national guard

To the National Guard Spouse During AT

May 22, 2018 by Julie

To the National Guard Spouse During AT

It’s summer! Well…almost. Today is actually the last day of school, so I am calling it. And with summer comes a lot of fun. Time at the pool, sleeping in, BBQs, movies in the park…but summer also brings something big for us National Guard and Reserve spouses…AT. Annual training. The “two weeks a year” part of the National Guard commitment we always hear so often.

My husband’s AT has been different every year. The first year he was gone on the fourth of July, for about two and a half weeks. I think he went to Texas or Louisana? It’s hard to remember. The next time he was gone for three weeks in June. It feels like it is different every year, anywhere from two to three to four weeks.

I am in a National Guard Spouse Facebook group, and with summer approaching and many National Guard units leaving for AT or NTC, it is clear, many spouses are not having the easiest time.

AT isn’t something I think too much about during the rest of the year.

I know it is coming, and before he leaves, I always tell myself the time apart won’t be a big deal. That it is just a few weeks, that it isn’t a deployment, and that we have been apart for a long longer over the years.

But the reality is, once AT starts, I go right into solo parenting mode, and none of that is easy. I have to have a lot of talks with myself to get through. I have to stay busy and work hard so that I don’t get too sad about missing having him around.

So, to the National Guard spouse that is missing their love this summer, to the Reserve spouse who wishes time would fly, you got this.

I mean it.

We can do this. We can.

We have done it before, we can get through it all again.

We will figure out what works for us and make it to the finish line.

One of the hardest things about AT is what your spouse is going to miss.

Maybe that is the end of school for your kids and all that comes with it; maybe it is summer traditions like going to the pool the first day it opens, or even missing a big part of the sports season. Whatever it is, it sucks that they have to miss it. You know that just comes with military life, but that doesn’t make things any easier.

AT or NTC can be even harder when you know they are preparing for an upcoming deployment. You know this is just a taste of what life will be like when they are away for longer. And sometimes we might freak out about future time apart. You might wonder how you will get through a nine-month deployment if these three weeks are this hard.

The truth of all this is, yes, these three weeks at AT might be a little brutal, but once the deployment starts, you will get into a groove.

This might take a while, but it will happen. This doesn’t mean the deployment is going to be easy, but you will find ways to make it through, no matter how long the deployment might be. And you might even be able to find a good groove during AT.

Don’t assume that how you feel on your hardest day of AT is how you will feel throughout your whole deployment. You might have days like that, but you will also have days where you feel like you are rocking the homefront and can handle anything that comes your way.

So to the National Guard spouse that is wishing their husband or wife was back home, to the Reserve spouse who wants time to fly, eventually, AT or NTC will be over.

They will be home again, and you can get back to your summer.

And in the meantime, make plans, make a lot of plans. Don’t just stay in your house. Take the time to organize a room in your home or to take a trip back home if it works out to do so. Look at these weeks apart as a time to work on yourself and grow as a person. Find other spouses who either understand what you are going through or will be your support as you go through it.

AT never seems to come at a good time. There will always be something that they miss that you wish they wouldn’t. You will always wish that the time apart was a little bit shorter.

But in the end, you can use this time for good.

Whether it is working on your house, making memories with your kids, or simply remembering what you love about your spouse.

As National Guard spouses, we might not have a lot of local support but there is plenty of online support, and you might even be surprised at the friends you will make along the way.

Here are a couple of Facebook groups to join if you are a National Guard spouse looking to connect with others:

The Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Community

We have quite the fair share of National Guard and Reserves spouses in my group 🙂

Army National Guard Wives

National Guard Wives

So, if you are getting ready for your spouse to leave for AT or NTC this summer, here are a few things to remember:

Stay busy
Work on yourself
Find new friends (even if they are just online.)
Don’t assume a future deployment will feel the same way
Make goals
You got this!

Here are some of my National Guard blog posts too 🙂

The National Guard Doesn’t Deploy and Other Myths That Are Simply Not True

5 Challenges of Being a Military Spouse Married to a Member of the National Guard or the Reserves

Military Spouse Memes for National Guard Spouses

What are you planning to do while your spouse is away for AT this year?

The National Guard Doesn’t Deploy and Other Myths That Are Simply Not True

May 15, 2018 by Julie

The National Guard Doesn’t Deploy and Other Myths That Are Simply Not True

I have been a National Guard spouse for four years now. After years as an active duty spouse, I am very aware of the differences, even if some of them don’t apply to me directly. There are a lot of myths about the National Guard and Reserves life out there that simply are not true.

I think a lot of them are there simply because people don’t know any National Guard or Reserve families or make assumptions based on things they have read or heard about in the media. Whatever the reasons, this post is all about those myths as well as the truths behind them. I asked my Facebook group, and other National Guard and Reserves spouses told me what myths they have encountered over the years:

One weekend a month, two weeks a year

Okay, let’s talk about this. You have probably heard the tagline about the National Guard or the Reserves as being just one weekend a month, two weeks a year.

