As a lifelong Chicagoan, I never imagined myself living in a place like Sierra Vista, Arizona. Home to Fort Huachuca, and now me, it was discovering a local run club that made my first permanent change of station (PCS) as a new Army spouse easier.
Having grown up in Chicago and gone to college in the suburbs, I’ve never had to “relearn” how to make friends. During our dating and engagement, my now-husband was stationed in Europe. Those long visits were filled with skiing in the Alps, visiting European cities, and spending countless weekends exploring. It was more of an extended honeymoon than a dose of real military life.
My First PCS Was Nothing Like Military Life in Europe
After our wedding, the real dose finally came with my first PCS. Permanently going from a city of millions to a town of less than 45,000 was intimidating. As this was my first rodeo as a military spouse, I knew I had to put myself out there. The advice from seasoned spouses I was continually given was “just show up.” While I attended some events on Fort Huachuca, it was a priority for me to find a community off-post that wasn’t necessarily directly tied to the military.
That’s where the Sierra Vista Run Club came in. I’ve been a runner for about two years, but I’d never dared to try running with other people. Something about the idea of people seeing how slow I am or having to try and have a conversation while panting up a hill was just plain intimidating to me. Yet the voices of so many of my military spouse pals kept coming back to me, saying: If you want community, you have to show up.
The Advice I Kept Hearing: Just Show Up
So I did. I went to my first run club. As I pulled into the parking lot of the local park, I felt a twinge of anxiety. I saw people clearly dressed for a run chatting, and I walked right on up to them. “Hi, I’m Cait. Are you guys the run club folks?” was my opening line. Instantly, all of my anxieties went away. The members of the club immediately welcomed me to the area and made me feel welcome.
After that Thursday night, I kept showing up. Every week I made it my goal to talk to a new person, and even start conversations while we were running. It worked. Even a few weeks in, I found myself greeted by name at run club, cheered on by people who recognized me during our local 5K race, and getting those coveted kudos on my runs posted on Strava. In less than two months, I felt that I had found a community simply by showing up and doing something hard together every week.
While we’ve only been at Fort Huachuca a few months, I already got a phone call asking me to join a running relay team in the new year. I’ve found myself eating homemade tacos in the back of a local cycling shop owned by one of the run club members. I went from feeling like the only person I knew was my husband to having a laundry list of people I could call up to go on a run or simply hang out over some good food.
Trying to Make Friends After a PCS?
You do not have to find your best friends immediately. Start by finding one activity you already enjoy and keep showing up.
- Look for clubs, sports, hobbies, volunteer groups, or community events.
- Go even if showing up alone feels uncomfortable.
- Introduce yourself to one person.
- Come back the next week.
- Give new friendships time to grow.
Sometimes finding your people at a new duty station really does begin with simply showing up.
Finding Community After a PCS Can Start With One Small Step
All of this happened because I showed up. If you’re like me and are making your first move to a town that supports a military installation, I’ll say the same thing I was told: Just show up. Ultimately, most people are searching for community and are more willing than you realize to open themselves up to new friends. Whether it’s running or something entirely different, I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and keep showing up at events. You just might find your community.
Cait Kontalis Kowal is a Chicago native, but currently resides in the greater Tucson, Arizona area. She’s a full-time freelance journalist and content writer. She holds a BA in Business Communications and an MA in Nonprofit Management.
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cait-kowal-482bb7197/
Muckrack: https://muckrack.com/cait-kontalis