Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Children

The Pressure to Have a Perfect Christmas

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The Pressure to Have a Perfect Christmas

The Pressure to Have a Perfect Christmas

The perfect amount of Christmas gifts, the perfect Elf on the Shelf spots, the perfect Christmas meal, perfect amount of advent activities, Pinterest worthy decorations, etc, etc, etc. It goes on an on and makes you think you are lacking in some way.

Why does it seem like there is so much pressure to have a perfect Christmas? We can blame social media but I think it is probably something that has been going on forever. Social media just makes it worse. We want to get Christmas right. We want everything to work well. We don’t want our children to be ungrateful and we want them to understand the true meaning of the day. We want them to experience the magic and make good memories. We don’t want to mess things up.

For some reason we have convinced ourselves that there is only one way to accomplish all that. That we should be doing what our neighbor is or we could be ruining Christmas for our family. Hogwash!

We all come into our marriages with a holiday background. A certain way of doing things. It could be very different from our spouse’s way of doing things. I remember our first married Christmas. My family all took turns with the presents. When my Grandpa was alive he would take his time on purpose just to be funny. So it was a total shock to me to be sitting with my in-laws and see the free for all present opening session. I was lost in a sea of a different way of doing Christmas.download (15)

Over the years we have developed our own way of celebrating the holiday. In a lot of ways it does look like the way it did when I grew up. Part of this is because my husband is usually gone when it is time to prepare for Christmas and has even missed Christmas with us a few years. I have just done what I have enjoyed and wanted to do with my own kids.

When I think about traditions and what we will do, I am not worried about them being perfect. I don’t care if my decorations are not Pinterest worthy or that my kids get more than three gifts. I don’t feel like I have to pick between Santa or Jesus. We do both just like my mom did. I try not to rush and plan too much but I also know that is because of my personality. Other people thrive on that.

I want Christmas to be special and full of good memories for my kids but I believe there are so many different ways to do this.

So if you are stressing about achieving the perfect Christmas, stop. Take a step back and think about what is important to you and your family. Continue old traditions and start new ones. Have fun with it and remember that Christmas is a wonderful time and no one should make you feel like you just aren’t doing it right.

What are your favorite Christmas traditions? Do you feel the pressure to have a perfect Christmas?

If I Had To Do It All Over Again

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I have been a mom now for over 10 years. 2004 was the year that changed everything. I first became pregnant in January and had a little boy the end of September. I was 25 and hand a handful of friends who already had kids. My sister-in-law already had three girls and my husband’s cousins all had children as well.Motherhood

I also liked to read a lot about birth, pregnancy and parenting. I was on a few online forums and email lists where it came up. I felt like I was pretty prepared when my son was born. I was no expert but I had a general idea of how I wanted things to go.

Over the years I have changed my thinking on somethings and held strong to others. I realized that most of us moms are just trying to do the best we can, even if that looks different in each family. As I look back over the last 10 years I think about what I would do differently and what I would do if I was given the chance to do it all again.

1) Winter babies- I don’t like having winter babies. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal if we lived in California or something but I don’t like having babies in the winter. When #2 came along in Germany, he got RSV. I decided I didn’t want to risk having another baby born around that time of the year. Then #3 was born in November. Luckily he did not get RSV. I don’t like that outside parties are just not an option for two of my three boys. So if I was doing it all over again, I would want them born in the spring or the summer.

2) Breastfeeding- I thought I would love breastfeeding and it would be easy. It wasn’t. I tried hard and was able to breastfeed my oldest until he was 17 months old. I wish I could have done that with my other two. It isn’t something I really feel guilt over. They were just fine on formula and I was able to breastfeed them 6 and 9 months. I just wish I had more support or found support when they were new. I think that really would have helped. Then I think, does it really matter? No, not really but it is something I wish I could have done differently.

3) No labels- Attachment parent, mainstream parent, crunchy parent, soggy parent, strict parent, etc etc. I hate that we have to put mothering in a check box. I just want to be who I am. If sometimes that looks like an attachment parent, that is cool. If other times I appear mainstream, that is cool too. I think what happens is that we want to find our tribe, a place to belong, a place where we will not be made fun of for making different choices. And that is a good thing. The problem is that for most people, your parenting doesn’t just fit in a box. Because I don’t CIO I only feed my child organic food? No, real life doesn’t work like that. At least that has been my experience. When we have all these labels it is easy to stop doing what is best for your child and trying to check all the boxes so that you can be included in the group. So doing it over again, I would have ignored all the labels and just focused on what my child needed. Even if that made me a hybrid.

