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Settling In at Ramstein: 5 Things Every Military Spouse Should Know

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Moving to Germany can feel exciting – and overwhelming – at the same time. Whether you’re here on a short TDY/TLA stay or in the middle of a PCS waiting for permanent housing, the first days set the tone for everything that follows. Many spouses arrive asking the same questions: Where do we stay? How do we get around? How do we meet people?

Here are five insights inspired by real experiences from families who’ve already settled into the KMC.

1. Finding a Place to Stay

Your first lodging in Germany shapes your entire transition. Most families begin in TLA/TDY-friendly accommodations before moving into their long-term home. The right setup can make those first weeks feel manageable instead of chaotic.

Popular areas with short commutes include Ramstein-Miesenbach, Landstuhl, Weilerbach, Mackenbach, and Kaiserslautern.

Look for essentials that simplify your daily routine: a full kitchen, laundry, and high-speed Wi-Fi — especially if you’re juggling kids, appointments, or paperwork. Make sure to ask whether utilities like electricity, water, and heating are included in the per diem or covered under your TLA allowance, since some off-base units list these costs separately. Knowing the full daily rate up front helps avoid unexpected expenses and ensures the documentation is accepted by Finance.

Working with a company that specializes in short-term TLA/TDY stays can make this part much easier. These providers are familiar with the standards for TLA reimbursement and typically include the essentials—furnished apartments, full kitchens, laundry, utilities, and reliable internet—so families don’t have to worry about surprises during in-processing. In the KMC, options like Stay Eden (https://stay-eden.com) offer fully equipped apartments and dependable English-speaking support. 

Pro tip: If there’s a chance housing might be delayed, choose a place where extending your stay is easy. It prevents the stress of moving multiple times. 

2. Getting Around

Many newcomers assume Ramstein station is the main hub because it shares the name of the base, but it’s actually Landstuhl that has the better connections — a surprise for almost everyone arriving for the first time. Still, many families choose to get a car, especially with children or during the winter. In the smaller towns and villages around Ramstein, having your own car makes daily life much easier, since buses run less frequently and flexibility matters during PCS and in-processing.

On the Autobahn, some stretches have no speed limit, while others use strict speed cameras. Just keep an eye on the signs — they really do matter here. 

Train connections are efficient:

  • Kaiserslautern → Mannheim: 40–50 minutes
    (Mannheim is a big regional hub with lots of train connections, so once you’re there, it’s easy to reach other major cities.)
  • Kaiserslautern → Frankfurt International Airport: 1–1.5 hours

Buses supplement the rail system and can take you to the bus stops just outside the base gates.

Insider tip: Download the DB Navigator app – it shows real-time routes, schedules, and delays. And if you’re driving, many locals use a “blitzer app” to stay aware of speed cameras. Keep in mind that using them while driving is not permitted.

3. Finding Your Community

The KMC is huge, but it’s still easy to feel isolated when you first get here. Building a network makes a world of difference.

Great places to start include:

  • Facebook groups like “Ramstein Spouses” and “KMC Connect”
  • USO events, fitness classes, and local German clubs
  • Playgroups such as KMC Parents Support Group, MOPS KMC, or local toddler meet-ups
  • Youth sports through Ramstein Youth Sports, CYS, or community soccer clubs
  • Casual coffee meet-ups hosted by the USO or groups like KMC Coffee & Friends


Honestly, many friendships start with nothing more than a simple, ‘Are you new here too?’

4. Understanding Cultural Differences

Germany isn’t complicated – it’s just different, and most of it clicks once you’re living here.

  • Cash matters. Most big stores accept credit cards, but many cafés and small shops prefer cash or German debit cards.
  • Sundays are quiet. Nearly everything is closed, and loud household chores are discouraged.
  • Small talk is limited. Germans may seem direct, but it’s not meant to be rude.
  • Recycling is serious. Expect colored bins and weekly schedules; ask your landlord how it works.
  • Store hours vary. Supermarkets usually close earlier than in the U.S., often by 8–9 p.m., and small shops in rural areas may close even earlier. Most places are completely closed by 10 p.m., so late-night grocery runs aren’t really an option. Many local bakeries are only open in the mornings, especially on weekends.

