Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

Why Everyone Serves Is A Must If Your Are Going Through A Deployment

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This week I will be writing about why every Military Spouse needs a copy of Everyone Serves, a great handbook for those getting ready for a deployment, going through one or in the months after the deployment is over.

Living the Military Spouse life requires a lot of support. Support from family and friends. Possibly support from a church or other religious organization. There are many resources to take advantage of. Everyone Serves is one of them.

This book is a handbook for those of us going through the hard reality that makes up a deployment. When you are going through something like that, you need all the help and support that you can get.

You can read straight through it or look up the section you need at any given time. It can make you feel better about what you are dealing with. It can make it so you don’t feel so alone in your thoughts.

The worksheets can get you thinking about your experiences and the emotions you go through when your loved on is away. It can help you see things you might now be aware of. By watching videos of other Military families, you can hear their ideas and know that you are not going through this alone.

Not everyone has a good local support system. It just doesn’t work out sometimes or the family moves to a new location right before the service member deploys. Using Everyone Serves is not a replacement for real life friends but it can help sort out some of the issues you might be going through if you don’t have anyone local to talk with about it.

The great thing about this guide is that it is free. Anyone who needs to can go and download it. Have you gotten a copy for yourself yet? You should. Even if a deployment is not in your near future. It is always good to be prepared 🙂

 



Follow Blue Star Families on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ and build a support network so you can keep your family and personal community strong throughout the duration of the entire deployment life cycle.

100 Days Of Deployment

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hghghghgWe are here. 100 days of deployment have been conquered. Technically we will hit 100 days over the weekend.

Last week we hit the three-month mark. I had planned to blog about it. How I was doing much better. How life was getting better. How I was not as sad and upset as I had been. How I had hope that this was going to end. Then Thursday night happened. My air went out again…and the frustration of the last few months fell on my shoulders. I was right back to where I started, at least that is what it felt like. I tried my best to go on and do what needed to be done but it was hard. This last week, I was pretty down. I didn’t want to be around people much. I just wanted to sit, with a fan on me and relax.

Today is much better. I am feeling better once again. I feel more like myself. I feel the days are passing. I feel like we can do this.

I hate the ups and downs that a deployment brings. One day is good, one day is bad. It can eat at you. When you feel so upset and down that you and your spouse and living separate lives. When you feel like no one really understands. When you feel like if you could just make it to bedtime, you would make it. Those times are so very difficult for us Military Spouses.

Deployments can be a journey. They can be a time to reflect on yourself and figure out what needs improvement. They can be a time to learn something new. They can be a time where you might be forced to act outside of your comfort zone.

Once you hit 100 days you can’t help but realize that you are making it through the months. That time is passing. When you think about how long it is since you saw your loved one, you can’t help but think about how making it that many days means you are getting through it. Even if your deployment is a year-long, 100 days is still a great milestone to hit.

Hitting 100 days means you are no longer new to the deployment. It means that you are in the “middle” of the deployment. It means that once you go another 100 days you will have gotten through most of it and homecoming should be close to being around the corner.

I look back at the last 100 days and I seriously wonder how we got here. It felt like I got here on my hands and knees. It has not been easy and I do not feel like the time has passed quickly, quite the opposite.

However, I know the next 100 days will not be as bad. They can’t be. We are already “doing” the deployment. We are more used to not having my husband home. It still hurts and some days still really really suck but there is a little bit of hope there that was not there before.

So to you reading this, if you just started your deployment, I understand. I was just there. I still remember how hard it can be. Take it one day at a time, one minute at a time or if you need to one breath at a time. It might not seem like time is passing at first, but it will. It might seem like you will feel the way you do forever, but you won’t.

Where are you on your deployment journey?

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Thoughts On Syria From An Army Wife

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20121103-IMG_0275Today’s Blue Star Family post is going to be about Syria. I was asked to talk about future engagements and the possibility of military action and what it does to morale at home.

So Syria. It looks like we are probably headed to war. Over the last few days I have been trying to figure out how I feel about the whole thing. I kinda understand reasons why we should, but I also understand reasons why we shouldn’t.

I also know that a lot of the Military is worn thin. A lot of service members have been deployed over and over since 2003. Getting into another war right now is not good. This is why I think the US needs to be very sure that going to war is the right thing. If we need to go to war, we need to go to war. However, if there is any other way…

As far as how morale is. It isn’t good, especially within the deployed spouse community. There is a lot of fear. Fear that current deployments will be extended. Fear that their soldier will only be home for a couple of months before they have to deploy again. Fear that something really bad is going to happen.

I feel like I am in an interesting place. My husband is getting out in June. Unless something really odd happens, this will be his last deployment. But after almost 8 years as an Army wife, I still cringe when I think about more war and more deployments. I know what hearing about the next deployment while they are still deployed is like. It is overwhelming.

I wish there was an easy answer to all of this. I wish it was cut and dry. I wish we had been at “peace” for a few years before this crisis came up.

Military families are strong and can endure a lot but how much is too much?

If you are going through a deployment, have you checked out Everybody Serves? It is a great resource whether you are currently going through a deployment, about to start one or just finished one.

Follow Blue Star Families on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ and build a support network so you can keep your family and personal community strong throughout the duration of the entire deployment life cycle.

We Are Military Spouses

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20110508-IMG_1553My post today is for Blue Star Families. I will be answering the question, “Are Military Spouses today able to suck it up or are do we whine too much and feel we are entitled?”

I think that most Military spouses today are able to suck it up, at least for the most part. I think there is a difference between being whiney and wanting to vent. I also think it isn’t an easy thing to figure out sometimes. It can be difficult to understand your emotions. We don’t always know why we feel the way we do about certain circumstances.