What really happens? Well, one weekend a month can be anywhere from 1 day to 4 or 5. Usually 3-4 days. So a weekend, plus a day or two.

The two weeks a year is usually more like 3 or 4, sometimes more than that. We are right in the middle of AT season right now, and service members are training for way more than two weeks at a time.

This also doesn’t account for any extra training or schools they might do during the year.

They don’t deploy

Yep, heard this one plenty of times and it isn’t true at all. While it is true that some Guard units haven’t been deployed for some time, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen or won’t happen. Back when we started the Iraq war, I remember hearing about so many of the National Guard units deploying for up to 18 months.

These days, the National Guard deploys pretty much anywhere that active duty might go. Iraq, Afghanistan, Africa, and even Europe. They don’t just stay within their state, they go out into the world, wherever they are sent.

Being in the Guard or Reserves is easier

I will say that our National Guard experience has been easier than our Active Duty experience. But from talking with other spouses, this isn’t true for them or even necessarily the norm. This depends on so many things.

There is nothing easy about being a National Guard or Reserves spouse. There are a lot of things that they have to deal with that active duty doesn’t. There are different ways to serve your country, each other their own struggles.

For some, a typical month would include 50-60+ hours in a civilian job, a drill weekend, and then 50-60+ hours in the civilian job. This is all without a day off in between. Talk about being burned out from work.

40 years for retirement

Another myth is that to receive retirement as a National Guard or Reserve service member is by serving 40 years, double the time it would take an active duty service member. But that isn’t true.

What is true is that your service member will not receive their retirement until they are 60, in some cases 50. And they also will need 20 years of qualifying service. A qualifying year means 50 retirement points. This article, Guard And Reserve Retirement explains more.

That fitness isn’t that important

There is the idea that fitness isn’t important in the National Guard and Reserves, but that simply isn’t true. While a service member in the Guard or Reserves won’t go to PT on a daily basis as active duty does, they still have to maintain standards. They will still have PT tests that they need to pass.

That they don’t miss as much

I am not sure why people have the idea that National Guard or Reserve service members don’t miss too much. They can miss plenty. And it seems like anything important will take place during a drill weekend.

Bosses have to give you the time off, so everything is cool

Legally, your boss has to give you the time off you need to go to drills and training as well as deployment. They can’t fire you because of your military service. However, that doesn’t mean they have to be nice about it. Employers have been known to be quite rude about service members having to take time off.

And when it comes down to it, in some cases, these men and women might have to take vacation days when they do have to go somewhere. This means that they don’t have any left for a vacation with their family. This causes all types of frustrations. While there are good employers that value and respect military service, not all of them do, and that can cause a strain on the whole family.

We get all the same military spouse benefits

There are a lot of military spouse benefits out there for those married to those who serve. However, not all are available for the National Guard or Reserve spouse. Things like the spousal preference for finding a job and MYCAA have limitations that can leave us out. That can be frustrating as you are trying to work on your own career around military life.

We shouldn’t miss them because they are only gone for a few weeks

Another idea we hear is that we don’t have a right to miss our spouses because they are only gone a few weeks. The reality is, missing your spouse is missing your spouse. And when you are not used to something happening, it can make it that much harder.

I have been through a 15-month deployment and AT is still really difficult for me. I like having my husband around on a daily basis, and when he is gone, I miss him terribly.

We also need to remember that since National Guard and Reserves can and do deploy bother overseas and within the US, for months at a time, National Guard spouses, as well as Reserve spouses, are missing our loved ones just like active duty does.

That we have a lot of money

Okay look, how much money a National Guard family makes depends on so many things. It depends on what the service member does for a civilian job, what the spouse does for a job, how often they deploy, and at what rank. In some cases, a deployed service member will bring in more than what they would at their civilian job, in other cases less.

That National Guard and Reserves spouses are not real military spouses

Okay, hearing that as a National Guard spouse I am not a real military spouse is frustrating. And it simply isn’t true. While our spouse’s work hours and time in uniform might look a little different, they are still very much a part of the US military. Please don’t question that, or assume we are less than. We are not.

Are you married to a member of the National Guard or the Reserves?

5 Challenges of Being a Military Spouse Married to a Member of the National Guard or the Reserves

October 26, 2017 by Julie

5 Challenges of Being a Military Spouse Married to a Member of the National Guard or the Reserves

I spent almost 9 years as an active duty army wife, and now it has been over three years since I became a National Guard spouse. I feel like on some levels I have seen both sides. On the other hand, because we live right outside Fort Campbell, a very military town, my life looks a little different from other National Guard and Reserve spouse life.

However, I know that there are some pretty specific struggles and challenges that affect these military spouses. Ones in which active duty spouses might not understand. Ones in which civilian friends might not understand.

