Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

national guard spouse

How to Support a Reserve Spouse During a Deployment

by Leave a Comment

How to Support a Reserve Spouse During a Deployment

My name is Corrie Andreacchio, and I am a proud US Army Reserve spouse. My husband, SFC Joseph Andreacchio has served for over 18 years and is a two-time combat veteran with service in support of both Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom.

As a reserve spouse, we often do not have access to on-post resources and ease of access to connect in person with other military spouses, especially those from our spouse’s unit during a time of separation. During my husband’s 2013-2014 deployment to Afghanistan, many of the soldiers were from areas that spanned as many as 600 miles from the reserve center in Reading, PA.

In the first 30 days of that separation, it was hard. I found myself scouring the Facebook posts and FRG (now SFRG) community page to find potential matches for friendship. I was fortunate to cross paths with two incredible women – Erin and Nicole. We forged a friendship that was 100% virtual. We texted, we joined each other for virtual wine nights, and we set GOALS. Goals to hold each other accountable – and when we fell short, we leaned into each other and shared tears, virtual hugs (Nicole is NOT a hugger so this worked out to her benefit), and the permission to make it a “take-out” night for dinner.

Since our husbands deployed together in 2013-2014, we have all faced at least one more deployment off-cycle from one another. This was a new hardship because there is nothing like the camaraderie of going through a deployment alongside other spouses’ at the same time. However, we were able to lean into these ideas and support each other in spite of not having the common experience.

I was lucky. This is not always the case. Many of our reserve spouses are isolated. Isolated from their military community and isolated in their local community where there is not a common understanding of the sacrifice a deployment can take on the military family.

How can we support our reserve spouses during times of separation? Be there. Call. Text. When you do not know what to say, simply ask how they are doing.

Here are some ideas to guide your support of our reserve and national guard spouses when they are not able to join and/or attend more formal spouses’ clubs or SFRG functions due to location.

1)      Flat Stanley meets Green Soldier. Go to a party store (or lean on Amazon) and send green soldiers to your circle. Family, friends, and co-workers can all get involved. Create a Facebook group where you encourage everyone to post photos with their soldiers and the adventures that they are having at home while the service member is deployed. This is a great way to capture the memories for the service member upon their return and an awesome way for non-military connected support persons to participate.

2)      Drinks and Links. You can mail your reserve spouse cut pieces of construction paper and join them on a Facetime or Zoom to create a deployment countdown calendar while enjoying your Coffee, Wine, or Mocktail. Have one in your home in addition to theirs and celebrate the removal of each link. I would suggest a deployment countdown of either weeks or months, but Nicole plans to have a caterpillar of a daily countdown in her home. Godspeed, Nicole!

(OPSEC is critical, Do not share your exact countdown information).

3)      Monthly Celebration. Did your reserve or national guard’s spouse leave on the 20th of the month? Make it a point to connect with your friend on that day. Send a greeting card, FaceTime, and have a dance party. We highly recommend Katy Perry’s ROAR.

4)      Start or rediscover a Hobby. DIY home décor, gardening, knitting, scrapbooking. Pick a hobby that you can both do together. When our husbands were deployed in 2013-2014 Erin, Nicole, and I picked up working out. We all achieved significant goals and ended the deployments working out consistently two times a day, most days. We were stronger together and sweating for that homecoming

5)      Snail mail. There is nothing more fun than receiving happy mail. However, happy mail is really rare these days. My friend, Rebekah, who I met through a military spouse non-profit as volunteers, reminded me of the power of snail mail during my husband’s 2020 unaccompanied CONUS mobilization. She was so good about sending me greeting cards, letters, stickers for my daughter, and some surprise Amazon goodies that completely turned my day around. Somehow, most likely because of her husband’s career service as an EOD with the Air Force these snail mail happy mail packages always arrived on a day I really needed them. These do not have to be elaborate. Hand write a letter, and create a masterpiece with crayons and construction paper. Being thought of is what it is all about during a time of separation.

Erin, Nicole, and I have a lasting bond built on common experiences and the ability to make time for each other during our spouse’s deployment. Soon we will be celebrating TEN YEARS of friendship simply as a result of our husband’s jobs. It is truly an extraordinary thing to know that your spouse’s job can open a door to incredible friendships for reserve spouses if you’re able to find out how to connect with them. 