4) Birthing Center– I had my oldest son at a birth center in California. It was such a great experience for us. I wish I could have had my other two that way. On the other hand, having them born in a German hospital and a Military hospital were interesting experiences. I am not sure I would want to change those.

What about you? What would you change about pregnancy, birth or parenting? 

Five Toys For School Aged Boys

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Toys for school aged boys

 

Christmas is coming and it is also birthday season in our house. We have one boy with the birthday the end of September, one in November and one about 10 days before Christmas. We get through all the birthdays, then have Christmas and then can rest a bit. So with all the birthdays and Christmas coming, the boys are talking about what they would really like. I thought I would share the top 5 gifts they are interested in this year. This is also the first year that LEGOS are not the main star. Sure, they have mentioned some sets but nothing like the last few years.

So here are the top five toys that my 4, 7 and 10 year old boys have talked about wanting this year…

1) Disney INFINITY2.0.– My son got this for his birthday in September and it has gotten a lot of use since then. Disney Infinity 2.0 is the latest version of the game, The first version came out in 2013. It is the same idea as Skylanders where you play the characters that you have within the game. You put them on the portal and then start to play. There are quite a few available now and you can use the characters from the first game with the second one. We have quite a few of the characters. Right now Mickey, Hero and Bay Max are the favorites. I like this game because of all the characters. It is fun for the kids and I love hearing them talk about Disney. If you are on the fence about buying this for your kids, go ahead and do so. They will love it. If you are trying to decide between this and Skylanders, I would go with this one.

2) LEGO Batman 3: Beyond Gotham – This is the latest Lego game to come out and the third one in the Batman series. You can get free demos on the Xbox 360 so that is what we usually do before we would buy the game. They are really looking forward to this one because you can change the Batman suits at anytime during the game and that is supposed to be a very cool thing to do.

3) Lego Minecraft sets- Like I said before, it isn’t 100% Lego this year but they have expressed interested in the Minecraft sets. These look like a lot of fun and I am glad they came out with some new ones. You can also get the game Minecraft for under $20 these days. At the time that I am writing this it is just $17.99 on Amazon.

4) Power Ranger Keys– My boys started talking about these and I didn’t know what they meant but then my 4 year old bought some with his birthday money. They have about 60 keys you can get and they work with a few different Power Ranger toys. Who would have thought Power Rangers would still be popular these days? The keys make sounds and light up. A lot of fun if you have little Power Ranger fans.

Power Ranger Keys

5) Skylanders Trap Team –Every year Skylander comes out with a new game. The good thing is that you can use the old characters on the new game. This year they came out with trap team. The whole purpose of it is to trap the villians. You defeat the villian and then put the “trap” on the portal for more fun. If you have a Skylander fan in your home, they are probably asking for this. My son thinks it is going to be amazing!

Have you decided what your kids are getting for Christmas or Hanukkah this year?

 

This post contains affiliate links! 

Parenting Without Feeling Guilty

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It is hard to be a parent without feeling guilty at some point. It starts when you are pregnant and never really goes away. For some reason we all want to be the perfect parent. We don’t want to make any mistakes. We want to do it all right and we don’t want to be judged.

No matter what choices you make, there is always someone out there that would say you are making the wrong one. You really can’t win. For every parenting choice you make, there are a ton of articles out there that say you are wrong and just as many saying you are right.

IMG_8555What’s a parent to do about all that?

I think we should ignore it!

If I could do anything over again it would be to do what I feel is right and NOT feel any guilt for it. This is hard though. We moms want to know that we are making the right choices and sometimes it is hard to know what that is.

I always wanted to breastfeed. I worked so hard to do to it with my oldest and we made it to 17 months. So when I was faced with a decision to give my 2nd little boy formula at 9 months because he wasn’t growing like he should, I did what I thought was best. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I wasn’t. I don’t know. I know that once he started getting the formula he started gaining weight.

Did I feel guilty about that? Yes. Should I have? Probably not. Although I still think breastfeeding is the best way to go, sometimes formula is needed and sometimes it is just the way it needs to be. Does that kick me out of the pro-breastfeeding club? Maybe, but I have learned that it really doesn’t matter.

Guilt comes at all different times on our parenting journey. Sometime it is warranted yes, most of the time it isn’t.

How should a mom decide what is right and what is wrong? How are we supposed to know what to do? It is easy to have parenting ideals but what if they don’t add up to reality? What if life gets in the way? How do we know what we should hold onto and what we can let go?

