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5 Important Conversations Military Couples Should Have During Military Life

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5 Important Conversations Military Couples Should Have During Military Life

It’s not always easy to sit down and have a conversation with your service member. But as a military couple, it is super important to have conversations about different aspects of your lives, from kids and your home to both of your careers. And as you know, the military has a prominent place in a military couple’s relationship.

The military dictates so much about our lives, from when our spouse will live in the home to where that home will actually be. It can be stressful, especially if you aren’t sure you are on the same page.

That is why communication is so important. And there are certain conversations that military couples should be having. Here are 5 of them:

The Deployment Talk — Before It Happens

So they are deploying. They have the orders. And you are preparing. Sit down together and talk about expectations while you are apart.

Talk about how you will communicate, how bills will be handled, and different things for the children. Things can change quickly during a deployment, but going in with clear communication will go a long way in preparing you for what is to come.

The PCS & Home Base Talk

Some military families do have some say in a duty station. Some don’t. But it is always helpful to know what you want if you get the opportunity to make a choice. Do you want to go to Hawaii? What would it mean to be stationed overseas? Does being stationed an hour from home make sense?

And then the PCS itself. What will the move look like? What will each spouse do? What will need to be done to prepare the kids? There is certainly a lot to talk about before a PCS.

The Money & Future Talk

When two spouses talk about money, things can get really stressful, especially if you are coming at it from different points of view. But it’s important to talk about.

What will you do with any extra deployment money? What does your current budget look like vs a deployment one? How much will you spend on an after-deployment vacation?

The “What If” Talk

This is the hard stuff. The stuff civilian couples might not be talking about as much in their 20s and 30s. But it’s super important.

Do you have updated wills? What about POAs? What will happen if the service member gets injured, or even worse? Where will you go if the worst does happen? These conversations are worth having for both spouses.

The “Who Are We Outside the Military?” Talk

Sometimes it can be way too easy to lose sight of goals outside the military. But they are essential, especially for the military spouse.

It’s a great idea to talk to one another about what you want to do in the future, whether it is pursuing a specific career path, having children, or living in certain places. Your goals matter too. And you want to be able to express them to your spouse.

At the end of the day, everyone’s marriages are different. There are things you need to talk with your spouse about that your friend might not need to. The important thing is to be open with them, keep the lines of communication open, and never stop sharing your life with one another, even across the miles.

5 Important Conversations Military Couples Should Have During Military Life

7 Things to Do When You Feel Like Military Life is Way Too Hard

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7 Things to Do When You Feel Like Military Life is Way Too Hard

Look, we have all been there. Your spouse comes home with some news. It isn’t good.

They moved up the deployment. They canceled your orders to a duty station near home. They didn’t make a promotion.

Whatever it might be, things can happen during military life that can feel like a punch in the gut. It hurts badly. And you can feel like you can’t do it anymore.

So what should you do when you feel like military life is way too hard? What can you do if your spouse’s enlistment isn’t over for years, or if they really want to make a career out of the military? What do you do when you can’t simply walk away from this crazy, stressful life?

1) Make sure you have some goals of your own

You want to make sure you always have your own goals to work on. That’s super important. Whether they are educational, career-related, or just personal. You matter too.

2) Make a bucket list of your duty station

Every duty station has something good about it, even if it is hard to see. Get on the internet, start googling, and make a bucket list for your area. You might not even realize what is around you.

3) Commit to trying one new thing a week, even if it is scary

Are there any groups in your area you can check out? Maybe you met someone and need to follow up with them to plan a coffee date? Commit to trying something new every week. You never know what might happen, and it can help take your mind off the military stuff.

4) Remember, you don’t have to love military life every minute of every day to support your service member

This is the truth of it. Sometimes the military makes you so mad. And it is okay to be angry with them. It doesn’t make you less of a military spouse if that is how you feel.

5) Plan a vacation

Sometimes you need a break. See if you can plan a vacation. Even if it is just for a weekend. Even if it is months from now.

6) Focus on the positives of this life

I know, I know, that IS hard to do when you are staring another deployment in the face too soon after they got home from the last one. But think about all the things you have been able to do, all the amazing people you have met, and all that can be done during your life as a military spouse.

