Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Children

The 10 Most Memorable Moments of Our Marriage

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Military MarriageOn August 3rd we will celebrate 10 years of marriage! 10 years! A whole decade! During the last 10 years we have done things and lived places we never thought were possible. We have been through tough and challenging times and been through some pretty awesome times. I thought it would be fun to make a list of the top 10 most memorable moments from the last 10 years! I am not going to count our wedding day since it is a given that was pretty awesome 🙂

1. Finding out we were having a baby boy! In May of 2004 we had just gotten back from a really fun trip down to San Diego and Orange County. I still remember walking out of the hospital after the ultrasound with the name of our first child. As soon as they told us it was a boy, we knew he was going to be our Daniel.

2. The births of our 3 children. Having a baby is amazing, it really is. To know that we created these 3 little boys is amazing. I have always wanted to be a Mommy and will always remember the days that a new little boy join our family.

3. The homecomings. Over the last 6.5 years Ben has been deployed three times as well as a bunch of other times he has been away for different reasons. The homecomings are always so wonderful! Just to see him again and know that he is done being away from us for a while is so nice.

4. Packing up everything and moving from California to Kentucky. In 2005 we decided it would be best to head to Kentucky because of the high cost of living in California. It was so hard to say goodbye to family and friends and I do wonder what life would be like if we had stayed but I am glad we did it. Ben quit his job, we packed up everything and drove east to our new home.

5. Our Mediterranean Cruise. This cruise was amazing and our family got to see so much! I am so glad we decided to do this. It really was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

6. Our trip to Catalina for our 7th anniversary. Sometimes the Army does crazy things…like giving Ben his R&R over our 7th anniversary even though he didn’t request it and it was pushed back from his original date 3 weeks earlier. We were able to get away just the two of us to Catalina Island were we went for our honeymoon. It was amazing and we had such a great time! It was so different from when we went the first time. I would like to go again sometime and take the boys. I think they would like it too.

7. Buying our first home. We bought our first home in September of last year. When we were looking at this house we just  looked at each other and knew it was what we wanted. It was perfect for us and our little boys.

8. Moving to Germany. It took Daniel and I 4.5 months to get there but once we did it was amazing to think about us living there for a while. It was one of those, “Are we really living in Europe?” moments when Ben finally took me to our new apartment.

9. When Ben join the Army. When I met Ben, the Army was apart of his past. It wasn’t something we even really talked about until we had been married a few years. He didn’t join until we had been married 3.5 years. Making that decision changed the path of our lives.

10. Our 15 month deployment. This was probably the hardest period of time during our marriage. We didn’t see each other for 11 months straight as the deployment kept getting extended. I still think about how odd it is that we lived apart for so long without seeing each other. During that time our marriage looked very different because it was long distance but we made it through and became stronger because of it.

 

Military Marriage

DinoTrek at the Nashville Zoo

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On Easter we went to the Nashville Zoo and I took the two older boys into DinoTrek!  I wasn’t sure if it would be worth it since it cost $3 each to get in.  After hearing my oldest say it was the coolest thing ever I think it was worth it.

It was pretty cool how they had the Dinosaurs set up with sign that told you where their bones were found.  Then they had a place the kids could dig for bones in the sand.  Perfect for my Dino kids!

 

DinoTrek at the Nashville Zoo

 

Nashville Zoo

 

Nashville Zoo

 

Nashville Zoo

 

Nashville Zoo

 

Nashville Zoo

 

Nashville Zoo

On being a mom

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On being a mom

I am sure by now you have heard of the Time article going around the internet. Tons of bloggers have blogged about the article already. The front cover of Time shows a mother breastfeeding her four-year-old child with a caption that says, “Are You Mom Enough?” Now I haven’t read the article but it sure is offending a lot of people. From my understanding, the article is about Attachment Parenting and Mommy wars.

Before I became a mom I did temp work. I usually sat, answered phones, did some data entry and was able to read when I didn’t have anything to do. I started reading a lot about mothering, children, parenting, and childbirth. I started to feel very drawn to Attachment Parenting. I loved the idea of it. It seemed to fit my personality very well. I had a ton of ideas of how I was going to raise my children. I felt very strongly about them and wasn’t going to parent any other way. I joined online forums with other people who were parenting that way.

In September 2004, I gave birth to my first son. That was when reality hit!

You can plan, you can say you are going to do x, y and z but when a baby comes, you parent. You do what is best for your child.

You do what is best for your family and sometimes that doesn’t fit in a parenting camp.  I took some time away from those online forums and books and started figuring how the best way to parent my own son. Not the child I had planned on having but the child that I actually had. There is a big difference between the two.

