Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

Why You Have To Say Yes To A PCS To Germany

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Why You Have To Say Yes To A PCS To Germany

Even though the Military is shutting down some Military installations in Germany, people are still PCSing to Germany. Sometimes they have a choice, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes the spouse thinks about staying in the US.

Why You Have To Say Yes To A PCS To Germany

As someone who spent four years in Germany, I have to recommend that if you have the opportunity to go overseas, do it. I say this as someone who didn’t always enjoy being there, that missed the US a lot more than I should have, and who hated being so far away from everything.

It’s been years since we moved back to the states and because of that I can look back and see Germany for what it was. An experience. A sometimes really amazing one. A sometimes really frustrating one.

Being stationed in Germany was an experience I will always be thankful for.

So if I hear someone is trying to decide to go, I urge them to do so. Even though being there might get hard or be really frustrating at times. The experience is worth it, and living overseas will change your life forever.

Why You Have To Say Yes To A PCS To Germany

You simply can’t find that type of Military community in the states. Well, maybe you can but the community when you are stationed overseas is unique. For one thing, very few of the people stationed where you are can go home for the weekend. Why? Because home is 2,000+ miles away. Because of this, you spend a lot of time there and not as much time away.

You have to stick together because you only have each other. If you can speak the language, that will make things easier but at the end of the day, your Military friends will be your main link to America and you will feel the need to bond a little more than you do in the US.

The travel opportunities are simply amazing.

From taking a day trip to a castle to planning a post-deployment vacation to some amazing city you never thought you would ever travel to in your lifetime. I had little babies and toddlers when I was there. My kids were only 3 and 5 when we moved back.

Why You Have To Say Yes To A PCS To Germany

Traveling wasn’t easy but we did what we could. I took my two boys on a train to visit my friend in Austria, we went on a cruise to the Mediterranean, and I went on a few USO trips during my time there. And of course, there was Garmisch, one of my favorite places.

Another great thing about living in Germany is being around another culture. In some ways, Germans are a lot like us, in other ways they are completely different. Although this part of living there was frustrating at times, it really opened my mind to a different way of life and seeing the world.

For example, in the US, when you go out to eat, you are pretty much rushed out of the restaurant as soon as you eat your food. In Germany, you practically have to hunt your waitress down for your check when you need to go. Sitting, talking, and having a long time at a restaurant is expected. You are not rushed out in the same way.

With deployments, the time difference is only about 2-3 hours. That was hard for me when we had our first deployment in the US. Having just a few hours difference made life a lot easier.

Why You Have To Say Yes To A PCS To Germany

You can also ship things to your deployed spouse for free. That was another thing that kinda stopped me in my tracks. “You mean I have to pay for that?” Being a little closer to the war zone has its benefits. If something were to happen and they had to go to Germany, you are already in the country.

There is also the whole beer and flowers thing. Beer everywhere. We even had a beer delivery truck.

The festivals are so much fun and are a great way to spend an afternoon or evening. They seem to be happening all the time too. And the flowers. I used to buy flowers all the time. They were so cheap. I miss that.

As you can see there are a lot of great things about being stationed in Germany. So if you have the chance, do it. You will be glad you did.

Have you ever been stationed in Germany? Have you ever been stationed overseas?

Why I Love Parenthood and the Bravermans

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Parenthood

A few weeks ago Parenthood aired its very last show. I caught up on the season last week and have now seen them all. It ended well and the last few episodes were very touching. There are a few reasons why I love this show. My mom told me about it after she watched a couple of seasons. She kept telling me I would love it and I did.

This is why I loved the show so much and why I am sad it had to end. I am going to try not to give away any real spoilers but I do want to talk a little bit about certain things on the show.

For those that don’t know, Parenthood is about the Bravermans. Craig T. Nelson and Bonnie Bedelia play Zeek and Camille. The parents of the four grown children and the grandparents of all of their children. Adam is the oldest son played by Peter Krause. He is married to Kristina, played by Monica Porter. Sarah is the next daughter and she is played by Lauren Graham. Dax Shepard plays Crosby the younger son and Erika Christensen plays Julia, the youngest of the four.

1) Max- Max is the son of Adam and Kristina. When the show starts he is about 8 years old and is diagnosed with Asperger’s. When I started watching the show our son was not diagnosed and we just started thinking something was going on with him. I would sit and watch Max and think, “Man, he is so much like Drew.” Once Drew was diagnosed, it was nice to watch what Max was going through and watch how the his whole family dealt with things. Since Max is a few years older than our son, I felt like he was a way to see into our future. There were times when Adam or Kristina would say something about his Asperger’s and I could totally relate. I will miss seeing Max get older and watch the challenges that he will have to go through.

