Yes You Can Handle Life Without Your Spouse, Even If You Don’t Want To
Over the years that I have been a military spouse, I have done a lot without my husband. I moved to Germany without him. I gave birth without him. I flew space-A without him. I have survived.
When you are a military spouse, you learn to do a lot without your partner by your side. You have to. They simply are not going to be there for everything. You can’t depend on them for things as others can. You have to learn to do it yourself.
When you first become a military spouse, this can be a shock to the system. Even if you married a military service member, getting used to them not being around can be tough.
While other newlyweds work together to form their marriage during the first year, you might have had to do that through Skype and letters. You are in your home, they are overseas, and figuring out the balance of all that can take some time.
While other couples talk about every parenting decision, we sometimes have to make them on our own.
Communication isn’t always possible and sitting down over dinner discussing the situation is out of the question.
When something breaks in the house, it’s all you. YouTube can be your best friend here and in other cases, you will have to call someone to fix the problem. Even though you know your spouse could do it in five minutes.
You are the one to make sure the lawn is mowed. You might have to hire someone or break down and learn how to do the lawn yourself.
Dinner? That’s all you. Unless you have older children, you are the one doing all the cooking. Pizza is an excellent solution for those crazy nights you just can’t make yourself cook.
You wait to hear when homecoming will be. Hoping they will make it back in time for your daughter’s graduation, knowing they might not.
There are so many times when you will be the one to have to solve the problems back at home.
You do this because you know that they can’t. You do this because you know when they are gone they are gone for a good reason. You do this because if you didn’t? Everything would fall apart.
There are the little things you miss when they are gone. On the weekends, there is no one to ask to put the kids to bed or to allow you a break to sleep in. You are on until your kids go to sleep and need to be ready the minute they wake up in the morning.
You will miss the little jokes you have between each other. The looks. The moments only you two understand.
So as a military spouse you will find that you don’t need your husband. That he can come and go and you can run the house without him. That you can keep everything going, keep the kids alive, and grow as a person, even when they are deployed.
You will find your inner strength to do more than you thought that you could. What seemed impossible a few years ago is now commonplace. You will learn more about yourself and find out how strong you are.
You will figure out you don’t need your spouse around, but you will find that you want him there.
You want the friendship you two have. You want the co-parenting challenges you will have together. You want the companionship, even if you are both sitting there not talking.
You will miss all of this and then realize that you will have this all again someday. That homecoming day will come. That you will have a normal life once again. That you will be able to have everything that you have been missing.
And when that happens you will also know that you can handle deployments. That when they have to go again, you will be able to hold down the fort. That you got this, whatever comes your way.
What is one thing you have done during a deployment that you didn’t think you could do but had to anyway?
Last Updated on January 30, 2018 by Julie Provost