Here I was a new mom trying to figure everything out. I wanted to be that Attachment Parent. And I was in some ways. With all three boys, we co-slept until about 4-5 months. It was a sweet time in my life and I will always cherish the memories of co-sleeping. It was also the only way I made it through the first few months. I breastfed all three of them too. One for 17 months, one for 9 and one for 7. I wanted to breastfeed all of them for about 18 months. That was always my personal comfort level. It didn’t happen. Life happened instead. And although my ideal was 18 months, I am still happy with how long I did breastfeed them.

18 Months Old18 Months OldI never felt comfortable letting a baby CIO. I never wanted that to be a part of my parenting and I was able to stick to that. All three of my boys starting sleeping through the night by about 9 months of age. That worked for us.

I had slings and different carriers I wore some of the time. I usually didn’t wear them at home, just when we were out. Baby J probably got worn the most because I literally needed two free hands with the other two.

I have had two natural births and 1 epidural birth. If I gave birth again I would probably go naturally.

I love my stroller! Love it. It’s funny because before I had my oldest I thought I would wear him in a sling all the time and barely use a stroller, but you know what? I loved it from the beginning.

I vaccinate my children.

I used cloth with #2 but haven’t been able to get into it with #3.

So now here I am, a mother of 7.5 years and I don’t have a parenting title anymore.

I could say that I lean towards Attachment parenting but I really don’t like parenting labels. I have friends who parent similar to me and friends who don’t. As my children get older, the baby stuff becomes less and less important. I have my views and beliefs, other people have theirs. I have my ideals and then I have my reality.

As a newly pregnant woman reading all about pregnancy I never in a million years thought I would be going through any step of this without my husband right by my side. I never pictured long nights alone. But that was what my reality was and I had to adjust. And I think with any mom, you have to adjust. Some of the things you say before parenthood stick and others don’t.

And when it comes down to it, I may have ways of parenting that I think are best but most Mothers out there are doing what they think is best too. And most children are going to turn out alright.

I just want to be the best mom I can be to my three boys and not worry what all the other mothers are doing.

What have you changed your mind about since you became a parent?

 

 

 

10 Things I Have Learned About Marriage During The Last 10 Years

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10 things I have learned about marriage the last 10 years

In August, my husband and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage! 10 whole years, a decade! We were 10 years younger when we decided we wanted to spend our lives together. We have been through a lot of things I would never have imagined. We have spent about 3 years of those 10 apart. That seriously breaks my heart but at least it wasn’t three years in a row. We have both grown and changed over the years. I can now look at my husband and instead of saying, “I want to grow old with you” I can say, “I love growing old with you.” Because let’s face it, when I look at our wedding pictures I see two younger versions of ourselves and it is very obvious that time has passed and that we are in the process of growing old together.

So what have I learned about marriage the last 10 years?

1) What works for one couple might not work for another. You hear a lot of advice about what a marriage should look like or what you should do about x,y or z. From TVs in your room to how often you go on a date! It’s nice to get advice about marriage but it might not all apply and that is okay.

2) Deployments can make a marriage stronger. I believe this can happen because it happened to us. I feel very lucky for this because I know how hard deployments can be on marriages. I am just thankful that deployments have not pushed us apart but made us stronger.

3) Kids change your marriage. They do. From what you do on a daily basis to how you view your spouse. When we had kids I got to see my husband in a new “Daddy” role. He gets to see me as a “Mommy.” It is different from our “husband” and “wife” roles.

4) Laughing together is good. My husband loves to make me laugh. Even when I am mad he can seem to make me smile. It’s good for us.

5) Let the little things go. I can find myself getting frustrated about the littlest things but I have learned it is best just to let them go.

Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

6) I can do things without him. When he is gone, I can function. I can my kids and I halfway around the world without him. I can give birth without him. I can do a lot on my own. Doesn’t mean I like to do things this way, but I can.

7) Sometimes life gets really really hard. Sometimes it just isn’t the way I would have planned it. That can be so frustrating but in the end, I am glad we have each other to get through it.

8 ) When you were raised differently you will see the world differently and that might be challenging. We were both raised by parents who loved us and loved God very much but the overall our childhoods were very different and we sometimes see things very differently. This can be frustrating but we just have to take a step back and realize where the other person is coming from.

9) I made the right choice. Way back in 2001 when I said yes to marry this man, I made the right choice. He is the right one for me and I am the right one for him.

10) Trust goes a very long way. We both trust each other. I trust him, he trusts me. I can’t imagine going through what we have been through without it.

Family

How long have you been married? What have you learned in that time?

 

Living with Asperger’s

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Living with Asperger’sIt’s been three months since Drew was diagnosed with Asperger’s. Asperger’s is considered a form of Autism. I have accepted Asperger’s but having a hard time with the phrase, “my son has autism.”

