Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

Dear Asperger’s, You Can Shove It

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Living with Asperger'sMy son has Asperger’s. We have known this for almost three years now. It has been a challenge for us, some days more than others.

I don’t have Asperger’s but I sometimes can understand why he feels the way he does. Why he gets so frustrated. I get it. Not 100% and not to the degree that he does but I can understand a little bit.

I get why he gets so frustrated when things don’t go the way he thought they were going to go. It is almost as if he wakes up every morning with a list of what is going to happen that day. And if things don’t happen the way he wants them to, he has a very hard time. Some days he wakes up not wanting to go to school. So then getting to school is a problem. It wasn’t on his “list.” The older he gets the more he will understand that there are certain things he has to do each day and school is one of them. We have already seen some improvement with that but still have a long way to go.

When it comes to food, he only likes certain foods. More than just one or two which I am thankful for but still, it can be frustrating sometimes. Like tacos. He loves tacos we make from home but try to offer him a taco from a restaurant and forget it. He has serious hate for Taco Bell too, which happens to be his brother’s favorite place to eat.

He has a few snacks he likes and wants to have each day. Apples, tortilla chips, milk and yogurt if we have it. He might eat crackers or goldfish but it depends. Carrots he will eat with dinner but never ever as a snack.

He can’t stand certain things and sometimes it seems quite random to me. But I am sure he has his reasons, even if we don’t understand them.

It’s hard for me as a mom sometimes. The other day he was having a lot of trouble with getting to school and I just broke down about it. Why doesn’t he get he goes to school each day? Why? It could be something as little as his brother asking him the wrong question. We can talk about it and sometimes he will tell me. That helps but it is still hard.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking about how different things would be if he didn’t have Asperger’s. Then I feel bad because he is who he is because he has Asperger’s. He would be a different kid if he didn’t have it.

At the end of the day I know that he will be okay. He will figure out school and will eventually learn how to act right even if it is hard for him. He will start to figure out the world. But even so he will still struggle. He might always hate non homemade tacos and my never be able to get over it when someone says certain things. But hopefully he will be able to learn how to act and be able to handle it better than he does today.

Some days I just need to tell Asperger’s to shove it. To yell at it and tell it that it is making my little boy’s life really hard. But that won’t do anything but make me feel a little better. Because Asperger’s will always be with him and we will also be there to help him through it. The best way that we can.

Oktoberfest In Clarksville, Tennessee

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oktoberfest in clarksville

A few weeks ago we decided to go to Oktoberfest in Clarksville, TN. We had gone back in 2010 and it just hadn’t worked out for us to go again until now. It was a little more than I wanted to spend but we had fun.

They had some animals out front so we stopped to check them out. Then we went into the tent to get some food. We could have bought a big German meal but we were just planning on snacks. Ben got his beer and the boys and I got some cupcakes and brownies. Then Ben and I and the boys shared a big pretzel. They had it all set up just like it would look at a German fest. We had been to a few of them during our time in Germany.

oktoberfest in clarksville

 

oktoberfest in clarksville

 

After snacks we decided to go check out the music and dancing. We got to watch a group dance a few different ways and it was nice to sit and listen to the music.

 

After that we decided to use up our remaining tickets on some more cupcakes. We went over to the children’s area where they had bounce houses and decided against it because it would have been $15 for our three to go in there. That just wasn’t in our budget.

oktoberfest in clarksville

 

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We went back into the music tent to listen for a bit, walked by the animals again and went back home.

I think next year it might be nice to get a babysitter and have Ben and I go at night to enjoy everything.

 

Have you ever been to Oktoberfest either in the US or in Germany?

Parenting Without Feeling Guilty

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It is hard to be a parent without feeling guilty at some point. It starts when you are pregnant and never really goes away. For some reason we all want to be the perfect parent. We don’t want to make any mistakes. We want to do it all right and we don’t want to be judged.

No matter what choices you make, there is always someone out there that would say you are making the wrong one. You really can’t win. For every parenting choice you make, there are a ton of articles out there that say you are wrong and just as many saying you are right.

