Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Spouse Spotlight

How a Deployment Led to a Career She Never Saw Coming: A Military Spouse Spotlight

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I had the pleasure of sitting down for a Zoom interview with my guest writer, Katie McDonald. Enjoy!

While Julie is known for her popular blog, Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, her marriage started out as a civilian one. Her husband, Ben, was in the Army for two years, but had been out for a couple of years already when they met and quickly fell in love in Northern California. They were married in 2002, had their first son in 2004, and moved to Kentucky the following year.

Julie was a stay-at-home mom, and Ben was working various jobs. However, this lifestyle wasn’t working for their family, so they considered easing back into military life with the Reserves. However, it wasn’t a good fit, and Julie “couldn’t imagine [him] just being gone.” Months later, Ben ultimately decided to re-enlist in the Army as an active-duty soldier, and their entire world would be turned on its head. 

How a Deployment Led to a Career She Never Saw Coming: A Military Spouse Spotlight

A Major Life Change

Julie and Ben assumed that he would need to redo basic training and that a cross-country or international move would be months away. However, they were shockingly told that Ben would be moving to Germany in just two weeks, and their lives completely changed overnight. Because Ben’s move was right before Thanksgiving, the logistics of having Julie and their son join him were complicated by holiday delays. Julie joked that “waiting on paperwork” was “a good introduction to military life,” but after finally receiving command sponsorship and their tourist passports, she and her 18-month-old son were able to fly to Germany. 

Military life was a bit of a culture shock for Julie. While she had grown up in Southern California near two Marine Corps bases, she was not used to living overseas or preparing for deployments. Shortly after becoming pregnant with their second son, Ben received orders to deploy, and he left when she was 25 weeks pregnant. Julie’s mom, thankfully, was able to support her for two months leading up to and after the delivery; given the uncertainty surrounding Ben’s timeline, this was a huge blessing for Julie’s growing family. 

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How a Deployment Led to a Career She Never Saw Coming: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Julie gave birth in the middle of December, and while her husband was sent home that same day, it took him three days to arrive and meet their new son. He had only two weeks of R&R to bond with his growing family, and his entire brigade was postponed several times when he returned to Iraq. As a result, he didn’t see his wife and children again for almost a year during a difficult 15-month deployment. 

Julie remembers the high casualty rates that deeply impacted their small base. “Every spouse was going through it,” she said. “In a lot of ways, it was comforting to have those spouses to go through it with.” She misses the community mentality of helping each other out through their shared seasons of stress, uncertainty, and loneliness. 

Finding the Bright Spots

In the month after the deployment, they went back to California for a month to spend time with family, and while she dreaded the idea of returning to the stresses of Germany, she did go back. In an unexpected stroke of good fortune, some of the brigade moved to another post in Germany a couple of months later, and Julie’s perspective shifted when she saw their brand-new government-leased housing. “I cried because it was so much nicer than our stairwell apartment,” she remembered, and she began to feel more optimistic. 

While her husband was away on another deployment, Julie was determined to keep herself busy. She and her close friend both had young children and wanted to take advantage of the affordable Space A flights to spend the summer with their families. While it wasn’t always smooth sailing and there were plenty of unexpected bumps in the road (from unavailable lodging to canceled flights), Julie was able to successfully travel back to California to spend time with her and her husband’s families, with a two- and four-year-old in tow. “I’m so glad I had that adventure,” Julie said. “Military spouses need to have adventures.” 

The Power of the Pen 

How a Deployment Led to a Career She Never Saw Coming: A Military Spouse Spotlight

When Julie returned to Germany, there was still time left in the deployment, and she was determined to keep her mind busy. She had read a friend’s homeschool-focused blog and was inspired to share her own stories and experiences. The blog was originally called Julie the Army Wife, and her first post was about what to wear to a military Homecoming.