Most parents start hearing about Autism before their child is even born. There are a lot of theories on what causes it. A lot of debate. It is something I have always been afraid of on some level. I think a lot of parents wonder about it. But knowing your kid is considered “on the autism spectrum” is so hard. I guess because when I look at my son I don’t see Autism. I do see a smart and healthy child that has a lot more challenges in life than another 5-year-old might have. Things bother him and I can never wrap my head around why.

A fork falls on the floor and it is the end of the world. I offer him the wrong cereal or the wrong brand of tortillas. I forget to put a napkin in his lunch. His teacher is absent for the day. His brother isn’t playing with the Lego the “right” way. He can’t find the pink nose for the Mr. Potato Head.

Things have to be a certain way for him or it really is the end of the world. I have to remember that his mind thinks so differently than mine. I have to remember that certain things other kids grow out of by age 5 he is still working on. He won’t understand certain things on an emotional level. He will have to learn the “rules” for how to live in society. He will memorize them and then know how to act.

He has a very hard time with “no.” If he doesn’t get something he wants he will spend hours sometimes trying to find a loop-hole to get it. For example he really wanted some Legos at the store. He knew we were going to go to Target on Friday. I told him several times that we could look at the toys but we couldn’t buy toys. Well he tried to explain that Legos were not really toys. When that didn’t work he went on to tell me that I should just put “Legos” on my list since we were only going to buy what was on Mommy’s list. He is super smart and tries so hard to figure things out.

He is also very literal. If we have breakfast and then he asks for ice cream and I tell him, “You can’t have ice cream for breakfast.” He will tell me that he already had breakfast. What I needed to say was that we don’t have ice cream in the morning.

He starts Kindergarten in the fall. We had our first IEP with his new school a few weeks ago and I am very happy with the team who will be working with him. It makes me feel good that we are on the same page. I am worried about the first few weeks of school the most since that is when everything will be so new to him. He has a hard time with new environments sometimes.

I do love spending time with him. He is so creative, I love it! He inspires me in different ways and I love watching him figure things out. He talks a lot about what he knows and although a lot of it can be repetitive, it is nice to see him passionate about things.  Some days are pretty average, other days are pretty difficult and every once in a while they get pretty hard. I feel good about the help he is getting and it is helping me as well. Just taking one day at a time with it. I am worried about our next deployment and having to parent alone. I know I have done it before but I just feel like things are so different now. I know when the time comes I will be able to make it through but I worry thinking about it.

Just one day at a time…

“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.” (Mother Teresa)

 

 

Family Blog to Army Wife Blog

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Soldier and baby

Back in February 2004 I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I am not sure where I heard of blogging but thought it was a good time to start  a blog.  We lived about 9 hours from my family and figured it would be a good way to keep them updated.

Welcome to our Pregnancy Journal. Figured we would use this to keep our family and friends updated on our pregnancy. We got the pregnancy confirmed on Feb 4th, 2004. We think our due date is Oct 15th…so somewhere around then we are going to have a baby. We plan on giving birth at the Women’s Health and Birth Center ….which is about 5 minutes from our house. We have our first appointment with the Midwife tomorrow and we are very excited about it.- This was my very first blog post ever!

I blogged at this blog for a while. My family saw the posts. My friends saw the posts. That was it. I was not aware of any type of blog community. I don’t even know who was blogging in the Milspouse community in 2004. Let me know if you were 🙂 In 2005 when Ben left for Germany I started a new blog mostly just for him. He was going to be away from us for a while so I figured it was a smart thing to do. Easier for him to look at a blog post then deal with pictures in an email. When I moved to Germany and had to say goodbye to my Lexington friends I was glad to have the blog. Some of them had blogs too so that was nice.

Around 2007 was when Myspace got popular and then in 2008 I really started to use Facebook more and more. I felt like I was repeating myself. I would post a status on Facebook and then went to blog and felt like I was just repeating myself. Blogging was no longer fun for me. I pretty much gave it up.

Then in 2009 I had this awesome idea to start an Army Wife blog. I think I had come across Bohemian Transplant’s original blog and loved how she was blogging about her life and how she was connecting with other spouses as well. After three failed attempts and a Twitter account I had finally found the Milspouse Blogging community.   I wanted a place to share about what we had been through with the Military.  I knew when Ben first joined I would have really enjoyed reading blogs about the Army life.  I started commenting on other blogs, they came back and commented on mine and things started to change. I was no longer blogging for my friends and family. I was blogging for anyone out there who wanted to read about our lives in the Military, our deployments or anything else I decided to blog about.

These days I look at Facebook to keep in touch with friends and family in other parts of the world but I have my Army Wife Blog to talk all about our lives as a Military family. I can connect with others and it has been such a great experience for me. But how does one get from blogging just for friends and family to something more? How do you make that jump?