Many Germans speak good English, especially in the KMC area, even if they’re modest about it at first.

Insider tip: A simple smile or “Danke” often changes the whole tone. Germans just take a moment to warm up.

5. Don’t Forget Yourself — Self-Care During a PCS

A PCS isn’t only logistics—it’s emotional work. You’re adjusting to a new country while supporting everyone else. It’s normal to feel stretched thin.

What truly helps in the KMC:

  • When you have a free moment, planning a small day trip can help break the PCS fog.
    Burg Nanstein, Gelterswoog Lake, and Kaiserslautern’s old town are easy, low-effort options.
  • Try something new together.
    A Saturday-morning bakery run, grabbing a real Brezel, a Christmas market in winter, or a summer wine fest with a cold “Schorle” can bring instant joy and help shift your focus from stress to curiosity.
  • Build gentle routines.
    A daily walk, a coffee ritual, journaling, or a favorite bakery stop can anchor your day when everything feels unfamiliar.
  • Give yourself permission to slow down.
    Jet lag, paperwork, and housing stress drain your energy. It’s okay to take things one step at a time.
  • Use local wellness options.
    Spas and saunas are a big part of German culture—quiet, affordable, and surprisingly restorative.

Insider tip: Even a quick visit to Monte Mare Kaiserslautern — with its warm pools, saunas, and quiet relaxation rooms — can feel like hitting a mental reset on PCS stress. If you prefer something closer to base, Cubo Sauna & Wellnessmassage in Landstuhl is a calm, cozy alternative. 

Conclusion

Life in the KMC becomes easier much faster than most newcomers expect. Choosing the right lodging — with the space, comfort, and essentials you need — makes those first weeks feel steadier and gives you an anchor while everything else is still new. With a car or the DB Navigator app, a solid understanding of lodging options, realistic expectations for TLA, and a few cultural insights, Ramstein quickly starts to feel familiar. Patience and a bit of local know-how make the transition not only manageable but genuinely rewarding. Germany offers small-town comfort, a strong community, and easy access to Europe — all from one of the busiest U.S. military hubs overseas.


About the Author
Laura Gerdes is a local housing expert in the KMC and supports military families in finding comfortable off-base lodging near Ramstein Air Base. Having lived in the community herself, she shares practical insights with newcomers and hosts one of the most active local Facebook groups linking landlords with U.S. renters: ‘KMC Rentals’ (https://www.facebook.com/groups/kmcrentals)

Settling In at Ramstein: 5 Things Every Military Spouse Should Know

From Orders to Opportunities

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From Orders to Opportunities

Like many military wives, I got married at the young age of 18. At that point, my husband had already been serving in the Marine Corps for two and a half years. Even though we had known each other for about seven years, we only started dating a year before our “I do’s.”

Before my Marine came along, I was a determined student with a clear plan for my future: attend the University of South Alabama, pursue a degree in speech pathology, work with stroke patients, date someone for five years before getting married, and have kids…all close to home.

What I didn’t realize was that one simple first date with a boy from church would turn my carefully mapped-out plans upside down and lead me down a completely different path.

Six months after we got married, he received orders to PCS from Kings Bay, Georgia, to Twentynine Palms, California. Suddenly, college applications and scholarship essays were no longer my concern. I was learning how to be a newlywed, supporting a husband preparing for his first deployment, and adjusting to life as a 19-year-old southern girl in the California desert.

I quickly learned that military life brings its own challenges, such as making friends at a new duty station, attending Family Readiness meetings, and deciphering the endless stream of acronyms, which became my new “curriculum.”

