Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

ETSing

On ETSing and Getting Out of the Military

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On ETSing and Getting Out of the MilitaryOn ETSing and Getting Out of the Military

ETSing, this stands for expiration – term of service. An ETS date is the last day of the service member’s contract. ETSing can happen for many different reasons. A service member might choose not to re-enlist, they may have to get out for medical reasons, the service member is going to retire from the Military or when they are forced out earlier than they had planned.

My husband went through ETSing in 2014. Almost 2.5 years have gone by since that day and we have been working towards our new after Army normal ever since. My husband is still in the Army, he joined the Guard the day after he got out of active duty. We also still live at our last duty station. Because of this, we are still a military family, can still shop at the Commissary and can relate to a lot of what Active duty families experience.

However, there are differences. We pay for our Insurance, we are not always included in everything Active duty is, my husband usually puts on his uniform once a month, we will not be PCSing anytime soon and we would not be allowed to live on post here.

Over the last 2.5 years, we have had to navigate these post-active duty waters the best way that we know how. There have been moments when I have wondered if he should have stayed in. There are times I am glad he did get out when he did. There are also a lot of emotions that you go through when making this change.

If your spouse is going to be ETSing soon or you guys are talking about going that way, you will need to prepare yourself a bit. Life after the military isn’t a picnic. Life after an ETS can be very stressful. However, for a lot of people, ETSing is the best choice. Whether they have been serving in the active duty military for 3 years or 20.

Here are some things to think about when you ETS:

  • Finding Their Place- After being in the military for many years, finding a place in the civilian world can be difficult. Some military jobs work well outside the military and others are harder to transition from. Finding your place after the military can take longer than you think it might and won’t happen overnight.
  • Where to Live- You have a big decision to make before your ETS. Where will you live? If you live on post, you will have to move. If you don’t, you could stay, but would you want to? You and your spouse will need to talk about your options and where you want to be.
  • Medical Worries- When you leave active duty, your insurance is going to change. This can be a big difference from what you are used to. From having to pay a certain amount per month to paying more when you go to appointments. Ideally, one of you will have a job with good insurance but that doesn’t always happen. As much as a headache Tricare can be, you will probably miss it when it is gone.
  • Jobs- Finding a good job after the military is important. If your spouse that is leaving the military can find a good job right away, that is great but the job search can be difficult for some people. Even after finding a job, it might not be the right one and can take a while to get there. Looking for jobs before the ETS is a good idea and can help your service member have a more smooth transition once they do ETS.
  • Missing Active Duty- After your ETS you and your spouse might start to miss parts of Active duty life. This is true even if you couldn’t wait until they got out. The lifestyle, the regular paychecks, the security, etc. Saying goodbye to all of that can be difficult. After some time you will get more used to being away from the Military. Give yourself some time and know it is okay to mourn leaving the military after you have moved on.

Getting out of the military is a big transition. You will have to get used to your new life. Just like when you first started this military journey, it will take some time and patience before you figure out how that post-military life is going to look and how everything is going to work out.

Will you be ETSing soon? What are you most worried about?

 

Should Military Families Move Home After Etsing?

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Should Military Families Move Home After Etsing?

Should Military Families Move Home After Etsing?

June 2014. After 9 years as an Active duty military family, my husband hit his ETS date. ETS stands for expiration – term of service. This is when the contract between the service member and the military has ended.

The service member can re-enlist which usually happens at least a few months before that date. Then their ETS date will change. For a lot of people, ETSing means moving back home or moving to a new job. For us, though, ETSing meant staying right where we were. In our house here near Ft. Campbell.

We made this decision for a few reasons. Home is California and the cost of living there is insane. We would probably have to pay at least triple if not more than what we pay on our mortgage now to get a small home. We just could not make that work.

Another reason we decided to stay in the area was to make fewer changes than we needed to. Leaving active duty is a big change. Finding a job in the civilian world can be a challenge. Staying where we were after ETSing made life a little easier than it would have been.

Our children’s school was another factor. We like the school and the kids are used to going there. One of my boys has Autism and they know him there. Eventually, we will move and will be dealing with a new school, most military families do that anyway but for the time being it was nice to keep them where they were more comfortable.

