Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Children

Multiple Deployments Suck

by 4 Comments

Multiple Deployments SuckI have been thinking about writing a post like this for a while. I want to try to put into words how I am feeling about our upcoming 4th deployment. Our 4th deployment since 2006. I have a lot of emotions when it comes to this deployment. It is interesting how different I feel this time. I felt a lot of fear right before our 3rd deployment. I just had such a horrible feeling about it. Luckily my husband went and came back without any injuries.

This upcoming deployment I don’t feel a lot of fear. Not the fear of him getting hurt or worse. I feel frustration and annoyance. I am worried that 9 months of solo parenting will change me. I know that might sound weird. All deployments change you. But this time I am just so worried that it will be so hard and frustrating that when he finally gets home, I will not be the happy Julie I once was. That I will be broken and way too burned out.

I have had people tell me after my husband gets back from a deployment that I look so much happier. That there is just something about my face that changes. I hate the thought of going through that dark period where I have a sad face.

I feel like I can’t give very much right now. I feel bad about that. I quit MOPS and I really don’t want to put myself out there for anything else. Last Wednesday was a very bad day. Very bad. My husband was in the field and my son got sent home from school early. All I could think about was that I would feel like that everyday for 9 months. Now that it is a week later, I can see that it was one bad day and not everyday will be like that. Still I hated that feeling and it just scares me to think that would be the norm for us.

Ever since my first deployment I have been praying for at least a two-year break. We still haven’t had that. When I thought my husband didn’t have to deploy, I was thinking we were finally going to get that. Nope. Not us. Not our family.

I guess I am just frustrated. Frustrated he has to go again.  Frustrated that it is our turn again. Frustrated that I have to handle a special needs kid all by myself. Frustrated with the way things are being handled.

And maybe once he leaves the frustration will lesson. Maybe it is just because we are in that horrible pre-deployment period of time.  It sucks you dry from all the different emotions you are feeling. Maybe once he leaves and we get into the routine of it, things will get better.

I remember when he left in February 2011. I needed to take the boys to get haircuts and it was the second day he had been gone. It was the first time I had ever taken all three out by myself. I was so scared. But after many days and then weeks and then months of doing that, it got a lot easier. What once seemed so scary to me was apart of my normal routine. I am hoping it will be the same way this time. That after he leaves and we get more used to it, it will feel better. That it won’t seem so frustrating and crazy. That is my hope.

The fact is, multiple deployments suck. And I can feel the weight of the last three pressing down on me. I need a break. I need a big long break from this.

And to be honest, writing all this out has been helpful.

Can anyone else relate?

 

 

Square Foot Gardening

by 14 Comments

Square Foot Gardening

So last spring and summer I did a little planting. I grew some tomatoes, peppers, herbs and flowers. I got lazy and let everything die. I told myself I was a brown thumb and wasn’t going to plant anything this year. We had to go to Lowes for some mulch for my husband’s roses. I decided to pick up a few things to plant and we headed home. That night I got online and started reading about the best way to garden. Then I found this on square foot gardening!

Square Foot Gardening

From Frugal Dad!

I could do that…my husband could help. We could make this during the week he has off. No big deal and only $50.

So we head to Lowe’s. We were able to find the screws, line, peat moss, compost and seeds (just bought what I wanted to plant.) They were out of Vermiculite and their saw was broken. My husband suggested he buy his own saw…with great big puppy dog eyes. We thought about it but then when they were out of the Vermiculite and I knew we had to go somewhere else anyway, we decided not to. We ended up going to Home Depot for the cut boards but they also had no Vermiculite. I got online and found out Vermiculite is hard to get. Home Depot has it on their site but they will charge you a lot for shipping. The bags itself are not that expensive but after shipping, I was going to have to spend over $50 just for what I needed. Some stores in Nashville and I knew I could call around local nurseries but I really didn’t want to do that.

My husband was able to build the bed for me just fine.

