It can sometimes feel like we have so little control over our lives as military spouses. We might not get a say during a PCS, but we definitely don’t get a say during deployments. And we may have to put our careers on hold or pivot in a way we never would have thought.
Coping with lack of control as a military spouse means learning to live in the space between orders, uncertainty, and the life you’re trying to build anyway. And while this isn’t easy, it is a great skill to learn.
When the Orders Change
We know that orders might change, but that doesn’t mean it is easy when it happens. We can get excited about certain orders or certain plans. But then they change. The best thing to do is to remind yourself that this can happen and plan accordingly, and always write in your planner in pencil.
Learning to live with uncertainty
The truth is, military life is learning about how to live with uncertainty. It is about learning to pivot and being okay with change. It is not holding too tightly to things, but also being able to plan between the messiness of this life.
It’s Okay to Get Frustrated
It’s also okay to get frustrated about all of this. It is okay to wonder if you and your spouse should have some serious talks about how long they will serve for. It is okay to be annoyed about it all. But it is also best to figure out how to move forward rather than sit in the sadness of it all.
Look for Opportunities
You will need to look for opportunities within military life. They are out there. Maybe that means learning a new skill during a deployment, or getting to know a duty station you didn’t think you would like. Maybe it means getting creative or stepping out of your comfort zone.
At the end of the day, we will not be able to control as much as we could if we were not married to a service member, but we can still work on our own goals. We might have to let certain things go, but we can also find a good balance between the military and our own lives.
If you are new to military life, all of this can feel overwhelming. It can feel as if you don’t have any control over your life. But coping with a lack of control as a military spouse and finding your way will remind you that you are more capable than you think you are.
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