Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

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Military Life is Hard and It’s Okay To Say So

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Military Life is Hard and It's Okay To Say So

Military life is hard and it’s okay to say so!

When I started my blog in 2009, I did so for a few reasons. I was a bit bored but more than that, I wanted to share what I was going through. I knew I couldn’t be the only military spouse that felt the way that I did. I was at the end of our 2nd deployment, missing my husband, and just waiting for the day he would be home.

One of the first things I noticed when I started getting into blogging was the online military community. Other bloggers and readers who had been through what I had been through and who understood what military life was like. Over the years I have met so many military spouses online that are looking for tips and encouragement to get through their deployment or whatever else military life has thrown at them.

Over the years I have heard some people say that military life isn’t hard or that because life is more difficult for other people, we shouldn’t even talk about what we are going through. They say that we should only speak of the positives of this life. That talking about the negatives isn’t good.

While I agree that if you only talk about the bad, this life is going to be even harder, but I also know that military life is hard and it’s okay to say so.

Military Life is Hard and It's Okay To Say So

Here on my blog and in my online communities, I understand that not everything is going to be easy. I understand that some days are just going to be quite horrible. But you know what? There are a lot of benefits in sharing our stories, in letting others know what we are going through, and talking about when life gets hard.

You are real

Things changed for us as soon as my husband joined the Army. He was gone, for months. He wasn’t always there like he was before. He had more rules and regulations than he did in civilian life. Everything changed for us. And life got a lot harder.

Military life brings deployments, pcsing every few years, and life changes you would never have thought about before. You might give birth without your husband, they might miss your son’s first day of kindergarten or even high school graduation, and they might not be around when you need them the most.

So when someone talks about how hard military life is, they are being real about their experiences.

Real about the changes this life will bring, real about how difficult some seasons of this life are, and real about what’s going to happen during their spouse’s career.

Being real about military life also means talking about how wonderful living in Germany is, how amazing homecoming will be, and how you would never have met the friends you did had you never become a military spouse.

Whether you are going through a difficult time or having better milspouse moments, being real about your life is a good thing.

Because we all know it is

Although I am sure there are some who get through the years of military life and don’t even seem to feel the hardships some of us too, this has not been the norm.

Every day I hear from military spouses who have just started a deployment, are in the middle of a deployment, or are struggling through the last few months of a deployment. All of them are looking for ways to make it through, to find friends who know what they are going through, and to figure out the best way to handle their current situation.

At the end of the day, we are all on our own military road. Some roads will be bumpier than others, and that’s okay. Some will have it much harder than you do and some have it easier. That doesn’t change the fact that you are dealing with your own set of challenges that are unique to you and your family.

So we can help one another out

When we don’t share our struggles, we can’t help one another out. When we stay silent, we don’t know who needs that extra set of hands or who needs a listening ear. When we all act like we have everything together, we can overlook those that are falling behind, and that isn’t a good thing for our military community.

While we don’t want to spend all of our time as a military spouse walking around with a pout on our faces, we can stop and recognize when things are a little too much to handle on our own. We might need to reach out to a friend, to a professional, or change a few things to make our lives a little easier.

Military Life is Hard and It's Okay To Say So

So we know we are not alone

In the end, sharing our milspouse struggles helps others know they are not alone. When I share about my deployments, I hope that others can take comfort in knowing they are not the only one going through what they are at the moment. When I talk about the deployment ache, I hope that others can say, “Yes! That is exactly how I feel too.”

When you are struggling, knowing you are not alone can go a long way in figuring out how to make life better for yourself. Whether the struggle is deployment, miscarriage, divorce, infertility, the loss of a family member, a sick child or something else.

When you struggle, knowing others have been through what you have been through can help you see there is a way out, that there are things you can do to make life better, and that you don’t have to walk through all of this on your own.

What do you know when you feel you are struggling? Who do you turn to for extra help?

More on Military life…

Stop Saying That We Knew What We Were Getting Into

To the Military Spouse That Does Not Live in a Military Community

9 Things That Can Hurt a Military Marriage

To The Military Spouse Who Needs To Know They Are Not The Only Ones

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One of the best things about the military spouse community is to be able to meet other spouses and know that you are not alone. To know that you are not the only person who is going through what you are going through. To know that you have people to share with, people who get it, and people who understand is such an amazing feeling.

