Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

On Supporting Your Spouse’s Military Career

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On Supporting Your Spouse's Military Career

Military spouses all come from different places. Some met their spouse after they were already in the Military. Others started the journey together after a few years of marriage.

Some met, married and became a military spouse all within the same year. Ask any group of spouses about how they became one and you will find there are a lot of different answers.

One thing is clear. No matter when you became a Military spouse, you want to do what you can to support your service member.

But how do you support your spouse’s military career if you are frustrated with the Military life and want something different? What if your career is on hold because of military life but you don’t want to wait anymore? What is the best way to support them when life gets in the way?

When it comes to the Military, some people join for just a few years and others make it a career. Some service members don’t know what they want to do when they start.

Some service members want to go career and decide not to, others want to do a couple of years and then end up going career.

The main thing is figuring out what your service member is thinking, what will work best for your family as well as a general plan of what the next few years will look like. For my husband and me, when he joined, it was for three years, then we would readjust and see where we were at.

Keep in mind that things can change when it comes to military career plans.

There are a lot of people who wanted to make it 20 years but had to get out for different reasons. Things change and the whole family has to adapt. This can also be extremely difficult for the service member and the spouse.

Keeping the line of communication open is very important. There is a BIG difference between a soldier who wants to be in for the rest of his career and one that is getting out in a couple of years. They have different goals and should make different plans.

You need to know where your spouse stands. If the Military is something they have always wanted to do, if they have signed up and working towards promotions, you need to be able to be there for them.

If you enjoy Military life and your spouse really wants to get out and do something else, stand by them too. Be there and work together to come up with a plan for after the Military life.

The most important thing, military or not, career military or one enlistment, is that you are on the same page and support one another.

This isn’t always going to be easy, but it is something we military spouses know too well. And as times change, it will get easier and easier to be able to accomplish your own goals, right along with your service member spouse.

In today’s military, military spouses work full-time, they go to school, they work from home, and they work hard for change when there are roadblocks.

Being married to a service member, unfortunately, means you will have to sacrifice something.

Maybe you assumed you would be raising children down the street from where you grew up, but now your spouse just got orders to Germany. Maybe you assumed that you would stay at the same company for years, but then the love of your life felt they needed to join the military, and all that changed. Maybe you never thought you would have to say goodbye to your spouse for months at a time, but that is exactly what military life has brought you.

The reality is, supporting your service member isn’t always going to be easy but there are little things we can do to show we care. From care packages, to love letters, to simply being the person back at home they can count on.

Be open with your spouse, check-in with one another, and be the one they can count on during military life.

How have you personally supported your spouse’s military career over the years?

If Current Events Have You Worried, Here is Something You Can Do to Help

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If Current Events Have You Worried, Here is Something You Can Do to Help

Telling our stories is one of the most patriotic ways we as spouses and family members can support our service members.

My spouse is active duty Air Force, and I don’t know about you, but I’ve been on edge all month. Ever since our military activity started ramping up earlier this month – it’s a scary time to have a loved one in the armed services! 

I know I’m not the only one feeling this way. Families across the branches are in a place of uncertainty and anxiety. Will my service member deploy? How will this deployment look different from previous ones? When will they come back?

To an extent, we’re used to this. After being at war for 19 years, we know the routine. But this? This feels like it could go very differently…

Amid our fear of what’s to come, it’s easy to feel helpless. Like there’s only so much I can do compared to all that pushing against me. All these top-level decisions about military actions and troop movements feel high-up and out of our reach.

But we military spouses are not helpless. We are powerful. And we have an opportunity to make an impact.

One of the most important things we can do as military spouses and family members is to tell our stories, because we know better than most the consequences that wars abroad have here at home.

For us, wars come with missed birthdays and expensive post office receipts. Sleepless nights and meltdowns in the grocery store. Loneliness and emotional homecomings. 

People get that war comes with violence. How many movies have been made about the front lines? But what people don’t see is the perpetual anxiety of the families back home, or the single-parenting of the spouse holding it all together. That’s a story that’s missing. 

Think about it this way: Our nation’s leaders rely on having the most complete and accurate information at their disposal to make the best decisions possible – right? Well, our lived experiences as military families is part of that. We are the ones who feel the trickle-down effects of decisions to go to war, and our story-telling helps them see the big picture.

So, if you’re looking for a way to channel your frustration and dread into meaningful action, I’ve got the perfect place for you: the Secure Families Initiative.