IMG_8555What’s a parent to do about all that?

I think we should ignore it!

If I could do anything over again it would be to do what I feel is right and NOT feel any guilt for it. This is hard though. We moms want to know that we are making the right choices and sometimes it is hard to know what that is.

I always wanted to breastfeed. I worked so hard to do to it with my oldest and we made it to 17 months. So when I was faced with a decision to give my 2nd little boy formula at 9 months because he wasn’t growing like he should, I did what I thought was best. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I wasn’t. I don’t know. I know that once he started getting the formula he started gaining weight.

Did I feel guilty about that? Yes. Should I have? Probably not. Although I still think breastfeeding is the best way to go, sometimes formula is needed and sometimes it is just the way it needs to be. Does that kick me out of the pro-breastfeeding club? Maybe, but I have learned that it really doesn’t matter.

Guilt comes at all different times on our parenting journey. Sometime it is warranted yes, most of the time it isn’t.

How should a mom decide what is right and what is wrong? How are we supposed to know what to do? It is easy to have parenting ideals but what if they don’t add up to reality? What if life gets in the way? How do we know what we should hold onto and what we can let go?

When it comes to my kids these days, I try to do what is best. I try to do what is right. I read advice about what different people have done and go from there. And depending on the situation, sometimes I am okay with being wrong. Of learning a lesson through it. Because sometimes, it is really hard to know what is best for your child on a particular issue. And no one else can really tell you either.

So when guilt comes up, look at why you feel that way. Are you doing the best you can? If so, there is no reason to feel so guilty about things. I don’t think our goal should be to become a perfect parent.

I think our goal should be to be a good parent to the children we each have. And that is nothing we should feel guilty about.

Do you struggle with feeling guilty as a parent? How do you deal with that?

Saving for Retirement: When Should You Start?

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Television ads assure us that we are never too old to begin saving for retirement. That makes sense; even a little financial padding is better than none. Pundits, however, are now saying the best time to start retirement strategies is when we are between 35 and 50 years old.

The reason is simple: People in that age range have usually paid back student loans and are established in their careers. They are probably making respectable incomes and have more disposable money. They own more assets than they did when they were younger. At the same time, though, they are still young enough to take advantage of compounding benefits.

Of course, people in this age group may have accumulated debt as well. They are dealing with issues like how to finance their children’s education and possibly help elderly parents. In addition, employment retirement plans are moving from benefit-based to employee contribution-based. Social Security is certainly not secure, and it becomes obvious that people are going to have to be responsible for much of their retirement income. If these years are indeed the best years to begin investing for retirement, there are many questions that must be answered. Is it a better choice to help our children pay for their educations or to use the money to fund our own retirements? Should we invest in long-term care insurance for our parents if they cannot afford it?

Another question concerns restructuring debt. Does it make sense to restructure in order to be able to invest? The answer depends upon individual circumstances; restructuring could result in paying more interest. Should you borrow to get the funds to invest? How much money should you be contributing to superannuation as opposed to a separate investment portfolio?

Most people are not financially savvy enough to answer these questions for themselves. Sometimes, considering the financial future, people panic and begin setting aside clumps of money they need in their daily lives. There has to be a balance; individuals should have a plan to systematically put away what they can afford. If you have questions or concerns about your investments or retirement planning, visit your local Nationwide insurance agent. Together, you can map out a plan to make working beyond retirement optional, not mandatory.

 

* Disclosure of Material Connection: This is a “sponsored post.” The company who sponsored it compensated me via a cash payment, gift, or something else of value to write it. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I  believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

The Difficulties of Solo Parenting

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I have heard it said that Military wives or any wife whose husband has to go away for work should not call themselves a single mom. I agree with this. We are not single moms. We do however go through periods of time as a solo parent. It could be weeks or it could be months or even a year or longer.

Being a solo parent means you are responsible for everything in the house having to do with the kids from day-to-day to the big decisions. This might depend on where your husband might be at the moment and how often he can talk to you.

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It means being mom AND dad for a period of time. It means not as many breaks.

