Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

little boys

Is there something wrong with my child?

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Is there something wrong with my child?

Is there something wrong with my child???

Figuring out if something is wrong with your child is very difficult. As parents we want our children to be 100% okay. We don’t want anything to be wrong with them. We read the parenting books, we try to make all the right choices. Sometimes there is something going on but how do you know? How do you know they might be delayed or dealing with something other kids don’t have to deal with? How do you know you should take them somewhere to be seen?

It is a hard decision to make. We moved to the US from Germany when Drew was a little over three. I started him at the CDC and it was the really the first time he went anywhere that was like that. He had gone to the church nursery a few times and a couple of times at the CDC in Germany for one time events but nothing regularly. He didn’t do so well at first. I brought it up to the doctor and she thought he was just getting use to the new place. I wasn’t totally sure it was that but I wasn’t totally sure it wasn’t either. Looking back it really was the first signs of his Asperger’s but we didn’t know it at the time.

This past August I asked a different doctor about him. I brought up some of my concerns. She asked him a bunch of questions and felt he was fine. Maybe just his personality. At this point I just wasn’t sure what to think. By October I knew it was much more than just his personality. Things we thought he would have grown out of by almost five he hadn’t. I decided to call the doctor and just ask for a referral to see the Behavioral Doctor on post. I had heard he was excellent. From that I was directed to CAPS which is also on post. That is where we met with a doctor and got the diagnoses.

It has been a road, although not as long as it could have been. Looking back it is a lot more obvious that something was going on. But it isn’t always easy to tell when you are going through it.

I really do think moms know if something is going on. You just know deep down that something isn’t quite right. Sometimes the doctors might not see it at first. Sometimes you just have to keep at it to find out what is wrong

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Before I took my oldest in to be tested I told myself that either 1) They will tell me he is fine or 2) There is something going on and we could start to help him. I tried not to worry although it was hard. I tried not to imagine the worst, although that was hard too. I just knew I had to do something about the feelings I was having.

Have you been through this? What advice would you give to someone who wasn’t sure something was going on with their child?

A Diagnosis of Asperger’s

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A Diagnosis of Asperger's- Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Back in October, I started the process of getting my son evaluated. I knew something wasn’t right with him. Once he started preschool in August it became clear that we needed to get him checked out. He will be starting kindergarten in the fall and I knew it would be important to know what was going on before then. I knew we needed to find that out so we knew how to help him.

At first, I wasn’t sure what could be going on. He has a lot of trouble changing from one activity to the next. He likes certain things a certain way. At first, we thought this could have been age but then he just wasn’t growing out of these behaviors. I started to notice how he would really focus on one thing. He would talk about whatever he was into a lot. Only want to play with that item.

Right now that is Lego Star Wars. He only wants to wear Lego Star Wars shirts. I can get him to wear the regular Star Wars ones but only because the Lego ones need to be washed. He only plays with his Lego Star Wars. He knows a lot about them too. We bought him an encyclopedia book on all the different Lego Star Wars you can get. He will talk all day about Star Wars.

He just doesn’t get along with other kids too well. This is hard because I am social, his brother is social and so we like being around other people and kids. Usually, he will either play by himself or play next to another child. Every once in a while, he will play with another child and I get so happy to see that. He will tell me things like, “They weren’t playing with it right, ” when he gets mad at another kid.

He is awesome about washing his hands after he goes to the bathroom but if we are somewhere else and he can’t find the soap, he gets really upset. He has to wash his hands. He will get pretty upset about the little things too, like when he drops a fork or a toy. It can be hard to know how to react. I have learned to stay calm myself and just say something like, “It is ok. Let’s get you another one.”

I would say we have been dealing with this type of behavior since he was about two or three. But in the last year, it has really gotten to where it felt like a big problem.

Today I found out that he has Asperger’s Syndrome. I was about 85% sure that was what he had after I did a lot of reading about Asperger’s.  I was right.

Tomorrow we will find out more information and start figuring out how to get him the right therapy. Right now I feel a mix of relief and fear. I am relieved that we finally figured out what was going on. I am fearful because I just don’t know exactly what this all means for him.