We are a nonpartisan group of mil spouses who are interested in getting more involved in advocacy around the foreign policy issues that affect us most. I started this program because, personally, I think this kind of stuff is way more fun when you do it as part of a community.

SFI offers trainings for folks who want to get involved, but may not know where to start. We also have opportunities to take direct action if you’re ready and yearning to go! We even offer information about voting – how to register, where to find your polling place, and what candidates/issues will be on your ballot. There’s something for everyone.

Sign up for SFI today and join a tightknit community of mil spouses taking action. It’ll be a great way to ease whatever anxiety you have, and take a bit of control back when it all feels very much out of our control.

Remember: doing something – no matter how small – may feel inconsequential, but when we all work together, we can make a huge impact.

By Sarah Streyder
Director of the Secure Families Initiative
https://securefamiliesinitiative.org/

New to Military Life? You Need This Book!

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The Newbie Guide to Military Life
Hello my dear friend! It is so good to have you here! We are so excited to share this amazing resource with you!

Let me lay a scenario out for you. Your SO is packing, getting ready for your family’s first deployment. You help gather the necessities, packing that bag to its maximum ability and checking off the packing list. They are leaving for months…months…You didn’t want to think about it. They are leaving in the morning and your mind is going a hundred miles per hour. What are you going to do with your time? How are you going to stay SANE?

After all, you have been told that deployment is “normal”.

Then you try looking at the LES, and note that the SDGI is higher than you thought and you wonder why you are getting BAS, BAH or COLA. Plus they are going TDY OCONUS soon and probably should just GOBach but you are trying to decide if you should PCS along with them…

Wow…

Speaking of PCS, should you do a DITY or a PPM move? How are you going to find the best pediatrician, dog park (can you even move your dog?) or should you even get on the waitlist for on-base housing? What about finding new friends and a support system? As a NEW MILSO, all of these situations can come into your mind. 

And you may be wondering how to find the answers to your questions!

Having a spouse as a member of the Armed Forces, it likely doesn’t take you long to figure out there’s a whole lot about military life that can be downright confusing. Many times we have wanted to scream, or throw our hands up and just run away.

That is why we created this guide! This guide focuses directly on you as a new MILSO and gives you some insight into some of the more frequently asked questions. Whether you are male or female, with kids or without, we all have questions when we begin this military life. 

Does This Sound Like You?

  • Feeling alone in military life?
  • Confused by all the acronyms?
  • Experiencing your first deployment?
  • PCSing for the first time?
  • Is TRICARE stressing you out?

Then you need this guide!

No matter what you are experiencing as a new MILSO, this guide is here for you—like a best friend pushing you along on this new journey! Look through the chapters and print-ables to give you some simple yet helpful insight, tips and tricks as you navigate.

Noralee and Julie hope that this guide will give you the confidence to begin and steps to take in order to make your years as a MILSO the best you can! Because as we have learned over the years, sometimes the hard way, military life will continue to surprise you, but with the right information you will be able to not only survive, but THRIVE! 

Hear What Other MILSOs Have to Say!

“Julie and Noralee have, once again, gone above and beyond for military spouses. Their MILSO 101 book is perfectly titled, a summary of key basics any military spouse or significant other might want to know. Whether it’s deploying, moving, or just finding your footing in your new military life, Julie and Noralee give you things to think about, actions to take, and provide their typical style of realism and comfort. Even after 15 years in military life, I found some nuggets. I appreciated their checklists and an appendix of resources and links, divided by chapter, making it incredibly easy to locate additional information on topics covered.”

-Jen Pasquale, Founder of Pride & Grit

“I so wish I’d had this book when I first became a Navy wife! Even now, seven years later, I learned so much! Whether you have questions about deployment preparation, where to live, a PCS or even how to see the doctor, Noralee and Julie have your back! In true military spouse fashion, these ladies have a wealth of knowledge and a heart for sharing it with others. I cannot recommend taking advantage of their experience enough!”

-Rachel McQuiston, Owner and Chief Care Package Maker, Countdowns and Cupcakes

“Where WAS this book ten years ago!?  Encouraging, informative and insightful- “The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life” is the gift I wish I had for myself as a brand new military spouse.  It’s also the gift I plan to give to those I love as they begin their own military spouse journey.  Noralee Jones & Julie Provost have taken what you can only learn through years of experience and distilled it into a single resource.  This guide would have saved me untold hours of research, frustration, trial and error.“

– Becky Hoy Founder, Brave Crate

Included in this guide!