 

But I still had the problem with the Vermiculite. Now I know I didn’t 100% need it. I read up on some forums. Some people said you had to have it, others said you didn’t. I decided to check the Lowe’s site because I knew they carried it too but the local Lowe’s was out. Turns out the other Lowe’s in Clarksville had 12 bags of it. Yay! So we took a family trip to the other side of town and I bought my Vermiculite.

On Saturday morning, I got everything together, mixed up my soil and started planting. I did end up having to buy more compost as what I had did not fill up my bed. I made sure to buy a different kind as I have heard mixing different types together is a good idea.

I have a cute Gardening helper too. He is really into planting. He says he will help me with everything but the lettuce because they are growing it at school.

Square Foot Gardening

We decided we are going to plant all sorts of things this year. It would be awesome if everything grew but knowing how brown my thumb really is, we will see. I think most of the fun will be in trying.  Plus it will give me something to focus on during the deployment.  Right now I go out every morning to tend to things.  It isn’t a lot right now but I know it will get more busy as things grow.

We have some seeds started in the garden and some we have started in little boxes that we will transplant later.

My son also wants to plant an apple tree. From what I have heard, these take a really long time. So if we are successful, we might see fruit by around the time he is 12 😀 Like I said, the fun will be in trying.

I am finding that there is a lot of good information out there on the Internet about gardening. Google is very helpful. I am also learning a lot from The Square Foot Gardening Forum and My Square Foot Garden.

Square Foot Gardening

What are you planting this season? Do you have a square foot garden?

 

* If you are Military both Lowe’s and Home Depot have a 10% Military discount.

Moms just know

by 2 Comments

IMG_4679

As a Mom, you know your kids. If your child had special needs that you didn’t find out about at birth or during your pregnancy, you will remember when you first started to think something was going on. Most likely it was before anyone else knew something was up.

Moms just know.

I knew when my 2.5 year old wasn’t talking that something was up, I was right, he had a developmental delay.

I knew something wasn’t right with my 3.5 year old. No he had never been in a childcare setting before but something wasn’t right.  He never grew out of some of the behaviors he should have.  I felt like nothing we did with him worked.  I was right, he had Asperger’s.

I have talked with other special needs parents and it seems that Moms, they just know. They always question it first. Husbands might ignore it. Doctors might brush it off as normal behavior, but a Mom always knows. And I know in some cases it is the Dad. I am not trying to say that only females have this kind of intuition but from what I have seen it is usually the Mom. Most of my friends stay at home with the kids while their husband is in the Military which I am sure has something to do with it. Moms are with the kids all the time and the Dads are away a lot of the time. My husband was deployed when I took my oldest son in for testing.

Moms know their children very well. We know how they eat, how they talk and how they sleep. We agonize over it before they are even born. We try to figure out the best way to handle the early years. As the child grows we start to wonder if something doesn’t seem quite right. We question ourselves. We ask our friends and our doctors.

I had brought up Drew’s issues twice with the regular doctor. They kinda brushed it off. But I knew and it took him going to regular preschool for me to make the call to be seen by a behavioral doctor. And I did this because I knew. Something wasn’t right. He wasn’t just getting used to school. He wasn’t just a normal four-year old. And I was right. Something was going on.

If you are a Mom or Dad and you are worried about your child, don’t give up on trying to figure out what is wrong. Deep down you know if something isn’t quite right. Trust your gut and keep asking questions. My experience is with Tricare. I called my son’s PCM and asked for a referral to the behavioral pediatrician. After a few months we finally got an appointment and started the process of figuring out what was going on. Sometime the process is hard and takes too long. That isn’t fair but keep at it. If no one is calling you back, you call them. Work hard to get the testing you think your child might need. It will be worth it in the end.

Do you have experience with feeling something was wrong with your child before anyone else did? Was it a struggle?

Since today is World Autism Awareness Day, I will be posting about Asperger’s, Autism and Special needs all week. Yesterday I talked about Accepting Autism.

