Tips For The Stay At Home Mom, Whose Spouse Doesn’t Come Home Every Night

Tips For The Stay At Home Mom, Whose Spouse Doesn't Come Home Every Night

Tips For The Stay At Home Mom, Whose Spouse Doesn’t Come Home Every Night

When my son was a baby, I was a stay at home mom with a civilian husband. He came home at the same time every night. He didn’t go on business trips, he didn’t go away on trainings, he never deployed.

All that changed when he joined the Army in November of 2005. Since he had been in the military before, he didn’t have to redo basic and went right off to Germany. My life changed entirely when that happened.

When I got over to Germany 4.5 months later, I got pregnant with my second little boy, and my husband deployed when I was 25 weeks along. Over the next few years, he would be gone more than he was home and I tried to make the best of this type of life.

As a stay at home mom, I couldn’t wait until he came home every night. Some days were very long, especially when it was just a baby and me. However, when he joined the military and then when he was deployed no one was coming home every night. It was just my kids and me for days, weeks, and months in a row.

Tips For The Stay At Home Mom, Whose Spouse Doesn't Come Home Every Night

How does one get through this? What is the best thing to when you are a stay at home mom whose spouse doesn’t come home every night?

Go somewhere every day

As a stay at home mom, it is a good idea to go somewhere every day. As a stay at home with a spouse who isn’t home, it is even more important. You want to get out of the house, even if it is just for an hour or two. If you truly have nowhere to go, take a walk, go to a playground, and do something. Getting out will help break up the day and help wear out your kids.

Early bedtimes

Early bedtimes are your friend. If you can get your kids to bed early, you will have a much easier night. Not only will this give you time to yourself but it makes the whole evening pass a lot quicker. Make dinner, feed them, get them ready for bed, and you have finished another day.

Get your me time in, it’s important

Your me time during a deployment is very important. It doesn’t matter how you spend that time. Some people like to watch tv, others read or work on another hobby. Enjoy the quiet hours when your kids are sleeping, and you truly have time to yourself.

Tips For The Stay At Home Mom, Whose Spouse Doesn't Come Home Every NightInvite friends over

When I was in Kentucky, and my husband was in Germany, I made friends with another mom whose husband worked very late on Tuesday nights. She would invite us all over that night so we could hang out and have dinner together. This was an excellent way to get through the nights alone. The kids can play, the moms can talk. It was perfect.

Talk to your friends

During one deployment, a friend and I always got online to chat after our kids went to bed. Sure, we were also waiting for our husbands to get online too, but if they never did, we still had someone to talk to. It helps to have a friend to vent to, talk about your day with, and be there for. Even if they don’t live near you. Modern technology makes that possible.


Being both mom and dad to your kids can be quite challenging. You don’t have someone to take over for you after a long day, you don’t have another adult in the house to talk with at night, and you have to keep going even when you don’t want to. But hopefully, these tips can help!

Remember, deployments don’t last forever, and your spouse will eventually return and your solo parenting days will be over, at least for a while.

What are your best tips for surviving as a stay at home mom when your spouse is deployed? 

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