2) California– The show takes place in Berkeley, California. While I am not from there I lived in the Bay Area for a while and I like watching shows that take place near where I have lived. It makes me a little home sick in some ways but it is a good thing. tumblr_m70cabp6Xq1rwdielo1_500

3) Lorelai Gilmore, I mean Sarah– I am a HUGE fan of Gilmore Girls so watching a show with Lauren Graham would happen no matter what. Sarah is different from Lorelai. She has a different type of relationship with her daughter than she did with Rory. I love seeing her in this different role.

4) Family- This show is all about family. Since they all live close to one another, they see each other all the time. Some of them even work together. They rely on each other in ways I simply can’t do with my own family because of the distance between us. I hope that in the future I can have this kind of closeness with my own family.

5) Real stories- The stories feel real to me. They go through divorce, cancer, money issues, PTSD, you name it and they probably had a story about it. While it is TV, it feels more real than other shows. The emotions are more real and I can relate to some of the issues I have dealt with myself.

I always feel sad when a good show gets cancelled too early. This is one of them. Hopefully they will have a reunion sometime in the future.

Are you a fan of Parenthood?

 

 

Making The Best Use Of Your Working Hours When You Are A Work At Home Home

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Making The Best Use Of Your Working Hours When You Are A Work At Home HomeWhen you work for yourself, you are your own boss. This is nice. You can take time off when you want. You don’t have anyone looking over your shoulder. You don’t have to ask anyone when you can go to lunch. On the other hand, when you are your own boss, it is on you to stay on task and get your work done. This can be difficult if you are not used to it. Working from home comes with a lot of different distractions. From kids to piles of laundry that need to be done. It is way to use to not make the most of your working hours.

How can you make your work time more productive?

 

1) Make Lists- This is so important when it comes to working for yourself. You have to have a list of what you plan to get done each and everyday. If you don’t, you will quickly feel overwhelmed with everything. Spend 5 minutes every night making your list for the next day. This is even more important if you have any type of deadline. I have posts I need to write on certain days so I always make sure to put them on my calendar as soon as I get them.

2) See Where Your Money Goes- When it comes to Internet business it is way too easy to sign up for every little course or app. Be careful. It is way too easy to spend too much money each month. If you signed up for a service and want to give it a trial period, put an end date on your calendar. On that date decide if that service is worth keeping or if you should let it go. I have done this with a few different services that I ended up cancelling after a few months. I just wasn’t getting my money’s worth.

3) See Where Your Time Goes- It is so easy to waste time online. You plan to go online to write a blog post and find yourself on Facebook. Just be careful about where you are spending your work hours. Since you work for yourself, you are not going to have to hide what you are doing online from anyone. If you spend too much time messing around, your work will suffer. Too much fun time online will mean a lower paycheck for you when you make money online.

4) Find What Works for YOU!- When you get started in this business you might want to follow what another person has done. This is all well and good but make sure you are finding what works for you. If you have three little kids at home with you during your work time you are not going to be able to do the same thing someone without kids at home might be able to do. Figure out your strengths and weaknesses and find a work method that makes sense for you and your goals and environment.

5) Let It Go- I figured this out pretty quickly. If something I am working on is taking too long, if I can’t get it to work right, if I can’t find what I am looking for…I put it away. I can always go back to it later. I have spent too much time trying to figure out how to change a theme or look up something when I should have just let it go for a while. Move on to something else and go back to what you were doing later. Don’t waste too much time on something you might not be able to figure out. Don’t be afraid to ask for help either. One time my blog went down and I asked on Twitter what was wrong. I got an answer right away and it was easy to fix once I knew what the issue was.

Do you work from home? What tips could you add to this list?

Tales of a Picky Eater

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Tales of a Picky EaterOh picky eaters! There are a lot of blog posts out there about how to help a picky eater, what you can do to prevent “making” one, how you shouldn’t be a short order cook, how your kids need to clean their plates, etc, etc, etc…

There is a lot of advice about what to do when your kid won’t eat everything you give them.

I am torn on all of this advice because as a child I was a very picky eater.

I hated chicken for the longest time. I remember I would walk into the kitchen and burst into tears when I saw my mom making chicken. Now I love it. Somewhere along the way I changed the way I felt about it.

I hated pizza until I was 12. Class parties were frustrating for me. I was good and can’t even eat the prize! Then one day, I think I was at a sleepover, I tried cold pizza and it opened up my world.

I used to just put salt on my salads. Salad dressing was nasty to me. Until sometime in college when I tried it again and realized I liked it.

I hated spaghetti until sometime in the early years of our marriage my husband made some for me and I loved it. I still have to eat it with salad and bread. It’s weird, I know.

