Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

What I have learned about raising special needs children

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Asperger'sThis weekend we had a hard Asperger’s Day. Friday night he threw a three-hour fit. Luckily the next day he was rather calm and very pleasant. It seems to be the way it goes.

As I look back on Friday I have to ask myself what I could have done differently. I look at what choices I made that led to it. How it could have been prevented and what I can do in the future if a similar situation comes up.

I thought about what it is like to be a special needs parent. How life is just a little different when it comes to parenting special needs kids. How things don’t always go the way you want or the way you think they might go.

I thought I would talk about some of the things I have learned over the years about  raising special needs children…

  • Learn to pick your battles. This is a biggie. Although you want to be firm with your kids, sometimes you do have to pick your battles. If your kid is in a certain mood, everything is going to cause a problem so pick what is important and don’t worry about the rest. This was part of the issue on Friday. I should have just stuck to the major issue we were dealing with instead of expecting him to do more than that. If your kid only wants to wear his jacket like Batman does and getting on the bus is a big issue anyways, let it go. It really isn’t that big of a deal. Focus on the getting on the bus part. Don’t worry about the jacket.
  • Take time for yourself. You need it. When you feel like it is getting to where YOU need a timeout, take one. If you are the only adult in the house it might be a little harder to do this. You might need to just say, “You know, ME taking a timeout is more important than THIS battle.” If there is another adult in the house, have them take over for a while. Go take a bath, read a book or meet a friend for coffee.
  • Look at the big picture. Instead of thinking about the bad days, look back over the last few weeks or months and see how far your child has come. If it helps, ask a friend to remind you of this. They don’t see your kids everyday and can notice more of a difference. I know with my oldest I felt he would never really learn to talk. But then I would take to a friend who only saw him every few months and she would tell me how much better he was doing. It was hard for me to see since I was always with him. It helped to hear that others saw the progress even if I didn’t.
  • Find a good support group. This is so important. Find people who support you and your children. Find other families that might be going through similar issues. Knowing you are not alone and having support goes a very long way.  People who make life harder for you and your special needs children just aren’t worth it.
  • Don’t worry about what others might do. When it comes to special needs, you might have a lot of choices. Go with your gut here. What works for one kid with autism might not work for another. Talk to your doctors, therapists, school and your spouse to figure out what is best for YOUR child. If you feel your kid has a certain issue and people tell you not to worry but you can’t let it go, get it checked out anyway. I really think Moms know if something is going on with their children. Don’t doubt yourself.

Are you raising special needs children too? What would you add to this list?

Should We Stay or Should We Go

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When someone joins the Military, they don’t sign up for 20 years right away. Usually they sign-up for 3-4 years and then re-enlist every 3-4 years for a while. They do eventually get to a point where they can re-enlist indefinite. But until that time they really do get a choice about if the Military is in their future or not. When my husband re-joined the Military in 2005, we told ourselves we would try it for three years and see how it goes. Despite a long 15 month deployment, my husband re-enlisted for 5 years in the Spring of 2009. We felt it was the right thing to do at the time.

military familyNow we are getting closer to him having to make a decision about his future in the Army and we are finding it is not an easy decision to make. There are a lot of factors to consider. For one, can we as a family really keep going through deployments like we have been? This every year or even every other year thing is not good. It is possible that things will die down a bit and he won’t have to go as often in the future but I am not holding my breath.

We have our son to think about. How will Drew handle future deployments? How will I be able to stay strong acting as a single parent? The one thing that I felt during JRTC was that I need the support of my husband in dealing with our son. I can get all the outside support but when it comes down to it I need him. If he is overseas and I don’t really have much of a chance to communicate regularly with him, how will I be able to handle that? Would years of going through that tear me down?

