When Your Season of Deployment Is Over
When my husband first deployed to Iraq, I was 27. I am now 46. The time between now and then seems impossible. Almost 20 years? How?
He deployed three more times in the seven years following that deployment. We had two more children and returned to the US after four years in Germany.
It felt like the deployments were never going to end! It felt like he would always be deployed and always have to be away from us. But here is the truth about time in the military: It does eventually end. Not only that, but deployment schedules change over time based on many factors.
My Husband Is Now Retired From the Military
My husband retired from the military last year after 21 years of service, and we are now living the veteran life. Coming from the National Guard, some things didn’t change much for us, unlike how they would have had he retired from active duty.
One of the most significant changes is that he will never be called up again. He will never come home from a drill weekend with news of a deployment. He will never be called up to go if something goes down in the US. We will never again have to cancel plans because of the military. That chapter of our lives is forever over.
The Season of Deployment Is Now Officially Over
The season of deployment is over for us. We are done worrying about, thinking about, and wondering about deployments. It is in our past, and wow, that takes some getting used to.
When you have been doing something for so long, when something has been a part of your life for so long, it’s a weird feeling when suddenly, that chapter of your life is over.
I like to look at my life, especially my military life in seasons. And now we are in a different one. But you can be sure I have taken what I learned during seasons of deployment with me. I have learned so much from letting my husband go, being a solo parent, and sending him off to places unknown. I am not the same person I was when he first joined the military.
We All Change After 20 Years
Then again, no matter your lifestyle, who is the same person after 20 years? Life experiences change us. They just do. And for me, so much of the last 20 years has been spent in military mode. The next 20 will look a little different.
Veteran life can be complicated in many different ways. From finding the right after-military job to dealing with a change in benefits, there is much to take in and a lot to get used to. When I was a younger military spouse, it always felt like retirement was so far away, but then we were there, saying goodbye to military life and embracing all this new season has to offer.
If you are just now entering this season, or for whatever reason, you know deployments are no longer in your future, know that your feelings are valid. Even if you find yourself missing parts of time away from your spouse.
Veteran Spouses Have Much to Offer Military Spouses
As military spouses, we have to find ways to get through deployments and that time apart, and we can grow for the better through some of that. The military lifestyle creates independence, and we can sometimes get much more done while they are away from us. When your spouse is home and not going anywhere, it can take some getting used to.
As veteran spouses, we also have so much to offer military spouses. We can be a listening ear since we have been there before. We can advise on deployments, PCSing, and military life in general. We can use what we have learned to help those currently going through it.
Resources to Help Transitioning Military Spouses
If your service member is about to retire or has just done so, and you are a bit nervous, I want to reassure you that you are not alone.
Here are some resources that can help:
The Department of Defense’s Military Spouse Transition Program
Transition & Strengths Coaching Services
Benefits for Spouse of a Military Retiree
What Milspouses Should Know Before Military Retirement
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