  • 10 Chapters based on the most frequently asked questions from new MILSOs
  • Handouts and worksheets to supplement chapters and bring solutions!
  • Resources list with links and specific posts broken down by topics
  • Guide for Acronyms, PCSing list, and more!
  • PLUS a guest handout from Rachel with Countdowns and Cupcakes!

Let us help you journey from confusion to confidence as you navigate the first few years in this new life. Read it from cover to cover or take it one topic at a time as they come up. This guide is perfect for personalizing to your needs! 

Don’t Delay! Grab Your Copy Today!

And don’t forget to visit my amazing co-writer, Noralee, at MrsNavyMama and sign up for my mailing list for even more military spouse support!!!

The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need

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The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need

I received a free box for review!

I love getting mail!

I especially loved getting mail when my husband is deployed.

Just something about getting a package in the mail makes me happy and puts me in a happy mood.

If you haven’t already heard about Brave Crate, you will be in for a happy surprise. Brave Crate is a box just for military spouses going through a deployment. How awesome is that?

If you sign up with Brave Crate, you will be getting your very own package in the mail once a month. Not only that but this package is made just for a spouse going through a deployment.

What’s In Each Brave Crate Box?

  • An intro to the month’s theme with tips and tricks from other military spouses
  • A beautiful calendar to track your countdown
  • 4-6 full size products to help you set goals, focus on wellness and support your marriage
  • One challenge card inspiring you to work toward purpose during deployment
  • Access to monthly webinars, challenge groups and interviews through our online community

I just received the latest box and wanted to share it with you. As you can see the box is filled with some amazing goodies.

The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need
The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need
The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need
The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need
The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need

Opening that pink box is always such a fun surprise!

How much does Brave Crate cost?

The box is $33.99/month for a 6-month subscription. Shipping for your box is only $6 no matter where you are! Brave Crate also offers monthly and 3-month subscription options.

I really think Brave Crate is such a great thing to have during a deployment. I really wish I could have ordered them during all of our deployments. Check out some of their past boxes and see the variety they provide, month after month.

Are you interested in a Brave Crate box? If so head on over and sign up, use the code SWCL and receive $5 off your first box!

You will be glad you did 🙂

When You Are New, After a PCS

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When You Are New, After a PCS

Your flight got in late, so by the time you got to the post hotel, you still didn’t have a good idea of where you now were. Where you would call home. Your next duty station.

You have seen photos and heard stories. Both good and bad. But this PCS has made you nervous and you aren’t sure all what to expect. 

As you wake up the next morning, you suddenly remember something you forgot to do before you left your last duty station. However, it doesn’t matter, you have moved on to the next place. This is your reality now.

You go out with your spouse and kids, go exploring. You might have to wait for housing and just hope that wait isn’t too long. The hotel is okay but the thought of having to stay there for a while makes you kinda hyperventilate. Especially with little kids.

You get things sorted out. You find the PX. You find the Commissary. Things are so different than your old post, how will you ever find your way around?

Days pass and you are still at the hotel but housing tells you only a few more days. Your kids are getting restless, your kids are getting anxious and so are you. You just want to get to your new house.

Your son wants to know when they will see their best buddy again and your daughter is confused about everything. She is only three and you are not sure she will even remember this move. You are not sure what your kids will remember about all of this. 

A few more days pass and then it is time to move in, to your new home. You question if living on post was the best choice, you just don’t know. You question if accepting this house was the right choice, or should you have waited for something else? 

Well, the choice has been made and it is time. Time to get to know the place that will be yours for the next few years. The place you will put your belongings and make yours, even with the white walls and tiny kitchen.

As you move your things in, you find your kids exploring too. You hope and pray the kids in this neighborhood are nice. You hope their parents are too.

Time goes on and you still feel so new. You had to ask someone where the MWR was, for a second time, you just can’t seem to remember. You worry you will never figure it out.

More time goes by and although some people have been friendly, you haven’t made any friends yet and you wonder what to do. Should you join that book club you have seen advertised? Should you take your kids to MOPS? It all feels a bit overwhelming.

More time goes on and you start to get used to the routine again. Everything has been unpacked, your kids are making friends and you are starting to find some of your new duty station’s hidden gems.

But still, you feel like the new girl, not sure how to find your people. Not sure of your place here. Not sure what to do next.

You miss your friends, you miss your people. You used to have a solid group. People to hang with, people to have fun with, people to get through deployments with.

But then, when you aren’t even noticing, you find yourself fitting in more and more each day. You are making friends, and finding your place. 

