of your mini-Christmas after the deployment is over.

Take pictures

Your spouse might miss Christmas but they can still see what you did that day. Take photos of everything you do. Make an album and send that in your next care package or save it for when they get home. Your spouse will want to know how you spent the day.

Decorate

Decorate your house anyway, even if doing so seems hard. Sometimes people just don’t have the desire to do so but try to make yourself decorate anyway. You will be glad you did.

Life can’t stop just because they are deployed. Life has to keep moving, that includes decorating for the season. You can always put your tree up early if they are deploying right before the holidays. Sometimes we military families do things on a slightly different schedule than everyone else. You can also leave the holiday decor up longer than usual so your spouse can see everything when he gets home.

Video Chat With Family and Friends

I know we are probably all sick of Zoom but the holidays can be a good time to video chat with friends and family. Some families enjoy having the video chat on while opening gifts or even having a meal together.

Being able to reach out to others like this can be a good way to combat loneliness. Our family loves using the Facebook Portal and while talking on that is not the same as being together in person, it feels good to connect in that way.

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What have you done in the past to make the holidays special even when your spouse has been away? What advice would you give to new spouses going through their first holiday season alone?