Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

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6 Resources For Military Spouses Struggling With Anxiety and Depression

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6 Resources For Military Spouses Struggling With Anxiety and Depression

I suffer from anxiety. Having a spouse in the military can add to the struggle. Over the years, I have learned what works and how to deal with my anxiety. Sometimes that means changing little things in my life, other times that has meant going to see a counselor.

I know I am not alone in my anxiety. Other military spouses struggle with it too. Some spouses struggle with depression as well. No matter who you are or what you do, struggling with anxiety and depression can be a lifelong battle.

Mental health is a serious issue in the US and our military. It has touched our family personally as well as many other families I know. We shouldn’t be sweeping it under the rug, and we shouldn’t be embarrassed to reach out and seek help if we need it.

The good thing is that there are resources for military spouses who struggle with anxiety and depression. We don’t have to go through this alone. There is help out there.

Here is a list of six resources to help with your anxiety or depression:

TRICARE

One of the best things you can do if you are struggling with anxiety or depression is to talk about what is going on with your doctor. They can then talk with you about your options. For some, that does mean medications, and that choice should be one you make with your doctor. For others, it could mean going to therapy.

Military Family Life Counselor

The Military Family Life Counselor or MFLC program is where you can find a licensed clinical provider who assists service members and their families with a wide range of issues. They offer this non-medical and confidential help if you need it, but they should not replace going to see a Psychiatrist or Psychologist.

Military One Source

The Military Family and Life Counseling Program offers non-medical and short-term counseling to the military and their families. This can be a good choice if you are dealing with deployment adjustments, stress management, grieving the loss of a loved one, or more. They do not deal with cases of abuse, suicidal thoughts, or mental health issues that may require long-term care or medication.

Military One Source also has articles on mental health and other issues affecting military families.

Give An Hour

This organization has a mission to help others by connecting them with a network of volunteers that can respond to their needs. Since 2005, they have focused on providing free mental health care to the military (including the National Guard and the Reserves), veterans, and their families.

This lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for those in distress or in crisis. Please use this if you or a loved one is in trouble. They also have information on suicide and mental health as well as stories of recovery and hope.

 

If you are struggling, know you don’t have to struggle alone. There are resources out there for you, to help you get what you need to be in a better place.

Do you know of any resources for military spouses with anxiety and depression that should be added to this list? 

6 Tips for Solo Parenting With Anxiety

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I hate solo parenting. I hate being the only parent in the house. I love having my husband there. Yes, I love having someone else that can help with the kids, but I also like having that other person to bounce ideas off of or to work through problems with. When he is gone, solo parenting gets to me. My anxiety goes up, and that makes solo parenting even harder than it could be.

Over the years, I have found ways to make this part of military life easier for myself. I have figured out ways to cope, to make myself get through whatever issue I am having, and to help remind myself that I can do this, even if my other half is on the opposite side of the world.

Over the years I have learned that I am not the only military spouse that deals with anxiety. That I am not the only one that struggles with this. That, through conversations with military spouses over the years and my own experiences, I have learned how to handle solo parenting and how to get through a deployment when my anxiety wants to take over.

Although solo parenting with anxiety makes thing even more difficult, there are ways to get through. This is what has worked for me:

Lots of lists

I try to make lists of everything I have to do. For work. For the home. For my kids. I have a planner I check all the time. If it isn’t written down, I might forget so I make sure to do that as soon as I can.

Writing everything down is a visual way for me to stay organized and manage everything I have to do. Sometimes things can get quite crazy around here, and I need those lists to stay grounded. And that helps with my anxiety levels.

Solo Parenting With Anxiety

Make a plan for getting out of the house

When I first had my 2nd son, I was overwhelmed with the thought of us all leaving the house. I had a two-year-old, a newborn and a deployed husband. So I broke everything down.

The first step, gathering everything I needed to bring with me. The second step, make sure baby was ready. Third, make sure I was ready. Fourth, make sure 2-year-old was ready. Fifth, recheck baby because you know there could always be a dirty diaper to change right before you need to leave. When I broke things down like that, it made leaving the house a lot easier.

These days, my boys are older and can do most of getting ready to leave the house themselves. But in my head, I still kinda go through a checklist before we go anywhere. Doing this is good for my anxiety levels and ensures that I rarely forget things, although that can still happen every once in a while.