Still, that determined mindset never truly faded. I knew the military lifestyle could open doors, but in a place like Twentynine Palms, opportunities were dry (pun intended). Jobs were limited, especially without a degree and with limited experience.

Just before my husband’s second deployment, I began volunteering at the local Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society. The director saw potential in me and offered me the role of Communications Lead. Suddenly, I was running the organization’s Facebook page, leading informational events, and speaking at briefs for incoming and deploying Marines and Sailors.

It was there that I discovered a new love: communications. I began to realize that military life, while unpredictable, had given me an unexpected launchpad for growth.

Eventually, we PCS’d back across the country, only to be greeted by a national pandemic. Once again, I found myself at a new base with limited job opportunities and another deployment looming. This season is when I adopted a mindset I carry to this day: “An excuse and an opportunity are always present. Whichever one you look for is the one that will present itself.”

With encouragement from my husband, friends, and family, I finally began my college education. Balancing coursework with a two-year-old at home and a deployed husband wasn’t easy, but my classes quickly rekindled my drive.

What started as a goal to complete my associate degree grew into a bachelor’s program. Today, I’m pursuing a Master’s in Human Resource Management. I will spare you the details of that career merge. 

Looking back, I realize that every challenge, PCS, and deployment wasn’t just an obstacle; it was an opportunity, a lesson I want to share. As military spouses, our lives don’t have to be on hold just because of the demands of military life. These unique circumstances can become a springboard for discovering passions, building resumes, and growing in ways we might never have anticipated. 

The first step in turning orders into opportunities is finding your niche and discovering what inspires you. Whether it’s volunteering, joining a spouses’ club, or exploring new hobbies, these experiences can uncover talents and interests you didn’t know you had. Growth doesn’t always happen in a classroom.

You can dive into books, take free online courses, or practice new skills at home. Every opportunity, paid or volunteer, is a step toward building your experience, confidence, and future career. For me, stepping into the Communications Lead role at NMCRS revealed strengths I hadn’t recognized before.

Community is a powerful part of our journey. Surround yourself with supportive people who can encourage you, celebrate your wins, and help you discover your passions.

As a Christian, I truly believe what feels like uprooting is actually planting according to God’s plan. Every PCS, deployment, and unexpected change has the potential to help you grow, learn, and prepare for what lies ahead. Your life as a military spouse doesn’t have to be paused while supporting your spouse’s career.

Even if traditional opportunities feel out of reach, you can still discover ways to use your gifts, develop skills, and make an impact in your community.

I challenge you today to take the first step. You don’t have to sign up for the next class at the community college, but look for the opportunity rather than the excuse. Plant seeds in your life and watch them grow into new skills, confidence, and a life you love that follows wherever military life takes you. 

P.S. If you’re considering going back to school or exploring new career opportunities, don’t forget to look into scholarships and programs specifically for military spouses. Organizations like the Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society and other branch-specific foundations offer scholarships, financial support, and resources to help you pursue your education and professional goals. 

Author: Brittany Weston

Brittany is a Marine Corps wife of nearly 10 years, living in North Carolina with her husband and daughter. She believes that every deployment, every duty station, and every single day is about perspective. Making the most of every season, she holds to Ezra 10:4: “Rise up; this matter is in your hands. So, take courage and do it.”

Want to write a guest post??? Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life is looking for guest posts! Have something interesting you want to write about the military spouse community? Have advice for new military spouses? Want to share about your duty station? Want to share your story? 

 If so…please fill out my Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Guest Post Form here! 

From Orders to Opportunities

You Will Never Know, Unless You Are a Military Spouse

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Happy to have this guest post by Hannah. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

You Will Never Know, Unless You Are a Military Spouse

You will never know how it feels sending the person you love the most, the person you built your life with, off to a war zone. 

You will never know the heart wrenching fears that run through our mind. 

You will never know the deep breath we take when your child asks, “Mommy, What if daddy doesn’t come home?”. 

