• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

  • Home
    • My Disclosure Policy
    • My Privacy Policy
    • Contact Me
  • Advertise
  • The SWCL Shop
  • Duty Stations
  • My Writings
  • Military Life
    • Movies & TV
    • Disneyland
    • Books
  • So Your Spouse Just Deployed??? Click Here!!!
  • Fort Campbell
You are here: Home / Deployment / Why Military Spouses Don’t Ask For Help

Why Military Spouses Don’t Ask For Help

May 6, 2021 by Julie 10 Comments

Why We Struggle To Ask For Help

“Just let us know if you need anything.”

As a Military spouse, I have heard this phrase from many different people. It is a great thing to hear. When you hear people say that, you now know you have someone to call if you need to. Knowing people want to help is a good feeling.

But here is the thing…

Why Military Spouses Don't Ask For Help

Most Military spouses don’t ask for help, even if we could use it.

We want to be able to take care of the home, the kids, the money, the yard, and everything that comes up all by ourselves. We will never let that person know if we do need something if we feel we can kinda handle the task ourselves. There is just something hard about asking for something specific.

It is hard to say, “Hey, I need someone to mow my lawn because I just can’t seem to do it right,” or “Would you mind watching my kids while I take myself out to dinner? I really need a break,” or “I need someone to fix my fence. It is broken and I can’t afford to pay someone to do it.”

The list can go on and on. We feel like by asking for specific things we are asking too much. Or maybe it is because we don’t really believe the person telling us to ask. We might just assume they are just saying that and don’t really expect us to call.

I will admit. I hate asking for help. I try to do it myself first. I will always try to do it myself first.

When my husband was deployed the last time I had to mow the lawn all summer long. This was hard and every time I did it I would burst into tears when I was done. For some reason, mowing the lawn was emotionally hard for me. At the end of the mowing season, I hired a company to come out and do my lawn because I couldn’t imagine asking anyone to help with that.

My friends and neighbors had their own lawn to mow, right? And the last time I had asked someone was when I was going out of town for the summer and they didn’t end up doing it. So I would never ask. I would do it myself or I would hire someone to do it for me.

There have been a few times when I HAD to ask for help. There was no other option. In those times I was thankful that I had people to ask. Asking for help is a hard thing to do. To admit you do need help and to actually ask for it.

We want to be brave. We want to be strong. We do not want to be seen as weak.

But what I have learned during my years as a military spouse is that some people want to help, they really really do. They don’t know how to help you unless you tell them. I have seen people willing to cut our grass or help with the lawn. To bring us fans when our air went out. To offer a shoulder to cry on when I just didn’t think I could make it another day.

We are brave and we are strong but we are not superhuman and sometimes we do need extra help. We are doing the work of two people. It would be impossible to get everything right all of the time.

I tell myself over and over, it’s okay to ask for help. Especially when I am trying to balance everything in life with a husband who isn’t at home to help. But I hope that in the future I can be more willing to ask, because that can take things off of my plate and make for a little bit of an easier time.

Do you struggle with asking for help? Why do you think Military spouses struggle with this???

Share this:

  • Tweet
  • Print

Filed Under: Deployment Tagged With: army wife, military life, military spouses

About Julie

Owner of Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life. Writer, reader, coffee drinker. Mom to three boys, wife of a National Guard soldier. Living life in Tennessee.

Previous Post: « I Could Never Do It
Next Post: What To Appreciate About Military Spouses »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Amber Turner

    November 21, 2013 at 7:28 pm

    I have heard that phrase many times too, but unfortunately it is not normally backed up. I think we do not accept help in part due to how we might be viewed by others. We don’t want to seem weak. Also, I think it has a lot to do with society. We don’t live in solicit help society really. Other countries seem to really exercise the idea that “it takes a village”. We seem to put too much pressure on ourselves, even outside of being military spouses…as mothers too! Thanks for sharing your insight!

    Reply
  2. Janet Reeves

    November 22, 2013 at 1:30 pm

    Wow! Your post hit home. I think I struggled with asking for help because I felt like people expected me to fail. I felt (and it probably wasn’t true) that they thought I wasn’t strong enough. Asking for help felt like admitting that was true. We have to learn to tell ourselves that we have nothing to prove. We do the best we can. Part of that is knowing when we need to ask for help.

    Reply
  3. Lauren @ Going Green: Our Army Adventure

    November 22, 2013 at 6:04 pm

    I pretty much never asked for help before, and becoming an Army wife just made that so much harder! AH!

    Reply
  4. Miranda Pridgeon

    November 22, 2013 at 10:55 pm

    It is like we have this need to be strong no matter what the circumstance. I do believe that is why we try to do things completely on our own! Great post and so true!
    Miranda Pridgeon

    Reply
  5. Jessica

    September 2, 2019 at 8:38 pm

    I am more than inspired by your article I am I mother of two boys an two girls. Military wife, an have two autistic children. I would love to ask you for more advice if possible. Thanks.

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. 75 Tips for Surviving Deployment says:
    July 5, 2017 at 12:01 pm

    […] we have to ask for help. We simply can’t do it all, all of the […]

    Reply
  2. Guide to the First 30 Days of a Deployment says:
    January 30, 2018 at 6:00 am

    […] Day 3- Make a list of 5 friends you can call. When you want to get together with someone. Or if you really need something. Don’t be afraid to ask for help during the deployment. […]

    Reply
  3. 9 Things You Can Say To People Who Tell You They Could Never Do Military Spouse Life says:
    March 1, 2018 at 8:00 am

    […] not ask that person for help? I know, it’s hard for us military spouses to ask for help but maybe when someone says, “I could never do it” to us, we could ask them for help. […]

    Reply
  4. How to Get Through a Deployment With Toddlers says:
    November 14, 2018 at 10:00 am

    […] Don’t be afraid to ask for help. This is hard, especially when you are surrounded by other moms solo parenting their kids too. This is when trading things like babysitting or even cooking meals can be a good idea. Get creative and find ways to help one another out. […]

    Reply
  5. To the Seasoned Military Spouse ~ Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life says:
    January 29, 2019 at 8:01 am

    […] to the seasoned military spouse, know that you have a lot to offer but you can also be the one asking for help. You can be the one that needs to vent, and you can be the one that just needs a night off from the […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Primary Sidebar

Top Posts!!!

  • The Night Before They Deploy
  • When They First Leave: Tips for Starting a Deployment
  • 14 Tips to Help You Survive Basic Training When Your Spouse Joins the Military
  • Living in Rota, Spain
  • We Are Military Spouses
  • Why You Should Break Up With Your Military Boyfriend

About Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life

Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Welcome to Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life! I am so glad you are here.

My name is Julie and I have been a military spouse for 16 years!

My husband of 19 years has served in the active-duty Army and now the Army National Guard. We have lived in Germany & Tennessee during our time as a military family.

We have three boys and have been through four deployments together.

I hope that you can find support for your own deployments, PCS moves, or anything else military life brings you 🙂

~Contact Me~
Military Life Products
Favorite Books!

Sign up for your FREE Guide to the First 30 Days of Deployment!


Thank you!

Check your email for confirmation! 

.
Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy

Footer

Archives

Copyright © 2022 Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life on the Foodie Pro Theme

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.
Cookie settingsACCEPT
Manage consent

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
CookieDurationDescription
cookielawinfo-checbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Analytics
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Advertisement
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
Others
Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
SAVE & ACCEPT