Military spouse, you are not the only one who misses their husband or wife, even when they are gone for a shorter period. You know that down the road, they will be gone longer, but for now, a week or two apart feels like a little too much. You are not the only one who feels this way, so many of us miss our spouses even if they are gone for one day.

Military spouse, you are not the only one who feels broken during a deployment. Who feels like your life has changed so much and that things will never be the same again. You are not the only one who has to ask for extra help from family, friends, or even professionals to get through.

Military spouse, you are not the only one that is hating the thought of moving to your new duty station. 

You are not the only one that has thought about how you can stay, even as your spouse has to go. You are not the only one who has shed tears over the move or who wonders why things worked out the way they did for you to have to go there.

Military spouse, you are not the only one that has struggled with their faith simply because of the emotions that a deployment can bring. You are not the only one who wonders if God even answers your prayers because it doesn’t always feel like it. You are not the only one who has figured out a different path to be on, because of everything you have been through.

Military spouse, you are not the only one solo parenting that has hit a wall during deployment and felt like you want to send your children over to Afghanistan in a care package. You are not the only one that is planning a getaway just for you after your husband returns home. You are not the only one who wonders how in the world you will make it to that finish line with these kids and everything that needs to get done.

To The Military Spouse Who Needs To Know They Are Not The Only Ones

Military spouse, you are not the only one who can be annoyed with their spouse one minute and wish that they never had to leave the next.

You are not the only one who can’t wait for them to deploy only because you are tired of all the pre-deployment stress and fighting. You are not the only one who wishes you could talk to them whenever you want to and then not sure what to talk about when they do start calling you every day.

Military spouse, you are not the only one who has mixed feelings about homecoming. You are not the only one who worries about your marriage after so many months apart. You are not the only one who remembers how things were before they left and wonder if they will get any better now that the deployment is over.

Military spouse, you are not the only one who is worried about money. You are not the only one who debates on if you should get a better job, or if you should even be staying home with your children. You are not the only one who feels like you have made money mistakes in the past and pray you won’t make them in the future.

Military spouse, you are not the only one struggling with a mental illness.

You are not the only one dealing with anxiety that becomes even worse when your spouse has to be away. You are not the only one dealing with depression, wondering if you should go on meds or not, and working hard to get through what you need to do each day.

You see, sometimes we can misunderstand people, especially in our social media world. We can assume that everyone else is not going through what we are. We can assume that everyone else has figured it out.

People tend to only post the positives or the good things on social media. They don’t talk too much about their struggles. They don’t share the whole journey, just the result.

To The Military Spouse Who Needs To Know They Are Not The Only Ones

As a military spouse, not everything is going to work out the way that you want things to work out.

There will be frustrations and annoyances. There will be times when you want to throw in the towel and walk away. But there will also be times when you look at your spouse and know they are doing what they are supposed to be doing. That you will meet people or experience things that make your heart so very happy. That you will see the big picture and realize that you can get through this life, the best way you know how.

As you connect with other spouses, either in person or online, don’t be afraid to share your struggles. Work together to get through them and figure out solutions. Remember, there is no such thing as the perfect military spouse. There are only spouses that do their best every day to get done what they need to get done and be there to support their spouse.

So to the military spouse that needs to know they are not the only one, find people who get it. Find others who understand. If you are surrounded by people who don’t understand your life, you are only going to get frustrated. Get out there at your military installation, or find a good military spouse Facebook group online. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, and take chances. If you can do this, your military life will become a bit easier, and you will see that you are indeed not alone in your journey.

To The Military Spouse Who Needs To Know They Are Not The Only Ones

To The Military Spouse Who Is Afraid Of The Unknown

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Not knowing what to expect is scary! I am a big planner, and I hate when things are up in the air. I want to know what is going to happen and when. And if you tell me a date for when something is supposed to happen, I want that date to stick. I don’t want the date to change.

I also want to know that everything is going to work out okay and that everything will figure itself out. Well, life, especially military life doesn’t work this way. I learned this lesson pretty quickly.

My husband re-enlisted in the Army, and he was sent to Germany. We had to wait to join him to get Command Sponsorship, which would allow me and my son to stay in Germany long term. I had been told this would take a month. In the end, we had to wait 4.5 months to join him.

Every day I would do my part to get us over there. That might be turning in paperwork or following up on some. Unfortunately, not everyone was doing the same, or so it seemed. It felt like my paperwork, that just needed a quick signature, was just sitting on someone’s desk for weeks and weeks. I didn’t understand why things were not happening the way I thought they should.