She renamed the blog so it wouldn’t be focused solely on her experiences and perspective, and was pleasantly surprised by the attention and positive reception her work received. “I had never thought about being a writer as a job,” Julie admitted, but her first full-time writing job was an unexpected and hard-earned blessing in 2017. With three children, two with special needs, Julie was unable to work outside of the house, so being able to write for a living from home has been a game-changer for her. She currently works as a content specialist and reflected that “this is really cool that me being bored in Germany led to this.” 

Julie says that her blog is what her past self would have needed, and she believes that “every situation you go through is a chance to help someone in the future.” Describing her blog as her “fourth baby,” she is proud of all the growth it’s experienced. Because her husband has retired, she is actively seeking active-duty spouses to share their stories to keep the perspectives fresh. 

Blogging, however, has not been without its difficulties. “Not everyone is kind and appreciates it,” she admitted, but she reminds herself how many people are benefiting from the stories she shares. For any spouses who want to share their stories, Julie wants you to remember that “no matter what you’re posting, someone might not like it,” but that shouldn’t stop you from using your voice. 

How a Deployment Led to a Career She Never Saw Coming: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Changes Continue 

After their time in Germany, Julie and her family moved to Fort Campbell in 2010 and have since settled in and stayed in the community. At the time of their move, their children were three and five years old, and it was a challenge to adjust to cultural differences, keep two young children busy, and manage her third pregnancy. 

Her husband’s fourth deployment was the hardest because of the toll of solo parenting. Their middle son had just been diagnosed with autism, and supporting him alone was challenging. On their first day without Ben, one of her sons got a rock stuck in his ear at Boy Scout camp. On top of managing her young children in the emergency room, the air conditioning at their home gave out on the same day. The stress of the deployment “literally broke me,” Julie said, and she sought out a therapist. 

Seeking Help 

There’s a mentality in the military spouse community that “you have to just do it and suck it up,” but Julie knows from experience that sometimes it’s just too hard to do it all alone and without support. If it’s too much, she encourages spouses to see a therapist or go home for a few months. “We need each other; what we’re going through is really hard,” Julie says. Community support is of the utmost importance, especially during deployments. 

Julie also believes that having regular, scheduled activities to keep yourself and your kids busy is crucial. For example, Julie suggested having a Friday pizza night with other families or starting a book club.

While it’s easy to feel like there’s nothing to do or “start feeling like it’s always going to be like this,” you have the power to join a club, take your kids to the park, and to find something you can do on a regular basis that brings you purpose or joy. It’s all about your mentality and intentionality.

While it’s “easy to go once and never go back and it’s really easy to get discouraged,” Julie encouraged spouses to be consistent. For example, she took her kids to a play group every week. She shifted her mindset to focus on the positives of her kids having fun, and she believed that she would eventually meet people and make friends as well. “I encourage people to get creative, try new things, and don’t be afraid to get out of their comfort zone.” 

Katie McDonald is a Navy wife, and she and her husband are currently stationed in Guam. After 5 years as an English teacher, Katie is currently working as a freelance writer and enjoys writing about books and travel. https://www.katiereads.com/

Supporting Military Moms: A Military Spouse Spotlight

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Supporting Military Moms: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Supporting Military Moms: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Charlotte is a Coast Guard wife, mother, and doula, and she has dedicated her work to supporting military families throughout their prenatal, labor, and postpartum journeys. After her own traumatic birth experience and a difficult postpartum season, Charlotte recognized the importance of having an advocate and supporter, especially when deployments and far-away duty stations leave new and expecting mothers on their own. 

Desperate for Answers

Charlotte received her prenatal and postpartum care with civilian providers in Florida, and while she “thought my body would have known what to do…it’s not that simple.” She ended up with an emergency C-section because her heart rate was dropping, and her daughter was not tolerating Pitocin. She was separated from her daughter for 7 hours while she was taken to the NICU for additional care, and she sadly recalled that she “know[s] what it’s like to be left in an empty room alone.”

