Marriage

What You Might Miss The Most During A Deployment

April 13, 2015 by Julie 2 Comments

What You Might Miss The Most During A Deployment

We all know that there are positives to every deployment. We also know how hard they can be and how badly you might miss your spouse when they are away. Sometimes it is just the little everyday things that you miss the most.

This is my list of what I missed the most when he was gone on a deployment…

* Being with me when the boys have activities like soccer practice/games. I video tape but still…not the same!

* My weekend “break”- When my husband is home I am able to get out for a few hours all by myself. Even if it is a 15 minute run to the store.

* Sundays after church- I just want to go out to lunch with my husband, I miss that when he is not home.

* Sundays at church- I miss sitting by him & holding hands during the service. It is just not the same sitting there with just the kids or even by myself.

* Having someone to bounce little ideas/questions off of. I like hearing his opinion about life and whatever might be on my mind. I can also ask him if I am just being crazy about something or just his thought on the subject.

* Watching a movie with him. I end up watching more movies when he is gone but I love it when we can watch them together. And then talk about how weird or silly they were.

* Hearing his opinion on shows like the Bachelor or Army Wives. He just cracks me up with his thoughts. I always miss that humor.

* His jokes. My husband is a very silly man and always trying to make a joke. Even if they are pretty corny, I miss them when he is not around. I find myself craving his jokes because they are very much a part of who he is.

Distance is hard, and missing the day-to-day can really get to you. On the other hand, it can really make you appreciate your time together even more. When he is home, you can be thankful for all those little moments that you have together. I know that since my husband joined the Army in 2005, I have been able to really appreciate all the little things when he is home.

What would you add to this list? What do you miss the most during a deployment???

Our Honeymoon 12 Years Later

August 5, 2014 by Julie 2 Comments

I thought it would be fun to tell you about my honeymoon, 12 years after the fact. I might not remember everything about that week but I do remember enough.

We got married on August 3rd, 2002 in Santa Rosa, CA. The reception ended about 4 or 5 in the afternoon and after that we drove to San Francisco where we were going to spend the first night. We paid a lot for that hotel room but this was a once in a life thing. The room was tiny. I was kind of shocked but it worked well. We were starving, especially me. I didn’t eat anything at the reception. I should have as the food was really good. We decided to eat at Bubba Gumps. That was where we had our first meal as Husband and Wife.

The next day we drove down to San Luis Obispo for our 2nd night at the Madonna Inn. What a fun hotel! Our room was blue with a circle bed. I had heard a lot of stories of the place but it was the first time I had been there. I don’t remember too much about the area other than finding a buffet to eat at.

The next morning we drove to Long Beach to park the car. We got on a ship and headed for Catalina Island where we would spend the rest of our honeymoon. We thought a lot about where to go. We thought about Hawaii but being on a budget it just wouldn’t have worked. Catalina is an Island off the cost of Southern California and is the next best thing.

We checked into our bed and breakfast and thought it was too cute. Our room even had a book with all the other people who had stayed there. We had to add our names of course.

We spent four nights on the island and it was so much fun. My bridesmaids had gotten together to buy us a few fun packages. I can’t quite remember all of them but one was a kayak trip which was so much fun we went back and did it again. We went out on it and found a small little beach. We had bought these amazing sandwiches, put them in a waterproof case and had a picnic on this little beach. It was the best. We also saw a movie at the old casino turned movie theator, I think it was the movie Signs. We also spent time at the beach and ate ate ate. I recently found an Instagram account for a Catalina Food Tour. I told Ben we should look into that next time and he told me that we already did our own tour and that was true. When you are there for that many meals, you get to try a lot of different places.

What I love about Catalina is just the laid back vacation like atmosphere. It was nice. It was such a great week to bond as husband and wife. We did not live together before we got married so staying together like that was new. I started to see Ben as my husband, not my boyfriend anymore. It was the time we needed to bond as a couple.

After those four nights we headed back to our car then drove back to Santa Rosa to really start our lives together. We returned home to a living room full of presents, a fridge full of cake and flowers and a bed filled with jelly beans courtesy of the wedding party.

Looking back that trip seems like such a long time ago. Getting married was such a long time ago. I was only 23! Now I am looking towards 36. Big difference.

We were able to go back to Catalina for our 7th anniversary that hit over R&R. That was an amazing trip as well but so very different from our honeymoon. It was also a little strange since Ben had been gone for 8 months before R&R. We knew each other but also needed to get back to being “us” again. It was also a time to regroup and bond but for a different reason.

I am hoping we can go back for another anniversary in the future. Maybe next year?

What Does It Take To Make It As A Military Spouse?

