Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

Finding Balance During A Military Deployment

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20120908-IMG_9336My next post for Blue Star Families will be about balance during a deployment.

Balance is something I think most people try to achieve in all areas of their life. They want to balance work with home and family. It is no different for us Military families. The issue for us is that it can be more difficult to find that balance, especially during a deployment. When a spouse is gone it is up to the other spouse to fill in the gaps. This can be quite difficult.

I know for myself I work towards balance but I always feel like I am falling short. For example, we might have a day where the kids have a lot of fun but I just can’t get to everything that needs to get done in the house. We might eat a yummy meal but the laundry doesn’t get done. It can be frustrating but I do try hard to let things go. I try to tell myself that I am doing the work of two parents right now. Not everything is going to be perfect.

I also try not to take on too much. Right now we are getting used to 1st and 2nd grade homework. It is taking quite some time each day. By the time we are done, it is time to make dinner. I simply can’t see how we could add in a sport or another afternoon activity right now. I just don’t have the strength to juggle that. I know that about myself so I try to make choices based on what I think I can handle.

I think balancing everything perfectly is such a hard thing to do. I think for most of us we just try to do out best with what we have. We try to make time for everything that needs to get done. We try not to ignore parts of our lives that might need our attention.

How do you achieve balance as a Military spouse?

 

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Flying With Children When You Are By Yourself

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If your spouse is in the Military, you have probably had to travel somewhere by yourself. If you have had to do this with children, you know how challenging doing so can be. I have had to do it too many times. I am not a pro at flying with my children and I get through the challenge by preparing a little and praying a lot. Here are just a few tips that you might find helpful.

Flying With Children When You Are By Yourself

1) Don’t book a super early morning flight. If you can, make the flight later in the morning or later in the day. Waking up at 3am to get to the airport in time has never ever worked for me. What usually happens is that I don’t sleep the night before or only get an hour or two. It is just not good to start a day of travel that way. So if you can, don’t book early morning flights.

2) Media is your friend. When we were flying back from California the last time my son played with the Kindle Fire. I didn’t have to worry about him at all. Now for the younger kids, this might not work but I will never not fly with some type of media for my kids again. The only reason we survived trips overseas and back was because the kids were able to watch movies. You do have to remember that they are not allowed to use them on take off and when you land. It is a good idea to talk to your kids about that rule beforehand.Flying with children

3) Prizes. Before flying I tell my boys that they will get a prize once we are seated on the airplane and they have their seatbelts on. This really works for my son with Autism as he does really well when you plan ahead like that. I usually give them a small Lego or something I know they would love and that will keep them entertained. You can go to the dollar store or even a thrift store to find little toys they have never played with before. Give them out throughout the flight.

4) Don’t try to be supermom. I think there is this idea that if you are a good mom, your kids will be perfect angels when they fly. The reality is, kids are kids. You do what you can as a Mom to get everyone on that plane and to make it through the flight. I don’t mean ignore your kids if they are being loud or acting up, but give yourself a break. You are traveling alone with children. Your husband might be deployed and you might be at the end of your rope. People might stare and people might comment but don’t let it get to you. You know you are a good parent but you are being tested and it is okay if it doesn’t go the way it should. Some people are rude, some people have no idea what it is like to fly with kids and some people have forgotten what traveling with small kids is like.

5) Accept help when it comes. I am bad about this. I want to do it all myself. But there are nice people out there. Someone might ask if they can help you carry a car seat, let them. Someone might ask if you need help getting into your seats, let them. Be polite and ask the flight attendants if you need something. They should be understanding.

What tips would you have for traveling along with children?

Dear Julie On Her Wedding Day

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Dear Julie On Her Wedding Day

 

Our 11th anniversary was on the 3rd. I usually like to blog about marriage that week. I am a little behind but will be blogging a little bit about marriage the next few days.

I was 23 when I got married and I am 34 now. He was 26 and now he is almost 38. We have defiantly been together a while…although not as long as some.

I have learned a lot  over the years and if I were to write a letter to my self on my wedding day, this is what it would say…:)

Dear Julie,

It is almost time for you to get married and I have somethings I want to say to you.

First of all, don’t rush anything. Don’t rush your wedding day, your honeymoon or the years before children come. Embrace them. Embrace the time you have together before starting a family. Children will come and with them your life with change. It isn’t as though things will be bad. You will have good experiences and difficult ones once the kids come along. But they will change everything. So embrace that time with your new husband. Have fun together, go on trips, enjoy life.