7) Vent to a friend

It’s okay to vent to a friend. We all need that sometimes. Find someone who can be understanding, even if they are not a military spouse themselves. Venting to a non-judgmental person can be a great way to work through your feelings about an issue.

In some cases, it may be helpful to take it a step further and talk to a professional about how you are feeling. This life can be really hard sometimes. You don’t have to do it without the help that you need.

7 Things to Do When You Feel Like Military Life is Way Too Hard

What a Government Shutdown Means to a Military Family

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I live in a military town, and many of the people I know here have a connection to the military in one way or another. That means that when there is a government shutdown, most of the people around here have to deal with the consequences of that.

While it seems hardly anyone in Washington even thinks about what a government shutdown means to a military family, those of us who are living it, feel the pain of the shutdown in many different ways. We already might be struggling, trying to figure out how to navigate military life and now we have an added stress upon us, until the government figures out how to fix all of this.

One of the biggest issues is, of course, pay.

Sure, active duty military will eventually get paid. But when? Luckily banks such as USAA and Navy Fed are stepping in to help.

However, those banks can’t help the emotional stress this type of thing can bring. Most people count on a regular paycheck, that is why they work. They put in their time, get paid, repeat. When there is a chance that pay can be disrupted, emotions can be all over the place.

If a service member is deployed, the idea that you wouldn’t get a regular paycheck is terrifying.

Here your spouse is, putting themselves in harm’s way, and while they are doing this the family has to stress about possibly not get paid? Why does America think this is an okay thing to do? The military should always get paid, on time, without question.

Government Shutdown

Beyond issues of pay, there are other factors we have to think about.

Here at Fort Campbell, the Commissary closed during previous government shutdowns. Now, since we do live in an American city, we have other choices, but at the same time, there are some things you can get at the Commissary for cheaper than in another grocery store in the area. While not having access to the Commissary here won’t cause anyone to starve, it can mess with a budget, especially if the government shutdown lasts a long time.

Friends who are overseas might have to deal with other issues from not getting their mail to possibly not being able to move when they need to or even to get orders that they should. In previous years, AFN services were unavailable during this time. While this does not seem like that big of a deal, it still messes with the morale of the service member and their families.

The National Guard and the Reserves can be hit hard when monthly drills, classes, and trainings are canceled.

This means less pay for the family that is probably depending on it. This means a setback for someone who is trying to further their career. This means that we will be less prepared and that is never a good thing for our country.

Beyond the military, there are other downsides to this government shutdown, with National Parks and even the Smithsonian possibly having to close to not being paid for a federal job. The shutdown causes havoc and the longer it goes on, the worse it will be.

As military spouses, we know that this life isn’t always going to be easy; no one is expecting it to be. However, when something like this happens, the added stress is a little too much, and all we really want is someone with the power to listen and fix this.

What a Government Shutdown Means to a Military Family

Stop using the military as a bargaining chip.

Make sure military pay is ALWAYS a done deal, no matter what. Understand that messing with military pay and benefits adds an extra hardship to our military families that we do not need to deal with. Whatever the debate is about, whatever is holding up the budget, take military pay and benefits out of it.

Although so few Americans are actually serving in the military, our country depends on the service of those who have decided to do so. We can’t treat them this way, we can’t let them down this way, we are better than that.

It doesn’t matter what side of the aisle you are on. It doesn’t matter who you voted for or who you support.

We all need to be on the side of making sure the military has what they need and has what they signed up for.

We need to make sure we don’t think of what is going on as normal or just the way things are. It is not okay and it should never be okay.

Resources for the 2025 government shutdown:

What Happens if There’s a Government Shutdown?

Military Families Face Pay and Benefit Uncertainty Amid Shutdown

A Military Spouse Guide to a Government Shutdown by amilitarywifeslife

Government Shutdown Assistance by Military Savings (Military Bridge)

USAA

NavyFed

Military Life Doesn’t Always Look the Same

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Military Life Doesn’t Always Look the Same

Before my husband joined the military, I was a SAHM and he worked 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.

He joined the Army and by the time we hit the first-year mark, we were in the middle of a 15-month deployment, on a post in Germany.

My life changed in so many different ways. Military life was so completely different than what I was used to, in so many different ways.

Over the years, life has gone on, we went through many deployments and a couple of moves. Now as a National Guard family things are different than they were as an active duty one, but not quite the same as when we were civilians.