I really think the key is the Milspouse Blogging community or really any blogging community that fits with your blog. Just started commenting on other blogs that are similar to yours or that you really enjoy.  Become active on Twitter.  I know Twitter seems a little weird and scary at first but I promise it isn’t. I am Armywifejulie on Twitter and would love to connect with you if you join 🙂

Blogging can be such a great thing.  Especially if you are dealing with a stressful situation.  You learn quickly that you are not alone and this make life a little easier.  Plus who doesn’t love finding more friends?

Do you have a blog? Do you want to start one? What is holding you back?

 

Don’t forget to enter my Army Wives Kindle Fire Giveaway.  Just a few more days left to enter 🙂

Is there something wrong with my child?

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Is there something wrong with my child?

Is there something wrong with my child???

Figuring out if something is wrong with your child is very difficult. As parents we want our children to be 100% okay. We don’t want anything to be wrong with them. We read the parenting books, we try to make all the right choices. Sometimes there is something going on but how do you know? How do you know they might be delayed or dealing with something other kids don’t have to deal with? How do you know you should take them somewhere to be seen?

It is a hard decision to make. We moved to the US from Germany when Drew was a little over three. I started him at the CDC and it was the really the first time he went anywhere that was like that. He had gone to the church nursery a few times and a couple of times at the CDC in Germany for one time events but nothing regularly. He didn’t do so well at first. I brought it up to the doctor and she thought he was just getting use to the new place. I wasn’t totally sure it was that but I wasn’t totally sure it wasn’t either. Looking back it really was the first signs of his Asperger’s but we didn’t know it at the time.

This past August I asked a different doctor about him. I brought up some of my concerns. She asked him a bunch of questions and felt he was fine. Maybe just his personality. At this point I just wasn’t sure what to think. By October I knew it was much more than just his personality. Things we thought he would have grown out of by almost five he hadn’t. I decided to call the doctor and just ask for a referral to see the Behavioral Doctor on post. I had heard he was excellent. From that I was directed to CAPS which is also on post. That is where we met with a doctor and got the diagnoses.

It has been a road, although not as long as it could have been. Looking back it is a lot more obvious that something was going on. But it isn’t always easy to tell when you are going through it.

I really do think moms know if something is going on. You just know deep down that something isn’t quite right. Sometimes the doctors might not see it at first. Sometimes you just have to keep at it to find out what is wrong

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Before I took my oldest in to be tested I told myself that either 1) They will tell me he is fine or 2) There is something going on and we could start to help him. I tried not to worry although it was hard. I tried not to imagine the worst, although that was hard too. I just knew I had to do something about the feelings I was having.

Have you been through this? What advice would you give to someone who wasn’t sure something was going on with their child?

A Diagnosis of Asperger’s

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A Diagnosis of Asperger's- Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Back in October, I started the process of getting my son evaluated. I knew something wasn’t right with him. Once he started preschool in August it became clear that we needed to get him checked out. He will be starting kindergarten in the fall and I knew it would be important to know what was going on before then. I knew we needed to find that out so we knew how to help him.

At first, I wasn’t sure what could be going on. He has a lot of trouble changing from one activity to the next. He likes certain things a certain way. At first, we thought this could have been age but then he just wasn’t growing out of these behaviors. I started to notice how he would really focus on one thing. He would talk about whatever he was into a lot. Only want to play with that item.

Right now that is Lego Star Wars. He only wants to wear Lego Star Wars shirts. I can get him to wear the regular Star Wars ones but only because the Lego ones need to be washed. He only plays with his Lego Star Wars. He knows a lot about them too. We bought him an encyclopedia book on all the different Lego Star Wars you can get. He will talk all day about Star Wars.

He just doesn’t get along with other kids too well. This is hard because I am social, his brother is social and so we like being around other people and kids. Usually, he will either play by himself or play next to another child. Every once in a while, he will play with another child and I get so happy to see that. He will tell me things like, “They weren’t playing with it right, ” when he gets mad at another kid.

He is awesome about washing his hands after he goes to the bathroom but if we are somewhere else and he can’t find the soap, he gets really upset. He has to wash his hands. He will get pretty upset about the little things too, like when he drops a fork or a toy. It can be hard to know how to react. I have learned to stay calm myself and just say something like, “It is ok. Let’s get you another one.”

I would say we have been dealing with this type of behavior since he was about two or three. But in the last year, it has really gotten to where it felt like a big problem.

Today I found out that he has Asperger’s Syndrome. I was about 85% sure that was what he had after I did a lot of reading about Asperger’s.  I was right.

Tomorrow we will find out more information and start figuring out how to get him the right therapy. Right now I feel a mix of relief and fear. I am relieved that we finally figured out what was going on. I am fearful because I just don’t know exactly what this all means for him.