Guacamole was always on the list of things I didn’t eat until I started craving it a few years ago. Now I can’t get enough.

So when my son tells me he can’t stand chicken or hates this or that, I get it. I really do. I still remember being forced to eat certain foods when I was three years old. It was very traumatic for some reason.

I have a couple of picky eaters myself. My oldest seems to get better and better every year which is good. My middle son, we have a party when he tries a new food.

My youngest seems to be the most open to things which is great.

Am I worried about the fact that sometimes I make different foods each night? Not at all. I have some rules. Sometimes they say, “well I don’t want that tonight.” If it is a food I know they will eat, I tell them that is tough because that is what is for dinner. I want them to try things sometimes. Most of the time, the older two say they don’t like it and we move on.

It could be that I am not a big cook. I have the standard things that I make and I think my boys are pretty used to it. So trying something new isn’t exactly an easy thing to do. But at the end of the day, I want my kids to eat. If it is only one type of veggie, oh well…at least they are eating a veggie. And someday that might be two or three different types of vegetables. Sometimes it is “kid” food, sometimes it is not. That is how we roll in our house.

I think when it comes to food, you have to do what you have to do. Depending on your kids and their own needs. I have friends who have kids with serious eating issues. They work hard to make sure they are doing what they can to get the right foods. They go to food therapy and it really helps to get them to add new foods. It isn’t always as easy as serving it and making them eat it. Sometimes you have to get more creative and figure out the best way to make it work for your own family.

Do you have a picky eater? Are you a picky eater too?

Blue Stars by Emily Gray Tedrowe Book Review

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Blue StarsIt is always exciting for me to get a book review request about a fictional book having to do with Military families. I always enjoy reading them because they each offer a different perspective on war and living life as a Military spouse. I had the opportunity to review Blue Stars by Emily Gray Tedrowe and just finished the book last week.

BLUE STARS brings to life the realities of the modern day home front: how to get through the daily challenges of motherhood and holding down a job while bearing the stress and uncertainty of war, when everything can change in an instant. It tells the story of Ellen, a Midwestern literature professor, who is drawn into the war when her legal ward Michael enlists as a Marine; and of Lacey, a proud Army wife who struggles to pay the bills and keep things going for her son while her husband is deployed. When Michael and Eddie are injured in Iraq, Ellen and Lacey’s lives become intertwined in Walter Reed Army Hospital, where each woman must live while caring for her wounded soldier. They form an alliance, and an unlikely friendship, while helping each other survive the dislocated world of the army hospital. In the end, both women are changed, not only by the war and its fallout, but by each other.

What I liked best about this book is the two different women we get to learn about. Neither one is your typical Military spouse, if there is such a thing. One is the adoptive mother and the other is the wife who married her Army husband later in life. They both experience so many emotions during the book and it is so hard to know how I would have handled the situations they went through. Knowing that my husband could have been in their loved one’s shoes was humbling as well.

Ellen is not someone who ever saw herself in the role she was put in. That makes for an interesting point of view. I liked how the author explained how she was feeling and how she was dealing with it all.

Lacey’s story is very different from Ellen’s but the two come together because of Walter Reed. It is an unlikely friendship but one that I know happens time and time again just because two people are going through the same sort of difficulties. I have seen it happen in my own life.

I have heard stories about Walter Reed but not like this.  I never knew what the day-to-day looked like and it seems like this book does a good job of letting the reader know what it can be like to sit by your loved one who is there because they were injured overseas.

EMILY GRAY TEDROWE is the author of Commuters: A Novel, which was named a Best New Paperback by Entertainment Weekly. Her short fiction has been published in the Chicago Tribune’s Printers Row Journal, Fifty-Two Stories, and Other Voices. Her new novel, Blue Stars, was conceived during her brother’s Marine service in the Iraq war. Originally from New York City, Emily now lives in Chicago with her husband and daughters. For more information visit her website at www.emilygraytedrowe.com

 

I received a free copy of this book for review. This post does contain an affiliate link. 

Getting Rid of the Mom Guilt

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10956204_10155113091840705_3377695713182106336_nMy son was about 13-14 months old. My husband had just left for Germany. I didn’t know when we would join him. My son slept every night from 7pm-7am. It was nice. Except…I couldn’t fall asleep until 3am because of all the stress and crap that was happening as we were trying to get over to join my husband in Germany.

So what did I do? I put on Elmo and put him in the Pack N Play. I was able to nap for an hour in order to have the energy to get through the day with my toddler. It was then I learned that sometimes as a mom you have to do what you need to do to get through the day. It might not be the best thing, it might not be something that is suggested in parenting books, but I knew at the end of the day it was not going to harm my child and that I needed to do it to get through the day.

