10 Tips For A Better Military Marriage

10 Tips For A Better Military Marriage

Marriage can be hard, especially when your spouse is never home. I have been there. Military life is difficult and you need all the help you can get to help figure out the best tips for a better Military marriage.

Here are 10 tips I have to share about how to have a better Military marriage.

My husband has been in the Military in some form for the last ten years. We have three children, he has been deployed four times, we have moved about six times and have lived in five different cities.

Being in a Military marriage can add an extra level of stress to a marriage. Not all Military marriages make it through, but a lot of them do. There are a lot of great love stories between someone in the Military and their spouse. Military marriage is never perfect, what marriage is? But they do take a lot of work.

Here are some tips for a better Military marriage…

  • Be there for each other- This is the #1 thing you can do. Just be there. Over the course of your marriage, each of you will need each other in different ways. Checking in with one another is a great way to learn what is going on with your spouse and figuring out what they need from you at the moment.
  • Don’t assume anything- Assuming will get you into trouble. If you are not sure about something, just ask. This is your spouse, you should feel comfortable doing so. This is why communicating is so important. I think a lot of our struggles over the years have come from assuming different things about each other. The more we talk about how we are feeling about what is going on in our lives, the better we can move forward.
  • Don’t get jealous- This is hard, especially if your spouse is gone a lot. Other people get to be in the same place as your spouse and you don’t get to be. Try not to let it bother you. Talk things out if something doesn’t seem right. Remember, they are married to you and that is who they will be coming home to as soon as it is possible to do so.
  • Put yourself in their shoes- This is always a good thing to do. You never know what someone is going through or if you would act the same way if you were in their shoes. When your husband is deployed, try to imagine what it would be like to be him. To have to leave home for so long, trusting you with his home, his children and even his finances. It is a strange thing to think about sometimes.
  • Remember to trust– I really believe that in order to get through a deployment you need to have a lot of trust. I see it as this invisible thread that connects you. You just have to trust your spouse even when they are across the world. Without that trust, everything falls apart.
  • Talk things out- If you are angry with your spouse, talk it out. Stay up all night if you have to. I am not going to tell you to never go to bed angry because sometimes that happens, especially if you are only talking on a phone and someone has to go. Sometimes sleeping on an issue is a good idea. It just depends on the situation.
  • Hold hands- Keep holding hands, kiss often, give each other hugs. Doing this will bring your closer and remind you of when you first met. It’s a simple way to show your spouse you are still in it with them.
  • Date- Regular dates with your spouse are a great idea but they are not always possible. Sometimes they are just gone too much or working all the time. Other times you have small children and finding a babysitter feels impossible. Do what you can to date your spouse. Make a lunch date while kids are in school, plan a nice dinner after the kids go to bed, go on a walk with your baby in a stroller. Think about the different ways you can have a date even if it isn’t on a regular basis.
  • Tell them you love them- Don’t ever stop telling your spouse that you love them. Say it before you hang up the phone and before you go to bed each night. Write them a love letter. Speak their love language so they always know that you care.
  • Be silly with each other- Laugh, flirt, be silly when you can. There is something about laughing together with my husband after all these years that I just love.

When you are married to someone in the Military, it might be a bit harder to stay connected when they are away but that doesn’t mean your marriage will fall apart. If both of you can work on your marriage, if you can trust each other, you can get through anything Military life throws at you.

What would you add to this list for a better Military marriage?

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8 thoughts on “10 Tips For A Better Military Marriage”

  1. Trust and jealousy are the biggest things! I can’t tell you how many stories I have heard that begin and end with those pieces missing. If you can’t trust your partner while they are away, or they can’t trust you, then one of you will hurt the other and the marriage is doomed. I know, because I was a person who had trust issues (completely misguided), but I had to learn to trust my partner (who never gave me a reason not to), and we now have a really loving marriage.

  2. These are great tips! I think I would add “Go on adventures together.” One of our favorite things to do is to explore the area around the station that we’re at. It helps us make memories together that we can remember even when we’re apart!

  3. These are great. I think one thing I would recommend to couples who don’t have children, but are still going through a deployment, and please hear me out on this one: Don’t talk to them as many times a day you possibly can, even more so, let a couple days go between IM or phone conversations.
    You’re probably thinking I’m crazy right? Well, when my deployed husband told me that he didn’t think we should talk as often as we did, hurt didn’t even cover how I felt until he explained it.
    He was deployed at a FOB that was pretty well protected which allowed us to IM every single day. It was great for the first month. But the more we talked each day, the more repetitive our conversations were and then we would start bickering about small things, and the more we talked, the more the bickering turned into fights. When I realized he was right, I was able to calm down and be perfectly ok going 1-3 days between IM conversations. We would still email our “I love you” emails every day, but when the time came where we finally got to IM, it meant so much more. I could tell him about my new job and he could tell me how he’d been. I honestly think it saved our marriage. Of course it was hard not talking every day, but I knew he was ok, and I made little notes that we could talk about during our days off.
    Sometimes giving your soldier room to breath is a reminder that you need to breath too. Hold them close, but don’t smother them. Once you find that balance, keep it up.
    They are worth every moment.

    • I agree – a little time in between conversation is necessary sometimes!! Especially when you’re in the routine of work, gym, hangout with the awesome dog, repeat…until the weekend, which, for my lazy butt, is the same – gym and hang with the dog…maybe people if I feel like it! 😛 <3 I get ya, girl!!

  4. I don’t really know what to ….because from the time he join the army I have live in depression…. I’m not a jealous person or talker….he call me all the time but the conversation is not encouraging….. If my phone ring and it is his call my heartbeat because I know what I’m going to received once I say hello…. I’m just confused right now don’t know what to do….. I’m just praying….because dealing with a jealous man away from you is not an easy tasks

  5. I am first time military spouse and my hubby deploy over sea and can’t wait he come home and be married. Never marry before.

  6. I am married to a soldier for three decades now. He had been moving endlessly while I was at the base camp with babies, literally bringing up my children like a single mom but we always stayed connected as far as possible. Today I have all grown children with youngest running 22 . We are still in love as much as we were when we met first!
    I totally agree with your points. More or less I followed the points you mentioned. I sincerely appreciate your advice to our juniors. In a way, I feel our love is intact because we don’t get enough of each other because we barely get to be together

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