Then there is the money issue. The Military is a steady paycheck with healthcare. My husband didn’t go to college and doesn’t really have another career waiting for him. He is in the Infantry and that is where he has all his training in. Should we give all that up to figure something else out? Ideally I would make a full-time income from home. That is the ideal and what I am working for. But what if I can’t do it? What if I fail at it? It would be a huge change for our family. For the past 8 years I have been the one to be in charge of the kids, the meals and the house. Right now it seems ideal but what if it really isn’t? What if having him home so much and having him take over everything I have been in charge of for years throws us for a loop?

There is so much to think about. So many pluses and minus on either side. I don’t want my husband to be in harm’s way. I don’t want him missing parts of my children’s childhood but what if staying in the Army is the best choice for him?

Have you been unsure about your future as a Military family?

Hire Me

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Are you looking for blog writers to contribute to your blog or website?  

I offer blog writing services that will help you achieve your blogging goals.

I have been blogging regularly since 2009 and have contributed posts to sites such as Mymilitarylife.com, Bravotangotees.com and Lifetime Moms as well as guest posting on many other blogs.  I currently own and write regularly at Solider’s Wife, Crazy Life and The How to Make Money Online Mom.  I also write content for Militaryfamily.com.

I love to write and can do so about my life as an Army wife, a mom of boys, a mom of special needs children, blogging, photography and direct sales as well as many other topics.

Here are some examples of my work:

Army Life & Deployments

  • I Might Be Deployed Then
  • 3 Tips to stay sane while he is gone
  • Benefits of a Deployment
  • Pcsing with Children

Special Needs

  • Honestly, This is Hard
  • Asperger’s and Kindergarten

Blogging & Social Media

  • Why You Should Schedule Your Tweets
  • 5 Quick Tips to Help you on your blogging journey
  • Is it really about good content?
  • The importance of blog commenting
  • Driving Traffic to your blog

Get in Touch

If you would like to hire me to write for your blog, please send me an email at julie (at) soldierwifecrazylife (dot) com.  I would love to chat with you about it.  You can also check out my media kit for more information about my site.

 

What having a child with Asperger’s really means

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My son Drew was given the diagnoses of Asperger’s last January. We have known for a year that this is officially what he has. That it is why he acts the way he does, thinks the way he does and is the way he is.

Each day is different. Some days are okay, some days are happy, some days are sad, some days are way too difficult. Add having my husband gone for lengths of time and I get beyond stressed out sometimes.

What does having a child with Asperger’s really mean?

* That if your kid wakes up and something doesn’t feel right to him, you better take care of it before he leaves for school. If you don’t, it could ruin his whole day. The littlest thing could ruin his day. When my Mom came in late Wednesday night, I told her to wait in my room until he left for school Thursday morning and she could say hi to him after school. Why? Because if he saw her he might freak out and that would make for a horrible day at school. It isn’t that he doesn’t like Grandma, it is that she isn’t normally in our home in the mornings and it takes him a while to get used to her.

* That I worry about him all day at school. If I have a doctor’s appointment, I worry that I will have to leave it to go pick him up. I can never 100% relax. I would never feel comfortable leaving Clarksville during the school hours. The frustrating thing about this is over the last six months of school I have only had to go pick him up three times. Yet I still worry about it. I worry I will commit to something and then have to back out of it. A few weeks ago I was watching my friend’s daughters in the early afternoon but we had to set up a backup just in case.

* That regular parenting rules don’t always apply. I hear people talk. About kids who hit. Kids that don’t listen. Kids that need to be spanked. Makes me cringe sometimes. Because of the way Drew is, normal parenting rules simply don’t apply. He isn’t telling me no because we never discipline him. In fact, before we knew what was wrong, we explained it by feeling like he was a kid who had parents who gave him everything he ever wanted and never said no. When in reality we weren’t like that. It was extremely frustrating. I am finding that the older he gets, the more he understands that he isn’t going to get everything he wants right when he wants it. And then when he doesn’t, it isn’t the end of the world.

* That I am careful about who we hang out with. Not everyone is understanding. I need safe people. I need to hang out with people who can understand that sometimes Drew doesn’t act like a regular 6 year old. I am thankful that I have found a good support group here. At least for now. Being a Military community, everyone moves but for now, we have some amazing friends here at Ft. Campbell.