You will never know the courage it takes to explain to your children what daddy is doing, and why it makes him a REAL hero. 

You will never know the longing we have for our spouse. Longing for their touch, and simply just their presence. 

You will never know the heartbreak of holding your crying child who misses their other parent.

You will never know what it’s like going a year without holding your spouse’s hand, giving them a kiss, or just being able to look into their eyes. 

You will never know the feeling of uncomfortable quietness while waiting for the phone call to assure you that your spouse is okay. 

You will never know how it feels hoping and praying you don’t get “that” knock on the door. All while knowing the reality of the situation- it COULD happen. 

You will never know the dreadful feeling in our stomach the night before they deploy. 

You will never know how differently we look at other couples, only reminiscing on our own memories with our deployed spouse. 

You will never know the thought of honesty that crosses our mind when someone asks us how we are doing today. 

You will never know the heartbreaking sympathy we have for our Gold Star Families. 

You will never know the warm feeling that runs through our heart, when we read or hear “God Bless America” 

You will never know how much we value time spent with our spouse. 

You will never know how hard it was to be strong. 

You will never know the ache behind our smile. 

You will never know how hard it is for us to ask for help.

You will never know how easy it is to love someone who is thousands of miles away, across the ocean. 

You will never know how you’re brought closer in your marriage than you ever were before. 

There’s something about being a military spouse that makes us all special. The hurt, the pain, and the sacrifice that we also go through. Being a military spouse is not for the weak. We are forced to reach down and find our inner strength. Not only does that make us incredibly brave, but it also makes us a little bit of a badass. 

Often times I hear people say, “I don’t know how you do it.” Or “I could never do it.” Often times I find myself sitting there, wishing I had a friend to call. A friend who actually understood what I was going through. It then hit me that none of my civilian friends would understand the struggles I go through as a military spouse. It’s not a conversation that is carried on when brought up.

Because when you are not a military spouse, there are things that you will never quite understand. Things that bond us, military spouses, together. A connection that is instantly made. A deeper feeling of understanding that no one else will ever know unless you are a military spouse. 

My name is Hannah, wife of a soldier, sweary mom of 2, running off coffee and chaos, living in Louisiana!

How One Military Spouse Said Yes to the Journey and Ended Up With An Amazing Career

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Animal in africa

Wouldn’t it be fun to be in the same Time Zone? This question kept bouncing around in my head. My husband had been called up from the US Navy Reserves and was stationed at As Sayliyah Army Base, Qatar.

After 18 years of marriage, I was used to the Active Duty / Civilian Life hybrid. On 9-11, as I watched the second Twin Tower fall, my husband called from work. He asked me to be prepared to take a phone call from his Navy Reserve Command. By that afternoon, I received the call that he was to report for Duty immediately. Now, nine years later, it was time for him to once again report for Active Duty. 

After we were married, as the “trailing spouse,” nonprofits were my specialty. With a passion for Human Rights and International Development, I spent most of my time Stateside, occasionally taking short assignments in Africa. With my husband being recalled to Qatar, it seemed like the right time to take the leap. I was going to work in Africa full-time.  

Elephant in Africa

Easier said than done. For months, I started going to job sites and scouring openings each day. One day, at my wit’s end, I called my husband and started moaning and complaining. “There is nothing out there. No job fits my skillset.” My kind husband sternly told me to find two jobs.

Regardless of how well they fit, apply. Knowing he was right, I went back online and was surprised to find an opening I hadn’t seen before. Odd, as it was posted over a month before. While not exactly my skillset, it was in the perfect place for me, South Sudan. 

As fate would have it, I had been working with the Lost Boys and South Sudan on the Referendum for Independence. In 2011, the Republic of South Sudan became the newest nation on Earth. If I could land this job, I’d not only fulfill my dream of truly helping build the nation, but I could also be in the same Time Zone as my husband. I applied.