To the National Guard Spouse, During These Times

by 2 Comments

To the National Guard Spouse, During These Times

If you are married to a member of the National Guard, you know they might get deployed. The National Guard does go on deployments to places like Iraq, Afghanistan, and other parts of the world, just like the active duty military does. They can also get activated or called up when the country needs them.

The National Guard will go and help after a hurricane or tornado. They assist in disaster relief and have even been activated to be at the border. But now, it looks like they are going to be needed once again, to help our country during this COVID- 19 crisis.

If you are a National Guard spouse, you either know your spouse is going to have to go or know that they could be. While other friends are getting ready to spend possibly more time with their spouse, you are on the edge of your seat wondering when and if they have to go. And when they do, what they will have to do, and how long they will be away.

So to my fellow National Guard spouses, this isn’t an easy time for us. We might not be sure what is going to happen. We are just not sure how this will all play out. And the public doesn’t always respond well when the National Guard is called up.

And the thing is, we really can’t talk to anyone who has been through this exact type of thing before. Because what is happening now, hasn’t ever happened before. The entire world is dealing with this virus and we are not sure how long any of this will last.

So what can we do? How can we stay sane through all of this? How do we handle all the emotions that come with waiting to find out what will happen with our National Guard service member?

A lot of what we can do is similar to the unknowns associated with a regular deployment. I know for me, during deployments, there were times when I had no idea when my husband would be home.

Maybe two months, maybe six? I really didn’t know. I didn’t know what the future looked like or how long I would have to solo parent. I just had to take it day by day. And that is how I am going to have to go about this in these times.

I am going to need to stay busy, although how I normally stay busy is going to have to change. I can’t go meet a friend for lunch right now or take my kids to very many places. Movies are out. Chuck E Cheese is out. Playgrounds are out. We have to stay at home as much as possible which I know is going to be challenging.

If my spouse does have to go away, that will add another layer to this staying at home business. It won’t make it easier that’s for sure, but I am hoping we can find a good way to handle all this. We might have to be more creative.

We National Guard spouses will also have the fear of what our spouse is going to be doing. Will they be in contact with the virus? Will the public become afraid of them? It’s so hard to know what being activated or called up for this will entail.

I am going to try to stay away from being fearful or all the what-ifs. That’s a hard road for me to go down. I want to stay positive. But that isn’t always easy for me to do.

I also know, this might be yet another challenge for us to endure. Life isn’t always easy and as a National Guard soldier, this is a part of his job. Still, that doesn’t mean it is going to be easy to get through, no matter how long it might last.

If you are a National Guard spouse too, know that I am right there with you. This is a scary time, but at least we can help each other through. Know that no matter what happens, we are not alone and not the only ones going through this. That is so important to remember.

I thought I had this year figured out. But everything has been turned on its head. From school, to how we spend our free time, and now to what my husband is going to be doing. I’m going to try to take it one day at a time.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” –Mary Anne Radmacher

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

by

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

I’m not sure where the idea came from that National Guard and Reserve spouses are not military spouses. This myth, it’s not a good one. Serving in the National Guard or Reserves is just a different way of serving in the military. As far as I am concerned, if your spouse puts on a uniform, you are in fact a military spouse.

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

It doesn’t matter the branch; it doesn’t matter the status, you are a military spouse.

While it is true that being married to an active duty soldier and a National Guard soldier are different, trust me I know, I have done both, there is still plenty the two have in common.

There are definitely pros and cons to each way of serving and some of them can sometimes be based on who you are as a spouse and as a military family member. Not everyone has the same exact experiences. While active duty life can be perfect for one family, national guard life can be perfect for another.

While we shouldn’t ignore the differences, especially ones that are harder for each side, we can come together on what we have common.

We all deal with deployments

One of the biggest myths about the National Guard and the Reserves is that they don’t deploy, but they do. They go to a lot of the same places active duty does and can be gone longer. And while they are gone, most of their spouses are not surrounded by military communities. Deployments happen, whether your spouse is active duty or not.