Accepting Autism

by 6 Comments

 

Accepting Autism

April 2nd is World Autism Awareness Day and April is Autism Awareness month.  My family will be participating in a walk later on this month.  I also plan to blog about Asperger’s and Autism this week.

When we found out Drew had Asperger’s in January of 2012, I was able to accept it pretty easily.  I had done my research and I knew that was what he probably had.  But when I thought about him having Asperger’s meaning that he had Autism…well that was a much harder label to accept.  For months I had a very hard time with it.

Autism…it can be a scary word.  When you find out you are pregnant, you worry about things and Autism is one of them.  You might wonder in the back of your head if the things you do for your baby will lead to it down the road.  It is scary to think about.  You don’t want anything to be wrong with your child.

But now, 15 months later, I can say I have pretty much accepted it.

My child had a form of Autism.  We have an Autistic child.

And that is okay.  It is not the end of the world.  It is not the worst thing that could happen to us.  Not even close.  It means having more patience.  It means having more struggles.  It means breaking down and crying and praying a little more often but it is not the end of the world.

School started out as a challenge but lately things have been going well.  Today is the first day back from Spring break so I am hoping he has a good day.  We will have summer break coming up and I hope it goes well and then hopefully we can have a good transition into first grade in the fall.

He doesn’t quite understand he has Asperger’s or Autism.  He does plan to wear blue tomorrow only because I told him to.  I am not sure when we will bring it up to him.  So far he hasn’t ask any questions.  He doesn’t wonder why he has people with him at school that other kids don’t.  He doesn’t question why he gets more frustrated about things than his brother does.  I think someday he will question it but it hasn’t happened yet.

Later this week I plan to blog about how Moms of special needs kids usually just know something was going on with their kids before the doctor did, my hopes and dreams for my son as he gets older, questions others might have about Asperger’s, and parenting a special needs child during a deployment.

Please let me know if you have any questions or topics you would like me to blog about.  I would be happy to answer them or talk about them in a future most.

 

What is ABA therapy?

by 1 Comment

Right after my son Drew was diagnosed with Asperger’s in January 2012, we received information about ABA therapy for him. Back then I really didn’t know a lot about it but I assumed it was something like what Max had in Parenthood. I wasn’t sure how it worked.  If we went somewhere for it or if they would just come to our home. We were able to start a few weeks after we got the diagnosis.

What is ABA therapy?

ABA stands for Applied Behavior Analysis.

According to Autism Speaks, Behavior analysis focuses on the principles that explain how learning takes place. Positive reinforcement is one such principle. When a behavior is followed by some sort of reward, the behavior is more likely to be repeated. Through decades of research, the field of behavior analysis has developed many techniques for increasing useful behaviors and reducing those that may cause harm or interfere with learning.

Applied behavior analysis (ABA) is the use of these techniques and principles to bring about meaningful and positive change in behavior.

As mentioned, behavior analysts began working with young children with autism and related disorders in the 1960s. Early techniques often involved adults directing most of the instruction. Some allowed the child to take the lead. Since that time, a wide variety of ABA techniques have been developed for building useful skills in learners with autism – from toddlers through adulthood.

These techniques can be used in structured situations such as a classroom lesson as well as in “everyday” situations such as family dinnertime or the neighborhood playground. Some ABA therapy sessions involve one-on-one interaction between the behavior analyst and the participant. Group instruction can likewise prove useful.

Asperger's

What has been our experience with ABA?

Drew has been in ABA therapy for 13 months now. When we first started he was only in preschool. They came to the house a couple of times a week and also went to school with him. He was attending a church preschool so we had to get their permission for them to be there. Luckily that wasn’t an issue and they let them in to help him learn how to act in school.

At the time Drew had a big problem with being told what and when to do things in the classroom. He had a very hard time playing with his peers and not throwing fits over every little thing.

