This Veterans Day, I Want to Thank All Veterans…

Veterans Day is almost here, another year to thank a Veteran. Every Veterans Day I can’t help but look back and think about all our country has done and gone through over the years. I think of both of my grandfathers who served, my Dad, My Father-in-law and of course my own husband.

I think about how over the years, the duties of the military have changed. What my grandpa did in World War II is so different than what my husband was doing in Iraq. However, what they both have in common was the desire to serve, the ability to make this world a better place, and the sacrifices they made over the years.

This Veterans Day, I want to thank all Veterans…

To the ones who served before our time, in wars we have only read about in history books.

To the ones who served even when that meant leaving their love for too long of a time.

To the ones who served when serving wasn’t the popular thing to do.

To the ones who first left for Iraq and Afghanistan, before we understand what was going on…

To the ones who joined after 9/11 even though they knew how much the world had changed on that day.

To the ones who served because their father, grandfather, and great-grandfathers did.

To the ones who served even if no one in their families ever did.

To the ones who served as the first women in the military, paving the way for future generations.

To the ones who served even though they were a brand new citizen.

To the ones who served even when it seemed like America didn’t think they belonged.

To the ones who served that made it home and to those who never did.

To all of you who serve, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Thank you from a grateful nation. Thank you for all you have done and all you will do in the future. 

The Pros and Cons of a Military Ball

It’s ball season, and everyone is getting excited! You, however, are not sure you want to go. Will you have fun? Will it be a waste of money?

The truth is, a military ball can be a lot of fun. There are reasons to go and there are also reasons to stay home.

As for myself? We have been to half of the balls we could have gone to. The other ones? We decided to stay home.

So here you go…if you are trying to decide if you do want to go, think about the pros and cons and decide for yourself.

Pros of going to a military ball

You get to dress up

Dressing up in a ball gown is fun. It might be the only time you get to do so in your adult life. Find a beautiful dress, get your hair done, and have fun being a bit fancier than you normally are.

The traditions

There are all types of traditions at a military ball. From the way you have to greet people, to the toasts, to the grog. There will also be a place set for those who the unit has lost. These traditions have been around for a long time, and as a military spouse, it is nice to be able to see them at least once during your spouse’s career.

Have fun with friends

A military ball can be a fun night to hang out with friends. This assumes that you are in fact friends with the spouses of those in your husband’s brigade or unit. This isn’t always the case, but if you know another spouse who will be going, you can make some memories together at the ball.

Nice dinner

A ball includes a dinner, and sometimes they can be pretty yummy. If you have young kids, this is a time for you and your spouse to have a night out and a non-kid friendly dinner. Even if that is the only reason you enjoy yourself, going for the dinner can be worth it.

Schweinfurt, Germany 2008

Cons of going to a military ball

The cost

After you calculate the cost of getting their uniform ready, buying your dress, paying for the ball tickets, and maybe even a babysitter, you could be looking at paying over $200 or even $300 for the night. Not everyone has this in their budget, and the money can be better spent elsewhere. Think about how much extra money you have and if you think it would be worth spending that money for the ball.

You don’t know anyone

If you don’t know any of the other spouses, going to a ball can be awkward. Also, you might have to sit in a certain place, so even if your friends are there, you won’t be able to hang out with them during most of the night. If your service member is close with the people at your table and you are not, it can make for an awkward evening.

Too tired to make it to the dancing part

Every ball we have ever been to has had dancing, but that usually didn’t start until a couple of hours in. So we would either have to leave earlier because of the babysitter or we were simply too tired to dance by then. When you hear the word ball, you think dancing, but that isn’t always possible.

You have to find a babysitter

In a perfect world, you can find a babysitter who can stay with your kids all night long. That way you two can get a hotel and truly enjoy the night. The problem is, sometimes it is difficult to find a sitter, especially if you are new to your duty station. It also is an extra expense, so for some military families, a military ball isn’t something they can go to.

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If you don’t go to your next ball, they will probably be another one in the future you can attend. Balls can be a lot of fun, but they are not for everyone.

Do you like going to balls? Or do you tend to skip them?

 

To the Military Spouse That is Jealous of Their Civilian Friends

The first time my husband and I were away from one another for an extended length of time was when he left for Germany. My son and I were in Kentucky waiting to join him. That was a long 4.5 months, in which I learned how to solo parent for the first time, about the frustration of Army paperwork, and the reality of missing your spouse.

I also started to become quite jealous of my civilian friends. Even though I had just been one of them. Their spouses didn’t have to go away as mine had. They were home, every day.

Their kids were able to greet them at the door, every day. Their kids got to spend, Thanksgiving, and Christmas with both parents; mine didn’t.

 

I didn’t have anyone to let me sleep in on a Saturday morning, while they got my son ready, giving this SAHM a much-needed break. I didn’t have anyone to run to the grocery store for me when I was out of milk. I didn’t have anyone to talk about my day with unless it was over email or a 5-minute phone call.

I understood the big picture, that my husband was a soldier and that him joining the military meant we would be apart.

However, that didn’t make this part of military life any easier. I can’t help but wonder what it would be like if I never had to say goodbye to my husband. What life would be like if he never went away for more than a few days.

I wonder what life would have been like had solo parenting only been something I did for a few days at a time instead of months at a time, and one point, over a year. What would life look like if I never had to shed tears over the loneliness of having a deployed husband? What would life be like had the military never been apart of my life?

But the truth is, being a military spouse has been good for me. I have grown so much as a person over the years, been able to experience things I would never have, and been able to be a part of something amazing.

So, to the military spouse who is jealous of their civilian friends, I am not going to tell you not to be.

That type of jealousy means you are missing your spouse and you wish they were with you more often than not. It means you care and recognize that your children are missing something too. And it is hard to watch others who have never had to experience all of that.

But I would also urge you to look at the bigger picture here. Yes, your spouse is missing something, so that others can gain something. Your spouse has to go, to protect the freedoms we hold dear.

While it can be painful to see whole families together, when yours is not, know that yours will be together again sometime soon too. As military spouses, we do have to go without, some of us more than others, but through those times, we will only grow stronger.

We will work hard to help our children through everything they have to deal with.

We will teach them why their mom or dad has to be away, when their friend’s parents don’t. We will step in as much as we can, allowing them to still have a fantastic childhood. We will be there to help them through, whatever military life throws at them.

If you talk to seasoned military spouses, you will find that over the years military life has brought them many things. They will tell you about the friends they have made, the places they have lived, and the ways they have grown. They will tell you what worked for them and what might work for you too.

And while in the midst of a long deployment, it can seem like everyone else has it together and you don’t, know you are never alone in your feelings.

So if jealousy is bringing you down, think about what is to come. Think about all you have been through. Be excited that you are a part of the military spouse community.

Being a military spouse is an honor, one in which you should be proud. You have done things you never thought you would. You have surprised even yourself in what you are capable of.

You moved to Italy all by yourself. You learned how to fix a garbage disposal by using YouTube. You were there for a friend whose fourth deployment started off on the wrong foot, because you had been there before yourself.

Someday, when this military life journey comes to an end, you will be home with your spouse, your children, and wonder where the years went. You will look back and be proud of all you have been through and everything you did during your time as a military spouse.