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

We all miss our spouse

All military spouses miss their husband or wife at some point in their military careers. While the length of time can be different, both active duty and national guard and reserve spouses will miss their spouse during their time as a military family. While it can be easy to look at the other side and assume they don’t have a right to miss their spouse like we do, we simply need to stop doing this. When your spouse is gone, you are allowed to miss them, no matter how long they are away for.

We all deal with the military craziness

Whether it is waiting on PCS orders, or waiting to find out of your spouse is, in fact, going to be deployed for the summer, all of us spouses are dealing with the craziness of military life. You have heard people say, “Well that’s the Army for you” or “That’s how it is in the Air Force” and it is true. There is a bit of crazy associated with dealing with the military, and that isn’t always fun.

If we have kids, we solo parent

Whether you are solo parenting through Basic Training and AIT, a deployment, Annual Training, or a school, you will be solo parenting at some point. Maybe you will be a solo parent for a weekend, maybe for nine months worth of weekends, but you do what you have to do. And you figure out ways to make solo parenting a little easier for yourself everytime they go away.

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

We all live a military life

At the end of the day, we are all living a version of a military life.

While some might live right on a military installation and others live five hours from the closest one, we are all living the military life.

While some see their spouse put on that uniform every morning, and others see it once a month, we are all living that military life.

While some move every three years, and others are still in their hometown, we are all living that military life.

So, if you ever question if someone is a military spouse or not, think about this, does their husband or wife put on a military uniform to serve their county? If so, yes, yes they are a military spouse. 

To the National Guard Spouse During AT

by

To the National Guard Spouse During AT

It’s summer! Well…almost. Today is actually the last day of school, so I am calling it. And with summer comes a lot of fun. Time at the pool, sleeping in, BBQs, movies in the park…but summer also brings something big for us National Guard and Reserve spouses…AT. Annual training. The “two weeks a year” part of the National Guard commitment we always hear so often.

To the National Guard Spouse During ATMy husband’s AT has been different every year. The first year he was gone on the fourth of July, for about two and a half weeks. I think he went to Texas or Louisana? It’s hard to remember. The next time he was gone for three weeks in June. It feels like it is different every year, anywhere from two to three to four weeks.

I am in a National Guard Spouse Facebook group, and with summer approaching and many National Guard units leaving for AT or NTC, it is clear, many spouses are not having the easiest time.

AT isn’t something I think too much about during the rest of the year.

I know it is coming, and before he leaves, I always tell myself the time apart won’t be a big deal. That it is just a few weeks, that it isn’t a deployment, and that we have been apart for a long longer over the years.

But the reality is, once AT starts, I go right into solo parenting mode, and none of that is easy. I have to have a lot of talks with myself to get through. I have to stay busy and work hard so that I don’t get too sad about missing having him around.

So, to the National Guard spouse that is missing their love this summer, to the Reserve spouse who wishes time would fly, you got this.

I mean it.

We can do this. We can.

We have done it before, we can get through it all again.

We will figure out what works for us and make it to the finish line.

One of the hardest things about AT is what your spouse is going to miss.

Maybe that is the end of school for your kids and all that comes with it; maybe it is summer traditions like going to the pool the first day it opens, or even missing a big part of the sports season. Whatever it is, it sucks that they have to miss it. You know that just comes with military life, but that doesn’t make things any easier.

AT or NTC can be even harder when you know they are preparing for an upcoming deployment. You know this is just a taste of what life will be like when they are away for longer. And sometimes we might freak out about future time apart. You might wonder how you will get through a nine-month deployment if these three weeks are this hard.

https://soldierswifecrazylife.com/2017/08/21/military-spouse-memes-national-guard-spouses/

The truth of all this is, yes, these three weeks at AT might be a little brutal, but once the deployment starts, you will get into a groove.

This might take a while, but it will happen. This doesn’t mean the deployment is going to be easy, but you will find ways to make it through, no matter how long the deployment might be. And you might even be able to find a good groove during AT.

Don’t assume that how you feel on your hardest day of AT is how you will feel throughout your whole deployment. You might have days like that, but you will also have days where you feel like you are rocking the homefront and can handle anything that comes your way.

So to the National Guard spouse that is wishing their husband or wife was back home, to the Reserve spouse who wants time to fly, eventually, AT or NTC will be over.