As I look back, I have to laugh. This is just what the Army does. There is paperwork, and you have to wait for it, sometimes for a very long time.

To The Military Spouse Who Is Afraid Of The Unknown

Things don’t flow the way you expect them to and plans change all the time.

My next big lesson was when my husband’s first deployment went from 9 months to 12 to 14 to 15. Our homecoming date changed so much I lost count. But in the end, my husband came home, and that deployment ended.

So to the military spouse who is afraid of the unknown, know, you are normal. A lot of us are terrified of what is going to happen next. But we have learned to understand that military life is all about the unknown.

We don’t always know when they will leave for a deployment. Will it be before or after the baby is born? We don’t know.

We don’t always know when we will PCS to our next duty station. Will it be before summer starts or after? Will we have to pull our kids out of school?

We don’t always know when our spouse will need to head for that school he has been on the list for. Will he go over Christmas? Or sometime in January?

To The Military Spouse Who Is Afraid Of The Unknown

During deployments, the fear of the unknown can take our breath away.

Will my husband come home to me? What if he is one who doesn’t? What will I do?

Will my spouse be injured? Will they come back the same person? Will I be the same person when they return?

Military life is one unknown after another. Even after you have been waiting for something and received an answer, that answer could still change.

So military spouse, try not to be afraid of the unknown. Try to embrace it.

Whether that means stepping out of your comfort zone to make friends in a place you never thought you would go or making the best of a crappy deployment. Embrace what this life gives you. From the people, you meet to the places you get to explore.

Do what you can each day that is in within your control and let the rest go. Breathe. Reach out. Don’t be afraid to try something new.

While the unknown will always be apart of your military life, you don’t have to let your fear of it take over. Remember, most things do get resolved, even if they take longer than you want them to. Deployments end, PCS orders get cut, and you will find the flexibility you need to handle all of these changes.

How you do handle the unknowns of military life???

Giving Birth When Your Spouse Is Deployed

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Giving Birth When Your Spouse Is Deployed

Giving birth when your spouse is deployed is common in the military spouse community.

If you walk into a room of Military spouses and ask how many of them have given birth when their spouse was deployed, you would get quite a few hands. It is something that has happened to a lot of us. Despite planning, a compassionate chain of command and a lot of prayers, sometimes the dads have to miss the birth. This just comes with being a Military spouse.

The reason I had to give birth without my husband was because I was due right in the middle of a deployment. He left in August and I was due in December. In some cases, they might let someone stay back for a birth. That was not the case for us that time. When I was due with baby #3, my husband did get to stay back because he was not allowed to deploy until November and I was due December 1st.

He just missed the birth

With my Germany baby, the child I had without my husband, I was expecting around mid-December. Considering my previous experience with my oldest son being born two weeks early, I anticipated an early delivery. We were hopeful that my husband would be able to be home for the birth as he was scheduled for R&R around the due date.

However, in the end, he didn’t leave Iraq until the day I gave birth. It took him a few days to get to Germany. He finally got to meet our baby when he was three days old.

Thank goodness for mom

Luckily I was able to have my Mom there with me. When I found out he might not be there in time for the birth, I asked if she could come out. Since we knew my other son was early, we had to plan on baby #2 being that early too and she came about 2.5 weeks before my due date.

In the end he was only born four days early. I almost think the stress of knowing my husband wasn’t leaving Iraq until later caused him to wait a bit longer to be born.

When your spouse is deployed, they may not make it in time

In some cases, the service member is not going to make it home for the birth or even be home for a few months after the birth either. This depends on the situation, the unit, rank and all of that.

During that first deployment, I had a few friends who got pregnant on R&R thinking their husband would be home in more than enough time to be there for the birth. In the end, the deployment was extended for 15 months total and the men were not allowed to go home to see their children being born. They got to meet them when they were about two months old.

If you think you might be in a situation where you will be giving birth without your husband, it is important to remember that you are not alone. Others have done it before and you will be able to get through it.

