Wordless Wednesday: Homecoming
Military Life
Advice For Your First Deployment
Advice For Your First Deployment
My next guest post is by a friend of mine, Jess. She was the very first Army wife I met when we started this Army adventure. She was also my FRG leader. I asked her to write about advice she would give someone who was getting ready for their first deployment. Our first deployment was in 2006 and Jess was there to tell me a little bit of what to expect so I just knew this would be a great post! Thank you Jess 🙂
Stressed? Emotional? Perhaps even a bit stand-offish? Sounds like you’ve got a deployment coming up. The bad news is your Soldier is leaving. The good news is you aren’t alone!
There is no specific way to handle a deployment, especially your first deployment. Some people take it all in stride and seem to brush off the hardship. Others seem to physically break down the second their Soldier marches away. Still others seem to change entirely and don’t seem to return to normal until their Soldier is back in their arms again. No matter which category you find yourself falling into, remember this: You are STRONG. You are CAPABLE. You CAN do this!
Just as parenting a child has no actual guidebook, deployments don’t come with magic spouse field manuals. However, let’s not speak that phrase too loudly. I’ve seen some pretty crazy things put into FM’s before. The greatest way to make it through the hardships of a deployment are to simply listen to your heart, listen to other’s advice and pray. If you feel overwhelmed, talk to someone! Believe me, there are a lot of us out there who are willing to listen and lend a hand (or a shoulder) when necessary. Don’t be afraid to ask.
One of the greatest things you can do for yourself is to set personal goals.. You don’t have to get crazy with it; the point of a goal is to be able to accomplish it. Set mini-milestones throughout to ensure you stay focused and on-target. A big favorite that I’ve seen is weight-loss/healthier lifestyles. Say you set a goal to lose 25 pounds throughout the year. Remember to start off in small increments, and celebrate each 5 pounds you are able to lose. This is a great way to have something realistic to look forward to in a relatively short time! The greatest part is-IT’S ALL YOURS! It’s very easy to lose yourself in the constant stress during a deployment. Don’t forget that your Soldier still needs you just as much as you need him/her. Take care of yourself, even while supporting your deployed loved one.
If I could offer just one last bit of advice, it would be to stay busy and not forget that the world is still going round. It’s very common to feel bad about going out and having fun while your loved one is away, but remember, you need your personal time as well. It’s ok to go catch a movie with the girls, or secure a babysitter for a few hours of pampering at the salon every now and again. You are HouseHold 6. You keep the home fires burning. You can’t take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself first. Make yourself a priority, especially while your loved one is away. Don’t lose yourself to the chaos and stress, and always reach out if you need help. You follow a long legacy of the Silent Ranks. You can do this!
Financial checklist for soon to be deployed military members
My next guest post is by Matt Polsky from the VA Benefit Blog. He is going to be talking about how to prepare financially before going on a deployment.
Horror stories of soldiers accruing debt while serving are far too numerous. Financial preparation could lessen the nerves of the moment and save money for both the service member and his or her family. However, how does one save? And what are some last minute tips for soldiers with no emergency fund?
Things to Do Before Deployment
Military members could save a lot of money while deployed. They could even potentially end with more money than they started. How?
- Create an emergency fund. It is extremely difficult to put money aside. However, everyone should try their best to throw a few extra dollars every week into the bank and forget about it. This is the most effective way to meet emergencies and life-changes head on. Try paying yourself first, aim to deposit 8-10 percent of your paycheck and try to forget about it until an emergency arises.
- Start researching what creditors offer military members on duty. Some creditors have military discounts and forbearances. Call them to find out what a military member can do in the case of deployment. Many of them will have an answer. However, some will not want to offer any leniency. In that case, all service members leaving for active duty should utilize the protections provided under the Servicemembers’ Civil Relief Act. The law protects military members from financial burden. They can eliminate or lower income tax, credit card debts, mortgage payments and rent while on duty. For members with families, the law gives them peace of mind because banks are not allowed to evict or foreclose on a home while a service member is on duty. This law still requires the military member to give the bank or property owner and other creditors proper notice of deployment.
- Making small decisions lead to big savings. For example, store the car away and do not let anyone use it. Insurance companies will lower plan rates for a car not in use. Not to mention, a stored car runs no risk of repair or damage if it is not being used. Another way a small decision could save money—suspend cell phone coverage. Many mobile providers can suspend your coverage and let you keep your same number for up to 18 months and reactivate the phone upon your return. This makes perfect sense for soldiers who regularly use online phone services such as Skype as well as prepaid phone cards and email to communicate with their family and friends back home.