Some weeks are more military than others. Some years are more military than others. It all just depends on what is going on and what is happening with my spouse’s career.

Once you get to know the military community you start to notice that not everyone’s military journey looks the same. Some include more separations than others. Some include more moves than others.

Some military spouses have moved every few years, packing up and diving into a new home every three years. Others have only moved once or twice as a military family, with plans to stay put at their current duty station for quite a bit longer.

Some spouses have been through many deployments, in a short amount of time. Others have been able to have years in between.

Some military spouses are raising children and others are not. Some spouses will be able to be stationed overseas, and others will never have that opportunity.

Because our military experiences can be so different, it’s important to listen when other military spouses tell you they are having a more difficult time or just can’t seem to figure out the best way to get through the next few months.

It’s important to remember that what worked for you might not work for someone else. That we all have things that frustrate or bother us. And that we might not know what another military spouse is going through.

That being said, even if we haven’t walked the exact same path, there is beauty in coming together and talking about our experience. There is value in sharing what we have experienced and how we have made it through.

Whether you are a brand new military spouse or heading into your third decade.

Whether you have been through 10 deployments or waiting on your first one.

Whether you feel strong at the moment or are struggling with your current situation.

Military life doesn’t always look the same, but we can still learn from one another. The military community is strong, and we can help each other through with encouragement and patience. With listening ears and a desire to help one another out.

How long have you been a military spouse?

The Many Blessings of a Military Marriage

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The Many Blessings of a Military Marriage

I do a lot of reflecting sometimes. I have always kept a journal and I like to think about where we have been as a couple and a family and where we are going.

We have had to make a lot of choices over the years. When to have kids. To move across the country. To join the Military. To buy a house. To stay in Tennessee. To join the National Guard.

Sometimes it is way too easy to look back and think we shouldn’t have made certain choices.  I don’t like to look at my life like that. Is it possible we made bad choices in the past? Yes. Does that mean the rest of our lives are messed up? No.

One of the biggest life-changing choices we made was for my husband to re-enlist in the Military at age 30. This was something that we talked about for months beforehand. We had no idea what his time in the military would be like once we made that decision.

We were diving into the unknown. While my husband had been in the Army before, that was when he was a lot younger, and way before I came into the picture. Being a soldier with a wife and child was going to be completely different for him, and becoming an Army wife was going to be totally different than anything I was used to.

As I think back over the last 15 years as a Military spouse, there have been many blessings in our marriage because of our time as a military couple.

Don’t get me wrong. Would I have preferred to have a husband who never had to go away? Perhaps, but that wasn’t how life has been for us. 

As I look back over those 15 years, I can see that there are blessings in a Military marriage.

Homecomings can be the highlight of our Military experience. The feeling you get when you see your spouse again is hard to explain unless you have been through a homecoming. Knowing that the months of waiting and worrying has come to a close and knowing you will finally be back in each other’s arms can be the spark that your marriage needs.

Watching your spouse in their uniform can be inspiring. You know they are doing something good in the world and you are there to support them through it. You and your spouse are a part of history, working to make the world a better place. There is just something about feeling that way that can help your marriage thrive.

Deployments can help your relationship to grow even stronger. You start to appreciate one another in ways you never would have if they never had to go away. You constantly remember why you fell in love in the first place. You learn to trust one another across the miles.

But also, never be afraid to reach out for extra help if you don’t feel that way. Different couples handle distance in different ways. There are many resources out there to help too.

PCSing every few years can also be a challenge, especially if you have to PCS to a place you don’t want to go. But there is also something about moving together, having to work through those struggles together, having to be the “new person” together, that can bond you together in many different ways.

While the day to day of military life can feel so heavy sometimes, there are blessings of a military marriage. From growing stronger through the distance to being able to discover more about yourself which can lead to becoming a better partner.

If you are new to the military life and are worried a bit about your marriage, keep in mind that there are blessings of a Military marriage. As hard as the military lifestyle might be, they are there if you look for them.

How do you feel that the Military has blessed your marriage?

24 Years Since Everything Changed

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24 years have passed since the day the towers fell.

When people came together, and we stood together as a country. When we realized that loving our neighbor was more important than any debates we may have had in the past. When we couldn’t figure out why people hated the US so much that they would take so many lives on that one fall day.