Here are some of the struggles and challenges of military spouses married to a member of the National Guard or the Reserves:

Not being seen as a military spouse

Being a National Guard or Reserve spouse can make you feel like less than in a sea of other spouses. Our spouses have civilian jobs. Ones that don’t usually require a military uniform. This can be a difficult place to be in as not everything we read about military life applies to us.

For many, the idea of shopping at the Commissary isn’t even something they think much about, the closest one could be a day’s drive away. There is no on-post childcare to take advantage of, and the FRG might be really hard to find, if they even have one. It can be difficult to even find a place within the military spouse online community when National Guard or Reserves life feel so different from what is being portrayed.

Being so far from the military community

Being so far from the military community can be difficult too, especially during a deployment. For many, they might be the only military spouse they know in real life. They are the only ones missing their husband, in a town full of people who just don’t quite understand what that is like.

The advice is to reach out and try to see if there is anyone else in their area with a spouse who serves. And if they can’t find anyone, look online. But even there, most of the groups and pages focus around active duty life. It can be difficult to truly find your people when your numbers are smaller than others.

The truth is, there are plenty of National Guard and Reserves spouses that are looking for community just like you are. They are feeling lonely and also feel that they will never find anyone else who gets it. You are not alone in this at all.

Questioning if programs and discounts apply to them too

When you hear about a military spouse program, or even a military discount, you always have to question if it applies to you too. Not all programs and discounts are for those in the National Guard or Reserves. Some are just for active duty. And knowing this makes us have to question every single one before we apply or ask for the discount.

Drill weekend is lonely, and its okay to say so

Drill weekends are lonely, and usually, that is when Murphy decides to come to the home. Without fail, something always breaks when they are gone. Drill weekends are usually when we have the most activities going on that we could use our spouse home for. Drill weekends get lonely sometimes too.

And while yes, there are benefits to having a weekend alone now and then, it’s okay for a National Guard or Reserves spouse to miss their husband or wife when they are gone. Yes, we are all aware that others have had to be away from their spouses for longer.

The truth is, whether you are married to someone who is active duty or in the National Guard or Reserves, they are going to have to deploy sometimes. And sometimes those deployments are long. They will also go away for trainings and schools, for weeks and sometimes months at a time.

Active duty doesn’t have the claim on missing their spouses. All military spouses experience that at one time or another, and it is best to support one another through it instead of telling another spouse their husband or wife isn’t gone long enough to miss them.

Not quite fitting in at home either

While it can be difficult to fit in with the military community, it can also be difficult to fit in with the civilian one. When your spouse is in the National Guard or the Reserves, they are still serving. They are still apart of that 1%. And sometimes it can be difficult to fit in with people who don’t know anything about that life.

This feeling of not quite fitting in at home can be difficult and frustrating. The best thing to do is to look at your civilian friends and find something in common. Maybe one of them has a spouse that goes away on business trips all the time, maybe another has a spouse with another type of dangerous job. There is common ground there and there are ways to connect, even through your differences.

As a military community, we are stronger together. Whether we are married to someone on active duty, someone in the National Guard or Reserves, or someone that is retired. We can all learn from one another, and help each other through.

Are you married to someone in the National Guard or the Reserves? How long have they been serving?

Military Spouse Memes for National Guard Spouses

August 21, 2017 by Julie

Military Spouse Memes for National Guard Spouses

National Guard life can be a whole different ball game than active duty life. You might be far away from any other military spouses, your spouse isn’t in his military uniform all of the time, and you have lived in the same place for the last 15 years.

We watch our spouse work hard during the work week at their civilian jobs and then put on the military uniform for monthly drills and yearly trainings. We watch as they go off to schools and even deploy. We feel the same pride our active duty spouse friends do at watching their spouse serve.

Here are some military spouse memes just for us National Guard spouses:

Whether your spouse is National Guard or active duty, when they are gone, you will miss them.

Ya, we all know that “two weeks a year” could mean anything. Two weeks is just a starting point.

When you rely on your spouse being home for ladies nights, drill weekends can put a stop to your plans.

When your spouse is in the National Guard, it can feel like you are not quite in the military world but also not quite in the civilian one either. That can be difficult and it can take some time to get used to that feeling.

Yep! If something in your house is going to break, it will be drill weekend.
I swear that appliances get together and plan this.

Hey, if they have to be away, look at the positives. The remote all to yourself. If you are like me, you have those special shows you watch once a month.

Yep! I get a lot of organizing done when he is gone. Much easier to do things that way.

You have to get prepared ahead of time for the long weekend ahead.

My husband has been in the National Guard for over three years now. During that time I have learned so much about this part of military life.

Are you a National Guard spouse too? How long has your spouse been serving?

national guard

To the National Guard Spouse During AT

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The National Guard Doesn’t Deploy and Other Myths That Are Simply Not True

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5 Challenges of Being a Military Spouse Married to a Member of the National Guard or the Reserves

Here are some of the struggles and challenges of military spouses married to a member of the National Guard or the Reserves:

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Military Spouse Memes for National Guard Spouses

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