Her daughter ultimately had to stay in the NICU for four days, but Charlotte was frustrated by the minimal answers she received about her daughter’s condition from the medical team. She had to ask three times to speak with a doctor, and she felt that the answers she received from the nurses were surface-level. Similarly, she had to continuously ask for a lactation consultant. It was “a lot of advocating I didn’t expect to do freshly postpartum,” she said, and even with her husband present and her sister-in-law (who is a neonatologist) available to help, she felt herself struggling to find the answers she needed. 

Overall, she felt overwhelmed by her birth experience, and her postpartum days were marked by loneliness, frustration, and deep sadness. She recalled her first night home from the hospital and how she awoke to find an empty bassinet. She freaked out because she forgot that her daughter was still in the NICU. To this day, Charlotte doesn’t have answers to many of her questions about her traumatic birth and recovery, and she’s gone through a lot of therapy to process and heal from the experience.

Feeling Alone and Finding a Lifeline

After her daughter was able to come home, Charlotte felt “crazy” and didn’t leave the house for six months. She found it hard to talk to people about what she was going through because of the unique struggles of military life. People tried to give her well-meaning advice, but Charlotte felt that many other moms “don’t get that experience…it’s not a normal job where your spouse can just take leave.”

Her husband had to go out to sea and split his paternity leave, and she recalled the difficulty of not having regular and easy contact with him. While she recognized it wasn’t her husband’s fault that he was gone during such a sensitive and critical time, she still felt upset, alone, and unsupported. While she had one friend come over to help, she felt that most people just wanted to see her baby rather than offer her the support and care she so desperately needed as a new mom. 

Additionally, she struggled with feelings of shame. She told herself, “Other moms had babies in the NICU for longer,” and because she felt that she wasn’t taken seriously at the hospital, she felt even worse. “I don’t know how I made it out of that,” she recalled, and credits her virtual support groups and therapist as being her “lifeline” during these difficult transitional months. 

Supporting Military Moms: A Military Spouse Spotlight

A Desire to Give Back and Supporting Military Moms

Charlotte needed time to work on herself and heal, but she soon felt the need to give back. “Being a doula is my way to heal,” she says, and she is determined to help other women see that “birth can be beautiful even if it doesn’t go to plan.” She began doing virtual trainings in Florida when her daughter was a year old, and she completed her certification in births in Guam after their PCS. 

Guam has been a challenging and rewarding duty station for her as a doula because of the lack of maternity care resources, the distance many women are from their families, and the difficulties that deployments pose. She says that “holding space for all the feelings and all the emotions is sometimes what they [moms] need,” and she works to tailor her support to each client’s needs. For example, she can accompany women in person to their prenatal appointments or can join on speakerphone to help them feel less alone.

Making specialist appointments with Tricare can be a difficult and daunting process, and she works to advocate for and support women as they navigate the healthcare system. She helps women to draft questions before their appointments and gives them the space to vent if things don’t go according to plan. Her goal is to “help moms feel empowered to speak up.” After seeing the red flags in her own care and not knowing how to speak up, she works to ensure that women feel safe. 

She recently started a support group for new and expecting moms because she knows “how lonely it can be.” She said that being in a support group “really helped me to know I’m not crazy…knowing you’re not alone and have other moms you can lean on helps a lot because it can feel really isolating.” She also offers birth education classes because “the more you know, the more empowered you are.” She wants new moms to “feel like the choices they make are their own.” 

More Changes Ahead

After only a year in Guam, Charlotte’s husband received an opportunity to work in Puerto Rico. While Charlotte was in the midst of establishing her doula services in Guam, she is looking forward to her next steps after their move. She is interested in becoming a midwife so she can take a more hands-on approach to maternal care. 

Katie McDonald is a Navy wife, and she and her husband are currently stationed in Guam. After 5 years as an English teacher, Katie is currently working as a freelance writer and enjoys writing about books and travel. https://www.katiereads.com/

Creating Community: A Military Spouse Spotlight

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Shiloh is an Air Force wife, mother, and community organizer who has helped to build and maintain supportive groups for families in Guam. After becoming a mother in Hawaii and moving to Guam with a young child, Shiloh recognized the importance of being a good villager and creating a support system to keep loneliness, isolation, and boredom at bay. 