Africa

Fast forward several months, and I received an email. Would I be willing to come to New York City for a job interview? What an opportunity! I walked around Central Park discussing my role with the Wildlife Conservation Society South Sudan.

It was a hot Summer Day in NYC. Many of the questions kept coming back to my being a Military Spouse. Interestingly, I later found out that this played a key role in their hiring me. They believed my ability to handle life as a MilSpouse showed that I could live and work in South Sudan. I had hit the MilSpouse Lottery! Woohoo!

In reality, my husband was feted by the Qataris. He enjoyed Jet Skiing and friendly Shooting Competitions with his Qatari counterparts. As I lay sweating in our Juba Guesthouse, listening to Antonovs circling the skies, his Army Chaplain frequently asked if I was okay. But, even though our camp in Boma, South Sudan, had become snake-infested, I forged lifelong friendships. 

Animals in Africa

Out of hardship comes strength and clarity. I so deeply love our mission of saving Africa’s Wildlife that it became my mission. Upon returning home, when my husband’s tour ended, I founded my company, Flyga Twiga. For the past 11 years, I have been helping others experience Africa at its best. 

Safari is the Swahili word for “journey”. Just as we are on the MilSpouse journey. I think a key MilSpouse Super Power is the ability to say yes. Yes to the journey. Yes to opportunities. Yes to embracing the unknown. Yes to adventure. Saying yes to the wonderful, Crazy Life!

Amy Millican is Owner & Founder of, Flyga Twiga™ LLC, a Personal Safari Service, specializing in East and Southern African bespoke Safaris. Named One of Top “21 Businesses We Love” by Military Spouse Magazine. The United States Military affiliated are Flyga Twiga’s primary Clients. Amy lives and works out of South Korea, home to the largest overseas US Military Base. 

Thank you to Amy for her guest post about how she took the opportunity to work with the Wildlife Conservation Society in South Sudan while her husband was in Qatar. If you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, please fill out my Guest Post Sign Up form.

Balancing Life, Love, and the Demands of a Drill Sergeant’s Schedule

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I became an Army spouse back in 2012 in the Colorado Springs/Fort Carson area. This is where the journey began for my husband, myself, our daughter, and later, our son. Everyone says I can never be with someone in the Military. They always ask, “How do you do it?” My response is, “ I just do, because I love him.” Sounds so cliche, cheesy, corny even, but I have been managing this lifestyle for 13 years now, and each challenge has brought me and my spouse that much closer. 

When we received an abrupt notice that we were getting orders to Ft. Sill Oklahoma, my heart sunk. I was so nervous because I hadn’t heard much good things about the Drill Sgt. lifestyle. They train day and night with hardly any rest in between. There are strict rules about the trainees being left alone so there must be a Drill Sgt with them at all times until lights out. 

This has been very exhausting for my husband. He likes to stay physically fit and loves our family time. We have had to get creative on how to squeeze in any time together, whether it’s a quick coffee date or simply vegging around binge-watching a show on his days off.

The other challenge has been keeping in sync with each other’s schedules; we don’t always align. For instance, he works the weekends as well, so while he gets up at 4:30 a.m., the kids and I are trying to sleep in. He also can’t text or call me much because he is surrounded by trainees all day long, or he can even be in the field for hours. Communicating can be hard, too. 

This can make any social functions or planning very difficult because, just like any job in the military, they can’t request time off so easily. We have been adjusting and trying to make the most of the time we do have together.

How do I balance it all?

I am currently treating this time as if he were deployed even though he is at work, on base,15 miles down the road. I just do the things that bring me the most joy and whatever occupies my time. I got a new job, I’m exercising, I go on adventures with my kids, and I try to visit with my friends and family.

It all comes down to what you value the most and what is important to you. I do try my best to be home whenever I know he will be back so that I can at least get some time to catch up. I wash his uniforms, make him meals, pay bills, and do anything to make things easier for him. It is a very selfless time for me. I’ve even had Uber Eats send him his favorite food to his work site. 

