Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

When Sorrows Like Sea Billows Roll

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Last Friday night, as I was just about to put my boys to bed, my mom called. I thought that was a bit strange since usually she wouldn’t call to chat at that time. I picked up the phone and could tell something was wrong.

“Did you hear the terrible news?” I knew it has been stormy where they lived in Southern California, so I thought maybe the storm had damaged something in their area. She went on to tell me that my sweet, 33-year old sister-in-law had lost her battle with clinical depression and taken her own life.

That night and even for the next few days I was in a state of shock. I couldn’t believe this had happened to us. I couldn’t believe she was gone and that she had passed away in that matter. We didn’t even really know what she was battling with. Fighting a battle

My sister-in-law’s name is Elaine and I “met” her over Skype in 2011 when my brother came to visit us in Tennessee. I could tell already she was someone special. I met her in person in 2012 and knew right away how much she adored my brother. If you have a younger brother or sibling, you know how badly you want them to find someone special, and that day in 2012, I knew my brother had.

They got married in 2013, and over the next few years, we got to see each other every once in a while. I hate that we lived so far away from them because whenever we were together, we had the best time. Laughing, making memories and just hanging out. She loved it when I would tell her silly stories of my brother growing up. I can still picture her laughing about those stories. She loves my boys and would always ask about them too.

To think about the pain she was going through breaks my heart. Mental illness is a very real thing and something I still can’t fully understand. What I do know is that Elaine was loved by so many. In the last week, we have heard from so many people. Some knew her so well, and others only met her once, but everyone can agree she was an amazing person. She always made you feel welcome, and she was just someone you wanted to hang out with, no matter what you were doing.

I was able to come out to California to stay with my parents and help my brother. We have gone through so many emotions this last week and did things we didn’t think we would have to do for 30-40 years. Her suicide was truly a tragic loss and one that we can’t or won’t fully understand. Because of her illness, she was never truly able to see how many people she touched and how loving she was.

During this time I am trying to depend on my faith as much as possible, but that isn’t easy. If I can get to a place where I can accept that she is gone, I still struggle with accepting how she had to leave this earth. It was tragic and something my brother will have to struggle with.

There have been a couple of songs I have been playing over and over again that are helping a little with the grief.

“When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well, with my soul”

and

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mkg4IH1Zp64

“Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair”

The strange thing about the grieving process is that sometimes it looks like crying into a pillow, sometimes it looks like yelling out at God about why she had to be taken and sometimes it is laughing hysterically over a dumb joke one of us told. There are no rule books for how to grieve. Each day we wake up and work through our sadness in different ways.

My brother has an amazing support group, and that will make it easier for me to return to Tennessee. Knowing he has people surrounding him during this time. Knowing he has people who not only talk about praying for him but are there for all the logistical things that need to happen because of her loss. From helping my brother clear out the apartment to dealing with the business, she was a co-owner of.

Today is her memorial service and I have a feeling the room will be so full. She touched so many, some in really big ways like my brother and others in smaller ways like the clients she served in her beauty business. Today will be filled with tears and heartbreak but also a reminder of what is important in life. Family, friends and doing your best to love on everyone. That is what Elaine taught me and no matter how many years go by or how old I get, I will always remember that about her.

Any prayers you can offer would be great. Thank you <3

 

Military Marriage: It’s Time for a Couple Checkup

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Military Marriage: It’s Time for a Couple Checkup

Military Marriage: It's Time for a Couple Checkup

This is a sponsored post! All opinions are my own!

Pre-martial Counseling

Before my husband and I got married we went to pre-martial counseling. Although this was required before we got married in our church, I am glad we were able to go through the counseling together. When we started the counseling we had to take a special quiz to find out more about our strengths as a couple as well as our weaknesses. Then, during the weeks of the class, we knew what we needed to focus on.

Based on our answers we found out that one of the topics we would probably fight about the most was finances. We grew up in very different types of homes and had different ideas about money. Over the years this has proven to be true although, after 14 years of marriage, we have learned more and more to see money in the same way.

