Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Motherhood

Feeling Weak When Others Are Strong

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Feeling Weak When Others Are Strong

 

I love social media, I really do. I can’t imagine life without it these days but sometimes it can really frustrate me. Sometimes I think we only want to post about ourselves when we are strong. When we have it all put together and when everything is happy-go-lucky. I even hear people talk about how one should never complain on social media because it brings others down.

Really?

Now I agree, someone who is going to complain 24/7, on every post or even in real life every time you see them is going to bring others down. However, I do think it is okay to vent, complain or even share that you are not at your best.

There is this idea, especially in Military circles, that we are strong, all the time. That nothing can stand in our way. That we can conquer every little thing. Well, for me, that isn’t always true. There are some days I do feel strong, that I do feel like I have it all together but there are other days I don’t. There are days I feel very weak and days I don’t think I can really get through what I need to get through. I look around me and see others being so strong, doing it all and then some, being able to figure it all out, never getting upset or shedding a tear.

In reality I know that no one is that together all of the time. It is the face we present to the world. It is very easy to just show the good and happy moments.

Still, when I wake up sad and wonder how I will make it through the day without breaking down, I see people being strong through much harder circumstances and I wonder if something is wrong with me. That I am letting what I am going through bring me down so much and that they have figured out a way to get through it. Then I remember that I see 100% of myself and what I am going through and we really only see 10-20% of what others are going through. There is that quote about not comparing our “novel” with someone else’s “cliff notes” and that is so true.

I shouldn’t feel badly that I am having a bad day or that I feel like I couldn’t handle anymore stress at the moment just because someone else doesn’t seem to have an issue with it. We were all made differently with our own strengths and weaknesses. We can go through the exact same thing as someone else and have a totally different experience with it. And there are probably other circumstances they have gone though that they felt were very difficult that I didn’t think twice about.

I think it is important to have the right “tools” to get through stressful situations. Things to do such as praying or writing in a journal. People to talk with such as a best friend, family member or counselor. Still, some days those tools don’t work right and you just need to have a good cry or a good sob in some cases.

Sometimes it is because of a drill weekend right when I just need to spend time with my husband, sometimes it is because of my son’s special needs, sometimes it is because I am so homesick for my family and other times it is everything all put together.

It’s so hard to feel weak when others seem like they are so strong. Do you struggle with this too? What do you do about it?

 

 

What My Mom Taught Me

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What My Mom Taught Me

My mom is one of the best. She has taught me so much over the years. She was a teacher by profession but she also taught me so many things over the years. She is still teaching me, even though I am 43.

She taught me to say please and thank you. I hear her voice even now reminding me about how important that is.

She taught me to be kind to everyone. I see how kind and caring she is to those around her and I want to be like that too.

She taught me to have fun. That sometimes you should do something a little silly. I have tried to be like that with my own kids as well.

She taught me about shopping. She might not think I was paying attention all those years when I wanted to be with my Dad at the bookstore instead of trying on clothes in the rest of the mall, but I was. She taught me how to look for deals and that you can in fact find nice shirts for as low as $5 if you know where to look.

She taught me the importance of family and that I should be nice to my brother. She wanted us to be friends and even though it took a very long time to get there, my brother and I are friends and I know that warms her heart after the years of sibling rivalry.

She taught me that a mom gives up herself, even if she doesn’t want to.

She taught me that even though you are a mom, even a stay at home mom, having your own dreams and interests is also just as important as raising your children.

She taught me to never give up and that if you want something bad enough, you might have to try a few different methods to get it.

Through her recent illness she has taught me that although life isn’t always perfect, having a good support system and a positive attitude can go a long way. She is so strong and I am inspired by her ability to get better and find ways to find support when it feels like no one else knows what she is going through.

She taught me to look for the good in everyone. To walk in someone else’s shoes before you judge them. You never really know what their story might be.

My mom has taught me so much. And even though I get a lot of my personality and my interests from my father, I see a lot of myself in her too. I was lucky to be raised by such a woman and looking forward to the day when we live close to one another again.

What have you learned from your mom, grandma or the other motherly figure in your life?