When it comes to my kids these days, I try to do what is best. I try to do what is right. I read advice about what different people have done and go from there. And depending on the situation, sometimes I am okay with being wrong. Of learning a lesson through it. Because sometimes, it is really hard to know what is best for your child on a particular issue. And no one else can really tell you either.

So when guilt comes up, look at why you feel that way. Are you doing the best you can? If so, there is no reason to feel so guilty about things. I don’t think our goal should be to become a perfect parent.

I think our goal should be to be a good parent to the children we each have. And that is nothing we should feel guilty about.

Do you struggle with feeling guilty as a parent? How do you deal with that?

The Difficulties of Solo Parenting

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I have heard it said that Military wives or any wife whose husband has to go away for work should not call themselves a single mom. I agree with this. We are not single moms. We do however go through periods of time as a solo parent. It could be weeks or it could be months or even a year or longer.

Being a solo parent means you are responsible for everything in the house having to do with the kids from day-to-day to the big decisions. This might depend on where your husband might be at the moment and how often he can talk to you.

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It means being mom AND dad for a period of time. It means not as many breaks.

It means doing it all for a temporary amount of time.

People tell us that they don’t know how we do it. How we get through the solo parenting times. How we can fill the role of mom and dad.

It’s not something that I would ever consider easy. It is the hardest part of deployments for me personally. It drains you, it puts you into survival mode. It makes you handle parenting a little differently than you might otherwise handle it.

There is the day-to-day. If you have a baby, everything from the feeding a to the diapers is all you. No one to hold them when you need a 5 min break, no one to change that diaper when you have had enough for the day. It’s hard!

With toddlers and preschoolers you are always moving. You are the one planning their days and figuring out bedtime. You make all the meals and tear your hair out trying to figure out what to feed them sometimes. It’s hard!

When you have school aged kids you are the one doing all the school stuff. You are the one taking them to scouts, soccer and church programs. You are the one telling them it will be okay and that daddy will be home soon. It’s hard!

Parenting is hard for everyone, Military families or civilian ones. 

It’s tough to take care of little kids day in and day out. Adding in solo parenting just makes it even more stressful. Not having that other set of parenting hands can take it toll.

I really think having a good support group and being able to change your perspective a little can really go a long way during these periods of time. Knowing you always have another mom or friend to call and hang with when you need it can be like medicine to the soul.

Realizing that your solo parenting days are limited is also a way to help you get through it. Don’t get me wrong, some days are harder than others. Some days no matter what you tell yourself you are going to feel pretty bad about the situation. However, some days, that simple reminder that there is an end date to the madness can help you at least get through until bedtime.

I always used to tell myself that this just time that separated us from life without my husband and life where I had my husband home.

Just days on a calendar I needed to get through.

If you are in the mist of solo parenting, know that you are not alone. Know that it won’t last forever and know that you can get through it too. It’s a frustrating part of Military life but one you can endure with support from those around you and the knowledge that there is an end date in your future.

How do you handle periods of solo parenting?

 

 

The Oak Grove Butterfly Festival

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Oakgrove Butterfly festival

 

It is always nice to find fun things to do with the kids around here. Especially if they are free or don’t cost too much. A friend invited us to the Oak Grove Butterfly Festival in Oak Grove, KY last weekend. I had never been to one and I didn’t know what to expect.

They had a ton of things for the kids to do such as crafts, ponies, face painting, bubbles and a train. They also had a butterfly house where you could go in and try to spot them. They also released about 1,000 butterflies to end the event.

oakgrove butterfly festival

We got there  and stood in the train line. It took forever but the kids loved it. After the train and after looking at the lines we decided to just take the kids to the little playground. We had about an hour until the butterfly release at this point. After about 15 minutes we took the kids on a little trail.  It was hot so I decided to get my kids something to drink while we waited. After that we went up on the hill to wait.

 

oakgrove butterfly festival

Right at 5pm they released all the butterflies. It was hard to see them at first but it was fun to try to catch a closeup of them as they were flying around. They are so beautiful and some of them flew really close to us.

I didn’t get so lucky taking a picture of the ones that flew right by us. Oh well, maybe next year.

Have you ever been to a butterfly festival before? 

How My Son With Asperger’s Is Doing In The Second Grade

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Asperger's

How My Son With Asperger’s Is Doing In The Second Grade

My son was diagnosed with Asperger’s when he was five. That was in the middle of his preschool year. We started with ABA therapy right away. He started kindergarten a few months later. That was a challenging year. He had full-time ABA with him at school. 1st grade was similar only we encountered some other issues. However, other types of behaviors got better. It seems like it is two steps forward, one step back with him.