The Couple Check Up

A few weeks ago my husband and I got to use the Couple Checkup, an online customized assessment tool used to help figure out your strengths and weakness as a couple. The Couple Checkup is powered by Prepare and Enrich, the leading relationship inventory and skill-building program used nationally and internationally. This check up reminded me so much of the quiz we took back in 2002. Now, 14 years later, I knew taking another one would be a good idea.Military Marriage: It's Time for a Couple Checkup

This checkup was easy to do on our iPad, but you could also pull it up on your computer or phone. Although we did the quiz the same day, we didn’t have to. Each of us did our part of the checkup on our own and once we both completed them, we received a detailed report. The quiz only took about 15 minutes and was filled with all types of questions about us, our relationship and even specific questions because my husband is in the military.

The three main goals of the Couple Check Up are to celebrate your relationship strengths, identify issues you disagree on and need to resolve and encourage you and your partner to talk about your relationship. The report was 20 pages filled with a lot of great information specific to our relationship. This report goes beyond regular marriage advice and offers you advice based on your own relationship.

The key relationship areas that the report talks about are communication, conflict resolution, financial management, leisure activities, sexual relationship, family and friends and spiritual beliefs. There are also sections on how we feel about roles and responsibilities, children and parenting and military life. There is even a section about our own personalities and how they differ from one another.

As a military couple, sometimes we can get so caught up in the day to day business of life.

For us that might mean a busy week followed by a drill weekend and another busy week. For others, deployments can mean not really being able to talk seriously for weeks on end. You really have to be proactive about your marriage and your struggles.

I think this Couple Check Up is a great idea because the report is a great starting off point to talk about what is going on in your marriage. You can find out where you don’t line up with one another. You can also see where you are on the same page which can also be helpful. Through the years, your marriage will change, especially being a military couple. Finding ways to connect and communicate through these changes is important.

My husband and I will celebrate our 15th anniversary this year. Knowing we have a jumping off point to talk about the things in our marriage that need a little more attention is going to be a good thing. I learned more about him and he learned more about me.

You can visit the Couple Check Up and learn more about this great tool to help you and your own military marriage. Cost is $19.95!

 

How to Break Out of a Boring Military Spouse Routine

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How to Break Out of a Boring Military Spouse Routine

How to Break Out of a Boring Military Spouse Routine

Sometimes military life is pretty exciting! You are days away from a PCS to a great location. Your husband just got home from his deployment. You have great friends and are able to keep busy and life is great. Other times, you are going to feel like your life is just one big groundhog’s day. You do the same things over and over again. This is especially true during a deployment and even more so when you have small children who are not in school yet. The days just come and go and you can get a little bored doing the same things every single day.

So what can you do about that? How can you break out of your boring military spouse routine?

1. Visit a new club/meeting

Find a new club or regular meeting to go to. Have kids? Go to MOPS. Love to read? Go to that book club you heard about. There should be something you can go to where you could meet new people and enjoy yourself. See what your local Facebook pages have to offer. Look for events going on in your community. Get yourself out there and make plans to change what you do during the week.

2. Start going on a daily run or walk

Make plans to go on a daily walk or run. This will break up your day and will keep you healthier. If you don’t want to run or walk, go to the gym or for a swim. Working on your fitness is a great way to change things up. If you want to lose weight and do so, you could buy a few new items for your wardrobe. Donate your older clothes and start fresh.

3. Join a play group

If you have kids, join a play group. If you don’t like the one you are in, join a different one. Keep taking your kids if they are having fun. You will get to meet other moms and you will have something to keep you busy during the week. If you feel each day is just another chore of getting through the day with your kids, a play group can really help with getting out of that dull routine.

4. Apply for a job

If you are really bored with life, it could be time to find a new job. Update your resume and start looking. Figure out what you want to do and how many hours you would like to work. Even working a few hours a week can help with your mood. See what works for you and start applying. Having a job is also a great way to meet new people when you pcs. You can also look for volunteer opportunities in your local community.

