Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Children

Moms Need Free Time

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Moms Need Free time

Moms Need Free Time

I have noticed a trend and I don’t like it. Moms not having any free time for themselves. Not having any time for any little break ever. No time to watch a tv show, read a book, go exercise, have coffee with a friend or go shopping. That their days are so full that there is simply no time for any downtime.

Moms need free time. It doesn’t have to be hours or even every single day, but it needs to happen. But here is the thing about free time, sometimes you HAVE to plan for it. It might not just be able to happen, especially if you have small babies and/or a deployed husband. You have to figure out how to give yourself a break. And not feel guilty when you do.

Free time really isn’t free. It is usually planned. When you are a mom, you have to make sure your kids are safe and with another family member, your husband or a babysitter. You can’t just leave and go for coffee if you don’t have that part figured out. Even though your husband is just as much a Dad as you are a Mom, in a lot of causes you are the default parent. This is even more common in Military families because the Military can be quite demanding.

Free time can happen during the day, during nap time, if your kids are in school, after they go to bed or even while they are awake. Something as simple as reading a book while your kids are playing with their toys.

Find something for you that doesn’t have to do with your kids. Read, write, sew, train for a marathon, garden, volunteer, etc. Find something that makes your soul feel good and allow you to relax a bit. You need it. We all do. Leave the kids with your husband and plan a dinner with your friends, take your mom up on her offer to watch the kids to go out with your husband, join a gym and go when your husband gets home from work, join a book club, stick the kids in the stroller and go for a walk, there are so many things you can do to take some time out for you.

And stop saying you don’t have ANY time for yourself. If this is true MAKE time. Figure out a way to get it. Moms need free time and that includes you too. The refresh will make you a better mom, a better wife and will add balance to your life. I know we are all so busy with being a mom, with our jobs, with our church, with sports, making dinner and everything else we have to do. But a balanced life includes a little bit of time just for ourselves, a little bit of time to think and regroup.

How do you make time for yourself? Do you think moms need free time too? What do you like to do in your free time?

 

 

Perks of Being a Military Child

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Perks of Being a Military Child

It was 10 years ago this fall that my 30 year old husband re-enlisted for the Army. I didn’t know him when he was in before so this was my first experience with being an Army wife. I really didn’t know what to expect. Even though I grew up with two Marine bases pretty close, I didn’t know too much about Military life other than knowing that living on base was noisy and that they wore a uniform.

I didn’t know what life would be like for my son or any other future children we would have. I knew I would be doing a lot of the parenting by myself but I didn’t know what amazing things would come from it. That we would literally be able to see the world, experience other cultures and meet people from different parts of the country. I didn’t know that there were things that they would get to know that they never would have gotten the chance to do otherwise.

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During the last 10 years we have had our share of stressful and frustrating moments but my kids have experienced some amazing things. They have had experiences I never had a child and I hope they can remember a lot of them as they grow older.

During the last 10 years my kids have…

  • Lived in Germany
  • Lived in the South
  • Rode on European trains
  • Rode on a Space-A Aircraft
  • Saw the Pyramids in Cairo
  • Visited Rome
  • Visited Athens
  • Visited Turkey
  • Visited Malta
  • Visited the Czech Republic
  • Visited Austria
  • Visited Spain
  • Went to a German Fest
  • Had German teachers
  • Saw the Mediterranean Sea
  • Have been to 4 continents
  • Have made friends with children from different states
  • Learned a small amount of German
  • Got to meet St. Nicholas
  • Stayed in a German hospital
  • Sat in a tank
  • Eaten dinner in the DEFAC
  • Been to a base chapel
  • Said the pledge before a movie
  • Enjoyed German Ice cream

Beyond what they have been able to do, they have also been able to be apart of something amazing. To know that their Dad sacrified for their country. To know that he was apart of something overseas. It’s a great feeling to be apart of the Military community!

I am sure there is even more I can add to this list. When I start to feel sad or bad that Daddy has been gone too much over the years I try to think about this list and everything we have seen and done all because their Daddy joined the Army.

What have your kids experienced because of being in a Military family?

5 Ways To Make Friends When You Have Small Children

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5 Ways To Make Friends When You Have Small ChildrenI counted up the amount of times I have moved to a new city with small children. Four times. I have had to do it four times. I have moved to a new place, had to meet new people and figure out a way to make some friends while I was caring for small children. It isn’t easy. It isn’t easy to go up to a group of people and introduce yourself, especially if they have been friends for a while. You really have to put time into it.

I have found a few ways that allowed me to make some friends. Not all of the people I have met through these methods became best friends but that has happened as well. I was able to find a group. A group of people who I could get together with and find friendship with. Where I could give my young children the opportunity to play with other kids and I could find people so I wouldn’t feel so lone in my new city.