When you have to give birth without your spouse

  • Find someone who can attend the birth with you. Family member, friend and in some cases a doula can step in when your husband cannot be there. Find someone you trust that you want to be by your side. This will make a big difference and you won’t have to go through the birth alone.
  • Prepare yourself for the possibility. If your spouse just left and they tell you he can come back for the birth, don’t believe that 100%. Things always change in the Military. Promises can be broken. Nothing is set in stone until it happens. Tell yourself early on that if he can’t be there, you will be okay. Then hope and pray that he can be there. It is all you can do.
  • Use Video. We didn’t have this back in 2006 but these days women are giving birth while their husband is watching and cheering them on using Facetime or Zoom. Now this will take planning and help from the Unit but it can be done. Thank goodness for modern technology that this is even an option. Now a dad can help coach his wife through childbirth, even from overseas.
  • Take any help you can get.  When people find out that you are having a baby by yourself, they will offer to help you. Take them up on it. From watching your other kids to taking you meals. Don’t say no to this kind of help. You will need the help and be very grateful for it later.

As a Military spouse, you have to make sacrifices and giving birth without your husband could be one of them. Know you are strong enough to handle doing this and remember, you are not alone.

Have you had to give birth when your spouse was deployed? How did it go?

There is No Minimum Amount of Time to Miss Your Spouse

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There is No Minimum Amount of Time to Miss Your Spouse

The longest deployment my husband went through was 15 months. The shortest was 5.5 months. And then we had a few in-between.

The 15-month deployment was long, and we lost a lot of men. That part of the deployment was so hard to deal with, and I am thankful that wasn’t quite the case in any of the deployments that followed that one.

I was so thankful to hear when the Army went down to 9 months for most deployments. I know that some do deploy for longer, but to hear that the 12 months (or longer) wasn’t the standard anymore was a relief.

I do know some spouses prefer a longer deployment vs a bunch of shorter ones. They can get into deployment mode and ride it out verses always going back and forth between their spouse at home and then being gone again. Spouses of special forces service members might have their spouse coming and going all year long, that is just the way their job works.

Within the military as a whole, there are many different deployment patterns, where some branches have longer deployments than others. Some service members also deploy more than others. There isn’t just one standard amount of time a military member will deploy.

If my husband does have to deploy, I would prefer he go for a shorter amount of time. Longer deployments can affect you in ways shorter deployments might not. And deploying over a year brings up other challenges.

But…

That doesn’t mean that shorter deployments are easy, or that there is a minimum amount of time your spouse has to be gone before you are allowed to miss them.

That doesn’t mean that there is a minimum amount of time your spouse has to be gone before you are allowed to be sad about them being away from you.

That doesn’t mean that there is a minimum amount of time for your spouse to be deployed before you are allowed to ask for help or to find support.

The truth is, deployments affect us all in different ways. One military spouse might be having a difficult time with the idea that her spouse is in a war zone, while another might be struggling with solo parenting or the loneliness that comes with being the only person in the home.

The truth is, a three-month deployment for one person could be just as difficult as a six-month deployment to someone else. How a military spouse views and even handles a deployment depends on so many factors.

There is no minimum amount of time to miss your spouse. You just do.

Whether they are gone for a two-week training over AT while in the National Guard, or an extended 15-month deployment while active duty.

Whether they are gone for a three-month school in the Air Force, or a six-month deployment to Africa with the Army.

Whether you are apart for a year while you PCS back to the US early, or you are apart for six weeks waiting to PCS to Germany to join your spouse, literally just waiting on paperwork.

We need to remember this when talking with other spouses. We need to remember what it was like when our spouse first left for basic, or when they left for their first deployment. We have all been through it and we can help each other out.

If you are currently going through a year-long deployment and hear a spouse complain about a three-month deployment, of course, you are going to want to say something. You might wonder why they think it is so hard when you have so much longer to go then they do. But the truth is, a deployment is a deployment and while a three-month deployment may look easy to someone going through a year-long deployment, the deployment is anything but easy.

So even though it can be hard to do sometimes, trust me, I have been there, we should try to put ourselves in other military spouse’s shoes. None of this is easy, and we all might need a little help every now and then. Try to remember what it was like the very first time you had to say goodbye to your spouse and send them overseas.

Compassion goes a long way in our military community. Being aware that others might be struggling is important. Do what you can to help other spouses instead of playing the “who has it worse” game. Our community will be stronger for it.

If you are currently going through a deployment and struggling a bit, you have come to the right place. Check out my blog posts on deployments, or any other part of military life. You can also join my Facebook group or connect with me on social media. You are not alone and you got this!

When You Are Used to Living in Survival Mode

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When You Are Used to Living in Survival Mode

When You Are Used to Living in Survival Mode

When you have your first baby, you go into a bit of survival mode. Everything is so new, and now you have this other person that depends on you for everything. You are not getting much sleep, and you just want to get through each day. And somehow you do. Your baby learns to sleep through the night, they start to walk, then run. They start to eat real people food and before you know the fog lifts and you feel more like yourself again.