This new duty station is becoming your home. And your previous one is becoming a memory. And you have some hope that this move is going to be a good one, even though it took you a while to get there.

Just like everything else you have experienced in military life, you figured out how to make it through this PCS. To get to the other side. To get past the stress and the emotions of a move and a new home.

While you know that you will have to do all of this again in a few years, you hope that you can remember what you learned from this PCS. You hope that you will remember that as hard as saying goodbye is, there will be hellos in your future. You hope that you will remember that although so much of the move is stressful, a PCS is a good time for a new start, and a time to thrive in different ways than you have done before.

How many times have you moved with the military?

How You Can Celebrate Veterans Day With Your Military Family

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How You Can Celebrate Veterans Day With Your Military Family

This is a sponsored post for T-Mobile with Sofluential Media!

Can you believe it is November already? This year has flown! Whenever we get to this time of year, I start getting pretty excited about the holidays. But before we get into Thanksgiving and Christmas, we get to celebrate Veterans Day, a day to recognize and honor all veterans.

Living in a military community, there are a few things we can take part in around here. Our city has a pretty cool Veterans Day parade that involves the community – one year we were able to ride in the parade with my son’s boy scout troop and we are hoping to be able to attend again this year.

As a military family, Veterans Day can be a big day. You probably want to find events near your home and make plans to celebrate your own veteran. You can search social media for local events, check what your city or town is doing, and look into what your military installation has going on.

When it comes to discounts and free meals, many different restaurants, zoos, amusement parks, and even small businesses offer different types of perks for those who have served in the military. Last year, my husband was able to pick out a free meal from a restaurant in Nashville, and one year I went out to lunch with a group of my friends in honor of the holiday. A few of them were veterans themselves and they were able to get their meals on the house.

We have also gone to our local zoo on the Sunday of Veterans Day weekend, as they have a free day for veterans and members of the military. There really is a lot you can do around your area to celebrate the veterans in your life! Speaking of a Veterans Day parade, did you know that T-Mobile is sending over 100 veterans, military family members and allies to the Veterans Day Parade in NYC? As you might already know, T-Mobile is committed to supporting soldiers, veterans and their families and have various initiatives ranging from recruiting, career assistance to an unbeatable Military-friendly network plan. Per usual, T-Mobile goes above and beyond to support the military community and have organized a weekend full of networking events to help these employees take the next step in their career and march in one of the biggest Veterans Day events in the nation!

At T-Mobile, they provide their employees with opportunities to get involved, support and celebrate their veteran community year-round.  Just this year alone, their diversity and inclusion teams have organized over 800 events and counting for employees to attend.

T-Mobile also goes beyond exclusive discounts (although they do have those too – check out their Magenta Military plan) to provide career assistance and community support to service members, veterans and their families. They’ve committed to hiring 10,000 veterans and military spouses by 2023 and are involved with organizations like FourBlock, Recruit Military, and Hire our Heroes to make sure service members across the nation have the employment support they need. As you can see, T-Mobile lives up to their commitments and is a industry-leading champion for our military community! 

I hope you enjoy celebrating Veterans Day with your veteran or service member 🙂

5 Things to Do When Your Spouse Deploys Before the Holidays

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Things to Do When Your Spouse Deploys Before the Holidays

We celebrated the Thanksgiving of 2008 a week early. My husband had the day off, so the Thursday before, I woke up with turkey and mashed potatoes on my mind. We had a full and fun day, and it didn’t matter one bit that we celebrated a week before everyone else was celebrating.

You see, on Thanksgiving of 2008, we would be doing something else. We would be saying goodbye to my husband for his 2nd deployment to Iraq. There was no way for us to celebrate Thanksgiving on the actual day, so we changed things around, and doing so was the best thing we could have done.

Years later, my husband was going to have to be gone for a few weeks for a new job over Christmas. When I first heard this I got really upset. Then I made a plan. When your spouse deploys, you learn how to get creative about things.

We changed Christmas morning to December 19th. And it worked out perfectly. We told the boys that Santa was going to come early because he knew their dad had to be away on the 25th. They went to bed on the 18th, just like they would have on the 24th. Everything worked out.

So then, when my husband left and the 25th came, we had already celebrated Christmas. We didn’t feel the loss quite as much, which was quite a relief.

As military families, we always have to adjust. We have to figure out how to make things work, even if we are not used to doing things that way. If you are getting ready for deployment or other separation around this time of year, you could be feeling a little down and frustrated.