Google it

When my husband is gone, I don’t have him to bring up the little things with. So Google steps in. If I am worried about something that might not be that big of a deal, I Google it. I see if anyone else has had that worry. I check to see if it could be something else.

Now, you can’t trust everything you read on the internet; I know this well. However, it can be a starting point for figuring out what is going on. I know I can also send an email or call my children’s doctor for more serious health-related questions.

Ask a friend

Sometimes asking a good friend about your worries is a good idea too. You never know if they might be struggling with what you are struggling with too. Acting like we have it all together is way too easy to do, I am guilty of that. I know when I am more open with good friends about struggles, we can talk them out and help one another.

I might be struggling with a child at school, a friend might be struggling with potty training, but we can offer our advice and help one another out. While when my husband is home, this is easier to do with him, I know I can depend on good friends to work through these problems too. If we have that type of relationship when he is gone, it can carry over even after my husband comes back. That can make for stronger more longtime friendships.

Solo Parenting With Anxiety

Respite and breaks

When my boys were young, in the midsts of deployments, having respite and breaks was a lifesaver. Maybe that was dropping them off at hourly for a couple of hours a few times a week, maybe it was going to MOPS on a regular basis, or maybe it was simply trading babysitting with a friend, so I could get my grocery shopping done.

There are quite a few ways to find childcare in the military community. They might not all work for you or your situation, but they are worth checking out. Having a small break can energize you and allow you to work on your parenting goals even if your spouse is far away.

Involving my husband

Just because your spouse is deployed, it doesn’t mean they can’t have any say in what is going on at home. You know your spouse and what they can handle. See if you can talk with them about what is going on at home.

The trouble sometimes is that since your spouse is not currently living in your home, they can’t see the whole picture. This means that the advice they give might not work for you. That’s okay, but talking about your struggle with them can help them feel connected back home and offer you something to think about.

I never look forward to solo parenting. I know that my anxiety levels will be higher than when he is home. However, I want to do what I can to make the best of solo parenting with anxiety, to find solutions to the little issues I am dealing with, and to have a better experience than I have had in the past.

What are your best tips for solo parenting when your spouse is away? What works for you and your family?

Struggling With Anxiety When Your Spouse is in the Military

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Struggling With Anxiety When Your Spouse is in the Military

Struggling With Anxiety When Your Spouse Is In The Military

One of the hardest parts of being a Military spouse is when your spouse is away from you. They can be gone for a few weeks, a few months, or even up to a year. In some cases even longer. When you are dealing with that plus dealing with anxiety, life can feel like too much at times.

I never realized how bad my anxiety could get until right before our 4th deployment.

I have always been a bit of a worrier. I worry about silly little things that my husband just can’t understand. I have a hard time with driving. If I haven’t ever been to the place before, if it is too far from home, or if I have to drive somewhere at night, doing so can be a challenge.

I have had to work hard on this because I do have to drive most days. I have to power through. And most days I am able to.

I worry about silly things with my kids. Usually, when my husband is home, I can just ask him what he thinks and then I can calm down and it isn’t a big deal. When he is deployed, I can’t do that so my worry level goes up.

I get anxious about my car when I park somewhere new. I get anxious about locking my front door, did I remember to do it? I get anxious about a lot of little things and all of that can add up.

Right before our 4th deployment, I knew I needed to do something about my anxiety.

I couldn’t see how I could get through the deployment without upping my game a little bit. I had friends to hang out with, kids to keep me busy, and projects to work on but that wasn’t going to be enough this time. It just wasn’t.

I ended up talking to my doctor about what was going on and she suggested medication. I am not against meds altogether but I wasn’t sure if they were right for me. I really went back and forth about taking them. I decided I wanted to see how counseling would work before I tried medication.

So I started going to see someone. Thank goodness Tricare paid for it. Going to counseling was the best thing I could have done. I am not going to say that all my anxiety went away, it didn’t, but talking to someone really helped me, in ways nothing else did.

If I ever get to where I feel the way I did back then, I would go see someone again in a heartbeat.

Anxiety is rough, and for me, a deployment made that anxiety worse.

Studies have found that wives of deployed soldiers are more likely to be diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions. This was not a big surprise to me. I know I am not the only one that struggles.