I am looking forward to when this time-consuming schedule fades. I know it will all be worth the sacrifice. Counting down to retirement, but that is a whole other article. Stay positive, and best of luck in your adventures.

Thank you to Stacey for her guest post about being the spouse of a drill sergeant. If you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, please fill out my Guest Post Sign Up form.

Balancing Life, Love, and the Demands of a Drill Sergeant’s Schedule

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

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So happy to have this guest post by Victoria on loneliness and what you can do about it during military life. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

“I’m having trouble fitting in around here.”

“How can I make friends at this new base?”

I see these comments or variations on many military spouse websites. And, of course, the pandemic didn’t help the feeling of loneliness and isolation. If you are a MilSpo, you have felt this at one time or another. You’ve just moved to a new location. You haven’t had time to explore your new community or meet the neighbors, what with unpacking boxes and enrolling the kids in their new school, and getting them settled.

When we moved to Oklahoma in 2009, my adult daughter was concerned because we had been there for a few months, and I wasn’t talking about any new friends yet. I’m uber extroverted, so for me not to be relating stories about all the new friends I’d made by now was disconcerting for her.

The problem was that we only had one car, and we didn’t live on base, so it was harder for me to get around and meet people. I assured her I was okay, and I had a lunch date with a group of women the next day. Life was good, although I was more than ready to get my social life going.

I’m afraid my advice for counteracting loneliness might not sit well with introverts. However, it is necessary if you want to get the most out of your military assignment. 

Get Out: You have to get out of your house and introduce yourself to your neighbors—whether you live on base or post. People are busy, so the days when neighbors stopped by with a plate of cookies are rare, even though their intentions might be good. In Oklahoma, I made the cookies and took them to the neighbors to introduce myself.

Join In: Join, join, join anything that interests you: spouse clubs, chapel groups, the PTA at your children’s school. Anywhere you can find like-minded people. Spouse clubs usually have smaller clubs such as book clubs, Bunko, golf, bowling, Mahjong — just about anything you are interested in doing.

Volunteer: When you help out others, you are helping yourself as well. So many organizations on base can use your help, and I’ve made some of my closest friends through volunteering. Check with your Family Readiness Center for volunteer opportunities on your installation.

Do It: I can hear some of you already saying you are shy and have a tough time putting yourself out there. My response is to say, “too bad. Suck it up and do it anyway.” Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is necessary to make an effort to find your niche if you want to get the most enjoyment out of your life as a MilSpo. And remember, the more you do it, the easier it gets!

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

Victoria Terrinoni is the author of “Where You Go, I Will Go: Lessons From a Military Spouse,” available on Amazon. Her husband, Dave, retired in 2018 after 31 years in the Air Force. They live in central Illinois so that they can spoil two of their four grandchildren. She has a blog about her military life at https://victoriaterrinoni.wordpress.com

Parenting Your Teens Through a Deployment

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Happy to have this guest post by Becca! Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station reviews.

Parenting Your Teens Through a Deployment

Being a military spouse is a hard job. Being a parent of teens is even harder. When deployments come, and you’re left to parent teenagers on your own, it can feel like going into battle with only a popsicle stick as a weapon. Teenagers aren’t as scary as they sound, as long as you know what to do when the going gets rough. Deployments represent an extraordinary chance to connect with your teens and strengthen your bond.

A Note About Teenagers

We were warned about the teenage years. Everyone told us they would be terrible – that our kids would run amok, be defiant, and skip school. While those things do sometimes happen, I’m here to tell you that, by and large, teenagers are awesome. 

In their teen years, our kids grow into themselves. We get to see glimpses of the adults they will become. It’s a wonderful time for meaningful conversations about life, the world, and your child’s place in it. And let’s not forget that teenagers are self-sufficient: they sleep until noon if you let them, do their own laundry, and once they get a driver’s license, you can have them stop at the grocery store on the way home from school. 