Podcasts You Should Listen To

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Podcasts you should listen to

 

 

Podcasts! I love them. I found them back in 2009 when I was spending the summer with my parents. At the time I had to download them to my ipod and listen that way. I only really listened to one that was on photography. In 2012 I discovered a few more but my phone did not have very much space. I upgraded last fall and was able to add more. Then Serial came out and I really started getting into them.

The nice thing about podcasts is that I can listen to them while I am cleaning, working, walking or even in the car. I can listen before bed or even in the shower in the morning. I don’t have to be staring at a screen when I have them on. I have it set that they only download when I am on WiFi so the podcasts I am subscribed to will download new episodes only when I am at home but I can listen to them anytime as long as they did in fact download.

I don’t listen to every single episode of every single podcast I am subscribed to. Some episodes just don’t catch my interest. I also might subscribe and then realize I just don’t like the podcast enough to stick with it. Not that it is bad but that there are other podcasts I would rather listen to.

I figured out that there are podcasts on pretty much any topic you could think of. Since I use the Podcast app on my iphone, I can go into search, type in a topic and it will give me a list of podcasts that have a show about that topic. I then go in and see if anything is what I am looking for and try a few of them out.

At the moment I am subscribed to 40 podcasts which I know seems like a lot. Some only update once or twice a month. Others are random or update once a week. There are a few that put out a new episode more than once a week. Again, I look at the topic and then decide if I want to listen to it. So if the podcast just says, “Episode one” with nothing else, I probably won’t subscribe to it because I want to know what the episode is going to be about.

I am going to highlight a few of my favorite podcasts that I think you might like too:

Movies & Tv

  • The Popcast– Hosted by Knox McCoy and Jamie Golden. If you love tv/movies/popculture, you need to listen to this one. They talk about the latest craze, celebrities, binge watching tv shows, etc and they always make me laugh. I might not always agree with them but they crack me up regardless of what it is they are talking about. They seem to come out with a new podcast once a week.
  • Afterbuzz– They have podcasts for about 300 shows. If you are watching a show and want a podcast for it, check them out first. I currently am subscribed to Grey’s Anatomy, Mad Men, American Crime and Secrets and Lies. I love to hear people talk about the episode I just watched. They usually come out with a new show the day after the episode airs.
  • Wingin It– I knew I had to find a West Wing podcast and since this one started rather recently, in March and they still seem to be putting new episodes out, I subscribed. I really like how they look the at the episodes and bring up the topics the show is about.
  • Slate’s Spoiler Specials– Love movies? This is a great one to hear about movies. They don’t have a show on every movie that comes out but they have a lot of episodes to choose from.

Social Media/Blogging

  • Smart Passive Income– This was one of the podcasts I started listening to in 2012. If you want to make money online, you need to be listening to this one. Pat Flynn is an online entrepreneur and blogger who is very successful. He loves to share what he has learned and figured out about this business. He has such great advice and interviews a lot of people. He usually has a new episode once a week.
  • AskPat.com– If you don’t have much time, subscribe to this one. It is quick tips that are answers to questions fans of Pat Flynn sent in. I usually wait until I have 3-4 episodes there and then listen to them all at once. He usually comes out with one a day.

Random Goodness

  • EarzUp– Love Disneyland? You have to listen to this one. It is my favorite of the Disneyland podcasts out there. There are three hosts that go to Disneyland often and have some great information and fun talk about the place. They release about two episodes a month.
  • Sorta Awesome– This one was started by an online friend of mine, Megan Tietz. She has three co-hosts, Kelly, Rebekah and Laura. They talk about life with kids, blogging, tv shows, what they are reading, daily life, etc. It’s fun and I love it.
  • Slate’s Audio Book Club– This one is about books. They haven’t released many episodes lately but you can go back and listen to the books you have already read.

Do you listen to podcasts? Which ones are your favorite???

 

On Having a Natural Birth

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On having a natural birth

I know talking about birth methods can be complicated. There is a lot of passion on both sides on which way is the correct way to give birth to a little human.  A lot of people assume that in today’s world the only way to do it is to have a medicated birth. That there is no reason why anyone would want to go natural when you don’t have to. I feel like birth is very personal and that each mom should do what they feel would be best whether this is natural or medicated. However, I still think that going natural can be a really great experience.