They will be home again, and you can get back to your summer.

And in the meantime, make plans, make a lot of plans. Don’t just stay in your house. Take the time to organize a room in your home or to take a trip back home if it works out to do so. Look at these weeks apart as a time to work on yourself and grow as a person. Find other spouses who either understand what you are going through or will be your support as you go through it.

AT never seems to come at a good time. There will always be something that they miss that you wish they wouldn’t. You will always wish that the time apart was a little bit shorter.

https://soldierswifecrazylife.com/2017/08/21/military-spouse-memes-national-guard-spouses/

But in the end, you can use this time for good.

Whether it is working on your house, making memories with your kids, or simply remembering what you love about your spouse.

As National Guard spouses, we might not have a lot of local support but there is plenty of online support, and you might even be surprised at the friends you will make along the way.

Here are a couple of Facebook groups to join if you are a National Guard spouse looking to connect with others:

The Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Community

We have quite the fair share of National Guard and Reserves spouses in my group 🙂

Army National Guard Wives

National Guard Wives

So, if you are getting ready for your spouse to leave for AT or NTC this summer, here are a few things to remember:

  • Stay busy
  • Work on yourself
  • Find new friends (even if they are just online.)
  • Don’t assume a future deployment will feel the same way
  • Make goals
  • You got this!

Here are some of my National Guard blog posts too 🙂

The National Guard Doesn’t Deploy and Other Myths That Are Simply Not True

5 Challenges of Being a Military Spouse Married to a Member of the National Guard or the Reserves

Military Spouse Memes for National Guard Spouses

What are you planning to do while your spouse is away for AT this year? 

The National Guard Doesn’t Deploy and Other Myths That Are Simply Not True

by

The National Guard Doesn’t Deploy and Other Myths That Are Simply Not True

I have been a National Guard spouse for four years now. After years as an active duty spouse, I am very aware of the differences, even if some of them don’t apply to me directly. There are a lot of myths about the National Guard and Reserves life out there that simply are not true.

I think a lot of them are there simply because people don’t know any National Guard or Reserve families or make assumptions based on things they have read or heard about in the media. Whatever the reasons, this post is all about those myths as well as the truths behind them. I asked my Facebook group, and other National Guard and Reserves spouses told me what myths they have encountered over the years:

The National Guard Doesn't Deploy and Other Myths That Are Simply Not True

One weekend a month, two weeks a year

Okay, let’s talk about this. You have probably heard the tagline about the National Guard or the Reserves as being just one weekend a month, two weeks a year.

What really happens? Well, one weekend a month can be anywhere from 1 day to 4 or 5. Usually 3-4 days. So a weekend, plus a day or two.

The two weeks a year is usually more like 3 or 4, sometimes more than that. We are right in the middle of AT season right now, and service members are training for way more than two weeks at a time.

This also doesn’t account for any extra training or schools they might do during the year.

They don’t deploy

Yep, heard this one plenty of times and it isn’t true at all. While it is true that some Guard units haven’t been deployed for some time, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen or won’t happen. Back when we started the Iraq war, I remember hearing about so many of the National Guard units deploying for up to 18 months.

These days, the National Guard deploys pretty much anywhere that active duty might go. Iraq, Afghanistan, Africa, and even Europe. They don’t just stay within their state, they go out into the world, wherever they are sent.

Being in the Guard or Reserves is easier

I will say that our National Guard experience has been easier than our Active Duty experience. But from talking with other spouses, this isn’t true for them or even necessarily the norm. This depends on so many things.

There is nothing easy about being a National Guard or Reserves spouse. There are a lot of things that they have to deal with that active duty doesn’t. There are different ways to serve your country, each other their own struggles.

For some, a typical month would include 50-60+ hours in a civilian job, a drill weekend, and then 50-60+ hours in the civilian job. This is all without a day off in between. Talk about being burned out from work.

40 years for retirement

Another myth is that to receive retirement as a National Guard or Reserve service member is by serving 40 years, double the time it would take an active duty service member. But that isn’t true.

What is true is that your service member will not receive their retirement until they are 60, in some cases 50. And they also will need 20 years of qualifying service. A qualifying year means 50 retirement points. This article, Guard And Reserve Retirement explains more.