1) Playgroups. This seems obvious but unless you live in the very middle of nowhere, you should be able to find a playgroup to go to. When I first moved to Kentucky pre-Army, I found a great group through a local center that was about moms and giving birth. At the time I was a little more crunchy than I am now and I figured it would be the best way to meet some other moms like me. I was right. I connected with some other moms while we let our very young babies play. Even though we moved after a year, I am still Facebook friends with most of them. I still enjoy seeing their photos of their now 9 and 10 year olds. When we moved to Germany I was able to find a playgroup sponsored through the Army post. I started taking my then two-year old and was really able to meet and connect with other moms that way. Spend some time looking in your community to see what is out there.

2) Church groups. This can be going to a regular church on Sundays or even just a weekly Bible study. Most duty stations have a PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) or a CWOC (Catholic Women of the Chapel) In these groups there is time to get to know other women as well as attend a weekly Bible study together. There should be free childcare at the chapel as well. You can also look in your local community to church to see what your options are. MOPS is also offered at a lot of Military bases.

3) The park. Meeting people at the park can be complicated. You could spend all day at the park and not get to know anyone or you might make a few friends right away. The best thing to do is go to some of the same parks on a regular basis. You might start to recognize people. Watch which kids your kids end up playing with and see if you can start a conversation with their parents. It could be something as simple as, “How old is she?” Or “Did you just move here?”

4) Online groups. Our Army post has many different groups on Facebook. From groups for Crunchy moms to those over a certain age. A lot of those groups tend to have meetups which can be a great way to get to know others. Try to participate in some online conversations and go to the next meetup. You might find some great friends that way.

5) FRGs. I know FRGs sometimes get a bad wrap but you also have the chance of making a new friend by attending. I have been in really good FRGs and really bad ones. You just never know. Try to attend at least once or twice to see if it will work for you. The best part of meeting someone in your FRG is that your spouses will go through deployments together and you might make friends with your own “battle buddy” to help you get through the next deployment.

 

It is true that in the Military life you will need friends to connect with. It can feel overwhelming when you have young children but there are ways to get out and make some new Mommy friends.

How have you made friends when you move to a new location?

Tales of a Picky Eater

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Tales of a Picky EaterOh picky eaters! There are a lot of blog posts out there about how to help a picky eater, what you can do to prevent “making” one, how you shouldn’t be a short order cook, how your kids need to clean their plates, etc, etc, etc…

There is a lot of advice about what to do when your kid won’t eat everything you give them.

I am torn on all of this advice because as a child I was a very picky eater.

I hated chicken for the longest time. I remember I would walk into the kitchen and burst into tears when I saw my mom making chicken. Now I love it. Somewhere along the way I changed the way I felt about it.

I hated pizza until I was 12. Class parties were frustrating for me. I was good and can’t even eat the prize! Then one day, I think I was at a sleepover, I tried cold pizza and it opened up my world.

I used to just put salt on my salads. Salad dressing was nasty to me. Until sometime in college when I tried it again and realized I liked it.

I hated spaghetti until sometime in the early years of our marriage my husband made some for me and I loved it. I still have to eat it with salad and bread. It’s weird, I know.

Guacamole was always on the list of things I didn’t eat until I started craving it a few years ago. Now I can’t get enough.

So when my son tells me he can’t stand chicken or hates this or that, I get it. I really do. I still remember being forced to eat certain foods when I was three years old. It was very traumatic for some reason.

I have a couple of picky eaters myself. My oldest seems to get better and better every year which is good. My middle son, we have a party when he tries a new food.

My youngest seems to be the most open to things which is great.

Am I worried about the fact that sometimes I make different foods each night? Not at all. I have some rules. Sometimes they say, “well I don’t want that tonight.” If it is a food I know they will eat, I tell them that is tough because that is what is for dinner. I want them to try things sometimes. Most of the time, the older two say they don’t like it and we move on.

It could be that I am not a big cook. I have the standard things that I make and I think my boys are pretty used to it. So trying something new isn’t exactly an easy thing to do. But at the end of the day, I want my kids to eat. If it is only one type of veggie, oh well…at least they are eating a veggie. And someday that might be two or three different types of vegetables. Sometimes it is “kid” food, sometimes it is not. That is how we roll in our house.

I think when it comes to food, you have to do what you have to do. Depending on your kids and their own needs. I have friends who have kids with serious eating issues. They work hard to make sure they are doing what they can to get the right foods. They go to food therapy and it really helps to get them to add new foods. It isn’t always as easy as serving it and making them eat it. Sometimes you have to get more creative and figure out the best way to make it work for your own family.

Do you have a picky eater? Are you a picky eater too?

Getting Rid of the Mom Guilt

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10956204_10155113091840705_3377695713182106336_nMy son was about 13-14 months old. My husband had just left for Germany. I didn’t know when we would join him. My son slept every night from 7pm-7am. It was nice. Except…I couldn’t fall asleep until 3am because of all the stress and crap that was happening as we were trying to get over to join my husband in Germany.