As a military spouse, having a new baby isn’t the only time I have been in survival mode. 

My husband left for Germany when my son was just 13 months old. We had to wait for Command Sponsorship to join him and during those 4.5 months apart, I was right back into trying just to make it through each day. I didn’t sleep too well and found myself up until 3 am every night. Then my son would be wide awake for me just a few hours later. We didn’t have family nearby, and I was pretty much on my own other than a couple of friends and a playgroup we went to every week.

During those 4.5 months, my goal was to keep my son safe, and healthy, maintain the house, and work on all the paperwork and everything we had to do to get to Germany. There wasn’t a lot of time or energy to better myself as a person. My son watched way too much Elmo during those days, and I always felt like I was on the verge of tears.

When You Are Used to Living in Survival Mode

Over the next few years, my husband would deploy four times, and I would enter periods of survival mode. Trying to get through each day, trying to make the best of the time apart, feeling like I wasn’t able to do everything I wanted to do.

As we military spouses head into periods of deployment with survival mode hitting us in the face, we can feel like things will never change. That we will always be surviving and that we won’t do any thriving. That we just have to count down the days, getting through them, until they come home.

So how you can get out of survival mode? What can you, as a milspouse change to make the time apart from a better experience for yourself and your family?

Step outside your comfort zone

If you feel yourself sliding into survival mode, take a look and see what you can change about your day-to-day life. How can you step out of your comfort zone to try something new? Is it taking the kids to a new playgroup? Taking your kids to Grandma’s house by yourself? Joining a club that you heard about?

Trying something new can make you feel stronger, and that can carry over to the rest of your deployment.

Remember, you got this

Seriously, you do. Even if you think you are not making it through this deployment, as long as you wake up each morning, take care of your kids, and make it to the end of the day, you got this.

Remember, the deployment is just days. There might be a lot of days, but they are only just days. After you hit enough of them, you will be done, and the deployment will be over.

Make a lot of plans

Make plans. Stay busy. Start a new hobby. Get out with friends. Redo something in your house. Write a book. Volunteer. There are so many different things you can do to stay busy during a deployment.

As I look back on the times I was more likely to be in survival mode; it was when I wasn’t as busy and didn’t make as many plans.

It’s okay to cry

You are going to have bad, tear-filled days during deployments. It’s okay to cry. Try not to let the tears consume you. Let yourself do it but make sure to get out of bed. Think about the good things going on in your life, even if they are silly.

Start writing down all the good things that will happen during the deployment. Your son turning one, the latest book release from your favorite author, or a visit from your mom. All these little excitements will help you see that life still happens even when your spouse is deployed.

Ask for help

If you need to ask for help, do so. Military spouses have a hard time asking for help. I am so guilty of this. I will try to do everything myself before I would ever ask for help. But sometimes you need to.

If you feel like you need to see a counselor, do that too. Going to see a professional on a regular basis can help you through the deployment, help you see that you can do this, and help you thrive while your spouse is away.

Know that survival mode is okay, grow through it

Sometimes, you will just be in survival mode, and that is okay. Just remember, this won’t last forever. While I believe you can rock your deployment, not every day will look that way.

You know yourself and what you can handle. You know when things are getting too complicated and when you need to reach out. If that means being in survival mode for a while, that’s okay too.

What is the best way you have found to get out of survival mode and start to thrive during a deployment?

A Military Dad

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He wakes up early, leaving his sleeping children. He has to get to work.

He puts on his uniform and stares at the calendar, they were running out of days.

He knows he has to go, he knows this is his duty, but saying goodbye to those kids isn’t going to be easy.

He packs his bag and sees his wife crying. He wishes this wasn’t going to be so hard for her. He never thought she would have to go through so many parenting seasons alone.

He promises to write. He promises to call. He hopes he won’t be forgotten.

And then it is time to say goodbye…

A Military Dad

He hugs those boys and knows how much they will grow when he is gone. He tries not to think about that, but it is right there in his mind. Being away for so many months at a time is a part of this life that makes everything so hard.

He has a sense of duty to his country. To go. To fight. To make a difference.

He has a sense of duty to his family. To his wife. To his kids.

And sometimes, he can’t do both at the same time. Sometimes he has to go away, and do his job, and try to be there for his family across the miles.