5. Go back to school

Did you start a college program and wanted to go back? Maybe now is the time to do so. Look up online colleges as well as what your local colleges might offer. You can take one class or sign up for a full-time schedule. Look into scholarships for a military spouse as well as looking into using your spouse’s GI Bill. There are a lot of options for paying for school. If you don’t know what you want to study, that is okay, you can take some general ed classes until you are able to figure that out.

6. Go on a trip

Take a trip somewhere. Maybe you can just go camping for a weekend? Maybe you want to finally plan that Disneyworld trip? Figure out what you can do and make some plans. You might need to take time off work or plan to board the dog but make the trip happen. Taking yourself out of where you are can help break you out of a boring routine.

7. Visit home

Taking a trip home can be very refreshing. You can spend time with your family, go out with friends and just relax a bit away from your everyday life. Depending on where you live, your home might be a bit warmer than where you are stationed and getting a break from cold winter weather can be good for your soul. If you can’t visit home, see if someone can visit you and you can enjoy your time together as you show them your world.

No one needs to stay in a rut. If you feel like you are in one, there is a lot you can do to add more to your daily life. You should also keep in mind that deployments do not last forever, that duty stations do no last forever and that you can wake up every day ready to make some changes so that your life can be a little more like the way you want your life to be.

What do you do to get out of a boring military spouse routine?

What To Do When You Can’t Make Friends At Your New Duty Station

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What To Do When You Can't Make Friends At Your New Duty StationWhat To Do When You Can’t Make Friends At Your New Duty Station

One of the best things you can do in your military life journey is to find friends to walk through this life with. Friends who understand deployments, what going through a PCS every three years is really like and friends who you can make memories with during the years you are a military spouse. Military friendships are so important and are very much needed. But sometimes, making friends isn’t so easy. Sometimes you can feel like you are being friendly and can’t seem to click with anyone. So what should you do? What can you do when you can’t make friends at your duty station?

Are you putting yourself out there on a regular basis?

If you are struggling to make friends at your new duty station, how often are you putting yourself out there? Did you go to one FRG meeting and decide you can’t make friends there? Are you looking for fun things to do at your duty station? Put yourself out there as often as you can. Sign up for that book club, join that yoga class, start going to MOPS. The more places you go, the more people you will meet, the higher the chances that you will start making friends.

Use your children

If you have kids, you will have a lot of chances to make new friends. If you signed your child up for T-ball, see if there are any other moms to talk with. Take your kids to a lot of places on a regular basis. Is there a playgroup near where you live? If so, go. And not just once. Keep going. Even if you don’t meet anyone right away, your kids can have fun, meet new people and that can help with friendships for you.

Remember, sometimes it does take time

Remember that when you move to a new place, it can take some time to find friends and even more time to find best friends. Try not to lose hope if you are new to your duty station. Sometimes we get lucky and meet some new people we click with right away but that doesn’t always happen and it is important to remember this.

 

Do what you love

Dating advice that says to involve yourself in activities you enjoy and then you will be able to surround yourself with potential dates who you have something in common with. The same is true with finding friends. If you love to read, join a book club. You will meet other people who also love to read and you will know you already have something in common.

“A good friend is like a four-leaf clover; hard to find and lucky to have.” 

— Irish Proverb

A Bridge Across the Ocean by Susan Meissner

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A Bridge Across the Ocean by Susan MeissnerThis post does contain affiliate links!

A Bridge Across the Ocean by Susan Meissner

I have been on a huge historical fiction kick lately. I read the book, The Secrets of a Charmed Life by Susan Meissner and loved it. I wanted to read the other books she had written. Looking online I came across her newest book, due out in March, A Bridge Across the Ocean.

I received a free copy of A Bridge Across the Ocean for review from Netgalley! 

About the book:

February 1946. World War Two is over, but the recovery from the most intimate of its horrors has only just begun for Annaliese Lange, a German ballerina desperate to escape her past, and Simone Deveraux, the wronged daughter of a French Resistance spy.