Life Changing News

Before PCSing to Hawaii with her husband, Shiloh had never lived outside Missouri, except for a few months as a toddler. She intended to make the most of the opportunity by learning to surf and completing an internship with the Children’s Justice Center. However, she became pregnant a month after their move, so outdoor adventures were largely put on the back burner, and her life was soon consumed with the demands of motherhood. She began to make new friends when her son was six months old, and she appreciated the wide variety and availability of activities in Hawaii. However, this newly developing support system was interrupted by her move to Guam. 

With the move to a smaller, further, and more isolated Pacific island, Shiloh wanted to be really intentional about supporting her son in making friends. She was struck by how little was offered for children under the preschool age range and felt like she needed to start something to build a community for herself and other moms in the same position. 

She decided to put herself out there by posting about starting a playgroup on Facebook, and she received a hugely positive response from other moms looking for genuine connections and opportunities for themselves and their children to socialize. 

Creating Community: A Military Spouse Spotlight

The Power of Playgroups 

Shiloh reflected that she’s always been a community organizer; she led a neighborhood egg hunt when she was eight years old and has always taken joy in organizing communal events. This outlet had been lost during the trenches of new motherhood in Hawaii, but she was determined to reclaim that vital part of herself in Guam. Having always worked or been in school, Shiloh emphasized the importance of having something that was hers and that she could pour her passions into. 

The playgroup started simply with 2 events a week that touched on two main themes: playground socialization time and exploring Guam like a tourist. Because her husband was busy, Shiloh recognized that there were so many activities that weren’t as fun to do alone, so she invited families to join her for outings to the Guam Museum, Ritidian Beach, Inarajan Natural Pool, and other popular spots. Listening to the group’s feedback, she began a monthly “crafts and coffee” event where moms could focus on a craft while their kids played together. From hikes to book clubs, there’s something for every family’s interest and endless ways to find and foster friendships. 

The group has been in existence for a year and currently has over 350 members, most of whom are associated with the military. Shiloh was especially excited that other women have stepped up to host events, ensuring the group’s longevity with the ever-changing dynamics of PCS season. She wanted to create a space that would survive and thrive long after she moves to her next duty station, a challenge many military-affiliated groups face. “The playgroup has become the cornerstone of people’s village here,” Shiloh said with pride.

Outside of in-person meetups, Shiloh is also proud of the virtual engagement and community the group has cultivated. Members are invited to reflect on their week every Saturday evening on the group’s Facebook page, and an active group chat allows people to ask for, offer, and receive support. For example, a mom recently wrote that she was struggling to keep up with her house, and multiple members volunteered to lend a hand during her time of need. “I want it to be community building and a little village,” Shiloh said, and it’s evident that hundreds of families are benefiting from the friendship and support the playgroup offers. 

The key, Shiloh said, is “if you want a village, be a villager. If I set up a meal train, then I’m the first to bring a meal. You can’t be passive and expect your community to build.” While she said that it’s always awkward and hard to initially make introductions and put yourself out there, she can guarantee that everyone wants to make more friends.  

Creating Community: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Friendship and Faith

“I was throwing myself headlong into everything when we got here because I wanted to build a system here,” Shiloh admitted. “I need people I can depend on, so I hit the ground running.” She had attended just two meetings of Just Among Military Moms (JAMM)—a faith and fellowship group for women on Andersen Air Force Base—when she helped to fill a leadership void. 

The group has had its peaks and valleys in the past year, and Shiloh began with significant obstacles. Facing budget cuts, Shiloh had to work even harder to create an intentional group that was “not just another reason to get together…[it would be] soul building.” Believing that “anybody can start anything” because “our world is built by people who have the audacity,” Shiloh was undaunted in crafting themed events and a retreat to bring the community together. She is proud to be in a position where leadership trusts her and to be reaping the fruits of her labor a year later. 