- Obtain legal protection of finances. Assigning a trusted Power of Attorney to manage accounts and budgets could help to limit big spending and protect from theft or loss while gone. It would be a nightmare to come back only to find an empty bank account.
It is important to make sure family and friends are on the same page about the actions taken to protect funds. Assure them of insurance coverage as well as the protections under SCRA. Be strict about spending and the use of personal property while away. Taking the above precautions will leave one with money in the bank as opposed to substantial debt.
Matt Polsky is a blogger associated with VA Benefit Blog, a blog focused on providing veterans and service members with current news and information on the benefits they have through serving our country.
Dinosaur Deploys
My next guest poster is Laura from Military Word of Mouth. She has a great idea for kids to help them through a deployment! I know my boys would have loved something like this 🙂
Lately, I have been going through things trying to get rid of some stuff to prepare for our next move. Probably, pretty soon our landlady will be calling to let us know that someone is coming over to see the house to potentially rent for next year. While going through a bookshelf, I found one of my son’s photo albums from last year.
It’s just a small 4″x6″ album that I found at Walgreens for like a $1.00, but to him it was priceless. You see it contains photos of his dinosaur on an adventure, and not just any adventure, but an adventure with his daddy. When my husband deployed last January, my son gave my husband one of his dinosaurs to hug whenever he missed him.
So, my husband took pictures of the dinosaur on his deployment adventure and would send them to my son either by email or by snail mail.
I can not tell you how much my son loved this, but when he saw the pictures, his face would beam. He even asked if he could bring the album to show and tell to share with his friends at preschool.
Having a parent deployed is such a hard concept for a young child to understand and accept. This is such a simple way to help ease their pain, if only for a bit. If your spouse is deploying shortly, ask your child if he or she would like to share one of his/her small stuffed animals. If your spouse is already deployed consider sending it over in the next package you mail out. Have your child be the one to put it in the box so he feels like he is helping his daddy miss home a little less. If your spouse doesn’t have a camera, throw in a disposable one.
Living in Korea
My next guest poster is Megan who blogs atMegan Dub-Yuh. She is an Army wife & Math teacher living in Korea right now. Thanks so much for the post Megan!
Living in Korea
We have lived in Korea for a year now. Adam had been here a year before that, unaccompanied. We were drawn to the promise of 2 full years together without that big D word looming over our heads after Adam was sent here to heal from a broken ankle he received while training for the big D to Iraq. (I am very grateful for that rod and 6 screws in his leg.)
It has been a new challenge almost daily to live in country whose culture is so different from our own. It can be very frustrating at times but when all is said and done my husband comes home at night and almost works regular hours (with the exception of a few TDYs). When put in to that perspective I will deal with any cultural or language frustration.
When I began thinking about this post on what it is like to be stationed in Korea I began thinking about posts I have already made. {If you would like to read any of them check out posts under the label Korea. It has been pretty entertaining at times.} But in the end I have decided to poll my followers on Twitter and see what they wanted to know about being stationed here. Below are those questions and my answers to them (most of the answers apply to my experience with our location and the Army).
How hard is it to bring animals over?
It is a challenge but not impossible. We have three yorkies and we decided to not bring them but left them with my parents. When deciding whether we were going to bring them we took a few things in to consideration: housing, travel, and vet services.
Even though Adam was here already they wouldn’t let him get housing for the both of us until I was physically in the country. I was coming in during the peak time for PCS and so we didn’t know if we would be living on post (where they have very strict animal noise regulations), in an apartment off post or what. There was no telling if we would be able to find a place that was three yorkie friendly. Also, there are no yards anywhere in Korea so if you have a pet that requires one don’t bring them. Most Koreans, that do have pets, have small dogs since most Koreans live in apartments.
I was flying here via a 20 hour commercial flight. The thought of taking my babies on that was overwhelming plus they only allow one dog per person in the cabin.
Finally, the vet services on post weren’t well established when we started to plan our move here. They have become more established since getting here but we would probably have had to try and find an English speaking Korean vet regardless.
Lastly, if there is to be a civilian evacuation there are many regulations and very specific things you have to have done in order for you to get your pet evacuated. They will be evacuated at a lower priority than you and your stuff so once you leave them in the pet area you won’t know about them again for a while. More stress I wouldn’t want to deal with in the event of an evacuation.
What if you don’t like Korean food?
If you don’t like Korean food then you can eat on Post. There is all of your normal food court fare. BUT you are bound to find some Korean food that you like. It isn’t all kimchi and spicy fish… even though that is a large part of their diets. My favorite is Samgyupasal, or Korean bacon, cooked on a table grill and served with Kimchi, salad and roasted garlic.
Is it hard for the spouse to find a job?
