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reserve spouse

How to Support a Reserve Spouse During a Deployment

May 2, 2022 by Guest Writer Leave a Comment

How to Support a Reserve Spouse During a Deployment

My name is Corrie Andreacchio, and I am a proud US Army Reserve spouse. My husband, SFC Joseph Andreacchio has served for over 18 years and is a two-time combat veteran with service in support of both Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom.

As a reserve spouse, we often do not have access to on-post resources and ease of access to connect in person with other military spouses, especially those from our spouse’s unit during a time of separation. During my husband’s 2013-2014 deployment to Afghanistan, many of the soldiers were from areas that spanned as many as 600 miles from the reserve center in Reading, PA.

In the first 30 days of that separation, it was hard. I found myself scouring the Facebook posts and FRG (now SFRG) community page to find potential matches for friendship. I was fortunate to cross paths with two incredible women – Erin and Nicole. We forged a friendship that was 100% virtual. We texted, we joined each other for virtual wine nights, and we set GOALS. Goals to hold each other accountable – and when we fell short, we leaned into each other and shared tears, virtual hugs (Nicole is NOT a hugger so this worked out to her benefit), and the permission to make it a “take-out” night for dinner.

Since our husbands deployed together in 2013-2014, we have all faced at least one more deployment off-cycle from one another. This was a new hardship because there is nothing like the camaraderie of going through a deployment alongside other spouses’ at the same time. However, we were able to lean into these ideas and support each other in spite of not having the common experience.

I was lucky. This is not always the case. Many of our reserve spouses are isolated. Isolated from their military community and isolated in their local community where there is not a common understanding of the sacrifice a deployment can take on the military family.

How can we support our reserve spouses during times of separation? Be there. Call. Text. When you do not know what to say, simply ask how they are doing.

Here are some ideas to guide your support of our reserve and national guard spouses when they are not able to join and/or attend more formal spouses’ clubs or SFRG functions due to location.

1)      Flat Stanley meets Green Soldier. Go to a party store (or lean on Amazon) and send green soldiers to your circle. Family, friends, and co-workers can all get involved. Create a Facebook group where you encourage everyone to post photos with their soldiers and the adventures that they are having at home while the service member is deployed. This is a great way to capture the memories for the service member upon their return and an awesome way for non-military connected support persons to participate.

2)      Drinks and Links. You can mail your reserve spouse cut pieces of construction paper and join them on a Facetime or Zoom to create a deployment countdown calendar while enjoying your Coffee, Wine, or Mocktail. Have one in your home in addition to theirs and celebrate the removal of each link. I would suggest a deployment countdown of either weeks or months, but Nicole plans to have a caterpillar of a daily countdown in her home. Godspeed, Nicole!

(OPSEC is critical, Do not share your exact countdown information).

3)      Monthly Celebration. Did your reserve or national guard’s spouse leave on the 20th of the month? Make it a point to connect with your friend on that day. Send a greeting card, FaceTime, and have a dance party. We highly recommend Katy Perry’s ROAR.

4)      Start or rediscover a Hobby. DIY home décor, gardening, knitting, scrapbooking. Pick a hobby that you can both do together. When our husbands were deployed in 2013-2014 Erin, Nicole, and I picked up working out. We all achieved significant goals and ended the deployments working out consistently two times a day, most days. We were stronger together and sweating for that homecoming

5)      Snail mail. There is nothing more fun than receiving happy mail. However, happy mail is really rare these days. My friend, Rebekah, who I met through a military spouse non-profit as volunteers, reminded me of the power of snail mail during my husband’s 2020 unaccompanied CONUS mobilization. She was so good about sending me greeting cards, letters, stickers for my daughter, and some surprise Amazon goodies that completely turned my day around. Somehow, most likely because of her husband’s career service as an EOD with the Air Force these snail mail happy mail packages always arrived on a day I really needed them. These do not have to be elaborate. Hand write a letter, and create a masterpiece with crayons and construction paper. Being thought of is what it is all about during a time of separation.

Erin, Nicole, and I have a lasting bond built on common experiences and the ability to make time for each other during our spouse’s deployment. Soon we will be celebrating TEN YEARS of friendship simply as a result of our husband’s jobs. It is truly an extraordinary thing to know that your spouse’s job can open a door to incredible friendships for reserve spouses if you’re able to find out how to connect with them. 

Filed Under: Deployment Tagged With: Deployment, national guard spouse, reserve spouse

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

August 6, 2018 by Julie

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

I’m not sure where the idea came from that National Guard and Reserve spouses are not military spouses. This myth, it’s not a good one. Serving in the National Guard or Reserves is just a different way of serving in the military. As far as I am concerned, if your spouse puts on a uniform, you are in fact a military spouse.

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

It doesn’t matter the branch; it doesn’t matter the status, you are a military spouse.

While it is true that being married to an active duty soldier and a National Guard soldier are different, trust me I know, I have done both, there is still plenty the two have in common.

There are definitely pros and cons to each way of serving and some of them can sometimes be based on who you are as a spouse and as a military family member. Not everyone has the same exact experiences. While active duty life can be perfect for one family, national guard life can be perfect for another.

While we shouldn’t ignore the differences, especially ones that are harder for each side, we can come together on what we have common.

We all deal with deployments

One of the biggest myths about the National Guard and the Reserves is that they don’t deploy, but they do. They go to a lot of the same places active duty does and can be gone longer. And while they are gone, most of their spouses are not surrounded by military communities. Deployments happen, whether your spouse is active duty or not.

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

We all miss our spouse

All military spouses miss their husband or wife at some point in their military careers. While the length of time can be different, both active duty and national guard and reserve spouses will miss their spouse during their time as a military family. While it can be easy to look at the other side and assume they don’t have a right to miss their spouse like we do, we simply need to stop doing this. When your spouse is gone, you are allowed to miss them, no matter how long they are away for.

We all deal with the military craziness

Whether it is waiting on PCS orders, or waiting to find out of your spouse is, in fact, going to be deployed for the summer, all of us spouses are dealing with the craziness of military life. You have heard people say, “Well that’s the Army for you” or “That’s how it is in the Air Force” and it is true. There is a bit of crazy associated with dealing with the military, and that isn’t always fun.

If we have kids, we solo parent

Whether you are solo parenting through Basic Training and AIT, a deployment, Annual Training, or a school, you will be solo parenting at some point. Maybe you will be a solo parent for a weekend, maybe for nine months worth of weekends, but you do what you have to do. And you figure out ways to make solo parenting a little easier for yourself everytime they go away.

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

We all live a military life

At the end of the day, we are all living a version of a military life.

While some might live right on a military installation and others live five hours from the closest one, we are all living the military life.

While some see their spouse put on that uniform every morning, and others see it once a month, we are all living that military life.

While some move every three years, and others are still in their hometown, we are all living that military life.

So, if you ever question if someone is a military spouse or not, think about this, does their husband or wife put on a military uniform to serve their county? If so, yes, yes they are a military spouse. 

Filed Under: National Guard Tagged With: military life, national guard spouse, reserve spouse

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About Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life

 

Welcome to Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life! I am so glad you are here.

My name is Julie and I first became a military spouse in 2005 when my husband of 3 years re-joined the Army. Then, in 2014, he joined the National Guard. In January of 2024, he retired from the National Guard after 21 years of service.

During our time in the military, we got to spend 4 years in Germany as well as Tennessee where we now call home.

We have three boys and have been through four deployments together.

I hope that you can find support for your own deployments, PCS moves, or anything else military life brings you through my articles and social media posts.

 

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