Throw in a deployment, or two, or three or, however many you have to go through, and life can get pretty challenging. I think as military spouses we want to be strong but anxiety or depression can drag us down, and make us feel as if everything is just too hard.

The issue with anxiety is so much more than just worrying. We all might worry about our spouses being in a war zone, at least on some level. Anxiety goes much further than that and should be taken more seriously. Anxiety can make you worry about things that other people don’t even think about.

We can’t just pray anxiety away or go out with friends to get rid of those feelings. Anxiety is something we have to work at on a daily basis. Anxiety can ruin your whole day. Anxiety can make life so much more difficult.

So what should you do if you struggle with anxiety and your spouse is in the Military?

You need to take steps to figure out how you are going to get through what you are dealing with. If your spouse is going to make the Military a career, you will have to figure something out. For some that might be moving back home during a deployment, others might need to take medication or start seeing a counselor. Some military spouses might need to do everything in order to get to a better place. Don’t be ashamed and try to seek help if you can.

The Military does have some resources for you too. You can visit the Tricare page to see what your options are. Military One Source is also a great resource for more information.

Remember that you are only human and if you feel like you need extra help, ask for that help. Admitting this can be difficult but important. You will be a better spouse, a better parent, and a better friend if you can get the help you need.

Do you struggle from anxiety? How do you deal with it all when going through something difficult like a deployment?

What I Learned About My Anxiety When My Husband Was Away

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What I Learned About My Anxiety When My Husband Was Away

This summer my husband was at AT for three weeks. For those that don’t know what AT is, AT stands for annual training with the National Guard and is the training they do every year. Sometimes it is two weeks; sometimes it is longer.

These three weeks were rough for me. My husband hasn’t been away anywhere in a while. Even though he has been gone for a lot longer, this time apart was challenging and my anxiety was at an all-time high.

What I Learned About My Anxiety When My Husband Was Away

Now that he is back home, I can look back, and I realized something. I learned a lot those three weeks about my anxiety, what life is like when he is gone and what I can do about it when he leaves again in the future, especially for a longer period.

I learned that I do need a few things to happen so I can get through the time apart without completely losing it. Sometimes I feel as if any deployment would knock me to the core and that I wouldn’t be able to get through.

My anxiety doesn’t make that any easier.

 

 

What I Learned About My Anxiety When My Husband Was Away

See a counselor

I realized that going to see a counselor is going to be a good option for me. I don’t always feel like I need to see one but the last deployment I did, and she helped me through. I know the next time he deploys, that will be one of the first things I will do. I need that little bit of extra help. I need to be able to talk to someone who isn’t a friend or family member. I need this to stay grounded.

Have a backup plan

I need a backup plan for well everything. What should I do if an appliance breaks? Who can I call if I need some extra help with something or in an emergency? Making a list of all of this information will go a long way in helping with my anxiety. Knowing I have people who can be there for me is a must.

Journal more

I love journaling, but I don’t do it as much as I should. When my husband is gone again, I need to journal daily. I love being able to get all my thoughts out that way. Journaling is its own form of therapy.

Childcare

Childcare for my youngest is a must! He was in a day camp this summer, and that made my life so much easier. I was able to work and have some time where I wasn’t having to entertain an active six-year-old.

Don’t try to be a perfectionist

I have to let go of perfection when my husband is gone. That is what really can get my anxiety going. Am I a good enough mom? Am I a good enough housekeeper? Am I a good enough military spouse? It’s these silly judgments that I put on myself that I need to stop doing. I am doing the best I can, and that is good enough.

What I Learned About My Anxiety When My Husband Was AwayHave my happy place

I have a place in my bedroom that I can go to get some downtime or just to relax. I used a place like that during our last deployment, and it was very much needed this summer. I can go there when things are getting a little too much and can read, watch tv or just chill in a comfortable atmosphere.

Make plans with friends

Making plans with friends is always a good way to break up the days of a deployment or separation. I need to do more of that. Whether we have lunch while the kids are in school or dinner before a T-ball game, having time with others can get me out of my funk and allow me to enjoy our time together.

Anxiety isn’t any fun, and I hate how it can rear its ugly head when my husband isn’t home. I hope that I can make some changes the next time he is away so that I can truly rock that separation more than I did this summer.

Do you struggle with anxiety too? What helps the most?

Are you looking for more posts about surviving deployment?