Deciding what to do after an ETS can be difficult. You might have a lot of options, you might not know what to do right away. How can you decide on if you should stay where you are or explore another part of the country?

  • Can you go home? This is a big part of where to go after you ETS. Is going home a choice? Do you have a home? Do you have a lot of family drama that you would prefer to stay out of? Like us, is it a lot more expensive where you are from? Ask yourself these questions and think about what you want for your family. Some military families can’t wait to get back to where everything started. Others have seen parts of the US or World and want to go back. And then sometimes you just want to start somewhere fresh.
  • What about the job? Where you move to or if you move might have to do with finding a job. If you decide to stay where you are, it could be easier to find a job. On the other hand, you might be able to find a job at home since you know people in the area. You might have to go where the job is even if it isn’t your ideal location.
  • Can you make a long term plan? We know we want to move out of the Ft. Campbell area eventually. We have a few ideas that we are working on right now. Things are still up in the air. Even though we wanted to stay after ETSing, we knew that eventually, we would leave. Sometimes military families stay so that a child could finish high school or until their spouse can get through school. There are many reasons to do so.
  • How is your housing situation? Had we been living in a military housing when my husband was ETSing we would have had to move somewhere. You can’t stay on post after you ETS. If this is you, you are more likely to go home or move to another place unless you really like the area you are living in.
  • Do you like where you are currently living? If you hate where you live, you will probably want to get out of there as soon as the military lets you. Sometimes I wonder why we are still here when we no longer have to be. You can’t leave in the middle of a tour but after an ETS, the choice is yours. It is never that simple and there are a lot of factors that go into whether you can leave or where you can go.

Moving after ETSing can mean a fresh start. A new job. A new state. A new future. Staying where you are can mean less stress and more stability for your family. Think about what your options are and what will be best for your family.

What about you? Have you gone through an ETS? What did you decide to do?

3 Things That Will Bother You After Military Life Is Over

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3 Things That Will Bother You After Military Life Is Over

In June, it will be two years since my husband left Active Duty Army. He didn’t retire either. He was at 10 years and the day after he joined the National Guard.

After military life Is Over

They say that you miss things once military life is over. I will admit, I didn’t want to believe people when they said this. I knew we were staying in a military town so I knew I would still be able to make friends with others living the military life. I knew that I would still have access to post because of where we lived and our National Guard status. I knew we would still have Tricare and that some of our medical services would not change even if we had to pay for them. I knew all of this and yet at almost two years there are things I miss about active duty life.

Because of where we live most of my friends are married to people in the active duty army. They are living that life. The life we are no longer living. They might live near me and their kids go to the same school mine do but they are in a different part of the military world than I am. They remind me of what I miss.

As I thought about writing this post there were three things that bother me now that active duty life is over:

  • The paycheck– Yes, we miss the paycheck. When you get out of the military as an Infantryman there are only so many things you can do. Even if you do find a job paying exactly the same amount as you did in the military, it is still less then. Why? Because you get taxed on your whole paycheck. In the military, you do not get taxed on your BAH or BAS. You don’t get taxed on deployed income and in some states you don’t have to pay state taxes. Luckily we live in TN so we don’t worry about that here either way. This is something I never saw talked about before we got out but it is something to think about when your spouse is looking for what they will do after the military.
  • Tricare- If your first experience with health care was Tricare, you might not realize how hard it can be to find affordable health care out there in the world. Even if your employer provides it. For us, we have Tricare Reserve Select and pay about $300 a month for our family for Medical and Dental. This was a change from having Tricare Prime for the last ten years. Luckily we have not had any big medical issues since he got out but I am sure we would be paying more out of pocket if we did. Tricare has a lot of issues and can be very frustrating at times but I am going to miss having Tricare when my husband leaves the National Guard. Health insurance is a great benefit that the military receives and deserves so when active duty life is over it can be a challenge to find something else that works.
  • PCS dreams. This feels a bit silly but I miss the dreaming about where we can PCS to next. Yes, it is true you can move anywhere if you are not in the military but that isn’t always easy to do. In military life, you get to live many different places. Sometimes you are happy about those places and sometimes you are not. I will admit that it scares me to think about moving to a place that is not a military community. Where people don’t move all the time, where people have never served and where people don’t get what it is like to go through a deployment.  I also think having to say goodbye to people all the time is difficult and I find myself wishing we could go with them. At the end of the day, I know we have a good long term plan and there are quite a few previous military in our area as well as non-military families too. It’s a good place for now.