I have always been for natural birth. I started reading about it before I even got pregnant. I worked as a doula. I saw first hand the difference in births and natural was what I wanted. I had my first two babies 100% naturally and wouldn’t have had it any other day. Then I got pregnant for the third time and I just didn’t feel as strongly about it. I was tired. I was older and I knew at the end of the day it was going to be okay, whatever I decided to do. So when it came time to have baby #3, I went for the epidural. It was a fast birth. It really wasn’t that different from my other births except for the pushing part. The epidural helped with that. They told me it didn’t have time to kick in but I know it did. I could tell.

I always wanted to breastfeed. I thought it would come very naturally to me and I would enjoy it. Nope. With my oldest we had to basically feed him with a syringe for the first few days. And once he did figure it out, I realized I really didn’t like it too much. I kept going. I went as long as I could, 17 months. Then babies #2 and #3 came. Ben was gone. The support I had with #1 wasn’t there. So I eventually switched to formula with them before they were a year old.

I could go on an on. There are a lot of reasons I could feel guilty about my parenting. There are a lot of things I have done I never thought I would do. There have been tearful days where I just wasn’t sure I was doing anything right.

There are so many reasons why a mom could feel guilty. There are so many ways we don’t measure up. There are many things we could do differently. While I think it is important to always grow as a person and as a mother and to make sure we are on the right path, doing what we need to do for our kids, we also need to let some of that mom guilt go.

The fact is, there are many different ways to raise a child. Most of them all lead to the same place, healthy and well-adjusted adults. I think when we start to worry about every little choice, we make motherhood harder than it needs to be. I try to remind myself of that when I feel guilty for something little, something that really doesn’t matter much. I try not to focus on being a perfect mother, I focus on doing the right thing for my own children and not worrying so much about the little things. Or the fact that I don’t always get it 100% right. Because I know I fail sometimes.

At the end of the day we moms are doing our best. We love our kids and want the best for them. We do what we think is right with the information we have at the time. We should learn from our mistakes but we need to let go of all the guilt that comes with them. I think if we can do that, it will make for a much better life.

Do you struggle with mom guilt? How do you let it go?

 

What I Miss About Active Duty Life

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What I Miss About Active Duty Life

What I Miss About Active Duty Life

It’s been almost 8 months since my husband ended his Active Duty Army life. We haven’t moved away from Ft. Campbell so we are still surrounded by the Military and since he is in the National Guard we still experience some of that life. We still have Army stuff in our house, we can shop at the Commissary and I go on post several times a week with no issues. However, there are a few things I do miss about life as an active duty Army family. If your spouse has gotten out of the Military, you might miss these as well.

1) On post Housing- We didn’t live on post during all of our time as an active duty family but we did for a few years and a part of me misses it. I liked how everything was close by, how my husband could come home for work, how it made things a little easier when it came to where we lived and the bills we had to pay. When you live off post you do get a little more freedom and it is quieter but you also give up more of the convenience of it. With my husband no longer being active duty, living on post isn’t an option anymore. That chapter is forever closed.

2) Healthcare– Now that we are a Guard family, our healthcare is a little bit different. We still get Tricare, just a different type. After almost 9 years of Tricare Prime, it was hard to get that first bill for a doctor’s appointment. At the same time, I am thankful for the healthcare I do have because I know it could be a lot worse. I am thankful that we were able to be on Tricare Prime when I was pregnant, having babies, taking them to doctor’s appointments every few months and needing the ABA services that we received. I think it would be a lot harder to do that now, with the insurance we now have.

3) Upcoming PCS– Although we are technically free to move away from this area whenever we want, we can’t do so until we have a plan that will work. Sometime I think about PCSing out of here. Of having the Army come, pack us up and take us on our next journey. Of researching the next post. Of asking questions about what it is like there and what services they offer. It will never be like that again for us. Sometimes I miss when that was possible. I see friends heading off to new places and part of me wishes we were too.

I know once we move away from here I will miss even more about Army life. I will miss all my Army wife friends. The ladies that know what it is like to do it all alone for months at a time. The other women that get how beautiful a homecoming is or how hard waiting for orders can be. The friends that get the frustration that comes with waiting for promotions, days with no communication with your husband and having to explain to your child why Daddy isn’t going to be home for a while. I will miss all of that so much. I am thankful that I haven’t had to give all of that up quite yet.

I am sure that when the time comes to say goodbye to the Army once and for all, it will be quite emotional. I am thankful that we are doing it this way. Saying goodbye to some of Military life without having to shut the door on it completely. I know that day will come and it will be bittersweet.

What about you? What do you think you will miss about Military life? What do you miss if your spouse has gotten out?