Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

A trip back in time at the Ft. Defiance Civil War park and interpretive center

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I love history! My Dad is a retired American history professor so as you can imagine our house was filled with lots of history growing up. He also liked to take us to historical sites in California.  I am wanting to do more historical stuff with my own boys.

This weekend I heard that Ft. Defiance Civil War park and interpretive center here in Clarksville was having a 151st anniversary Living history weekend. I really wanted to go to one of these and thought this weekend was the perfect time to do it. I wasn’t sure what to expect. We had been there before but haven’t seen any of the living history stuff.

It wasn’t that big but what we saw was pretty cool. They had a little camp set up, about 4 soldiers standing around and a few women dressed up for the time period. The soldiers did a live fire exercise and then talked with some of the kids. My older two really enjoyed it although the shooting was a little loud for my 6 year old. After we watched that we walked the trail which has little signs you can read about what happened there. This place is good for history lovers or those who just want to walk on a trail.

Ft. Defiance

 

Ft. Defiance

Ft. Defiance

Ft. Defiance

Ft. Defiance

Ft. Defiance

Ft. Defiance

Ft. Defiance

Ft. Defiance

Ft. Defiance

 

 

What I have learned about raising special needs children

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Asperger'sThis weekend we had a hard Asperger’s Day. Friday night he threw a three-hour fit. Luckily the next day he was rather calm and very pleasant. It seems to be the way it goes.

As I look back on Friday I have to ask myself what I could have done differently. I look at what choices I made that led to it. How it could have been prevented and what I can do in the future if a similar situation comes up.

I thought about what it is like to be a special needs parent. How life is just a little different when it comes to parenting special needs kids. How things don’t always go the way you want or the way you think they might go.

I thought I would talk about some of the things I have learned over the years about  raising special needs children…

  • Learn to pick your battles. This is a biggie. Although you want to be firm with your kids, sometimes you do have to pick your battles. If your kid is in a certain mood, everything is going to cause a problem so pick what is important and don’t worry about the rest. This was part of the issue on Friday. I should have just stuck to the major issue we were dealing with instead of expecting him to do more than that. If your kid only wants to wear his jacket like Batman does and getting on the bus is a big issue anyways, let it go. It really isn’t that big of a deal. Focus on the getting on the bus part. Don’t worry about the jacket.
  • Take time for yourself. You need it. When you feel like it is getting to where YOU need a timeout, take one. If you are the only adult in the house it might be a little harder to do this. You might need to just say, “You know, ME taking a timeout is more important than THIS battle.” If there is another adult in the house, have them take over for a while. Go take a bath, read a book or meet a friend for coffee.
  • Look at the big picture. Instead of thinking about the bad days, look back over the last few weeks or months and see how far your child has come. If it helps, ask a friend to remind you of this. They don’t see your kids everyday and can notice more of a difference. I know with my oldest I felt he would never really learn to talk. But then I would take to a friend who only saw him every few months and she would tell me how much better he was doing. It was hard for me to see since I was always with him. It helped to hear that others saw the progress even if I didn’t.
  • Find a good support group. This is so important. Find people who support you and your children. Find other families that might be going through similar issues. Knowing you are not alone and having support goes a very long way.  People who make life harder for you and your special needs children just aren’t worth it.
  • Don’t worry about what others might do. When it comes to special needs, you might have a lot of choices. Go with your gut here. What works for one kid with autism might not work for another. Talk to your doctors, therapists, school and your spouse to figure out what is best for YOUR child. If you feel your kid has a certain issue and people tell you not to worry but you can’t let it go, get it checked out anyway. I really think Moms know if something is going on with their children. Don’t doubt yourself.

Are you raising special needs children too? What would you add to this list?

Should We Stay or Should We Go

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When someone joins the Military, they don’t sign up for 20 years right away. Usually they sign-up for 3-4 years and then re-enlist every 3-4 years for a while. They do eventually get to a point where they can re-enlist indefinite. But until that time they really do get a choice about if the Military is in their future or not. When my husband re-joined the Military in 2005, we told ourselves we would try it for three years and see how it goes. Despite a long 15 month deployment, my husband re-enlisted for 5 years in the Spring of 2009. We felt it was the right thing to do at the time.

military familyNow we are getting closer to him having to make a decision about his future in the Army and we are finding it is not an easy decision to make. There are a lot of factors to consider. For one, can we as a family really keep going through deployments like we have been? This every year or even every other year thing is not good. It is possible that things will die down a bit and he won’t have to go as often in the future but I am not holding my breath.