On September 11th, the military changed…

There is a pre-9/11 military experience and a post 9/11 one. So many have joined the military because of what happened that day. Going to war changed because of that day.

The US went to war less than 18 months after the attack. A war my husband and a lot of your spouses have also fought in. A war that some think should never have happened. A war that might have been the best way to handle a situation we have never had to handle as a country before.

We can’t forget that we are still going to war and service members are still deploying.

We are still fighting the war on terrorism, no matter who says that it is over on the nightly news. Spouses are still saying goodbye to their loved ones, heading anywhere they are told to go. And we, as American citizens, need to remember that.

On September 11th, traveling changed…

Going to the airport is a different experience in our post 9/11 world. Before 9/11, you could go through security to say goodbye to your family members, regardless of if you had a ticket or not. You could greet your loved ones right when they got off the plane. I have so many memories of doing this with my own grandparents.

We have to take our shoes off and we have to be careful about what liquids we bring. People pack differently because of that day. Every time I get on an airplane, I am reminded about what happened.

I think about American Airlines Flight 11, United Airlines Flight 175, American Airlines Flight 77, and United Airlines Flight 93. About how those people got on their flights, without knowing what could happen. Now we know that what happened is a possibility.

As a military spouse, I know what military families have had to give up in the war against terrorism.

We understand how serious terrorism can be and why our spouses have to serve in certain parts of the world. However, emotionally saying goodbye to them can be so difficult, especially since our country has been at war for so long.

24 Years…

I still remember 9/11 like it wasn’t that long ago. I had just started my last semester of college. Being on the West Coast, I woke up to the news. I got ready for classes and drove the 20 minutes to my school.

Back in 2001, the internet was something you used on your computer. We did not get the news as quickly as we do today. Because of that, not everyone in my first class had heard the news. Those who had, told them.

We talked about what happened. We talked about a possible war and what that would mean. All of it seemed so surreal. It still seems surreal.

Time has moved on…

I got married and had three children. They were born after this tragedy. Anyone under the age of 24 was not born yet, some young adults were too young even to remember. Our country has moved on in some ways, and in other ways, we have not.

The threats are still real. The military is still fighting, and we can’t ever forget those who died on that day. Their stories, their families, and the strength that each one of them showed.

You might be too young to remember, maybe you were just a child and all you know about that day was that your parents watched the news instead of letting you watch cartoons.

Maybe you were like me, in college, getting ready to start your adult life, going out into the world so different than the one you started your college years in.

Maybe you were a young military bride, whose husband just joined the Army, assuming a peacetime enlistment.

Maybe you were pregnant with your first child when your husband who had been debating enlisting decided that now was the time.

I pray that as time moves on, the world becomes a safer place. That the evil that comes from these types of attacks can be stopped. That we will never forget that tragic day in September…one that changed us forever.

Do you remember 9/11? What were you doing the morning of 9/11?

When The Towers Fell

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When The Towers Fell

We didn’t know what that day would bring. Tuesday, September 11th, 2001, started out with clear skies and so much promise.

Kids off to school.

Mom and dad off to work.

People getting to their jobs, some running late, some arriving early.

As the morning began, we had no idea what was planned. We had no idea others wanted to hurt us. We had no idea the world was about to change.

At 8:30 that morning, some wondered what they would have for lunch that day, or maybe if they would be late picking up the kids from school. Some may have thought about their birthday party the weekend before, or what movie they would go to see the next. A new military wife was just getting used to the new PX, and how the Commissary worked, she wasn’t thinking too much of her husband going to war.

Then at 8:45 am…that all changed as the first plane flew into the World Trade Center.

And a little after 9:00 am, we knew, this wasn’t some random accident when the second plane hit. Someone was doing this. Someone was attacking us and life would be forever changed.

At 9:45 am, a plane flew into the Pentagon. For so many of us, this was surreal. Something we had only seen in disaster movies. Something that didn’t really happen in real life.

And then the towers fell, first the south tower, then the north tower, we could not believe this was happening. We could not believe what we were watching.

As the moments went by, we were glued to our television sets. A college student, wondering what this meant for the US, for the World. A young mom, rocking her baby girl, wondering what this meant for her future. A military wife, knowing in her heart that this was the start of something that would change the military forever.

And as we waited and wondered and prayed…

As we hoped and cried and reached out...