May 12, 2014 by Julie 3 Comments

“I could never do what you do”

“I couldn’t be a Military wife”

“I don’t know how you guys do it being without your husband for that long.”

We have all heard people say these things to us. I used to think that anyone could be a Military spouse. All they would have to do is love their spouse enough to stick by him or her.

But now, I am not so sure.

What about the spouses that walk away?

What about the service members that voluntarily leave the Military because deployments became too much?

What about the spouse that suffers from anxiety or depression and thinks the idea of one more separation is too much?

And when we talk about Military spouses, we are talking about people who stood by their husband or wife for a couple of years and those that stood by for 20+. Some people serve longer than others. When it is time to leave the Military, you can have a feeling of just being done. You can’t seem to imagine going through another deployment. I know I can’t. I feel like I have hit my limit.

However, what if my husband didn’t want to leave the Army? What if he wanted to stay and do 20-30 years? What if this was his life long dream? Would that make a difference? I think for me it would.

I think if my husband wanted to stay in it would be a little easier to handle more deployments. If he had a clear plan. If this is what he wanted.

So what does it take to make it as a Military Spouse? We all come from different places, with different personalities and different ways of seeing the world. What do we all have in common that allows us to do what we need to do to support our spouse?

I think in the end it is about commitment. Commitment to your spouse, to his or her work, to the life you must live when you decided to marry them. Commitment to the two of you and whatever path you are going to walk together. Commitment to the family you have created and the life that you are living together.

If you have commitment to each other, you can get through most of what life throws at you. And that is what it takes to make it in this Military life.

Distance Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

October 4, 2013 by Julie 1 Comment

He has been gone four months now. 120 days.

I miss him so much as you can imagine.

I miss his jokes. One of the first things I noticed about him was his sense of humor. It is silly and cheezy and I miss it.

I miss it when he holds my hand. Whether we are walking in the mall or going out to lunch.

I miss telling him about my day and all the stupid things no one else really cares about it. I tell that man everything and for four months I have not had that.

I miss him with the boys. From playing outside with Daniel to trying to get Drew to laugh to helping Joshua on the playground.

Army Couple I miss him drinking more coffee than I do.

So far during this deployment we have been pretty much been able to talk with each other on Facebook each and everyday. I have not heard from him since Monday. Usually I can go about 3-4 days before I get upset about not talking with him. So that is about where I am at. I am trying not to get upset but it is hard. It is so difficult to not be able to talk to your other half on a regular basis. There have been so many times when I have something to say to him and can’t say it.

I almost feel like our relationship is “on hold” in a way. Not that we are currently not married or anything like that. Just that we can not have anything close to a normal relationship while he is gone.

They say “distance makes the heart grow fonder” and I think it has been true for us. You get to a point in the deployment where you start thinking about everything nice you have done together over the years. You remember all the things you fell in love with and you look forward to the future when you can be normal again.

As homecoming gets closer you think about how it will feel to be in his arms again. To be his wife, not just in name only. To be able to act like a couple instead of just remembering it.

This homecoming will be very special for us. It will be the last one for us. In the past when he has come home from deployment I always thought, “He is mine, for now…” This time, I will not have a future deployment to think about. That makes me even more excited for him to come home.

As I look back over the years I wonder what our relationship would look like if he had never left? If we were one of those couples that had never spent a day away from each other. I also wonder what it will be like when he doesn’t have to go anywhere ever again. After years of him being home and then not, will I miss that independence? I just don’t know.

Have you felt that distance has made you and your spouse stronger?

Dear Julie On Her Wedding Day

August 12, 2013 by Julie 3 Comments

Our 11th anniversary was on the 3rd. I usually like to blog about marriage that week. I am a little behind but will be blogging a little bit about marriage the next few days.

I was 23 when I got married and I am 34 now. He was 26 and now he is almost 38. We have defiantly been together a while…although not as long as some.

I have learned a lot over the years and if I were to write a letter to my self on my wedding day, this is what it would say…:)

Dear Julie,

It is almost time for you to get married and I have somethings I want to say to you.

First of all, don’t rush anything. Don’t rush your wedding day, your honeymoon or the years before children come. Embrace them. Embrace the time you have together before starting a family. Children will come and with them your life with change. It isn’t as though things will be bad. You will have good experiences and difficult ones once the kids come along. But they will change everything. So embrace that time with your new husband. Have fun together, go on trips, enjoy life.

Secondly, know hard times will come. They will come and it will make you feel like your heart is breaking. You two will have to be apart for a time but try not to worry about it right now. When the time comes remember your love for each other and what you guys have. You will make it through those years as hard as they might be. They will make you a stronger couple. Just remember the good times and look ahead to future times when you are missing each other so much.

