There she is. She is always dressed so nicely. No yoga pants for this lady. She always brings the best food to every potluck. She is always there to help and always there with a smile. She never looks stressed and she never has to worry about her kids acting up. She is her husband’s #1 fan and no matter what happens in military life, she answers with a smile. A deployment? No problem. A move in the middle of the school year? She has got this. She never complains and rarely sheds a tear. She was made for this life. This perfect military spouse.
Is she the person we are supposed to look up to? She is the one we should all be like, right? I am going to say NO! The idea of a perfect military spouse is frustrating. She might not even exist because even if someone appears that way, we don’t know what struggles they are probably going through at home. No, I am not a perfect military spouse and I don’t want to be one. I am me and I bring what I can to this lifestyle.
I support my husband’s career but I hate deployments. I could never understand why my husband had to keep deploying. Even though I knew that was such a part of this life. I just wanted my husband home with us, was that too much to ask?
If there is a potluck I might make something but usually I am running to the store to pick up something easy. It really just depends and I don’t want to be a flake but that is just the way these things go. I would love to be able to find something good on Pinterest and make an amazing dish but I always seem to fall short on that.
I want to be a good spouse and volunteer but my issue is my schedule and my kids. What can I do that wouldn’t be too stressful and would allow me to bring my kids? What can I add to my schedule? What can I do to give back that works for my family? The whole thing is very overwhelming for me. I have been able to find ways to volunteer within organizations like PWOC and MOPS which is great. I just wish I could do a bit more but maybe that will have to wait until a less crazy busy time in my life.
I try to keep my house clean but the socks and the stickers and the dishes. Oh, my! With three boys, staying on top of things can be so difficult, even with them helping with some of the chores. I keep having to figure out new cleaning schedules and ways of getting everything done. I am beginning to think that some people were meant for spotless homes and others were not.
My Husband’s Job
When my husband has been deployed, I don’t want to know what he is doing until he is back home and the deployment is over. I can handle hearing about his dangerous job a little more when what he has done is in the past. People would ask me what he was doing over there and I really didn’t know more than just a general idea of his job. And that’s okay. Some spouses don’t know anything about what their husbands do because of security reasons. That’s okay too.
I Did The Best I Could
Over the years, I can honestly say I have done the best I could do. Solo parenting has been the hardest part. I cringe when I hear people say they never had a hard time as a military spouse or that we have no right to complain because we picked this life. Yes, we picked this life but when doing so we really had no idea what it was going to be like. And each member of the military can have such different experiences during their military careers. No one knows what military life will really be like going in.
So…whether you are new to being a military spouse or have been one for many years, never feel like you have to be the perfect military spouse. Be who you are and know that you have your own strengths.
You might not make a good potluck meal but you know how to fix your husband’s favorite food the day before he deploys. You might not have a super clean house but your house is always warm and comfortable to hang out at. Your kids might fight more than they should but they know they are loved and get to experience a lot of great things during their time as military children.
There is a lot that every military spouse can offer and that is a big asset to the military.