Now the two women are joining hundreds of other European war brides aboard the renowned RMS Queen Mary to cross the Atlantic and be reunited with their American husbands. Their new lives in the United States brightly beckon until their tightly-held secrets are laid bare in their shared stateroom. When the voyage ends at New York Harbor, only one of them will disembark…

Present day. Facing a crossroads in her own life, Brette Caslake visits the famously haunted Queen Mary at the request of an old friend. What she finds will set her on a course to solve a seventy-year-old tragedy that will draw her into the heartaches and triumphs of the courageous war brides—and will ultimately lead her to reconsider what she has to sacrifice to achieve her own deepest longings.

My Thoughts:

I was born in Long Beach, where the Queen Mary is today and reading about the War Brides was so very interesting! I would love to plan a visit to see the Queen Mary again the next time I am in California.

The War Brides were foreign wives of US Military men who married during WW2. They had been separated from their American husbands and their trip across the ocean was going to reunite them after the war. Some of these women hadn’t seen their husband in months or even close to a year. As a military spouse myself, I can imagine how excited these women felt but also how nervous they must have been getting ready to start their new lives in America.

The only thing about this book is the multiple storylines. I felt like there was one too many. It made the book a little more confusing than it needed to be. But other than that, this book was another amazing read!

I am now on my library’s waiting list for A Fall of Marigolds, another one of Susan Meissner’s books!

A Bridge Across the Ocean will be published on March 14, 2017 🙂

Top 10 Military Spouse Posts Of 2016

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Top 10 Military Spouse Posts Of 2016Top 10 Military Spouse Posts Of 2016

We have almost made it to the end of 2016! Yay! Who is ready for a new year? I know I am! I am ready to refresh, restart and regroup as we head into 2017.

As I look back on the last year of this blog, I have grown a lot. All thanks to you guys, my amazing readers. So thank you for coming to read my words, that means so much to me 🙂

I am looking forward to seeing what will happen in 2017.

Now, here is a list of my top 10 posts in 2016, based on how much traffic they each got:

  1. When Military Life Breaks You– Have you ever felt like military life is just breaking you? I have. Feeling this way can be so difficult but it is important to know you are not the only one to feel that way.

  2. Memes That Explain Exactly What Life As A Military Spouse Is Really Like– Being a military spouse can be so different from civilian life. These memes explain this life very well!

  3. 10 Tips For A Better Military Marriage– Military marriage has challenges, ones that need to be worked through. This is all about tips for a better military marriage.

  4. The Very Best Places You Could Get Stationed As a Military Family– Colorado? Hawaii? Germany? Have you been to any of these places? They are the best places you could get stationed as a military family.

  5. 23 Memes That Explain What Going Through A Deployment is Really Like– Only people who have been through deployment can understand what they are really like. These memes explain deployment well.

  6. 27 Military Spouse Memes for a Difficult Deployment Day-Deployment life can be quite harsh. These memes will help.

  7. 8 Tips for Military Spouses That Struggle With Anxiety– Anxiety is hard to deal with. Add in military life and knowing what to do to deal with that anxiety can be difficult.

  8. Feeling Homesick As A Military Spouse– As military spouses, we sometimes live far away from where we grew up. We can really miss our families and homesickness can hit us hard.

  9. What To Think About Before You Marry Someone In The Military– There is so so much to think about before you get married to someone in the military. This won’t be an easy life, but it can be a good one.

  10. For the Military Spouse Going Through a Deployment Over Christmas– Christmas time without your spouse can be very hard for some people.

I am looking forward to all the new things that 2017 will bring. I hope that you too have a happy new year and see you in 2017!

What Military Spouses Are Hoping for in 2017

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What Military Spouses Are Hoping for in 2017What Military Spouses Are Hoping for in 2017

2017! That year feels like the future but 2017 is less than a week away. Are you ready? I think I am. 2016 has been quite the year for our country. A lot of things have happened and there will be a lot of changes in 2017.