Of course, it’s not all sunshine and roses. Teens face very real, very scary problems: societal pressures, mental health challenges, bullying, drugs, alcohol, sex. I’d take potty training and tantrums any day over having to navigate some of the issues my teens have faced.

Being a Teenager in a Military Family

Military kids aren’t immune from typical teenage problems. In fact, they face even greater challenges because they are military kids: constantly moving from one school to the next, saying goodbye to friends at a pivotal time in their lives, and living without one or both parents for months on end. During a deployment, those typical teenage problems seem even more significant to our kids. 

As the parent left behind, we often take on the brunt of their pain, anger, and sadness. Guiding teenagers through a parent’s deployment can feel like a monumental task, but it is not impossible. With enough careful planning, love, and outside support, you can help your teens cope during a deployment. 

Take Care of Yourself First

We hear it all the time as military spouses: you have to take care of yourself first. “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” they tell us. “You have to put your oxygen mask on before helping others.” All cheesy cliches aside, self-care is vital, especially during emotionally exhausting times of life. Teenagers can be super wonderful most of the time, but they are also challenging at others.

Your energy isn’t infinite. To have enough energy to support your teens when they struggle, you have to recharge first. Start by carving out some time for yourself. 

Keep Them Talking

Teenagers might act like they don’t need us (and they might even believe they don’t). However, in these formative years, parental guidance is crucial. When one parent is deployed, half of our kids’ parenting support system is gone for months at a time. 

Be intentional about creating and maintaining open communication. Getting a teen to open up about thoughts and feelings isn’t always easy, but the tips in this link can help you start a dialogue. Let them know that you are a safe space, that your teen can tell you anything, without judgment – and mean it. 

Secondly, before a deployment, have your spouse create a communication plan with your teen. Maybe it’s an online game that your teen and your spouse can play together across the miles. Perhaps it’s a weekly phone call solely between your spouse and your teens. Encourage your kids to keep a journal of things they want to tell their deployed parent. Then, during that scheduled call, they’ll have lots to talk about.

Encourage External Support

Teens value the opinions of their peers. Often, they’ll listen to their peers long before they listen to adults. The trick is to guide your teens toward healthy, positive friendships that strengthen their mental and emotional health.

Military kids face specific challenges that only other military kids can truly understand. If your child doesn’t have any military-associated friends, encourage them to seek out groups of military peers. Connecting with other military kids can help your teen feel less alone. 

If your child struggles to find others who understand, suggest the following:

  • School groups with like-minded people. Many military communities have after-school programs that connect military kids.
  • Contact the School Liaison Officer on your campus. This person can help direct your child towards support programs for teens with deployed parents. 
  • Online groups, such as Military Kids Connect. Many teens feel more comfortable opening up online than they do in person. Of course, be sure to monitor these online groups and ensure everyone stays safe.

If your child is genuinely struggling with mental or emotional health, contact your medical professional. You might also reach out to on-post mental health services, such as the completely free Military and Family Life Counseling (MFLC) representative on your installation. Some locations have MFLCs that work specifically with children and teens. Many therapists off-post also take Tricare insurance, giving your child access to a great network of mental health professionals at no cost. 

Stay Busy

During a deployment, days can often feel twice as long. Staying busy helps the time pass quickly, and it helps keep you and your teens connected. Sit down together and brainstorm ideas for a “deployment bucket list.” Include places to go, things to do, and unique experiences to do together while your spouse is deployed. Then, choose at least one item from that list to complete each week.

You can also encourage your teens to stay busy with after-school activities, sports, time with friends, and pursuing new hobbies. Fill your days – and theirs – with mental stimulation and physical activity. Staying busy not only helps the deployment go by faster, but it also gives you and your teen an outlet to release your emotional and mental stress.