I started looking into birth very early on. Part of that was because I had a sister-in-law who was a Doula and the other part was that I had a boring job where I could read a lot while I waited to answer the phones. I started with Baby Catcher which is filled with stories told by a midwife. I then moved on to books by Dr. Sears and Ina May Gaskin. Around this time I decided to go to a Doula training and my sister-in-law got pregnant with her third baby which was going to be a VBAC.

I knew I always wanted to have kids but we agreed to wait until my 25th birthday. We would have been married about 18 months then and figured having a baby after the two-year mark would be a good idea. However, birth was really interesting to me and I wanted to find out as much as I could before I even got pregnant.

I went to about 6-7 births as a Doula and they were all so amazing in their own ways. Most of the births were natural. Most of them were at the local birth center where I would eventually have our oldest son. I realized that I wanted the types of birth that those who had gone naturally had. They just drew me in and I wanted the same type of experience. I was the 2nd Doula for my sister-in-law and got to see how hard it was for her to get the birth she wanted at the hospital.

A few months later, I turned 25 and found out I was pregnant. I knew I wanted to go to the birth center. We even switched our insurance around ahead of time so we could do so when I became pregnant. It was such an amazing experience. The center had three midwives and one of them happened to be a family friend of my husband. I took turns seeing each of them at my appointments so that I would be used to the one that was on call when I went into labor.

While I was pregnant we signed up to take Bradley classes and learn the Bradley method of natural childbirth. It is a simple method all about working with your partner and your body to give birth naturally. This class combined with my research and time as a Doula really prepared me for going through birth.

My labor lasted from about midnight to 7:30 in the morning when I had my son. It was hard. A lot harder than I thought it would be but I had a great support system that got me through it. We walked around the parking lot stopping to lean on my husband during every contraction. I got in the tub for a while and was planning a waterbirth but ended up getting out at the last-minute.

After I had him I had a smallish tear and that was it. We waited at the birth center and got to go home later that day. A nurse would come the next three days to check on us.

ha

When it came time for baby #2 I was in a totally different place. We were in Germany and I would have to give birth in a German hospital. The good part about this was that in Germany they are a lot more into Natural birth. You can still get an epidural there and they were not like the birth center but they did not push me to have a medicated birth. My mom was with me as my husband missed the birth because he was deployed. I told her ahead of time that I might say I don’t want to have a natural birth anymore but she would have to remind me that it was what I wanted. Unlike with my oldest, I knew there were epidural in the building and all I had to do was ask for one.

I didn’t and gave birth to my 2nd little boy naturally. I had such a good recovery after that. I didn’t tear and I felt pretty good other than being frustrated by the language barrier at the German hospital.

I am really happy I went natural with my first two babies. Their births were great and the way I wanted them to be. I went in to the births prepared and I think that paid off. I wanted a natural birth because I knew I could do it and I felt it would be best to not have any drugs during labor. I also liked the recovery.

However, by the time baby #3 came along I did it a little differently. That will have to be in another post 🙂

How did you decide how to give birth?

 

 

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How You Know You Are In An All Boy Family

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How You Know You Are In An All Boy FamilyMy house is an all boy house.  We have no little girls here.  Mommy is the only one sporting the pink.  My 10 year old loves green, my 8 and 4 year old love blue. Walk into our house and you will probably be able to tell pretty quickly that we are an all boy home.

This is why…

1. Legos Legos everywhere.  Lego Star Wars, Lego Avengers, Lego Harry Potter…I think we have a little bit of everything. Girls love Legos too, I played with them as a child but they are all over the place here. Sets and figures and video games.

2. We won’t be selling any Girl Scout cookies.  My oldest was in Cub scouts and I learned pretty quickly that it is different from my experience with Girl Scouts.  Either that or things have changed a lot since I was a kid. The Boy scouts sell popcorn. While the popcorn is good, it isn’t like Girl Scout cookies. No one is waiting for them to come out. You can pretty much buy the same thing at a grocery store. I always buy from two or three little girls because I was a Girl Scout for 12 years and the cookies are just that good!

3. No shopping in the pink aisle.  I love Barbie and girly toys but that isn’t what my boys want.  I go over to the pink aisle to shop for friends and family but not my own kids.  It is like going to a foreign land.  An area I am not a part of anymore. I have always been open to having dolls and girl stuff around but my boys? They don’t want it.