A Plan to Give Back 

Shiloh’s self-proclaimed toxic trait is that she’s always looking for more things to do. “I love to be busy and have my things,” she said, and admitted that while she loves being a mom, she also misses working. She was a Registered Behavior Technician for three years and worked with kids on the autism spectrum.

With a degree in psychology and years of hands-on experience, Shiloh has a desire to get her master’s degree in social work. Just dealing with children’s behaviors, she believes, is not enough; there are deeper issues beyond diagnoses, and home life is a huge factor that impacts mental health. “There is so much more in mental health than the mind; I want to get to the heart of it,” she said. 

She would like to start a therapy practice with multiple providers focusing on EMDR and trauma therapy for kids struggling with abuse and neglect. Having seen how impactful it is to care for providers, she wants to work with and support mental health providers because second-hand trauma is a real challenge. While her desire is to work with kids in the long run, she wants to wait until her own are older first. 

The community-building work that she’s doing now is ultimately developing her skills for social work. She is getting to know on a real level the struggles moms and their kids are facing. She appreciates the freedom that volunteering and leading gives her; without a boss, she is free to pursue her interests and passions on her own timeline while still being fully present for her son. For other moms who feel like they’re not making career progress outside of their homes, Shiloh encourages them to volunteer or make things to donate because there’s a need for assistance wherever you’re stationed. 

Creating Community: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Final Reflections

“People don’t realize how much agency they have,” Shiloh said, and she encourages others to have the bravery and initiative to find and fill the needs in their community. “If there’s nothing in your area, you can make the thing.” After all, she said, her playgroup didn’t start with hundreds of members. If you start small and are genuine, your efforts will grow organically. You just need the courage to begin. 

Katie McDonald is a Navy wife, and she and her husband are currently stationed in Guam. After 5 years as an English teacher, Katie is currently working as a freelance writer and enjoys writing about books and travel. https://www.katiereads.com/

Diving Into Opportunities: A Military Spouse Spotlight

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Jasmine is an Air Force wife, middle school math teacher, and dive master who has fully taken advantage of her latest duty station in Guam. While she faced challenges during the PCS process, she persevered and has embraced once-in-a-lifetime opportunities.

Travels and Tribulations

Jasmine met her husband, Geoff, while he was stationed in England. He was stationed at Mildenhall and living by Newmarket, and she was 30 minutes outside of Cambridge, working on her teaching certification. As luck would have it, her default Tinder radius was wider than she thought, and the two matched.

From the beginning, she knew their dating would be serious and that his Air Force career would move them around the world. As their relationship progressed, Geoff received three-year orders to North Carolina, and Jasmine later moved to join him after she completed her teaching certification in England. 

However, this major move was not without its obstacles and trials. While she was able to visit her husband, her American visa was denied, so she was ultimately stuck in England for 18 months waiting for travel approval. Geoff received orders to Guam during this time, but with Jasmine’s visa situation still unresolved, her first year in Guam was an isolated one. 

Making The Best of It

Because it took a year for her to get her visa, Jasmine was unable to leave Guam and couldn’t get her driver’s license, leaving her stuck in the house for most of her day. Not wanting to succumb to boredom, Jasmine leaned into new hobbies.

She set three goals for herself at the gym to keep herself motivated: do a pull-up, deadlift two plates, and bench a plate. She’s proud to have met all these goals and says that “setting goals kept me going and kept me sane.” She also learned how to upcycle furniture by watching YouTube videos. From painting an old bookshelf to reupholstering chairs, she transformed old pieces into something beautiful. 

Diving Into Opportunities: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Turning Point

Once her visa was approved, Jasmine was eager to begin working and filling her days. She started off as a substitute teacher before transitioning to full-time teaching at another school in town. Once she’d collected a few paychecks, she decided to put the money towards a rekindled passion: diving. 