The Birth Story

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My Birth Story

On Tues, Nov 16th I had a rough day.  I had met Ben for lunch and we walked around the PX a bit.  Oliver North was doing a book signing so I got some pictures of that.  Then I planned to do some shopping after Ben went back to work.  I just wasn’t feeling it.  I felt icky & tired.  I finally made it home just a bit before DW’s bus came home.  I just wanted to lay down.  Later that night after everyone else was asleep I sat in the rocker and tried to watch some of my tv shows.  I started feeling some pains.  Keep in mind that for the past 2 weeks or so I was having some very random contractions that had no pattern to them.  But these seemed to have some sort of rhythm.  It was 12:30 and I wasn’t sure what to do.  I decided that I would try to sleep.  If I could, I could.  If the pain kept me up, well something was happening.

I was able to sleep a little but woke up at about 2:45ish with pain.  This pain was worse and I wasn’t sure I could sleep again.  After about 15 mins of trying I couldn’t.  Ben had been up off and on all night and was having trouble sleeping himself.  So between 3:00-3:30 we watched and debated on what to do.  Finally decided to call my friend to come over to be with the sleeping boys and head to the hospital.

We got there right about 4 am.  They had us wait about 10 minutes in the waiting room and then took me back.  They asked me a ton of questions and I was contracting through all of it.  They had me on the monitors and as I laid there I had to figure out my final decision about the epidural.  It was hard for me.  My other 2 I had totally natural.  I was super committed to that choice then and was able to do it.  I just wasn’t feeling it this time.  In the end, I made the decision to get one.  They checked me and I was at 4.  I had decided if I was less than that I would want to wait on the epidural but it felt like things were moving along.

They had to test my blood and put in an IV, which I just seemed to be okay with.  I went to the delivery room and everything got set up.  As we moved my contractions just kept coming on.  They were getting really painful and really uncomfortable.  I just kept trying to breathe through them while holding on tightly to Ben.  I was so thankful he was there with me.  Just feeling him around me was so nice.

Well by the time we got into the delivery room I want to say it was after 5?  I can’t totally remember.  I contracted a bit and was feeling like I was getting to a pretty painful place.  The lady came in with the epidural and putting it in went better than I thought.  Ben was right there with me the whole time too.  After it went in she told me it would take a few contractions to work.

This is when it got fun.  I had 2 contractions that felt really bad.  Like the end of labor, about to have the baby bad.  Then I felt tons and tons of pressure.  They checked me and the nurse say, “There is no more cervix” and I guess I said, “What?  Where did it go?”  Ben was cracking up.  But I knew I was complete and I knew that pressure was my body saying it was time to push.

The midwife was right there and told me to push once and so I did.  Then told me to do it again and he was out.  I was amazed at how fast it was!  He was born right at 6:11am.  His cord was wrapped around his neck so Ben didn’t get to cut it but that was ok.  I was just glad everything was going so well.

It was so weird as I felt like the last few weeks were dragging on and on.  I was feeling random contractions, so icky and then bam when active labor started, it started and he was born right away.

I really felt at peace with this birth.  I felt like I made the right decisions and that everything worked out ok.  Of course, I am dealing with the Bell’s Palsy which is not ideal but everything else seems to turn out well.  I was pleased with the hospital and how nice everyone was to us.  The only thing was how hard it is to be there, getting used to breastfeeding, finally having the baby sleep and then they come in to check your stats again.

I feel like this pregnancy was the hardest one, yet maybe the “easiest” labor.  It wasn’t easy of course but out of the 3 I felt it was.  I also feel totally content with this as my last baby.  Our family feels complete and it is a great feeling 🙂

And I am loving having THREE boys.  It’s great and it will be even more fun as Joshua gets older I imagine.  It’s like God knew this was the perfect family for me to have 🙂

And I thank God everyday that Ben was here and he is still home with us.  We are still in waiting mode to see when he has to go but I look at every extra day as a great thing.