Julie, your life with Ben is going to be very different than you think it will be and that is okay. Not very many people have the exact life they planned for themselves when they were younger. There will be curveballs and things you won’t expect. There will be very good and exciting times and very sad and frustrating times. Just know that you are marrying the right man and he will be with you through everything. Every step of the way he will be there and you will walk through all the challenges together.

Have a wonderful wedding day,

Love Julie from the future.

What would you say to yourself on your wedding day?

The 5 Money Personalities Review and Giveaway

January 16, 2013 by Julie 4 Comments

The 5 Money Personalities

Do you and your spouse argue about money? We took premarital counseling when we were engaged and took a test. It was pretty in-depth asking us about everything. From the test we found out that we would usually always argue about money. We were raised very differently and because of that we don’t always see eye to eye on things. After 10.5 years of marriage, the test we took way back then has proved to be correct. Although we work out our disagreements, it is still an area we sometimes don’t agree.

That is why I was excited to see this book and the opportunity to review it. The 5 Money Personalities: Speaking the Same Love and Money Language by Scott & Bethany Palmer.

About The 5 Money Personalities

The hidden key to a healthy relationship is not just managing money but understanding how the other approaches money.

Every couple argues about money. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married for 40 years or dating for 4 months, money touches every decision you make as a couple—from the $5 cup of coffee to the $50,000 car. And when the two of you don’t see eye-to-eye on how much to spend or how much to save, that’s when arguments turn into ugly toxic fights that leave both persons feeling hurt and angry. It’s why money has become the #1 cause of divorce in the U.S. Obviously, something needs to change. The reason this crisis has not been addressed is because it has never been identified, defined, or given a name. Scott and Bethany Palmer, aka “The Money Couple,” have identified and defined this problem and offer concrete solutions to fix it.

Once you know your Money Personality, you can get to the root of money arguments and start really working together. You’ll discover what has an impact on your loved one’s money decisions, and you’ll learn how to talk about money in a way that’s actually fun! You’ll figure out how to put an end to money secrets and lies once and for all.

It’s not just about money management, and it’s definitely not just about overcoming debt. It is a whole new way of living that will change everything in your relationship. Tens of thousands have already been transformed. Are you ready?

About Scott & Bethany Palmer

“The Money Couple”, have dedicated their lives to helping other strengthen their relationships with the 5 Money Personalities. With 43 years of combined financial planning experience, they launched “The Money Couple” and are regulars on national TV and radio and speak internationally about love and money. Scott and Bethany enjoy an active lifestyle in Colorado with their two young sons, Cole and Cade.

My Thoughts- This book is a great way to understand how your view money and why you might clash with your spouse. You can take the quiz at The Money Couple to find out what your money personality is. I took it and found the results interesting.

Your Primary Money Personality is Security Seeker

You like to have a plan
You like predictability
Your future is determined
You’re willing to sacrifice
You are prepared

Your Secondary Money Personality is Saver

You get a genuine rush from saving money
Rarely spend impulsively
Willing to research in order to find the lowest price
Enjoy getting a “good deal”
Celebrates when others get a “good deal”

I knew I liked to have a plan. I am a planner by nature. I like to know exactly how much money we have at every given moment. I look up my husband’s LES the minute it comes out. I plan every paycheck out. I get very nervous when I know I am supposed to be paid money and it takes longer than it should. Even though logically I know I will get the money. I am nervous until I actually get it. I find my secondary one interesting because I don’t feel like I save as much as I should. I have my share of impulsive spending too. I do like to research a lot and I love getting a good deal.

My husband hasn’t taken the test yet but I am very curious to find out what his answers would be.

I love how this books talks about different situations and how people deal with them when it has to do with money. I think it would be a great book for any couple to read.

Website: http://themoneycouple.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMoneyCouple

Twitter: https://twitter.com/themoneycouple

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/themoneycouple

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/The-Money-Personalities-Speaking-Language/dp/0849964784/

Would you like to win a copy of the book? Enter the Rafflecopter below 🙂

a Rafflecopter giveaway

* I received a copy of this book for review!

When He is Away, I Miss His Jokes

January 14, 2013 by Julie 9 Comments

When he is away…

Army Couple

I miss his jokes.

I miss seeing him make coffee.

I miss being able to talk to him about all the silly stuff.

I miss watching movies together after the boys go to bed.

I miss him laughing at the silly stuff our boys say.

I miss the joy I feel when I come home and see he is home from work early…especially on a Friday afternoon.

I miss hogging all the covers.

I miss being able to run to Target for an hour all by myself on a Sunday afternoon.

I miss driving through a Starbucks and getting coffee together.

I miss hearing the garage door open knowing that means he must be home.

I miss asking him what he wants for dinner.