Whenever Sears does their Heroes At Home (which will be tomorrow by the way) you hear the internet go wild with complaining, venting, name calling and it can get down right nasty at times. Someone can get frustrated over not getting the extra money and someone else calls them entitled. Maybe they are being entitled or maybe they are struggling and thought this would be a good thing for their family. It is so hard to judge, especially on the Internet.

I think this lifestyle can be pretty difficult and because of that a lot of venting goes on. Some people have a harder time than others. We all do what we can to support our service member. Or maybe I should say most of us do. We have all heard the stories of the wife who cheated or just gave up and went home. I think venting can cross into whininess pretty quickly. It is a fine line. One which I am sure I cross some times.

I do think we need services such as FRGs, free or reduced childcare, classes and other support systems through a deployment or even during a non-deployment period. I don’t think that makes us weak. I think it makes us smart enough to realize that we do need some help along the way. And I think those in years past who did not have everything we did are happy that we are given the extra support.

 

What do you think?

 

Follow Blue Star Families on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ and build a support network so you can keep your family and personal community strong throughout the duration of the entire deployment life cycle.

How Kids Handle Deployment

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For this week’s Blue Star Families post I will be talking about the kids and how they are handling the deployment.

We are almost two months in and as far as my kids go I think they are handling it well. There are our normal kid issues, me feeling burned out all the time and the solo parenting but I don’t see them struggling too much which is a good thing.

My almost nine year old gets sad. He also knows that I need more help and is offering it. Today he took in all of the groceries from the car and put every single one of them away. Then he went on to make himself a sandwich. Just little things like that I have never had before during a deployment. It is really nice.

My six year old has Asperger’s and he told me he doesn’t care that Ben is gone. This makes me sad but it is just how he is. He is all about Mom so even though Daddy is there for him when he is home, him being away doesn’t seem to be bothering him.

My two year old has surprised me a bit. He is such a big Daddy’s boy. He would ask when Daddy would be home when Ben was just at work during the day. I was worried he would cry everyday or something. So far he has been okay with it. If you ask him where Daddy is he will say, “he is gone” and that is all.

I know how lucky I am that my kids are doing okay with all of this. I know it can be really hard on children. Maybe it will show up later on in life or maybe not.

I also wanted to share that there are some great resources on the Everyone Serves Site that can help you during a deployment. One of these resources are some worksheets you can fill out. If you are having a rough time you might want to check out, Coping During Deployment: A Checklist.  It will give you a nice list of things to remember during a deployment. This list has really helped me out on those days where I just want to crawl into a hole until my husband comes home.

What is the best way you have found to cope during a deployment?

Follow Blue Star Families on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ and build a support network so you can keep your family and personal community strong throughout the duration of the entire deployment life cycle.

How To Conquer Deployment Sadness

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How To Conquer Deployment Sadness

It’s D day. You have to say goodbye. You drop them off. You hug and kiss for the last time. You drive away and then what? Sadness, just sadness and it can last for a while.

At least that is how it goes for me. Just a feeling of sadness. Sad that you had to say goodbye, sad that you are alone, sad that you can think of everything they are going to miss.

So how do you conquer this deployment sadness? How do you start to feel joy?

Well…we are 3.5 weeks in to this deployment and I think I have turned a corner. I don’t really feel that sadness as much. Yes, I am sad he is gone, I miss him like crazy and I still hate the fact that he is deployed but it is different than it was the first few weeks.

I knew this. I knew that as sad as I felt, it would get better and it has.

I saw a friend of mine the day after he left. She asked how I was and I said I felt like I was in some bad dream. It just didn’t feel real. It just felt sad.

Now if someone asks I can say, “I am ok, feeling a bitter better than I was.”

The first few weeks were so stressful, so painful and so exhausting. It wasn’t that I wasn’t sleeping, I was just emotionally spent. It still felt like he was here. I still had his laundry to put away. I kept thinking things like, “It was just last week we all went to the park together.” It is hard. It is like they are a ghost and they are just gone. You have to get used to that. It takes time before you get into your deployment mode and start to think that you actually can get through the next 200-300 days without your husband.

It is never going to feel normal. Never. It never will feel completely right. I can have a wonderful day, get home, put the kids to bed and then shed a couple of tears because I miss him. It isn’t going to feel 100% right again until he is home. At least that is the way it is for me.

We can have fun, we can have good days, we can go a whole week without a tear but it still will not be right until he is home.

So, how do you conquer the sadness? I don’t think there is much you can do. You can stay busy, you can journal, you can remind yourself 1,000 times that the deployment won’t last forever and that you won’t feel so horrible the whole time but the only true cure is time. You have to get through more and more days until you hit that deployment stride that will take to you the end.

It is just like when you are getting on a freeway with a really long on-ramp. You seem to be going in a circle for a while then finally you emerge on the freeway headed to your destination. That is how I feel right now. I have survived the first few weeks of yuck. Our one month mark is just around the corner. I am finally on the freeway. I still have a long way to go but at least we are finally headed at a better pace.

I really do think the first month and last month of a deployment are the worst. You just have to get through them. One day at a time or one hour at a time if you must.

Anyone else just hit this point?

Time For Another Garden Update

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Time for another garden update!

Here is my garden 2.5 months in!

Square Foot Gardening

 

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This is the tomato plant I started from a branch of another plant. So much fun to see it re-grow.

 

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Strawberries…

 

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Cosmos are really blooming now!

 

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We finally have some peppers forming!

 

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My first born…almost 9! Can’t believe it!

I am so very glad I decided to get into gardening. It seems like there is something new each and every day. The nice thing about this during a deployment is that is make me happy to see it. I love going out and checking things out every morning. It puts a smile on my face even when I am sad and having a bad day.

What is growing in your garden this week?