Jasmine was originally certified in Barbados at 16, so she scheduled refresher dives to rebuild her skills and confidence. As luck or fate would have it, a woman asked Jasmine on her very first boat dive if she’d join her on a diving trip to Palau. Even though they’d just met, Jasmine agreed to the adventure and quickly got her advanced and deep-water certifications completed. Two months after that first boat dive, Jasmine was exploring the pristine reefs in Palau.

Diving Into Opportunities: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Exploring New Worlds

Diving has become a central part of Jasmine’s time in Guam, and her hobby has morphed into a career. She’s been able to dive in Palau, Chuuk, Guam, and Yap, and will be going to Pohnpei for Spring Break. Each island offers its own unique attractions and challenges for divers.

Because of Operation Hailstone, Chuuk has many wrecked ships to explore, and people fly from all over the world to participate in wreck and technical dives. Yap Day is an annual holiday celebrating traditional Yapese culture, and Jasmine was fortunate enough to experience it for herself during her dive trip. She’s looking forward to diving with the black manta rays and sharks in Pohnpei.

While all of these islands are acclaimed diving sites, their remote locations make visiting them time and cost-prohibitive for many hobby divers. Living in Guam gave Jasmine the opportunity to live near these far-flung islands and to develop relationships with divers who are skilled at leading exploratory dives. 

Diving Into Opportunities: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Jasmine has completed over 300 dives and has earned her dive master certification, elevating her from a recreational to a professional level. She’s excited that she can be paid to guide dives and has begun work as a contractor with a local dive shop. When she and her husband move to Florida later this year, she is hopeful that she can continue to dive and potentially lead dive trips.

In addition to dive trips, Jasmine has fully taken advantage of Guam’s proximity to Asia to travel. She and her husband went to Seoul, South Korea, where they saw the Starfield Library, the Gangnam Style Horse Dance Statue, and Seoul Tower. They also visited Tokyo, Kyoto, and Osaka, Japan, during cherry blossom season and took a belated honeymoon trip to Bali for two weeks.

Diving Into Opportunities: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Living the Movie Magic 

Before her husband had even received orders for Guam, Jasmine had watched and loved the Netflix movie, Operation Christmas Drop. Based out of Guam, Operation Christmas Drop is the Department of Defense’s longest-running humanitarian airlift operation. Volunteers help to collect vital supplies that are dropped to dozens of Pacific islands before Christmas to spread hope and “love from above.”

After watching the movie so many times, Jasmine was determined to get involved as soon as she arrived in Guam. During her first year, one of her friends had sponsored a box, so she was invited to decorate and fill it during a packing day. The next year, she helped collect donations at the Commissary and packed a box with another friend. During her third year, she continued to volunteer, but her fourth and final year was her biggest and most successful. 

Diving Into Opportunities: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Jasmine was “always asking to help” and was able to join the event committee. She organized and led a dive-cleanup fundraiser, created trivia questions for a fundraiser, participated in a fundraising run, and kept asking how she could be involved. “There’s no harm in asking; you just have to keep on asking and pestering,” Jasmine said, and her diligence paid off.

After her family joined her for the annual box-packing event, Jasmine learned she had been chosen to ride on the C-130 to Chuuk for a drop. It’s a rare and unique opportunity to be chosen to fly along, and it was only possible because of Jasmine’s dedication to the cause. 

Diving Into Opportunities: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Final Reflections

Overall, Jasmine is grateful for her time in Guam and all the unique opportunities it has presented her with. “When else can I say I went on a dive on a Tuesday after work and saw manta rays,” she said, reflecting on how saying “yes” to opportunities has given her so much fulfilment and purpose. While the first year was difficult and lonely while she waited to get her driver’s license, Jasmine made up for lost time with travel, diving, and work. 

The only predictable part of military life is that it’s unpredictable, but if you embrace the adventure, are unafraid of being told “no,” and are willing to try new things, you might just discover a whole new world of opportunities. 

Katie McDonald is a Navy wife, and she and her husband are currently stationed in Guam. After 5 years as an English teacher, Katie is currently working as a freelance writer and enjoys writing about books and travel.. https://www.katiereads.com/