Guest Post: Re-integration take 3

“The snooze setting on an alarm clock should be banned” I remember thinking that the very next morning after my husband had only been home for approximately 6 hours and had to report for his in-processing. My husband has a habit of snoozing for HOURS! And his alarm goes off every 5 minutes. I definitely did not miss the snooze button during deployment number 3, or the tossing and turning, or the side swipes of the elbow at 3AM. I didn’t have any expectations this time when my husband came home like I did the last two and I think that helped us more than my husband will admit. He wanted to relax and while I did resent the fact that he was living in a hotel in beautiful Guam for 5 months having someone cook and clean for him, if he wanted to relax, well then it was his R&R. He did manage to clean up some things and help out more when I asked and I found myself not nagging him like normal. Usually I only had to request once, maybe twice if I asked through a text message and he seemed to want more time with me not sitting at home (which was completely out of the ordinary). Don’t get me wrong we had our fair share of blow ups and I definitely said my fair share of mean things, but honestly this re-integration has been the easiest. I think I amount that to how well we did this deployment with talking and not holding grudges and learning about our marriage.

The hard thing about re-integration is you have lived another life, one without your husband there to rely on. You realize you can cry alone, fix the power washer as you scream at it in your back yard, manage to discipline the dog, cook dinner, and catch up on emails all without any help. You are the Queen on your Lair and then suddenly, even though you might prepare for it, another person is suddenly there always in the way and making a mess. I don’t think they mean to make a mess, but let’s be honest they have lived in a 12X12 box (if you’re my husband) and only had 1 maybe 2 bags of possessions. The only taste of home is probably whatever came in the care packages you sent. So now an 1800 square foot house becomes fair game for shoes, socks, jackets, underwear, or just mess that you have no idea where it comes from. Let’s face it, it’s an adjustment.

I think the longer you are married the easier it gets. You learn to balance more and explain your way of living to your husband so he can help mold his bad habits out of the house when he is home. But he’s lived a different life too, one where all he had to do was get up to work every morning. If he wanted to sleep until 3pm and snooze that rotten alarm all morning long and eat whatever he wanted and play his video games for hours he could. But now that he is home, things are different. There is suddenly someone who needs attention and duties to fulfill with the house. Responsibilities he hasn’t had to think about or do for 5 months. It’s an adjustment.

I haven’t quite figured out the knack to re-integrating, but I am happier with this adjustment period. I find myself less reliant on my husband and more independent. I have no problem leaving him and going to a meeting or going out with my girlfriends. And we have no  issue just telling each other when we are upset. It’s an adjustment, but I’d rather have the adjustment and have him home than to not have him anymore. And I may just have to disable the snooze button on his alarm…..