At the end of every year, thinking about what you as a person has accomplished can be a good idea. You can look back at your year, remember what worked, what didn’t. Look at how you did on your goals and resolutions and think ahead about what you want your new year to look like.

As military spouses, we could be up against some pretty big challenges in the new year. We might not even know what the new year will bring. We could be hoping for PCS orders out of a duty station we are ready to leave or we could be waiting to hear the news that our spouse is coming home from their long deployment.

As the military spouse community looks ahead, we are hoping that 2017 is a great year and this is what we are hoping for…

For Good Communication

Good communication is so important. Whether we are talking about communicating with our spouses during a deployment or we are talking about communicating with them at home, after they return. Being able to talk to our spouse is a big deal. If we can’t do that, the relationship will suffer. Sometimes it can be hard to get back to talking again after time apart. Do what you can to work on this part of your relationship in the new year.

For Short Deployments

Deployments are all a part of military life. For a lot of us spouses, we know they are going to happen. But do they have to be so long? Maybe 2017 will bring another deployment but we can hope that that deployment is not quite as long as the previous one. And that our spouses get to be home with us a little more in the new year. Some military spouses haven’t been through a deployment in a while and see one on the horizon. This can be scary too. Having your spouse home for a long period of time is a treat, and getting ready for a deployment after that can be a bit challenging. Try to figure out how you are going to get through that deployment and know that you are not alone in what you are feeling about the upcoming deployment.

For PCS Orders

For those who have been living in the same place for a while, you might be hoping for PCS orders. Those orders that officially let you know it is time to go and move to a new duty station. May you get those orders quickly and that they will not change after you have invested in a wardrobe based on the climate of your new duty station.

To Make New Friends

Making new friends isn’t always easy. Whether you just PCSd somewhere new or your friends from 2016 are getting ready for a move. Try to put yourself out there, go to meetings and go to events. Do what you can to be a good friend and see what happens. Remember, sometimes making new friends can take a long time.

To Be More Patient

Military life is all about patience and I think we could all use a bit more. Whether you are waiting on orders or something else, the more patience you have, the easier the waiting is going to be. How to get more patience? That I don’t really know, but patience is something all of us wish we had more of.

To Futher Our Personal Goals

I don’t care who you are, you have your own personal goals, whether you talk about them or not. Your goals might be to declutter that closet you keep ignoring or to update your resume and start applying for jobs. Make lists. Figure out how you will get to your goals. Adjust and get creative. The new year is a good time for this.

To Read More

So many military spouses want to read more. So make time for that. Start listening to audio books while you clean, join a book club and carve out 30 minutes before bed to read. There are so many great books out there and getting lost in a book is a good way to deal with a bad deployment day.

To Be Healthy

New year, new weight loss goals? I know I have them. I want to eat better, lose weight and become a healthier person overall. Think about what your goals are and how you will achieve them. You can start going on a daily walk, you can join a gym or learn new recipes to help you eat a bit healthier overall.

 

With 2017 just days away, what are you hoping for? What would make 2017 a great year for you?

10 Favorite Books of 2016 You Might Want to Read Too

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10 Favorite Books of 2016 You Might Want to Read Too

If you didn’t already know this, but I love to read. I have read 55 books this year and I feel like this number is too low. I want to read all the books! In 2016 I read a lot of different books, some of them I really enjoyed, some of them I thought were good reads and others I gave up on early since I didn’t really enjoy them.

I just looked over my list of the books I have read in 2016 and picked out my top 10. This was a hard decision to make as I read so many great books this last year! You can see the rest of my 2016 reads on Goodreads!

10. The Girl in the Red Coat by Kate Hamer- This book takes place in England and goes back and forth between mother and daughter. Carmel Wakeford is a young child in the beginning of the book. She is kidnapped by a man claiming to be her Grandfather. The book is all about what is going on with Carmel and her mother even though they are separated. Even though this book was about a child being kidnapped it didn’t feel that dark to me, more about what happens and how both mother and daughter deal with their current situations.