When you have a special needs child, you see the world a little differently. What was important to you as a new Mom, probably doesn’t matter much anymore. I know that over the years my son will learn more about how to act. This makes me feel good and gives me hope that he can live a normal life.

 

 

 

The 5 Money Personalities Review and Giveaway

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The 5 Money Personalities

Do you and your spouse argue about money? We took premarital counseling when we were engaged and took a test. It was pretty in-depth asking us about everything. From the test we found out that we would usually always argue about money. We were raised very differently and because of that we don’t always see eye to eye on things.  After 10.5 years of marriage, the test we took way back then has proved to be correct. Although we work out our disagreements, it is still an area we sometimes don’t agree.

That is why I was excited to see this book and the opportunity to review it. The 5 Money Personalities: Speaking the Same Love and Money Language by Scott & Bethany Palmer.

About The 5 Money Personalities

The hidden key to a healthy relationship is not just managing money but understanding how the other approaches money.

Every couple argues about money. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married for 40 years or dating for 4 months, money touches every decision you make as a couple—from the $5 cup of coffee to the $50,000 car. And when the two of you don’t see eye-to-eye on how much to spend or how much to save, that’s when arguments turn into ugly toxic fights that leave both persons feeling hurt and angry. It’s why money has become the #1 cause of divorce in the U.S. Obviously, something needs to change. The reason this crisis has not been addressed is because it has never been identified, defined, or given a name. Scott and Bethany Palmer, aka “The Money Couple,” have identified and defined this problem and offer concrete solutions to fix it.

Once you know your Money Personality, you can get to the root of money arguments and start really working together. You’ll discover what has an impact on your loved one’s money decisions, and you’ll learn how to talk about money in a way that’s actually fun! You’ll figure out how to put an end to money secrets and lies once and for all.

It’s not just about money management, and it’s definitely not just about overcoming debt. It is a whole new way of living that will change everything in your relationship. Tens of thousands have already been transformed. Are you ready?

About Scott & Bethany Palmer

“The Money Couple”, have dedicated their lives to helping other strengthen their relationships with the 5 Money Personalities. With 43 years of combined financial planning experience, they launched “The Money Couple” and are regulars on national TV and radio and speak internationally about love and money. Scott and Bethany enjoy an active lifestyle in Colorado with their two young sons, Cole and Cade.

 

My Thoughts- This book is a great way to understand how your view money and why you might clash with your spouse. You can take the quiz at The Money Couple to find out what your money personality is. I took it and found the results interesting.

Your Primary Money Personality is Security Seeker

  • You like to have a plan
  • You like predictability
  • Your future is determined
  • You’re willing to sacrifice
  • You are prepared

Your Secondary Money Personality is Saver

  • You get a genuine rush from saving money
  • Rarely spend impulsively
  • Willing to research in order to find the lowest price
  • Enjoy getting a “good deal”
  • Celebrates when others get a “good deal”

I knew I liked to have a plan. I am a planner by nature. I like to know exactly how much money we have at every given moment. I look up my husband’s LES the minute it comes out. I plan every paycheck out. I get very nervous when I know I am supposed to be paid money and it takes longer than it should. Even though logically I know I will get the money. I am nervous until I actually get it. I find my secondary one interesting because I don’t feel like I save as much as I should. I have my share of impulsive spending too. I do like to research a lot and I love getting a good deal.

My husband hasn’t taken the test yet but I am very curious to find out what his answers would be.

I love how this books talks about different situations and how people deal with them when it has to do with money. I think it would be a great book for any couple to read.

Website: http://themoneycouple.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMoneyCouple

Twitter: https://twitter.com/themoneycouple

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/themoneycouple

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/The-Money-Personalities-Speaking-Language/dp/0849964784/

Would you like to win a copy of the book? Enter the Rafflecopter below 🙂

 

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* I received a copy of this book for review!