In the middle of last year I felt strongly that it might be a good idea to have him in the special needs class because of his Asperger’s. He was having quite a lot of behavioral problems. We also worked on having the school take over more than having ABA with him. This was an important step to me and something we were working towards. Towards the end of 1st grade things got a little better but I wasn’t sure how it was going to go for second grade. I knew the school was working hard with us to make sure he was getting the help he needed to get through each day. They also assured me that at anytime I can call an IEP meeting. When summer started I just knew that no matter what we would be able to figure out how to get through second grade.

Asperger's

Now we are about six weeks into the school year. Overall he is doing really well. I am thankful for this. He grew a lot during the summer and I could really tell he was a different kid than he was at the end of 1st grade, although with some of the same behavioral issues. He is in a regular class and that seems to be going well overall. Not so many behavioral issues, he gets on the bus a lot easier than he ever has too. His biggest issue is not wanting to do the school work he needs to do. We are making him do it once he gets home and that has been hard.

I am not sure how the rest of the year is going to go. We had an IEP meeting last week and will have another one after fall break next month. He has a list of goals and he is slowly working towards them. Some days are easier than others.

What we want for him is to know that school is important, that the work he does at school is important and that he has to go to school each day before he can play or relax. The thing about him is that if he doesn’t see the reason for it, he doesn’t want to do it. This was a major issue last year. He didn’t see why he had to go to school so he fought it a lot. I think this year he is understanding more how it works. You go to school Monday through Friday, then you have the weekends free. You go to school until about 3pm, do your homework and then you can do what you want. I think the more he understands this, the better he will be about school. I am hoping anyways.

Do you have a child with special needs? How is school going for them?

Taking A Child With Autism To Church

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Taking A Child With Autism To Church

Taking a child with Autism to church can be a different type of struggle.

Finding a good church home can be difficult for anyone. Add in a child that doesn’t always do or act the way everyone else does makes it even more complicated.

We have been trying to find that mix between going to a church we believe in, with people who are loving and welcoming, where our kids can learn about God and Jesus. We have attended great churches where we just didn’t agree with the theology as much as we would have wanted to. We have gone to great churches where the pastor was amazing but it just didn’t work for our kids. Especially our child with Autism .

Last June, with my husband deployed, I took a little break from church. I didn’t know which church to go to and I didn’t have it in me to look for a new one. However, a few months of not going to church really got to me. I missed it. I decided to try a church I had heard about before. I was told they were really good with special needs kids. I hadn’t tried it before because it is about 20 minutes from our house. I know that is not too far but I really liked the idea of being really close to church.

I took my boys there and ended up really loving it. The people were so friendly and helpful. The pastor was very nice and I loved the service. I joined a Sunday school class and now nine months later we finally have found our home church. That being said, sometimes it is hard to go on Sunday morning.

My child with Autism just finished the 1st grade and was in a Sunday school class with 1st and 2nd graders. His teacher is really amazing. She has a family member with Asperger’s and she totally gets my son. This made me feel so comfortable. When he had a rough morning, she seemed to know what to do to help him. Other people at the church have been very helpful and understanding too. It really has worked out well for us.

Still, I feel sad sometimes that church is so challenging.

It is another place we go where it can be very stressful for my son. I know that in the end it will be worth it and he will get a lot better about it in the years to come. I want my children to have what I had. A strong church background. I want them to know the Bible stories, experience church camp and all of that. If they decide church is not for them as an adult, at least I know I gave them that background.

Little things like the church Easter egg hunt or a longer than normal service can make for a frustrating day. for a child with Autism. Even things you wouldn’t even think would set him off, sometimes do.

Some mornings I just can’t do it. I want to stay home and relax and not have to worry about it for that week. I know church is important though so we do try to go almost every Sunday.

A couple of months ago I met a couple at church with a son with Asperger’s who is about 21. They talked to us about some of the struggles they had when their son was our son’s age. That really helped. It made me think about how as the years go by he will be able to understand how to act a little better. And that when he is 21, he hopefully will be able to have a job, go to college and be an independent young man. Finding other parents with a child with Autism can be very helpful.

I am thankful we finally found a church that really works for us and our family. I am so thankful that it is filled with people who are willing to be patient and help my son when he needs it. Even if the time at church is challenging, I am so glad we have finally found a church home.

If you have a child with Autism or another special needs kid, have you found church challenging?