Getting out of the military can bring up a lot of emotions for both the military member and their spouse. There is a lot to think about and there is a lot you are going to have to go through before you get to a good place.

Has your spouse left the military? What was the hardest part about it for you?

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What I Miss About Active Duty Life

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What I Miss About Active Duty Life

What I Miss About Active Duty Life

It’s been almost 8 months since my husband ended his Active Duty Army life. We haven’t moved away from Ft. Campbell so we are still surrounded by the Military and since he is in the National Guard we still experience some of that life. We still have Army stuff in our house, we can shop at the Commissary and I go on post several times a week with no issues. However, there are a few things I do miss about life as an active duty Army family. If your spouse has gotten out of the Military, you might miss these as well.

1) On post Housing- We didn’t live on post during all of our time as an active duty family but we did for a few years and a part of me misses it. I liked how everything was close by, how my husband could come home for work, how it made things a little easier when it came to where we lived and the bills we had to pay. When you live off post you do get a little more freedom and it is quieter but you also give up more of the convenience of it. With my husband no longer being active duty, living on post isn’t an option anymore. That chapter is forever closed.

2) Healthcare– Now that we are a Guard family, our healthcare is a little bit different. We still get Tricare, just a different type. After almost 9 years of Tricare Prime, it was hard to get that first bill for a doctor’s appointment. At the same time, I am thankful for the healthcare I do have because I know it could be a lot worse. I am thankful that we were able to be on Tricare Prime when I was pregnant, having babies, taking them to doctor’s appointments every few months and needing the ABA services that we received. I think it would be a lot harder to do that now, with the insurance we now have.

3) Upcoming PCS– Although we are technically free to move away from this area whenever we want, we can’t do so until we have a plan that will work. Sometime I think about PCSing out of here. Of having the Army come, pack us up and take us on our next journey. Of researching the next post. Of asking questions about what it is like there and what services they offer. It will never be like that again for us. Sometimes I miss when that was possible. I see friends heading off to new places and part of me wishes we were too.

I know once we move away from here I will miss even more about Army life. I will miss all my Army wife friends. The ladies that know what it is like to do it all alone for months at a time. The other women that get how beautiful a homecoming is or how hard waiting for orders can be. The friends that get the frustration that comes with waiting for promotions, days with no communication with your husband and having to explain to your child why Daddy isn’t going to be home for a while. I will miss all of that so much. I am thankful that I haven’t had to give all of that up quite yet.

I am sure that when the time comes to say goodbye to the Army once and for all, it will be quite emotional. I am thankful that we are doing it this way. Saying goodbye to some of Military life without having to shut the door on it completely. I know that day will come and it will be bittersweet.

What about you? What do you think you will miss about Military life? What do you miss if your spouse has gotten out?

 

Last Day Of Active Duty

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My husband has just finished 10 years, 11 months of Active duty service.

Four deployments to a war zone for a total of 35 months deployed.

Two to Iraq, two to Afghanistan.

Four duty stations, Ft. Drum, Schweinfurt, Grafenwoher, Ft. Campbell.

He missed Drew’s birth, missed my 30th birthday and many other things over the last 8.5 years.

We got to see places we never would have and met some amazing people over the years.

We made it. Now, on to the next chapter…National Guard life, here we come 😀

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Thoughts On My Last Week As An Active Duty Army Spouse

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Eight days. That is all we have left as an active duty family. The day after we will officially be a National Guard family. Talk about a change.

It seems weird. We have been waiting for this day for a while now and here it is just a week away.

I think back on the last 8.5 years and everything we have been through.