Secondly, know hard times will come. They will come and it will make you feel like your heart is breaking. You two will have to be apart for a time but try not to worry about it right now. When the time comes remember your love for each other and what you guys have. You will make it through those years as hard as they might be. They will make you a stronger couple. Just remember the good times and look ahead to future times when you are missing each other so much.

Julie, your life with Ben is going to be very different than you think it will be and that is okay. Not very many people have the exact life they planned for themselves when they were younger. There will be curveballs and things you won’t expect. There will be very good and exciting times and very sad and frustrating times. Just know that you are marrying the right man and he will be with you through everything. Every step of the way he will be there and you will walk through all the challenges together.

Have a wonderful wedding day,

Love Julie from the future.

What would you say to yourself on your wedding day?

How Kids Handle Deployment

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For this week’s Blue Star Families post I will be talking about the kids and how they are handling the deployment.

We are almost two months in and as far as my kids go I think they are handling it well. There are our normal kid issues, me feeling burned out all the time and the solo parenting but I don’t see them struggling too much which is a good thing.

My almost nine year old gets sad. He also knows that I need more help and is offering it. Today he took in all of the groceries from the car and put every single one of them away. Then he went on to make himself a sandwich. Just little things like that I have never had before during a deployment. It is really nice.

My six year old has Asperger’s and he told me he doesn’t care that Ben is gone. This makes me sad but it is just how he is. He is all about Mom so even though Daddy is there for him when he is home, him being away doesn’t seem to be bothering him.

My two year old has surprised me a bit. He is such a big Daddy’s boy. He would ask when Daddy would be home when Ben was just at work during the day. I was worried he would cry everyday or something. So far he has been okay with it. If you ask him where Daddy is he will say, “he is gone” and that is all.

I know how lucky I am that my kids are doing okay with all of this. I know it can be really hard on children. Maybe it will show up later on in life or maybe not.

I also wanted to share that there are some great resources on the Everyone Serves Site that can help you during a deployment. One of these resources are some worksheets you can fill out. If you are having a rough time you might want to check out, Coping During Deployment: A Checklist.  It will give you a nice list of things to remember during a deployment. This list has really helped me out on those days where I just want to crawl into a hole until my husband comes home.

What is the best way you have found to cope during a deployment?

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My Trip to Indiana And The Scentsy Family Reunion

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Scentsy Family ReunionI am finally getting around to writing about our trip to Indiana and the Scentsy Family reunion. I had a really amazing time, met a lot of wonderful people and learned a lot of awesome things.

We left Tennessee on the 10th and made the four-hour trip to my friend’s house. She lives about 30 minutes from Indianapolis where the Reunion was being held. Now I hate driving. It kills me to even have to drive to Nashville which is 45 minutes away. So to drive for four hours? That was hard for me. I had my GPS, directions from my friend and a lot of prayers. I wanted to be in Indiana so I made myself go. It was worth it and I battled a big fear of mine. Will I be driving somewhere far sometime in the future? No, it was a challenge I think I will wait until my husband is home to drive us on our next road trip.

We arrived at my friend’s house almost exactly four hours later. It was so good to see her and her son who is my 2.5 year old’s best buddy. They moved back to Indiana in May after her husband got out of the Army.

We took the boys to McDonald’s and got to catch up a little bit.  After that I got ready and my friend drove me into the city. Another thing I have a problem with is driving in downtown places. I love visiting big cities as long as someone else was going to do the driving. However, in order for this to work I would need to drive into the city, finding my parking garage and walk to where the Reunion was. So that first night my friend’s husband watched the boys and my friend took me there.

Scentsy Family Reunion

By this point I was so tired. I also didn’t come with anyone. None of my downline could go this year, next year should be a different story 🙂  Anyway, I knew of a couple of people in my Sponsor’s downline that were there but I didn’t have any way to connect with them. The first night was the opening and Kelly Clarkson concert.

I tried to stay as long as possible but after the drive and the fact that I was feeling really really hungry, I had my friend pick me up early and we stopped for dinner. That was nice. A dinner without the kids has been hard to come by lately. The next morning I got up early and left her house at about 6:45. I was nervous but had my GPS and a lot of prayers and I was going to do this downtown thing. It really was not so bad. The drive was pretty easy and my GPS got me to where I needed to go.