I miss going to church all together.

I miss watching the kids play together.

Whenever he is gone there is just a part of me that is never 100% okay with it, even if each day doesn’t seem too bad. Sometimes it is the little things, the everyday things that I miss the most. The memories I get from a coffee cup or a pair of shoes. It’s the daily chit-chat that seems the hardest to do without.

This time he won’t be gone too long and I have more than enough to keep me busy but it reminds me that a deployment is coming. It reminds me that before too long I will have to get used to this for months and months. That I will have to get back into deployment mode and that makes me sad. That I will not only miss all this stuff but he will also be in a dangerous place. That he won’t just be in a different state, that he will be on the other side of the world from us.

I try not to think about that. The deployment hasn’t started yet but the pre-deployment period has started and I need to accept it. I need to prepare myself for the rest of this year.

I tell myself that 9 months isn’t too long. It seems like we just got back from our California trip and that was 6 months ago. But still, it is knowing how much I will miss that makes me sad.

On the other hand, knowing that being apart will make us stronger is comforting. Knowing that at the end of it all we will have another wonderful homecoming is a nice thought. Knowing that we have been through much worse makes me feel better.

But how does one really prepare for such a long time without the person they love the most? How do you get used to the idea that you have to say goodbye? A lot of people say that deployments don’t get any easier, and they don’t. They are all different and we are at different stages when we go through them.

I just hope and pray that this deployment isn’t too horrible. That it goes by quickly and that before we know it, he will be home with us again. Standing on this side of the deployment isn’t very fun but time moves on and no deployment lasts forever.

Are you in a pre-deployment season too?

My 10 Year Anniversary Post and Giveaway

August 6, 2012 by Julie 43 Comments

When we first met~2001

10 years! Sometimes it seems so hard to believe. 10 years has gone by so quickly. We have done a lot in those 10 years. We have lived in 7 homes. We have lived in California, Kentucky, Germany and now Tennessee. We have three boys and no pets…yet. Hoping we can change that in the next year. We have been through three deployments and a few other separations. We have been through good periods and bad. I feel so lucky to have an amazing man by my side and looking forward to the next 50 years with him 🙂

Our 10th Anniversary

We celebrated our anniversary twice this year. We got to spend a day and night away from the kids and went to San Fransisco. We had a great time walking around Pier 39 and down to the Embarcadero. It was just nice to spend that time together. To not have to worry about the kids or any of that. Just us, on a date. It was fantastic!

Then on Friday night our actual anniversary a good friend of mine stayed with he boys so we could go out. We went to dinner, yay Outback and then went to go see the Dark Night Rises. We loved it! It was such a great movie. It was just a great night.

When we first got married I thought our 10 year anniversary would be spent on a cruise or a trip to Europe or something big like that. In the end it didn’t work out that way and I am fine with it. With Military life and just life in general we never really know what we can do for our anniversary. I am still hoping for an anniversary cruise in the future but it will have to wait for a few years.

I wanted to thank everyone who shared their blog posts with me. If you missed them on Facebook and Twitter you can visit them here…

Kathryn blogs about her first anniversary!

Chantal blogs about her 4 year anniversary!

Amanda talks about her wedding on her 1st anniversary!

Holly tells a sweet story about how she met her husband waiting for a bus!

Nadine has been married for 16 years. She talks about the life that they have had together!

This is a very sweet post from Erika about being married two years 🙂

Sarah tells us about her Garden wedding last year 🙂

Amber takes us through her wedding on her 5 year anniversary 🙂

Monica talks about all the things they have been through as a married couple and how surprising life can be 🙂

Sarah blogs on her 1st anniversary and shares pictures of her wedding with us.

Jennifer tells us about her first date with her husband 🙂

Sarah writes about her wedding day. It was very very special 🙂

April tells us all about how they met with lots of beautiful pictures 🙂

Fran tells us how she met her Army husband 🙂

Madeline tells us about her Wedding, with a lot of lovely photos

Jane tells us all about her special R&R anniversary 🙂

Erin tells us all about her special 5th anniversary!

Sarah blogs about the last 4 years of marriage 🙂

Tammy blogs about spending her 16th anniversary on a cruise ship 🙂

Bonnie tells us how she got engaged to the boy she met when she was justa child 🙂

And now for the giveaway…

Our first date was actually a double date. We went to Olive Garden and then to a ball at my school. It was a lot of fun and I will always have great memories of Olive Garden. So for my giveaway I will be giving away 1 $25 gift card to Olive Garden. You can go on a date, with your friends or take your kids 🙂

The giveaway starts right now and will go until Friday August 17th, 2012 at 11:59pm! Please fill out the Rafflecopter to enter 🙂