20120413-IMG_7430We started this journey in November 2005 when I dropped Ben off at the recruiting office in Lexington, Kentucky. We had one little 13 month old boy and no idea what we were getting ourselves into. It seems so strange thinking about life back then. We had been married a little over three years at that time and we knew life was going to seriously change. We were just not sure how.

We knew that it would take a while for Daniel and I to join Ben in Germany. We had no idea it would take 4.5 months and too many tears to get over there. Joining the Military right before Thanksgiving is not the best plan.

Once we made it over there, we were in for quite the adventure. Not only did we have to figure out what Military life was like (it was all new to me) but we had to figure out how to live in Germany. On top of all that I was pregnant.

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Within a few months of getting to Germany we were getting ready to say goodbye to Ben for his first deployment. We assumed it would be a year. In the end it was 15 months and very difficult for us. Luckily there was an amazing support system of Military spouses and somehow we made it through. During those 15 months I really learned what it meant to be an Army wife. I knew how hard it was to be away from my husband. I knew how hard it was to be the only parent in the house. I gave birth without my husband next to me and somehow figured out how to be Mom and Dad to two very small children for a very long time.

It was then I thought things would get easier. That deployments would be easier. That because I made it through that, I could make it through anything. In some ways this is very true. Had I started my life as an Army wife with a more simple and shorter deployment, would I have had the strength to get through others? It is hard to say. It is hard to know if that 15 month deployment wore me down too much or made me stronger. I might not ever know.

After that deployment we ended up moving from Schweinfurt to Graf in Germany. That was such a nice change. It was then I learned that not all Military housing is the same. He didn’t change rank, we just moved and they totally upgraded us. We went from a 3rd floor stairwell apartment into a brand new 4 bedroom duplex. And even though it was a duplex, it didn’t feel like it. We hardly heard our neighbors.

At pretty much the 365 day mark after Ben got back from his deployment, he left again. He was going to Iraq a second time. This deployment ended up being 11 months. It also made it so we had to stay in Germany a little longer. This was frustrating because as amazing as Germany was, we were ready to go back to the US.

Once he was home we went on one final trip. A Mediterranean Cruise. We never would have been able to go on this trip and I am so glad we did it. We got to see 7 countries on this trip too.

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We moved back to the US in March of 2010 heading straight to Ft. Campbell on the KY/TN border. We decided we did not want to live on post here and found a rental. Ben got into his unit and I got pregnant with our 3rd child. Then we heard the news that his unit would be deploying at the end of that summer. Since he had just returned in November, he was able to stay back until at least then. I was due December 1st and it kept going back and forth as far as when he would leave. He ended up not going anywhere until February which gave us 15 months in between deployments.

When he returned from that 5.5 month deployment, we bought a house in Clarksville, Tennessee. At the time we didn’t know what our future would be with the Military but we knew we would be here until 2014 and we knew there was a good chance we could stay longer than that. Deciding whether to buy a house when you are in the Military can be a hard choice but we decided it was the best one for us.

It was in the time between our 3rd deployment and 4th that we decided it was time for Active Duty Army life to end for us. There were several different reasons for this. I honestly didn’t think we would have a 4th deployment. It kept going back and forth. At one point he was pulled from the list because he was getting out. Then, with two weeks to go, he was told he was deploying after all.

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This crushed me. I am not sure if it was because I thought we were done with deployments, if I had just done too much in too short amount of time or if I was just tired with everything and it was the last thing I wanted to deal with. I don’t know but that 4th deployment was my hardest. Don’t get me wrong, they were all hard but the last one was pretty brutal on me emotionally.

Somehow time passed and we got through it. He came home a week before Christmas.

Since then we have been preparing for ETSing from the Army. He isn’t retiring. He isn’t getting medically discharged, he is just ETSing.

As I look at the past and the future, I know the last 8.5 years have changed me in a lot of ways. Somethings are easier for me to deal with and others are harder.

I am not sure what the National Guard life will be like. I am going into it without that many expectations. It will be so different from what we have been through the last 8.5 years but at the same time we will still be apart of the Army family. It will be a change and hopefully for the better.