Lower Your Expectations

We sometimes forget that our teenagers aren’t mini-adults. They’re still kids. And they’re kids dealing with very real emotions about their deployed parent. Cut your kids some slack during deployment and lower your expectations. Mental health is always more important than an “A” on the science test.

Even in the best of circumstances, parenting teens can be tough. Adding a deployment to the equation sometimes makes it feel impossible. Take it one day at a time. Take care of yourself. And love your kids hard. Eventually, that deployment countdown will hit zero, and you’ll be a stronger family because you faced this hardship together.  

Becca Stewart is an Air Force Spouse, mother of two, freelance writer, and sufferer of Wanderlust. Originally from Colorado, she enjoys anything outdoors, especially if there’s snow involved. She is a travel fanatic, always looking for her next great adventure. As a full-time writer, Becca works closely with several nonprofit organizations and is a passionate advocate for human rights and military families. She is Mom to two incredible kids, one teen, and one young adult. Together, they’ve been through four deployments and countless TDYs.  Learn more at writebecca.com.  Website Facebook LinkedIn

The Best Advice I Can Give To a Military Spouse

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Happy to have this guest post by Megan on her best advice for a military spouse.

The best advice I can give a new military spouse is to brace yourself. Being a military spouse is hard work. It does not matter what branch, what rank, if you’re full-time, guard, or reserve. Military life is a big adjustment and you cannot prepare yourself for it.

I married my husband 5 years ago. He is in the Army National Guard and we were part-time. He had a civilian job, went to drill one weekend a month, and training two weeks a year. Or that’s what I was told.

After we were married things changed very quickly. Suddenly, he was putting on a uniform every day and going to work at the armory. There were schools he went to that lasted a month or more. There were classes he would travel to go to.

For Hurricane duty, he would pack a bag at a moment’s notice, leave and I didn’t know when he would be back. Annual training went from two weeks to three and then to four weeks. Before I knew it, he was gone all the time.

One year, from January to August he was only home for 10 weeks. Now I am in our first deployment and that really shocked me to the core. Even though I was used to him not being home, deployment created several new issues I had not planned on having to struggle with. It is hard being the only adult making decisions and trying to roll through whatever Murphy’s Law is throwing at you.

The Best Advice I Can Give To a Military Spouse

So, the advice I give to spouses I talk with is to:

  • Breathe…..take it one day at a time.
  • If you can’t take it day by day, that’s ok. Take it hour by hour, minute by minute. You do whatever you need to do to survive that day.
  • Every day will get a little easier and so will the next and the next. Before long you will be a professional conquering Murphy’s Law and navigating through the military world.
  • Find your tribe, lean on other spouses. Other spouses are your best resource for information and support. They might not be in the same boat, but they are in the same storm.
  • Most importantly…..take care of you!! If you are not taking care of yourself, you cannot take care of anyone else.

Best of luck to all new military spouses. I hope you enjoy this life as much as I do.

My name is Megan Davis. I have a full-time paying job and volunteer jobs that I love. I currently work as a Personnel Supervisor at Westaff where I match people in my community looking for jobs with companies looking for workers. I volunteer as the Family Readiness Group Leader for the 2-108 CAV Squadron in Shreveport. I work with Military Spouse Advocacy Network (MSAN) mentoring other National Guard Spouses. Following these passions, I was recognized as the 2020-2021 Louisiana National Guard Spouse of the Year. I love helping people, specifically military spouses. One of my main goals is to make sure military spouses know they are not alone when trying to navigate through the military world. I want to help give them the courage to speak out and help build a support system for them so they can make it through all the crazy things the military life throws at us. I am also a student at the University of Louisiana at Monroe for my bachelor’s degree in risk management. Graduating from ULM has been my biggest goal for years and I am proud to say I am almost there.

Want to write a guest post??? Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life is looking for guest posts! Have something interesting you want to write about the military spouse community? Have advice for new military spouses? Want to share about your duty station? Want to share your story? 

 If so…please fill out my Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Guest Post Form here!