Yes, it is very hard. They do not have jobs for spouses on post and any jobs available that you may be qualified for are given first priority to Koreans because of the agreement we have with their country. Korea has a ridiculously high unemployment rate and to get a job on post is amazing for them. Before you get upset at this discrimination just keep in mind they will live here in this country that it is impossible to get a job in even if with a specialized degree and you are here temporarily. Working off post will require you to get special work permissions added to your Visa and if it is a job that a Korean can do, again, they probably will deny you the permission.
What kinds of schools are available for kids?
If you are Command Sponsored (and I would recommend you only come here with your husband if you are Command Sponsored) there are the DoDDs schools on post. Otherwise you will have to enroll your child in a Korean or International School which could cost you a lot of money.
How is the TriCare system there? Dentists?
There is a medical shortage here and it takes FOREVER to get an appointment on post and they only book two weeks out so hopefully whatever time they have available works for you else you will have to call back over and over again. They also have very little equipment on post and if you have to have any tests done they probably will send you off to a Korean partner hospital, which is a whole new experience (not necessarily bad) of its own.
Once you get an appointment or if you have to go to the after-hours care clinic (ER) then you will have a short waiting room wait and very friendly, efficient service.
As for the dentists, I’m ashamed to say that I have yet to figure out how to make a dentist appointment. It seems to be very convoluted and everyone I talk to tell me a different thing.
Are the locals friendly toward military families?
We have not encountered any animosity towards us. If anything the woman are always telling Adam how handsome he is even if I am standing right there. They also like to dig in your shopping cart if you are at their grocery stores. They are just super curious to see non-Koreans most of the time. In fact, a friend of mine had an old man tell her that although he had seen it on tv he didn’t believe people really had round eyes.
What size are the houses on base/post and off post? Will a kingsize bed fit?
The houses are super small. Korea is a very crammed place and the people are generally pretty efficient and Spartan. But if you think about it the country has a population of about 49 million people in the size of the state of Kentucky. So, when trying to figure out what to have the packers send to your new home in Korea go with the bare minimum. We lucked out and got a larger than average home outside the city we live in. They have super small closets, cabinets, etc. We brought a lot more than we needed and if we had moved in to the apartment that we originally thought we were going to then we wouldn’t have had enough room (we only brought about 1/3 of our HHG from our 2000 sq ft home in Texas). As for a king size bed the answer is yes but there may not be any room for anything else in your bedroom if you do.
Is the water potable, or should you drink bottled water?
The tap water is safe to drink but it isn’t recommended. It is full of extra minerals that we were told have caused Americans to have allergic reactions. We cook with and bathe in it with no problem but for drinking we have a water filtration system that our land lords installed and that we pay about $20 a month to have. It is serviced by a funny little lady every 3 months. It also has instant hot water which is awesome. I want one when we get back to the States.
How expensive is it to take vacations (not CONUS) to other countries?
To travel to other countries in Asia is pretty inexpensive. Since you are so much closer the airfares are cheaper. One thing to keep in mind is that many countries require for Americans to have Visas purchased and approved before traveling. Some of these Visas are expensive (China is about $200 a person).
Traveling within Korea is infinite and also very cheap especially if you can stay on one of the many military installations throughout the peninsula or off the beaten tourist path. There is relatively low crime here. There is occasional pick-pockets, etc, in the touristy areas of the big cities but you really don’t have too much to worry about. If you decide to stay in one of the “love” hotels which can be nice, inexpensive accommodations you could see human trafficking, which is a very real problem here. So, just be careful.
Is it worth shipping your car over or should you buy one there?
Yes, it is worth shipping your car over here. Cars are very expensive unless you can get one of the many OLD beaters on post, which if you need a second car you will have to do that. Traveling by car is a lot more convenient than traveling by the vast public transportation systems that are available here and all of the signs are in Korea. If you do drive in Korea you should definitely invest in an English-speaking GPS, it is well worth the money. Driving here is a lot like playing Grand Theft Auto and you are guaranteed to get lost or miss your turn many times.
What are no-nos in Korean culture that are fine in American?
For more information check out the book Rude American, Rude Korean.
What we do…
- Writing someone’s name in Red ink.
- Pointing
- Sticking your fork in your food to rest it when not using it.
- If you use the middle finger they won’t know you are insulting them.
What they do…
- Cut in line.
- Not make lines at food carts they just yell out their order. So don’t wait your turn.
- Run red lights.
- Drive on the sidewalk.
- Walk out in front of moving cars while holding their hands out expecting you to just stop.
- Stare like you are a rare zoo animal.
- Their version of the middle finger is to ball their hand up in a fist and point their thumb at you.
- They don’t make their children behave and be quiet in public… they basically ignore them.