9. The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood- I had watched this movie years ago but had never read the book. I decided to do so. I read this on audio and Claire Danes is the narrator. The Handmaid’s Tale is the story of a dystopian world. The main character, Offred is a Handmaid and has to breed so that the couple she lives with can have babies. The book is about her and her world and how she isn’t going to fully accept it, even if she knows that is what she is supposed to do. There will be a mini-series coming out in April with Elisabeth Moss on Hulu.

8. Hidden Bodies by Caroline Kepnes- Hidden Bodies is the sequel to You. This book is so interesting because of the point of view. Joe Goldberg is a murderer and You and this book is all about his thoughts, his fears, how he sees the world, etc. Hidden Bodies takes place mostly in California and is about what Joe does after the end of You.

7. Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell– Eleanor & Park is the story of two teenagers in the 1980s. They come from very different homes and their love story is unique but an interesting one. This was the first book I read from Rainbow Rowell and I would love to read some of her other books too.

6. Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews- I had heard of Flowers in the Attic but I never read it back in the day. So I started off 2016 reading the series. The story of 4 children being forced to live in an attic for years and years is s strange one but I really enjoyed reading the 1st book. By the 4th? It was just too much and I ended up not finishing that one. But the whole dynamic of the kids, the sibling relationships, etc that were in Flowers in the Attic was an interesting story.

5. Kitchens of the Great Midwest by J. Ryan Stradal- This is a sweet story about a girl named Eva and food. Throughout the book, we are introduced to different people that connect with Eva throughout her life. This book will make you hungry and a lot of the book takes place in Minnesota.

4. The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom- The Kitchen House is the story of a girl, Lavinia, who is orphaned and then taken in by a rich family on a plantation. She is given to Belle, the master’s illegitimate daughter. As Lavinia grows she is accepted into the big house with a lot of struggle. This book was a deep one and one that touches you in your soul.

3. The Girls by Emma Cline- Girls was a very well written story of a girl, Evie who is 14 years old. She gets involved in a Manson-like cult in 1969 Petaluma, CA. This book is not going to be for everyone but the story the author told drew me in. The story was told from the point of view of Evie as an adult going back and forth between that summer and present day. This was the writer’s first book and looking forward to what she creates in the future.

2. Secrets of a Charmed Lie by Susan Meissner- This book was truly amazing! I couldn’t put it down! What a story! Set among the backdrop of WW2 and the Blitz in London, the story of two sisters, choices that were made and the result of those choices. Such a great historical fiction book!

1. Lilac Girls by Martha Hall Kelly- Lilac Girl was truly something special. The story of three women during WW2 and the aftermath. This book was my favorite all year. There was just something about the characters, what they went through and how they handled what happened to them that drew me in and made me want to stay with them throughout the book. This was also the first book for the author and plan to read more of her in the future.

I asked some of my military spouse blogger friends what their favorite book read in 2016 was and this is what they said:

Dear Mr. Rogers by Fred Rogers- Jo, My Gosh

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg- Burke Does

My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry by Fredrik Backman-Christ Walk

Lila by Marilynne Robinson-Anna Blanch Rabe

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown-Kayla Roof

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah-See You Next Tuesday

The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins-Away We Run

Me Before You by JoJo Moyes- Brenda MacCutcheon

A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman-Royal Little Lambs

15 Years of War by Kristine Schellhaas-Servant Mama

Orphan Train: A Novel by Christina Baker Kline-Kristine Schellhaas

The Fair Fight by Anna Freeman-Being Briana

Favorite Books of 2016–Ramblings of a Marine Wife

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin-The Coastie Couple

Under Magnolia: A Southern Memoir by Frances Mayes-Nutrisha

Wild Justice by Kelley Armstrong- Hello World

Landline by Rainbow Rowell- Michelle Volkmann

Have you read any of these books? What was your favorite book in 2016???