The National Guard Doesn't Deploy and Other Myths That Are Simply Not True
That fitness isn’t that important
There is the idea that fitness isn’t important in the National Guard and Reserves, but that simply isn’t true. While a service member in the Guard or Reserves won’t go to PT on a daily basis as active duty does, they still have to maintain standards. They will still have PT tests that they need to pass.

That they don’t miss as much

I am not sure why people have the idea that National Guard or Reserve service members don’t miss too much. They can miss plenty. And it seems like anything important will take place during a drill weekend.

Bosses have to give you the time off, so everything is cool

Legally, your boss has to give you the time off you need to go to drills and training as well as deployment. They can’t fire you because of your military service. However, that doesn’t mean they have to be nice about it. Employers have been known to be quite rude about service members having to take time off.

And when it comes down to it, in some cases, these men and women might have to take vacation days when they do have to go somewhere. This means that they don’t have any left for a vacation with their family. This causes all types of frustrations. While there are good employers that value and respect military service, not all of them do, and that can cause a strain on the whole family.

We get all the same military spouse benefits

There are a lot of military spouse benefits out there for those married to those who serve. However, not all are available for the National Guard or Reserve spouse. Things like the spousal preference for finding a job and MYCAA have limitations that can leave us out. That can be frustrating as you are trying to work on your own career around military life.

The National Guard Doesn't Deploy and Other Myths That Are Simply Not True

We shouldn’t miss them because they are only gone for a few weeks

Another idea we hear is that we don’t have a right to miss our spouses because they are only gone a few weeks. The reality is, missing your spouse is missing your spouse. And when you are not used to something happening, it can make it that much harder.

I have been through a 15-month deployment and AT is still really difficult for me. I like having my husband around on a daily basis, and when he is gone, I miss him terribly.

We also need to remember that since National Guard and Reserves can and do deploy bother overseas and within the US, for months at a time, National Guard spouses, as well as Reserve spouses, are missing our loved ones just like active duty does.

That we have a lot of money

Okay look, how much money a National Guard family makes depends on so many things. It depends on what the service member does for a civilian job, what the spouse does for a job, how often they deploy, and at what rank. In some cases, a deployed service member will bring in more than what they would at their civilian job, in other cases less.

That National Guard and Reserves spouses are not real military spouses

Okay, hearing that as a National Guard spouse I am not a real military spouse is frustrating. And it simply isn’t true. While our spouse’s work hours and time in uniform might look a little different, they are still very much a part of the US military. Please don’t question that, or assume we are less than. We are not.

Are you married to a member of the National Guard or the Reserves? 

Military Spouse Memes for National Guard Spouses

by

Military Spouse Memes for National Guard Spouses

National Guard life can be a whole different ball game than active duty life. You might be far away from any other military spouses, your spouse isn’t in his military uniform all of the time, and you have lived in the same place for the last 15 years.

We watch our spouse work hard during the work week at their civilian jobs and then put on the military uniform for monthly drills and yearly trainings. We watch as they go off to schools and even deploy. We feel the same pride our active duty spouse friends do at watching their spouse serve.

Military Spouse Memes for National Guard Spouses

Here are some military spouse memes just for us National Guard spouses:

National Guard Memes

Whether your spouse is National Guard or active duty, when they are gone, you will miss them.

National Guard spouses

Ya, we all know that “two weeks a year” could mean anything. Two weeks is just a starting point.

National Guard spouses

When you rely on your spouse being home for ladies nights, drill weekends can put a stop to your plans.

National Guard spouses

When your spouse is in the National Guard, it can feel like you are not quite in the military world but also not quite in the civilian one either. That can be difficult and it can take some time to get used to that feeling.

National Guard Life

Yep! If something in your house is going to break, it will be drill weekend.
I swear that appliances get together and plan this.

National Guard spouses

Hey, if they have to be away, look at the positives. The remote all to yourself. If you are like me, you have those special shows you watch once a month.

Yep! I get a lot of organizing done when he is gone. Much easier to do things that way.

National Guard spouses

You have to get prepared ahead of time for the long weekend ahead.

My husband has been in the National Guard for over three years now. During that time I have learned so much about this part of military life.

Are you a National Guard spouse too? How long has your spouse been serving?