Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Motherhood

To The Friends I Don’t Talk To Anymore

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To the friends I don’t talk to anymore…

To The Friends I Don't Talk To Anymore

Before social media got as big as it did, if someone moved away, most likely you lost touch with them. You might have written letters, it just depended on the personality of your friend and how often you would write to each other. Today, with places like Facebook, you can continue to talk to your friends daily, even if they live in a different part of the world. However, there are people who shy away from social media or people you just have not connected with yet. Friends that you used to spend so much time with are now just a memory to you. I have several of these friends. People I was so close to, that I laughed with, dreamed with and whom I no longer talk with.

This is to them

To the friends I don’t talk to anymore…

I still think of you often. Little things remind me of you. I remember the long talks we had in between classes. I remember us dreaming about our future husbands and children together. I wonder if you are married and if you are happy. I wonder if you did have those four kids you had talked about having or if you decided to live a childfree life. I wonder if you were able to achieve your career dreams or if you are still trying to figure all that out like I am. I wonder if you are still close with your family and I wonder what your brothers and sisters are up to. I remember your little sister bugging us and just wanting to be a part of things. I know she would be turning 30 this year and I think of her when I think of you. I think about how we said we would all buy houses on the same street and that at 16 that was a silly dream. I think about how we told each other all about which boy we were crushing on and how you really have no idea how amazing the man I married is because I met him after we parted ways.

Time moves on and we leave behind our old friendships for new ones but that doesn’t mean I have forgotten about you. I still think about the times we shared. The laughs we had and how we always assumed we would be close. But something happened along the way. Maybe it was because I got married first or because you moved away from the place we first met so I can’t even run into you when I visit home. Maybe you were just meant to be my friend for a season and for a reason but as 30-somethings we are just too different to be close anymore.

So to you, my friends, I will never forget what we had. You hold a special place in my heart and I hope you are happy with whatever road life has taken you on. I do hope we will see each other again someday but I know that life might not make that possible. So I look through my scrapbooks and remember what we had and remember that it was special.

Are you missing a friend you are not in contact with anymore???

The Best Time for a Military Family to Have a Baby

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When IS the best time for a military family to have a baby?When IS the best time for a military family to have a baby?

I think this is something that a lot of military wives struggle with.  With all these deployments and not much time at home, how do you plan the perfect time to have a baby?  Is it better they miss the pregnancy but are there for the birth?  What if you plan it perfectly but then deployment orders change?  What if it takes longer than you think to get pregnant?

Deciding to have AJ seemed easy.  We had been apart for 4.5 months while DW and I were waiting on Command Sponsorship.  When we got to Germany we just decided to see what would happen.  When Ben left for Iraq we thought that he would be home when the baby was about 3 months old.  At the end of the deployment, he was 11 months old.  I have several friends that got pregnant on R&R that deployment.  They were due about 2 months after the guys were supposed to be home.  It was ideal!  They would not miss the birth and should be home for most of that first year.  But then we got extended and a lot of the dads missed the whole pregnancy and didn’t meet the child until they were a few months old.

You can plan what you can but things always seem to change.  When my husband got home in Nov 2007 I knew that I wanted another baby but I knew I did not want one in Germany.  I also knew I did not want to go through another deployment in Germany with 3 kids.  I know a lot of people do it and I know I could have done it if it was what happened, but I didn’t want to plan for it.

I have talked with a lot of my military wife friends about what would be easier.  They miss the birth but then get to enjoy an older baby?  They miss the pregnancy but can be there for the birth?  They are there through it all but miss the 2nd year?  I don’t think there is one right answer.

My husband was with me during the first part of pregnancy.  I was sick and tired all the time.  I would not look forward to going through that without him.  He missed the birth even though they tried to send him home in time.  I could do another birth without him but I do not want to.  He was there when DW was born and I hate that he missed out on that with AJ.  He was gone during the early months of his life which in a way made things easier at night.  I didn’t have to worry about waking him up when I had to nurse.  But then the extra help is missing too.  I also felt like it was harder for him to bond with AJ.  He got to see him on R&R; when he was a few weeks old but then didn’t get to see him again until he was almost a toddler.   This made bonding with him a lot harder.  Not that it hasn’t happened because it has; just it took a lot longer than it would have.

Both deployments left me with a new 2-year-old.    Hopefully,  that won’t happen again.  He hasn’t ever missed the first steps but has missed first words.  I think as military wives we know they will miss something.  We know other wives have been through it.  We know we will get through it.  We know it is all a part of the lifestyle.  But it still doesn’t make it very easy.

I take a ton of pictures which I know helps but I need to be better about taking videos of the kids.  Hopefully the Flip will help with that 🙂

So when is the best time to have a baby in the military?  Who knows!!! You just have to decide for yourself and see what happens.