It means doing it all for a temporary amount of time.

People tell us that they don’t know how we do it. How we get through the solo parenting times. How we can fill the role of mom and dad.

It’s not something that I would ever consider easy. It is the hardest part of deployments for me personally. It drains you, it puts you into survival mode. It makes you handle parenting a little differently than you might otherwise handle it.

There is the day-to-day. If you have a baby, everything from the feeding a to the diapers is all you. No one to hold them when you need a 5 min break, no one to change that diaper when you have had enough for the day. It’s hard!

With toddlers and preschoolers you are always moving. You are the one planning their days and figuring out bedtime. You make all the meals and tear your hair out trying to figure out what to feed them sometimes. It’s hard!

When you have school aged kids you are the one doing all the school stuff. You are the one taking them to scouts, soccer and church programs. You are the one telling them it will be okay and that daddy will be home soon. It’s hard!

Parenting is hard for everyone, Military families or civilian ones. 

It’s tough to take care of little kids day in and day out. Adding in solo parenting just makes it even more stressful. Not having that other set of parenting hands can take it toll.

I really think having a good support group and being able to change your perspective a little can really go a long way during these periods of time. Knowing you always have another mom or friend to call and hang with when you need it can be like medicine to the soul.

Realizing that your solo parenting days are limited is also a way to help you get through it. Don’t get me wrong, some days are harder than others. Some days no matter what you tell yourself you are going to feel pretty bad about the situation. However, some days, that simple reminder that there is an end date to the madness can help you at least get through until bedtime.

I always used to tell myself that this just time that separated us from life without my husband and life where I had my husband home.

Just days on a calendar I needed to get through.

If you are in the mist of solo parenting, know that you are not alone. Know that it won’t last forever and know that you can get through it too. It’s a frustrating part of Military life but one you can endure with support from those around you and the knowledge that there is an end date in your future.

How do you handle periods of solo parenting?

 

 

The Oak Grove Butterfly Festival

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Oakgrove Butterfly festival

 

It is always nice to find fun things to do with the kids around here. Especially if they are free or don’t cost too much. A friend invited us to the Oak Grove Butterfly Festival in Oak Grove, KY last weekend. I had never been to one and I didn’t know what to expect.

They had a ton of things for the kids to do such as crafts, ponies, face painting, bubbles and a train. They also had a butterfly house where you could go in and try to spot them. They also released about 1,000 butterflies to end the event.

oakgrove butterfly festival

We got there  and stood in the train line. It took forever but the kids loved it. After the train and after looking at the lines we decided to just take the kids to the little playground. We had about an hour until the butterfly release at this point. After about 15 minutes we took the kids on a little trail.  It was hot so I decided to get my kids something to drink while we waited. After that we went up on the hill to wait.

 

oakgrove butterfly festival

Right at 5pm they released all the butterflies. It was hard to see them at first but it was fun to try to catch a closeup of them as they were flying around. They are so beautiful and some of them flew really close to us.

I didn’t get so lucky taking a picture of the ones that flew right by us. Oh well, maybe next year.

Have you ever been to a butterfly festival before? 

The Deployment That Never Goes Away

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The Deployment That Never Goes Away

The Deployment That Never Goes Away

It’s been almost 7 years since that awful 15-month deployment ended. It still touches me in different ways. You hear about those in the military never forgetting about the deployments. And this is true. But the spouse, she or he never forgets either.

A Military spouse is never going to forget how hard it was to let their spouse go, how lonely the nights were or how happy they were when they finally came home.

We’ve been through several other deployments since then. However, the 15-month deployment was the one that sticks with me the most. It was a hard deployment and not just because it was so long. We lost a lot of men, especially compared to the rest of our deployments. It seemed like every week we heard the news that another soldier had lost his life. Three of my friends lost their husbands during that deployment.

It probably didn’t help that we were overseas away from family. I was one of the lucky ones and my mom was able to come visit for two months and my dad for about three weeks. My brother was even able to visit for a week. Not everyone was so lucky. A lot of extra loneliness that deployment.