I met a couple of girls from New Jersey in the parking garage and we all walked together. It was about a 15 minute walk but only $5.50 a day for parking. Once we got to the stadium I found my seat. I was wearing my team shirt which was bright green and happy to see a few other ladies in the exact same shirt.  This was exciting for me because I got to meet new people and we had a great time talking and going through everything together. We are all under the same Star Director so we will get to see each other in the future as well.

Indianapolis

I got so much out of the reunion. It was SO exciting to see the new products being revealed. I also got a lot out of the speakers. We had other consultants come up and share what was working for them. We also got to listen to Mary Christensen, Brené Brown and Daniel H. Pink. They really told us a lot of amazing things and were so inspiring.

Scentsy also gave us $200 in credit to pick our giveaway items out. It was awesome and we were able to pick everything using the internet. I love technology! Everything showed up at my house a few days after I got home.

 

I left the reunion feeling SO excited for my future with Scentsy! I can’t wait until the reunion next year. It is going to be in St. Louis 🙂 And after going I have to say if you are in direct sales, try hard to get to your annual convention. It will be totally worth it on so many levels. I am SO glad I was able to go and that I have such an amazing friend who didn’t mind watching my boys.

Have you ever been to a direct sales annual convention?

 

Why I Blog

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IMG_4739My next post for Blue Star Families is about why I blog.

I had to think about this one for a while.

I think I have a couple of reasons why I blog. I started Julie the Army Wife (the blog I had before this one) during our 2nd deployment. It was hard and I figured there were other people out there just like me. I knew there were other wives out there trying to get through each day. At the time I had felt like I had gone through a lot of Military stress in the few years we had been a Military family. I knew that if I blogged about what I was going through it would make me feel better and help someone else not feel so alone.

It is now almost four years later and I think I blog for the exact same reasons. This deployment has been so stressful already and I need a place to talk about it. I need a place to post about what it is like. I also hope that if there are others out there that might feel alone, sad or upset about what they are going through they can read my posts and won’t feel so lonely anymore.

I also like to blog to share things in my life with others. This is why there are posts about my garden or trips that I take. I like to look back on those posts as a reminder of that time in my life.

Blogging for me is defiantly an outlet. I enjoy it and I enjoy where blogging has taken me. I have also enjoyed all the people I have met because I am a blogger. It has helped me not feel so alone in my circumstances. I plan to blog as long as I am able to. Whether it be about Military life or something completely different.

If you are a blogger, why do you blog?

Follow Blue Star Families on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ and build a support network so you can keep your family and personal community strong throughout the duration of the entire deployment life cycle.

Patriotism And The Military Spouse

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From Sea to Shining SeaToday’s post for Blue Star Families is going to be on Patriotism. As a Military spouse I often feel like I am surrounded by it. It is everywhere and it is nice to see.

I have always considered myself a patriotic person. I have always thought of it as a love for your country going further than just putting up red, white and blue things and singing patriotic songs.  Since becoming a Military spouse I have realized patriotism is a lot more than that. It is giving up something you love for your country, it is standing by your soldier as he has to go on yet another deployment, it is supporting other Military spouses and it is remembering where our country has been and who we are today. I guess you can say my patriotism has grown, how can it not?

When I look around me at the general public I see a lot of patriotism. I see it on days such as Memorial Day or the 4th of July but I also see it other times of the year. I think most people in the US love the US even if they have different religious or political beliefs. Even if what they think would help America looks different than what I would think would help America.  I am not sure this has changed over the years. I do think that personal sacrifice has. It used to be that almost every man in this country served in the Military. It is not that way anymore although we still have battles to fight.

I don’t expect everyone to join the Military but what has happened because of that is that people no longer have a personal connection to the Military. This can make it easy to for people to forget what the Military does or has to give up.  Personally speaking I have been blessed to have the support of friends and family even if Ben is the closest person they know who serves. People are praying for us and tell us so. They thank us and make us feel like what we are doing is not in vain.

As a Military spouse I just want the American public to remember that we still are involved in a war. It has not gone away just because it is coming to an end. Deployments are still happening and can be just as difficult as they were a few years ago. Plus we do not know what the future holds. As things heat up in other parts of the world I don’t see deployments ending anytime soon . I guess we have to see what happens with that.

How do you see patriotism? What does it mean to you to be a patriotic American?

 

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