So what did I do? I put on Elmo and put him in the Pack N Play. I was able to nap for an hour in order to have the energy to get through the day with my toddler. It was then I learned that sometimes as a mom you have to do what you need to do to get through the day. It might not be the best thing, it might not be something that is suggested in parenting books, but I knew at the end of the day it was not going to harm my child and that I needed to do it to get through the day.

I have always been for natural birth. I started reading about it before I even got pregnant. I worked as a doula. I saw first hand the difference in births and natural was what I wanted. I had my first two babies 100% naturally and wouldn’t have had it any other day. Then I got pregnant for the third time and I just didn’t feel as strongly about it. I was tired. I was older and I knew at the end of the day it was going to be okay, whatever I decided to do. So when it came time to have baby #3, I went for the epidural. It was a fast birth. It really wasn’t that different from my other births except for the pushing part. The epidural helped with that. They told me it didn’t have time to kick in but I know it did. I could tell.

I always wanted to breastfeed. I thought it would come very naturally to me and I would enjoy it. Nope. With my oldest we had to basically feed him with a syringe for the first few days. And once he did figure it out, I realized I really didn’t like it too much. I kept going. I went as long as I could, 17 months. Then babies #2 and #3 came. Ben was gone. The support I had with #1 wasn’t there. So I eventually switched to formula with them before they were a year old.

I could go on an on. There are a lot of reasons I could feel guilty about my parenting. There are a lot of things I have done I never thought I would do. There have been tearful days where I just wasn’t sure I was doing anything right.

There are so many reasons why a mom could feel guilty. There are so many ways we don’t measure up. There are many things we could do differently. While I think it is important to always grow as a person and as a mother and to make sure we are on the right path, doing what we need to do for our kids, we also need to let some of that mom guilt go.

The fact is, there are many different ways to raise a child. Most of them all lead to the same place, healthy and well-adjusted adults. I think when we start to worry about every little choice, we make motherhood harder than it needs to be. I try to remind myself of that when I feel guilty for something little, something that really doesn’t matter much. I try not to focus on being a perfect mother, I focus on doing the right thing for my own children and not worrying so much about the little things. Or the fact that I don’t always get it 100% right. Because I know I fail sometimes.

At the end of the day we moms are doing our best. We love our kids and want the best for them. We do what we think is right with the information we have at the time. We should learn from our mistakes but we need to let go of all the guilt that comes with them. I think if we can do that, it will make for a much better life.

Do you struggle with mom guilt? How do you let it go?

 

On Being A Stay At Home Mom

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On Being A Stay At Home MomI grew up with a stay at home mom. She was 33 when she had me and had already worked many years as a teacher. When I was in the 5th grade she went back as a full-time teacher for a year and then substituted after that until last year when she decided to join my Dad in retirement.

I am not sure if she is the reason why I did things the way I did. I knew I wanted to finish college before I got married. That was not something I was willing to compromise on. I got engaged at my graduation party and married 8 months later. I was pretty optimistic about my future career. I also had a plan. I would get a job I loved and work for a few years. Then we would have kids and I would become a stay at home mom. I didn’t really think much past that. I didn’t think about when I would go back to work. I just knew that I wanted to be a stay at home mom.

I wasn’t able to find a job in my career field that paid enough. They wanted someone with a Masters or someone who spoke spanish. I ended up working for a temp agency making more than I would have in some of the jobs I came across that would use my degree. Sociology is a degree but there isn’t much if you only have your BA.

I worked for about 2.5 years before my son was born and I finally got what I wanted. I was able to be a stay at home mom. We lived in a townhouse in the same city I had lived in for college, right where my husband grew up. When I quit my job I was selling books on Ebay. This brought in a little bit of money. After we moved to Kentucky, I added children’s clothing and got really into it. I was making a part-time income but it was busy and my mom helped out a lot from California as she would help shop for clothes I could sell.

Then, we moved to Germany. You can’t sell on Ebay in Germany so I closed up that business and was a stay at home mom until we moved back to the states in 2010. By then I had two boys and was pregnant with my third. I didn’t think I could do Ebay again, not the way I was doing it before so I focused on some other things. I had started my blog and was starting to get more interest in that.

Ever since 2010 I have been making money from home in one form or another. I love it. I love that I have something to focus on. I love that I have my own career and that I can do it around my kids, although that is very difficult sometimes. It’s much easier when all of them are in school on certain days. I am never ever bored because between the house, the kids and my work, there is always something to do.

At the moment I am a mix between the stay at home mom who takes care of the house and the work at home mom who is making some money. My husband works full-time out of the house.  It’s very traditional looking. Yet, I don’t see myself that way. My husband was the stay at home Dad and I was working from home for part of 2014. I have good friends that are working moms. I don’t think one way is better than any other. You have to do what works for your family at the time.

And I am only 35…I have a lot of time. I can go back to school. I can grow my writing career. I feel like I have a lot of room to do something different in a few years if I want to.

What about you? Are you a SAHM? Do you work from home? Do you work outside the house? What’s your ideal?