The day before Thanksgiving 2007, I went to pick up my husband. Finally, the deployment was over. Peace. At least temporarily. It was over. The deployment that would never end was finally over.

That deployment shaped me into who I am today.  Who I became as a parent. Who I became as a wife. Who I am as a person.

I went 11 months without seeing my husband. My little boy was three weeks old when daddy said goodbye during R&R, he didn’t see his daddy again until he was 11 months old. I can hardly talk about this without breaking into tears. It is something that seems so unreal and seems so impossible. How did we even get through that? How did we go that long without seeing each other? How did we make it through…?

I don’t really know.

We just kept going. We just didn’t give up. We couldn’t give up. We had no choice but to stay and get through it.

I don’t think I will ever forget what that was like. I don’t think anything could ever be exactly like that. I think that we will always be affected by that in some way. I had friends that lost their husband during the deployment. I have friends that lost their husband since that deployment.  I think it changed everyone.

When I hear that the Military is going “back” to Iraq, I think of that deployment. I think of the families and the men and women that will have to go back over there. I think of everything that happened and I hope and pray that deployments will not be like that again.

I know that the Military will go to war. It’s expected. I just wish there was some way to make it a little bit easier. Someway to make it so that it wasn’t so gut-wrenching. Little things that would make it a little bit easier. Such as giving people plenty of time to regroup and spend time with family. To get back to some kind of normal before they have to deploy again, before they even have to think about deploying again.

Because you never forget the deployments.

Whether you were the one deployed or the one who stayed home. You never forget them. They stay with you forever. The smallest thing can remind you of them. Can take you right back.

So even though our 15-month deployment was in 2007. Even though it was years ago. Even though my husband deployed since then. It is the one that I always think about. It is the one that will stay with me forever.

Is there a deployment that hit you harder than the others?

The Every Moment Counts Campaign With Mrs. Fields and the USO

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uso-cookies-mrs-fields-kidsGrowing up we had a Mrs. Fields in our city and it was always a treat to be able to go and pick out a few cookies. Yum! I recently found out that they are big supporters of the USO. As a Military spouse this makes me really happy. The USO or the United Service Organizations, Inc. supports Military families in a lot of different ways. From special programs to locations at most of the Airports and Military installations  in the US. Our own family has benefited from them many times over the years. They are there to serve the Military and their families, “Until everyone comes home.”

Mrs. Fields is working with the USOs “Every Moment Counts” campaign which will help all families make the most of every moment together whether they are a Military family or not. It is so important to have family time where you can bond and make memories together. Mrs. Fields is encouraging families everywhere to dedicate Sunday nights as cookie moments to share quality time with your family. You can find some ideas and tools at the Mrs. Fields Moments website.

They started a contest that will help spread the news!

One lucky family will win a trip to National Harbor in our nation’s capital!

This contest would like real families across the United States to designate time every week to enjoy a cookie together, and to share these “Mrs. Fields Moments” online.

How to Enter:

  1.     Take a family selfie of your Mrs. Fields Moment
  2.     Share the photo on the Mrs. Fields Facebook page, Twitter, or Instagram using the #mrsfieldsmoments hashtag
  3.     Share as many moments as you like between Sept. 10 and Nov. 2, 2014.

Grand Prize:

  •       Round-trip airfare for four to Washington, D.C.
  •       Two-night accommodations in downtown National Harbor
  •       Dining gift certificates to downtown National Harbor
  •       Four tickets to ride The Capital Wheel

Sound good to you?

You can enter here!

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For my own family, we like to spend time together during the weekends. Our weeks seem so busy. The kids get home from school, homework, dinner and all that. It is nice to spend that time together on the weekends. Sometimes it is something simple like taking a trip to a park, other times we might look for a local event or even go to Nashville. It is nice when we can do something fun together every weekend even if it is just something simple and low-key. During the week we also have family dinners together which is nice.

How does your family like to spend quality time together?

 

“I am participating in this campaign as a member of  in partnership with Mrs. Fields. All opinions are my own.”