And other times he does get to be home. To make memories. To be able to be a dad in person, not just on a screen.

He wonders if his kids will remember this. He wonders if they will hate him for leaving because they don’t understand. He wonders if things will be weird when he gets back home.

And after months away, he struggles. He loves his kids but he doesn’t know them like he would if he never went away. He loves his family but being so far from home is so hard.

He focuses on the job, on the mission, on his duty. He tries not to dwell on what he is missing but on what he is helping to protect. He tries every day to be the best soldier he can knowing he also needs to be the best father he can be at the same time.

And time goes by…he misses those kids. He misses so much. The first steps, the first words, the first moments. He hopes he doesn’t miss much more, but with years left serving in the military, he knows he might.

And then it is time to go home. To get out of this place, and be back where he belongs. With his wife, and his kids. But he worries.

Has he been gone too long? Will his three-year-old remember the trips to the park before he left? Will the one-year-old bond with him as his brother did? Will his wife be okay after so many months of solo parenting?

And the plane lands and the deployment is over. He sees them, right away. She is wearing a blue dress, and the boys match one another. His oldest is holding a sign. He can’t wait for the moment he can hug and kiss all of them.

But they have to wait and he has to stay stoic. He sees his family but he can’t crack a smile. Not yet.

Then it is time, they are free to go and he runs to her and the boys. And they hug and kiss and all feels right in the world. Those boys, those kids, they have missed him so much but he is back.

And they drive home together and everything is different at home. And yet, nothing is different. This is his family and they still love him so much. As the days pass, there might be struggles, but he is home, where his heart is.

He isn’t used to the new bedtime. He isn’t used to a toddler. He isn’t used to this new normal. But they will work through everything.

And this soldier, he may have to deploy again, and there might be more times apart. But no matter where he goes or how far away he might be, these are his kids and they will always love him.

When You Can’t Talk With Your Spouse

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When You Can't Talk With Your Spouse

When You Can’t Talk With Your Spouse

30 days. 30 long days. That was the longest my husband and I have gone without talking during a deployment. No emails. No calls. No Facetime. I knew he was okay. I knew this because “no news is good news” and I just had to believe it.

Although that was the longest we had to go, thank goodness it was not the norm. The norm was every 3-4 days. Thinking about that now seems a little strange but that was our reality at one time.

During deployments and other training, it might not be possible to talk with your spouse.

You might have to go a few days, a few weeks, and in some cases a few months without speaking. This can be frustrating for the spouse at home because we really have no control over this. There can be many different reasons why you can’t speak with your spouse regularly. From them not being allowed to talk to you or having a spouse that isn’t as communicative as he should be.

I have heard people complain that their spouse calls them too much and I can see that too. If you are talking too much it can be hard to live your life.

In my perfect world, my husband would call me every three days and we would talk for one whole hour on a perfect phone connection.

Unfortunately,  that didn’t happen too often.  Sometimes when he called I could barely understand him because the connection is bad. Other times he was only able to talk for five minutes. The feeling I got when I picked up the phone and hear my husband say, “Hey, it’s me” was so wonderful.  Time stops and everything is right again. At least for the moment.

I also try to remember that a deployment is just made up of days. As each day passes we get closer to homecoming. Once homecoming happens, I can talk to him pretty much whenever I want to again. Deployments are just a short period of time we have to go through where we can’t be with each other and communicate like a normal married couple. This won’t last forever.

When I really needed him and couldn’t talk with him, I would get upset. One of the hardest things for me was not being able to have access to him when I really need to talk.

Married couples are supposed to be able to talk to each other on a regular basis. Sometimes deployments make that hard to do.

One thing I did that helped the situation was to write him letters. Even if I didn’t send them. Even if he wasn’t going to read them for a while. I wrote them. I found this so helpful. I was able to tell him about our day, what the boys were doing, and anything that was on my mind.

Because of communication issues during our first deployment, I had to make a lot of decisions by myself. I had to decide what to do about my son and his speech issues. I had to make decisions about childcare and what to do each day with the kids. I got into the habit of making all these decisions myself. I had to. I couldn’t wait for him to make the decisions while he was in Iraq.

That lack of communication hurts. Not being able to get input on something important is difficult. You have to do the best you can. You have to figure out what will work and how you two can work through anything that might come up while he is away.

Do you have trouble communicating during deployments? How do you get through times when you just can’t talk to your loved one?