Over the last 13 months we have worked with 4 different therapists/tutors. Last year he would go to school twice a week and then usually he would have a few hours after school with one of the ABA therapists.

When summertime hit we would see them about 4 times a week. Sometimes it was at home, sometimes out in the community. They even went to swim lessons with him. Sometimes they would come over and we would try to get him to ride his bike. Other times we would practice playing board games which he had a very hard time with at first. They use a reward systems so he is always working for something. If he gets so many stickers, he earns a prize. At first he would earn m&ms every few hours. Now he needs to earn six stickers throughout the day at school. If he does that he earns an Angry Birds Buck (we made this up) and if he gets a certain amount, he earns something of his choice. He can earn a trip to McDonald’s for five Angry Birds Bucks or work for 15-20 for a toy. This system works so well for him and he is so happy when he gets home from school if he had a good day.

These days I don’t see too much of the ABA therapists. Drew doesn’t see them as much anymore either. When he started school last fall we realized right away that he needed them there during the day. Now that it is March they are just on call with the teacher and might stop by during the day to check on him. They also meet with him at home once a week to go over school stuff and talk about the Angry Birds chart.

There have been difficult times where he was really upset and they helped me with him. They guided me about how I should act during a fit and I have always felt free to ask them any questions about Drew or what he is doing.

I am just amazed at how much Drew has changed since last February. We were in CA a week, lots of new situations and the only real meltdown he had was at the wedding. And this was understandable as the music became very loud and he was very tired. But that was after being at my parent’s house for a whole week already.  A big change from when we were visiting last summer.

School is getting much better for him too. We only have about 2.5 months left of the school year. I do worry about being out of school for the summer and starting first grade in the fall. I am glad we have such wonderful therapists that work with him. You can really see that everything they have done has paid off.

If your child has just been diagnosed and you are about to start ABA, I hope that I have given you an idea of what to expect.

 

 

A Day at Disneyland

by 3 Comments

A trip to Disneyland

The last couple of times we were in California, it was summertime. I simply can not do Disney in the summer. Growing up 20 minutes away from Disneyland I just can’t stand paying so much and having to wait so long for the rides. I went to a year round school so we would always take advantage of the three weeks we had off in October that no one else did and went to Disney and other amusement parts. We were able to walk on a lot of the rides.

A trip to Disneyland

Since we were finally going to CA in the off-season, I decided to take my oldest two to Disneyland for a day. I debated buying the three-day Disneyland Military discount but in the end we really only had the time for one day there and I didn’t think we would make it back to CA before the tickets would expire. I decided to leave my 2-year-old with Grandma and Grandpa for the day because my oldest two are now tall enough to go on every single ride. I also didn’t want to have to worry about a stroller or diapers. One of my best friends in California met me there with her oldest two kids. We also were able to meet another good friend and her kids and Mom for dinner as they have Disneyland passes.

A trip to Disneyland

It was such a great day for us all. We had so much fun. It was so great to take my boys on the rides I loved growing up. To see them smile and talk about how awesome each one was. Drew did hate Space Mountain but really seemed to like everything else. We had to start our day at Star Tours since Drew had been talking about that ride for months. What was really great was that we didn’t have to wait longer than 10-20 minutes for any of the rides. Some of the waits got longer during the day and we used the Fast Pass for Splash Mountain. I really wanted to stay until it closed and we left about 15 minutes before it did, ending the night with a parade.

A trip to Disneyland

 

I can’t wait to go back although it might be in another 3-4 years. I love Disneyland and it holds a special place in my heart. I have so many memories there. From going with my Grandparents when I was a kid to going on dates there with my high school boyfriend. It kills me that it is so expensive these days. I don’t think Walt Disney would like it. But it is an amazing place and so thankful we got the chance to go this year.

A trip to Disneyland

As for how Drew did?  Just fine.  The lines didn’t bother him although they weren’t all that long.  Just watching him take it all in was so much fun!