- Park anywhere… even in the middle of a busy street.
- Old ladies will grab children’s butts… even your children that they don’t know.
- Pretend like they don’t understand you whether you are speaking English (and they do, too) or you are speaking Korean.
Top 25 annoying Army Deployment Questions and Comments
Stephanie has offered a guest post to me 🙂 She blogs over at Mama Clementine! She is a SAHM of four, been an Army Wife for 11 years and been through five deployments. Thanks so much for the post Stephanie!
Top 25 annoying Army Deployment Questions and Comments
Rakkasan Deployment 2007 Matthew 11, Dylan 7, Lauren 5 |
This morning I was reading a post over atCaffeinated Catholic Mamaof how people have lost all sense of personal-space and privacy, either because of our over sharing techno culture or maybe just a general lack of manners. She gives her wonderful list of Top annoying and prying questions from absolute strangers, Here.
- Oh, is your Husband Deployed ?
- Do you Miss Him ?
- Is it Hard ?
- Will they send Him home for the Birth ?
- Is it your Husband’s Baby or Jody’s ?
- Does your Husband know you’re pregnant ?
- Do you know who the Father is ?
- What will you do / How will you have a Baby by yourself ?
- Why do you have / keep having kids if he is gonna be gone so much ?
- Your children are so young, If he gets killed, they won’t remember him.
- Why do you have kids when, He could get killed anytime ?
- Your so Lucky you live off the government, the rest of us have to work.
- If you didn’t live off the government you wouldn’t be able to afford all those kids.
- Maybe your husband will die and you’ll get all that money.
- You should take out some more insurance on your husband, because he has a good chance of being killed.
- But, just think of all that extra money at Tax time.
- I don’t know how you could do that, I could never let my Husband do that.
- (My Sister-in-laws fave way of relating to me)…I know just how you feel, my Husband was out of Town, on the road, for two weeks last month !
- How can you be Faithful for 15 months ?
Deployment 2003 Dylan 2yrs |
20. Do you worry about your Husband cheating on you ?
21. You don’t think your Husband will wait a whole year do you ?
22. Don’t you all just sleep around with each others Husbands anyway ?
23. So, has your Husband Killed anybody yet ?
24. You could have gotten out / why would he stay in / It’s his fault he is Deploying / So he’s getting out after this right ?
25. Using up my time by going on a long rant about how you feel about the war and whether or not we should be “Over-There”
….and the ***** Extra Credit Bonus*****
Memorial Day Pictures
In May of 2009 my friend T and I had just hit the 6 month point of a year long deployment. We both wanted to go to the US for the summer and decided to try Space-A. I got to my in-laws house right before Memorial Day. We visited a local cemetery that was having an event. It was emotional to see so many people from the area together to remember those who had lost their lives.
I think it is very important for all Americans to not just look at Memorial Day as a day to bbq, find a great deal and have a day off. Those things are great but each and every American must remember the sacrifices that our American military has paid over the years. I know most Americans do think about this on some level. How could you not? But it is really important that it is #1 in our minds. That we remember that our freedoms are not free. We need to remember that on Monday there are wives, husbands, sons, daughters, moms, dads, sisters, brothers, grandparents and friends missing someone who paid the ultimate price.
All these photos were taken at the Santa Rosa Memorial Park in Santa Rosa, CA
Joining Forces For Military Families
America has been involved in two wars for 8+ years now. Many military families have been through deployment after deployment during this time. We are two months into our 3rd deployment and I can feel the weight of the last two. And I know I am not alone in this. Many other families are going through the same thing. I am not sure when these rapid deployments will end. When there can be YEARS between them. I have been praying this can happen for a long time now and I just have to hope it will. They tell us we will get two years between deployments now. But really? I am not sure I can believe this. Especially since things are going on in other places in the world besides just Iraq and Afghanistan. And although I hope for years I am preparing myself. We just started this deployment and I already have to mentally prepare for a fourth which could happen just a year after he returns from this one.
I was so happy to see this website Joining Forces. This is a national initiative started by the First Lady Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden.
The website says this, “1% of Americans may be fighting our wars, but we need 100% of Americans to be supporting our troops and their families. Mrs. Obama and Dr. Biden are asking Americans to get involved in any way they can.”
This needs to happen! Deployments are not going away. And the more deployments families go through, the more support we will need. I hope all of America can help in some way. While part of our family is off fighting in a war, we need to know that America cares and respects that. Over the last 5+ years that we have been a military family we have seen such wonderful support from friends and family. Thank you all so much! Your support means more than you will ever know.
So no matter what your political beliefs are, no matter if you support the war or not, check out that site and find a way to help a military family 🙂