4. Everything is a gun.  I am not too big on toy guns but we have a few.  Mostly Nerf guns.  But what I have learned is that little boys turn almost anything into a gun.  And if they have nothing else, a finger also works. Everytime friends come over they want to grab the Nerf guns and head outside where they pretend to be Star Wars guys or whatever else their minds come up with.

5. Potty training is difficult.  Yes, I know there are boys out there that train early and there are girls out there that take their time, but taking an informal poll of friends with both sexes, boys are usually harder to potty train than girls.

6. The Boys bathroom. Any mom with a boy knows how messy their bathroom can get. Whenever I look at houses and think about searching for one with just 1.5 baths, I just remind myself about having boys. I need my own bathroom. Boys are messy.

I have heard that boys are harder as young kids and then as they get older they are a little bit easier. I have also heard that it is the opposite for girls. I am not sure if that is true but it kind of seems to lean that way. Either way, kids are hard and I love being a mom of all boys.

Are you a mom of all boys?  How many do you have?

 

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Moms Need Free Time

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Moms Need Free time

Moms Need Free Time

I have noticed a trend and I don’t like it. Moms not having any free time for themselves. Not having any time for any little break ever. No time to watch a tv show, read a book, go exercise, have coffee with a friend or go shopping. That their days are so full that there is simply no time for any downtime.

Moms need free time. It doesn’t have to be hours or even every single day, but it needs to happen. But here is the thing about free time, sometimes you HAVE to plan for it. It might not just be able to happen, especially if you have small babies and/or a deployed husband. You have to figure out how to give yourself a break. And not feel guilty when you do.

Free time really isn’t free. It is usually planned. When you are a mom, you have to make sure your kids are safe and with another family member, your husband or a babysitter. You can’t just leave and go for coffee if you don’t have that part figured out. Even though your husband is just as much a Dad as you are a Mom, in a lot of causes you are the default parent. This is even more common in Military families because the Military can be quite demanding.

Free time can happen during the day, during nap time, if your kids are in school, after they go to bed or even while they are awake. Something as simple as reading a book while your kids are playing with their toys.

Find something for you that doesn’t have to do with your kids. Read, write, sew, train for a marathon, garden, volunteer, etc. Find something that makes your soul feel good and allow you to relax a bit. You need it. We all do. Leave the kids with your husband and plan a dinner with your friends, take your mom up on her offer to watch the kids to go out with your husband, join a gym and go when your husband gets home from work, join a book club, stick the kids in the stroller and go for a walk, there are so many things you can do to take some time out for you.

And stop saying you don’t have ANY time for yourself. If this is true MAKE time. Figure out a way to get it. Moms need free time and that includes you too. The refresh will make you a better mom, a better wife and will add balance to your life. I know we are all so busy with being a mom, with our jobs, with our church, with sports, making dinner and everything else we have to do. But a balanced life includes a little bit of time just for ourselves, a little bit of time to think and regroup.

How do you make time for yourself? Do you think moms need free time too? What do you like to do in your free time?

 

 

5 Ways To Make Friends When You Have Small Children

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5 Ways To Make Friends When You Have Small ChildrenI counted up the amount of times I have moved to a new city with small children. Four times. I have had to do it four times. I have moved to a new place, had to meet new people and figure out a way to make some friends while I was caring for small children. It isn’t easy. It isn’t easy to go up to a group of people and introduce yourself, especially if they have been friends for a while. You really have to put time into it.

I have found a few ways that allowed me to make some friends. Not all of the people I have met through these methods became best friends but that has happened as well. I was able to find a group. A group of people who I could get together with and find friendship with. Where I could give my young children the opportunity to play with other kids and I could find people so I wouldn’t feel so lone in my new city.

1) Playgroups. This seems obvious but unless you live in the very middle of nowhere, you should be able to find a playgroup to go to. When I first moved to Kentucky pre-Army, I found a great group through a local center that was about moms and giving birth. At the time I was a little more crunchy than I am now and I figured it would be the best way to meet some other moms like me. I was right. I connected with some other moms while we let our very young babies play. Even though we moved after a year, I am still Facebook friends with most of them. I still enjoy seeing their photos of their now 9 and 10 year olds. When we moved to Germany I was able to find a playgroup sponsored through the Army post. I started taking my then two-year old and was really able to meet and connect with other moms that way. Spend some time looking in your community to see what is out there.