We have our son to think about. How will Drew handle future deployments? How will I be able to stay strong acting as a single parent? The one thing that I felt during JRTC was that I need the support of my husband in dealing with our son. I can get all the outside support but when it comes down to it I need him. If he is overseas and I don’t really have much of a chance to communicate regularly with him, how will I be able to handle that? Would years of going through that tear me down?

Then there is the money issue. The Military is a steady paycheck with healthcare. My husband didn’t go to college and doesn’t really have another career waiting for him. He is in the Infantry and that is where he has all his training in. Should we give all that up to figure something else out? Ideally I would make a full-time income from home. That is the ideal and what I am working for. But what if I can’t do it? What if I fail at it? It would be a huge change for our family. For the past 8 years I have been the one to be in charge of the kids, the meals and the house. Right now it seems ideal but what if it really isn’t? What if having him home so much and having him take over everything I have been in charge of for years throws us for a loop?

There is so much to think about. So many pluses and minus on either side. I don’t want my husband to be in harm’s way. I don’t want him missing parts of my children’s childhood but what if staying in the Army is the best choice for him?

Have you been unsure about your future as a Military family?

Hire Me

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Are you looking for blog writers to contribute to your blog or website?  

I offer blog writing services that will help you achieve your blogging goals.

I have been blogging regularly since 2009 and have contributed posts to sites such as Mymilitarylife.com, Bravotangotees.com and Lifetime Moms as well as guest posting on many other blogs.  I currently own and write regularly at Solider’s Wife, Crazy Life and The How to Make Money Online Mom.  I also write content for Militaryfamily.com.

I love to write and can do so about my life as an Army wife, a mom of boys, a mom of special needs children, blogging, photography and direct sales as well as many other topics.

Here are some examples of my work:

Army Life & Deployments

  • I Might Be Deployed Then
  • 3 Tips to stay sane while he is gone
  • Benefits of a Deployment
  • Pcsing with Children

Special Needs

  • Honestly, This is Hard
  • Asperger’s and Kindergarten

Blogging & Social Media

  • Why You Should Schedule Your Tweets
  • 5 Quick Tips to Help you on your blogging journey
  • Is it really about good content?
  • The importance of blog commenting
  • Driving Traffic to your blog

Get in Touch

If you would like to hire me to write for your blog, please send me an email at julie (at) soldierwifecrazylife (dot) com.  I would love to chat with you about it.  You can also check out my media kit for more information about my site.

 

What having a child with Asperger’s really means

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My son Drew was given the diagnoses of Asperger’s last January. We have known for a year that this is officially what he has. That it is why he acts the way he does, thinks the way he does and is the way he is.

Each day is different. Some days are okay, some days are happy, some days are sad, some days are way too difficult. Add having my husband gone for lengths of time and I get beyond stressed out sometimes.

What does having a child with Asperger’s really mean?

* That if your kid wakes up and something doesn’t feel right to him, you better take care of it before he leaves for school. If you don’t, it could ruin his whole day. The littlest thing could ruin his day. When my Mom came in late Wednesday night, I told her to wait in my room until he left for school Thursday morning and she could say hi to him after school. Why? Because if he saw her he might freak out and that would make for a horrible day at school. It isn’t that he doesn’t like Grandma, it is that she isn’t normally in our home in the mornings and it takes him a while to get used to her.

* That I worry about him all day at school. If I have a doctor’s appointment, I worry that I will have to leave it to go pick him up. I can never 100% relax. I would never feel comfortable leaving Clarksville during the school hours. The frustrating thing about this is over the last six months of school I have only had to go pick him up three times. Yet I still worry about it. I worry I will commit to something and then have to back out of it. A few weeks ago I was watching my friend’s daughters in the early afternoon but we had to set up a backup just in case.

* That regular parenting rules don’t always apply. I hear people talk. About kids who hit. Kids that don’t listen. Kids that need to be spanked. Makes me cringe sometimes. Because of the way Drew is, normal parenting rules simply don’t apply. He isn’t telling me no because we never discipline him. In fact, before we knew what was wrong, we explained it by feeling like he was a kid who had parents who gave him everything he ever wanted and never said no. When in reality we weren’t like that. It was extremely frustrating. I am finding that the older he gets, the more he understands that he isn’t going to get everything he wants right when he wants it. And then when he doesn’t, it isn’t the end of the world.

* That I am careful about who we hang out with. Not everyone is understanding. I need safe people. I need to hang out with people who can understand that sometimes Drew doesn’t act like a regular 6 year old. I am thankful that I have found a good support group here. At least for now. Being a Military community, everyone moves but for now, we have some amazing friends here at Ft. Campbell.

When you have a special needs child, you see the world a little differently. What was important to you as a new Mom, probably doesn’t matter much anymore. I know that over the years my son will learn more about how to act. This makes me feel good and gives me hope that he can live a normal life.