Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Special needs

Is there something wrong with my child?

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Is there something wrong with my child?

Is there something wrong with my child???

Figuring out if something is wrong with your child is very difficult. As parents we want our children to be 100% okay. We don’t want anything to be wrong with them. We read the parenting books, we try to make all the right choices. Sometimes there is something going on but how do you know? How do you know they might be delayed or dealing with something other kids don’t have to deal with? How do you know you should take them somewhere to be seen?

It is a hard decision to make. We moved to the US from Germany when Drew was a little over three. I started him at the CDC and it was the really the first time he went anywhere that was like that. He had gone to the church nursery a few times and a couple of times at the CDC in Germany for one time events but nothing regularly. He didn’t do so well at first. I brought it up to the doctor and she thought he was just getting use to the new place. I wasn’t totally sure it was that but I wasn’t totally sure it wasn’t either. Looking back it really was the first signs of his Asperger’s but we didn’t know it at the time.

This past August I asked a different doctor about him. I brought up some of my concerns. She asked him a bunch of questions and felt he was fine. Maybe just his personality. At this point I just wasn’t sure what to think. By October I knew it was much more than just his personality. Things we thought he would have grown out of by almost five he hadn’t. I decided to call the doctor and just ask for a referral to see the Behavioral Doctor on post. I had heard he was excellent. From that I was directed to CAPS which is also on post. That is where we met with a doctor and got the diagnoses.

It has been a road, although not as long as it could have been. Looking back it is a lot more obvious that something was going on. But it isn’t always easy to tell when you are going through it.

I really do think moms know if something is going on. You just know deep down that something isn’t quite right. Sometimes the doctors might not see it at first. Sometimes you just have to keep at it to find out what is wrong

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Before I took my oldest in to be tested I told myself that either 1) They will tell me he is fine or 2) There is something going on and we could start to help him. I tried not to worry although it was hard. I tried not to imagine the worst, although that was hard too. I just knew I had to do something about the feelings I was having.

Have you been through this? What advice would you give to someone who wasn’t sure something was going on with their child?

A Diagnosis of Asperger’s

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A Diagnosis of Asperger's- Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Back in October, I started the process of getting my son evaluated. I knew something wasn’t right with him. Once he started preschool in August it became clear that we needed to get him checked out. He will be starting kindergarten in the fall and I knew it would be important to know what was going on before then. I knew we needed to find that out so we knew how to help him.

At first, I wasn’t sure what could be going on. He has a lot of trouble changing from one activity to the next. He likes certain things a certain way. At first, we thought this could have been age but then he just wasn’t growing out of these behaviors. I started to notice how he would really focus on one thing. He would talk about whatever he was into a lot. Only want to play with that item.

Right now that is Lego Star Wars. He only wants to wear Lego Star Wars shirts. I can get him to wear the regular Star Wars ones but only because the Lego ones need to be washed. He only plays with his Lego Star Wars. He knows a lot about them too. We bought him an encyclopedia book on all the different Lego Star Wars you can get. He will talk all day about Star Wars.

He just doesn’t get along with other kids too well. This is hard because I am social, his brother is social and so we like being around other people and kids. Usually, he will either play by himself or play next to another child. Every once in a while, he will play with another child and I get so happy to see that. He will tell me things like, “They weren’t playing with it right, ” when he gets mad at another kid.

He is awesome about washing his hands after he goes to the bathroom but if we are somewhere else and he can’t find the soap, he gets really upset. He has to wash his hands. He will get pretty upset about the little things too, like when he drops a fork or a toy. It can be hard to know how to react. I have learned to stay calm myself and just say something like, “It is ok. Let’s get you another one.”

I would say we have been dealing with this type of behavior since he was about two or three. But in the last year, it has really gotten to where it felt like a big problem.

Today I found out that he has Asperger’s Syndrome. I was about 85% sure that was what he had after I did a lot of reading about Asperger’s.  I was right.

Tomorrow we will find out more information and start figuring out how to get him the right therapy. Right now I feel a mix of relief and fear. I am relieved that we finally figured out what was going on. I am fearful because I just don’t know exactly what this all means for him.

Our Special Needs Story

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Okay, I haven’t blogged about my son’s special needs much at all. I am not sure why. I have attempted to start a post about it every once in a while but never was able to write anything. In this new year, I told myself I wanted to start blogging about. Especially now that we think something could be going on with one of my other sons (which will be a different post.)

Up until the time my son was about two, there wasn’t anything about him that made me think anything was wrong. I had a very normal low-key pregnancy and birth with him. Other than jaundice he never really got too sick. Just a cold here and there. At about two though I started to wonder if something was going on. We were in Germany and I noticed that he was just not talking like the other kids his age. He had said his first words when he should have but he never really progressed past that when he should have. I use to take him to a playgroup onthe post. While there a lady from EDIS (Early Development Intervention Services) use to come by to hand out these quizzes. You would get one for whatever age your child was and filled them out to see if there was any cause for concern. I did this for Daniel and it was obvious he was pretty behind on his communication skills.

MY sonI made an appointment with EDIS since he was still under three. We did a bunch of testing and at almost three his speech was more like an 18-month-old. He was also behind in fine motor skills and social skills. Since he was just about to turn three he was eligible to start at the special needs preschool they had on the post. It took a few months but he started going four days a week for about 2.5 hours a day.

At this time, he was also going to the two-day program and they encouraged me to keep him in that too. That was a lot of school for a three-year-old but he really enjoyed it. He was/is such a social kid that it was great for him. We moved about six months later and then it was summer break. The next fall he started at the same type of preschool at a different school. Right around when he turned four he was diagnosed with having a Developmental Delay for cognitive and communication. Basically, this means that he is behind in a few areas such as speech, fine motor skills, and behavior.

Between the ages of three-five were the most difficult for me. Part of it could have been because Ben was deployed twice during that time but I really think the older Daniel gets, the better things are going to be. He is seven now and although he is still behind an average seven-year-old he has come so far. In May, he no longer needed to work with an OT. His fine motor skills are so much better now. He can write and even read a little bit. His speech is doing so much better. He still has trouble with some words and there are still some things he says that even I can’t understand but he has really grown in the last couple of years.

I remember when we first moved back to the US. He was five and I broke down because I couldn’t even have a conversation with my son. I would ask him questions and he just couldn’t respond the way he should. Now, we have conversations all the time. He can speak in full sentences, tell me stories, tell me about his day, tell me what he learned at school and all that. This is so new to us and I really treasure it.

They told me a few years ago that they think by the time he hits about the second grade he is going to be pretty caught up. I think this could be true as long as things continue to get better. Right now he is in a regular kindergarten class. Last year he was in a special needs Kindergarten. We made the decision to have him repeat Kindergarten in a regular class and now that we have a few months of the school year under our belt we are very happy we made this decision. He seems to be a little ahead academically but socially it is the right place for him.