2) Church groups. This can be going to a regular church on Sundays or even just a weekly Bible study. Most duty stations have a PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) or a CWOC (Catholic Women of the Chapel) In these groups there is time to get to know other women as well as attend a weekly Bible study together. There should be free childcare at the chapel as well. You can also look in your local community to church to see what your options are. MOPS is also offered at a lot of Military bases.

3) The park. Meeting people at the park can be complicated. You could spend all day at the park and not get to know anyone or you might make a few friends right away. The best thing to do is go to some of the same parks on a regular basis. You might start to recognize people. Watch which kids your kids end up playing with and see if you can start a conversation with their parents. It could be something as simple as, “How old is she?” Or “Did you just move here?”

4) Online groups. Our Army post has many different groups on Facebook. From groups for Crunchy moms to those over a certain age. A lot of those groups tend to have meetups which can be a great way to get to know others. Try to participate in some online conversations and go to the next meetup. You might find some great friends that way.

5) FRGs. I know FRGs sometimes get a bad wrap but you also have the chance of making a new friend by attending. I have been in really good FRGs and really bad ones. You just never know. Try to attend at least once or twice to see if it will work for you. The best part of meeting someone in your FRG is that your spouses will go through deployments together and you might make friends with your own “battle buddy” to help you get through the next deployment.

 

It is true that in the Military life you will need friends to connect with. It can feel overwhelming when you have young children but there are ways to get out and make some new Mommy friends.

How have you made friends when you move to a new location?

Making The Best Use Of Your Working Hours When You Are A Work At Home Home

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Making The Best Use Of Your Working Hours When You Are A Work At Home HomeWhen you work for yourself, you are your own boss. This is nice. You can take time off when you want. You don’t have anyone looking over your shoulder. You don’t have to ask anyone when you can go to lunch. On the other hand, when you are your own boss, it is on you to stay on task and get your work done. This can be difficult if you are not used to it. Working from home comes with a lot of different distractions. From kids to piles of laundry that need to be done. It is way to use to not make the most of your working hours.

How can you make your work time more productive?

 

1) Make Lists- This is so important when it comes to working for yourself. You have to have a list of what you plan to get done each and everyday. If you don’t, you will quickly feel overwhelmed with everything. Spend 5 minutes every night making your list for the next day. This is even more important if you have any type of deadline. I have posts I need to write on certain days so I always make sure to put them on my calendar as soon as I get them.

2) See Where Your Money Goes- When it comes to Internet business it is way too easy to sign up for every little course or app. Be careful. It is way too easy to spend too much money each month. If you signed up for a service and want to give it a trial period, put an end date on your calendar. On that date decide if that service is worth keeping or if you should let it go. I have done this with a few different services that I ended up cancelling after a few months. I just wasn’t getting my money’s worth.

3) See Where Your Time Goes- It is so easy to waste time online. You plan to go online to write a blog post and find yourself on Facebook. Just be careful about where you are spending your work hours. Since you work for yourself, you are not going to have to hide what you are doing online from anyone. If you spend too much time messing around, your work will suffer. Too much fun time online will mean a lower paycheck for you when you make money online.

4) Find What Works for YOU!- When you get started in this business you might want to follow what another person has done. This is all well and good but make sure you are finding what works for you. If you have three little kids at home with you during your work time you are not going to be able to do the same thing someone without kids at home might be able to do. Figure out your strengths and weaknesses and find a work method that makes sense for you and your goals and environment.

5) Let It Go- I figured this out pretty quickly. If something I am working on is taking too long, if I can’t get it to work right, if I can’t find what I am looking for…I put it away. I can always go back to it later. I have spent too much time trying to figure out how to change a theme or look up something when I should have just let it go for a while. Move on to something else and go back to what you were doing later. Don’t waste too much time on something you might not be able to figure out. Don’t be afraid to ask for help either. One time my blog went down and I asked on Twitter what was wrong. I got an answer right away and it was easy to fix once I knew what the issue was.

Do you work from home? What tips could you add to this list?