I have never been to Walt Disney World and hope to do that someday. I want to wait until Joshua is older so all my kids can do all the rides.

Have you been to Disney lately?

A trip back in time at the Ft. Defiance Civil War park and interpretive center

by Leave a Comment

I love history! My Dad is a retired American history professor so as you can imagine our house was filled with lots of history growing up. He also liked to take us to historical sites in California.  I am wanting to do more historical stuff with my own boys.

This weekend I heard that Ft. Defiance Civil War park and interpretive center here in Clarksville was having a 151st anniversary Living history weekend. I really wanted to go to one of these and thought this weekend was the perfect time to do it. I wasn’t sure what to expect. We had been there before but haven’t seen any of the living history stuff.

It wasn’t that big but what we saw was pretty cool. They had a little camp set up, about 4 soldiers standing around and a few women dressed up for the time period. The soldiers did a live fire exercise and then talked with some of the kids. My older two really enjoyed it although the shooting was a little loud for my 6 year old. After we watched that we walked the trail which has little signs you can read about what happened there. This place is good for history lovers or those who just want to walk on a trail.

Ft. Defiance

 

Ft. Defiance

Ft. Defiance

Ft. Defiance

Ft. Defiance

Ft. Defiance

Ft. Defiance

Ft. Defiance

Ft. Defiance

Ft. Defiance

 

 

What I have learned about raising special needs children

by 1 Comment

Asperger'sThis weekend we had a hard Asperger’s Day. Friday night he threw a three-hour fit. Luckily the next day he was rather calm and very pleasant. It seems to be the way it goes.

As I look back on Friday I have to ask myself what I could have done differently. I look at what choices I made that led to it. How it could have been prevented and what I can do in the future if a similar situation comes up.

I thought about what it is like to be a special needs parent. How life is just a little different when it comes to parenting special needs kids. How things don’t always go the way you want or the way you think they might go.

I thought I would talk about some of the things I have learned over the years about  raising special needs children…

  • Learn to pick your battles. This is a biggie. Although you want to be firm with your kids, sometimes you do have to pick your battles. If your kid is in a certain mood, everything is going to cause a problem so pick what is important and don’t worry about the rest. This was part of the issue on Friday. I should have just stuck to the major issue we were dealing with instead of expecting him to do more than that. If your kid only wants to wear his jacket like Batman does and getting on the bus is a big issue anyways, let it go. It really isn’t that big of a deal. Focus on the getting on the bus part. Don’t worry about the jacket.
  • Take time for yourself. You need it. When you feel like it is getting to where YOU need a timeout, take one. If you are the only adult in the house it might be a little harder to do this. You might need to just say, “You know, ME taking a timeout is more important than THIS battle.” If there is another adult in the house, have them take over for a while. Go take a bath, read a book or meet a friend for coffee.
  • Look at the big picture. Instead of thinking about the bad days, look back over the last few weeks or months and see how far your child has come. If it helps, ask a friend to remind you of this. They don’t see your kids everyday and can notice more of a difference. I know with my oldest I felt he would never really learn to talk. But then I would take to a friend who only saw him every few months and she would tell me how much better he was doing. It was hard for me to see since I was always with him. It helped to hear that others saw the progress even if I didn’t.
  • Find a good support group. This is so important. Find people who support you and your children. Find other families that might be going through similar issues. Knowing you are not alone and having support goes a very long way.  People who make life harder for you and your special needs children just aren’t worth it.
  • Don’t worry about what others might do. When it comes to special needs, you might have a lot of choices. Go with your gut here. What works for one kid with autism might not work for another. Talk to your doctors, therapists, school and your spouse to figure out what is best for YOUR child. If you feel your kid has a certain issue and people tell you not to worry but you can’t let it go, get it checked out anyway. I really think Moms know if something is going on with their children. Don’t doubt yourself.

Are you raising special needs children too? What would you add to this list?