However, there are a few things you CAN do to make this a little more okay. Here are some ideas:

  • Decorate early

I have seen military families decorate for Christmas in October because the mom or dad was going to deploy in November. I have seen people put up the Christmas lights the first week of November because that has always been a tradition and they didn’t want to miss it this year. If your spouse is leaving around the holidays, why not decorate early so they can take part in it?

  • Celebrate early

Like we have done in the past, why not celebrate a little early? There is no law that says you have to celebrate the holidays on the day they are on on the calendar. Figure out when the best time for your family to celebrate is, and celebrate then.

That way, when the actual holiday comes around and they are gone, you will not feel like you have missed out on celebrating together. You can even decide to celebrate early to take the stress of their deployment date out of the picture. Waiting to see if they deploy on the 23rd or the 26th is a lot less stressful if you already celebrated Christmas a week before.

  • Video and pictures

One Christmas, when my husband was deployed, I videotaped my boys opening gifts. That way, my husband was able to watch everything and didn’t feel as left out. If your spouse is traveling over the holidays or getting situated in his new location for a deployment, there might not be time to connect on the holiday, but you can always share videos and photos with them later.

  • Visit family

If your spouse is leaving for deployment around this time of year, going to stay with family can be a good idea. That way you are not as alone right when the deployment begins, and it is a more emotional time of year. Besides, your family will probably want to see you and your kids and celebrate with you this year.

  • Take a trip

If you don’t have a family to go to or just don’t want to visit them this time of year, you and your kids could always take a trip over the holidays. You could even go with another spouse and their kids. Getting out of your house and visiting somewhere new can be a good way to get through this holiday season when you are starting a new deployment.

Life can be tricky when your spouse deploys around the holidays. You might not even know when they are actually leaving and as you get closer to the holidays you are used to celebrating together, things can get pretty stressful. See what you can do to make this year special anyway.

Do you have any tips for someone going through this? What has worked for you?

How You Can Help Your Children Through a PCS

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How You Can Help Your Children Through a PCS

One of the challenges of raising kids in a military family is having to move more often than civilian families. A lot of military families move once every three to four years, sometimes even every two years, or less. As a parent, you want to figure out how to best help your children through a PCS.

This means that many military children attend many different schools and are often the new kid or having to make new friends because all of their friends moved away. This part of the military life can be a struggle.

As a parent, how do you help your children through a PCS?

How do you help them understand that this is all apart of your lifestyle?

What can you do to make PCSing every few years easier for them?

Helping Your Children Through a PCS Before You Leave

  • If your children are quite young, you probably won’t be sitting down with them about the PCS. You will just be working to try to make the process a smooth one. They might notice changes in their home and that is important to recognize as well.
  • For an older child, you will want to let them know what is going to be happening ahead of time. Then they have time to get used to the idea and spend some time with friends that they are going to have to say goodbye to.
  • Get them excited about their future home and new duty station. Let them know some of the fun things you can do when you get there that you can’t in your current area. Let them help with picking out a new place to live or which room they will have. Give them a little bit of control when you can give it to them.
  • Having a goodbye party might be a good idea too. Your kids can invite their friends for one last party. A goodbye party can be a way for them to say goodbye to all of their friends, and make a few memories while doing so.

Helping Your Children Through a PCS After You Arrive at Your New Duty Station

  • After you get to your new location, explain to your kids what they can expect at their new school. This is especially important if you move in the middle of the school year. School-age kids are going to want to know what they are walking into.
  • Find out exactly what they are nervous about and talk things over with them. That will go a long way in helping them get used to their new surroundings. They might have worries and fears you haven’t thought about and good communication is the best way to work through them.
  • Make sure you are taking them places to meet new friends once you get to your new home. Check your local MWR for kid’s activities and events to go to. If you have smaller kids, you can take them to the park because most likely there will be other kids to interact with there, and maybe other parents for you to meet too.

The most important thing is that they know that you are in control of their future, even if you are not totally sure what it looks like. Your kids will look up to you and will want to know that everything is going to be okay. Let them talk to you about what they are feeling and do your best to help them out.

Keep in mind that each of your children might handle the PCS differently. You could have one child be completely chill about everything and another bothered by any type of change.

The truth is, you know your own children, their personalities and what they might need. You can apply this to a PCS just like you would any other situation. That is going to be the best way to help your children through a PCS.

Here are a few helpful links to help your children through a PCS:

Are you moving to a new duty station soon?