As we listened to our leaders try to explain what was going on…

We tried to make sense of all of this. We tried to make sense of what we were watching. We tried to understand what going on but all we saw was a tragedy. One we never would have expected.

Almost 3,000 people lost their lives that day, right here in America. The unthinkable was a reality. A new threat that we still have today. Terrorism wasn’t so front and center as it is now.

Before 9/11, we knew terrorism existed. We knew what terrorism was, but not on this level. Not right here in front of us.

In the days and weeks after 9/11, America came together in a way I had never seen before and haven’t seen since. I remember gathering at a local church, packed with people, to pay our respects, to mourn together, to not go through this alone.

We all felt like family. We were all in this together. We had to be, that was the only way we could get through it.

And now, all these years later, we still think of those who lost their lives on that day, and the days after. From the first responders to those who serve in the military.

We think of their loved ones, those who mourn on a personal level. Those who never thought that saying goodbye that morning would be the last time. And for those who never 100% knew what happened to their family members.

We think of the gold star spouses, and family members, fighting the war on terror. We think of those who are still getting deployed, and who are still fighting for our freedom, against those who want to hurt us.

We can’t forget those who went into the rubble, to help find survivors. Those that were a caring heart in a sea of craziness. Those who worked tirelessly to help those in need.

“What separates us from the animals, what separates us from the chaos, is our ability to mourn people we’ve never met.” – Author David Levithan

As we head into the 22nd anniversary of this tragedy, I will say a prayer for those who are still missing their loved ones. For those who were shaken by what happened in a very personal way. For those who were too young to remember, but still, feel the effects.

I will say a prayer for our military, those who have deployed, and those who will. For their families, and those that love them. For the future and the hope that this enemy can be defeated someday.

And while the years will pass, and time will go on, I hope we never forget the spirit and the love that was shown in our time of tragedy, as our country came together, and as we tried to make sense of everything that happened on that September day. I know I never will.

What Can I Say About September 11th That Hasn’t Been Said Before

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What Can I Say About September 11th That Hasn’t Been Said Before?

Every September, as we get closer to the middle of the month, the memories of what happened on September 11th, 2001 come flooding back. I can’t help but think about that entire morning, at least how I experienced it, from the West Coast.

I still remember when I realized something not so normal was going on. I still remember going to class, and how not everyone in the room had heard the news. I still remember how that was all we talked about for the next two weeks of classes, how could we talk about anything else?

I was only dating my husband at the time, and he was in the IRR (The Individual Ready Reserve,) not active duty or even in the National Guard. IRR at that time didn’t mean a whole lot, just going in for appointments every once in a while. It was more of a technicality.

What Can I Say About September 11th That Hasn't Been Said Before

After September 11th, things changed.

I started to wonder if he would be called up and what that would mean. What that would mean for him, for our relationship. Would we rush to get married? Would be break up? I didn’t know.

As the months passed, it seemed clear that he probably wouldn’t be called up after all. Then time passed.

I had no idea that what happened on 9/11 would change our country, our military, our family.

What Can I Say About September 11th That Hasn't Been Said Before

So as I think about what to write this year, I am not sure what else I could say.

I could give you more details about that day, I know some of you were too young to remember.

I could tell you about my kids and what they know about that day, the kids that were born after 9/11.

I could tell you about how different my military spouse experience has been because of what happened that day, what the war on terror meant on a personal level being married to a service member, or about any fears I still have about having to say goodbye to a spouse as they go fight in this new type of war.

I could leave you with some inspiring words about the sacrifices made.

The men and women who lost their lives in the tower, the ones who did in the recovery efforts, or those who did in the following years in Iraq and Afghanistan because of what happened that day.

I could give you a list of movies and television shows and books that talk about 9/11 or have something to do with that day.

But haven’t we all heard this all before? Is any of it new? Is it even worth repeating?

What can I say about September 11th that hasn’t been said before?

What Can I Say About September 11th That Hasn't Been Said Before

What words can I give that will help you through this day? What can I add to the conversation?

I just don’t know.

I do know that we can’t forget what we as a country have been through.

We can’t forget that morning or what happened that day.
 
We have to keep sharing with those that were not there.

I do know that our lives were changed in the smallest and biggest of ways that day.

I do know that in the aftermath of 9/11, communities came together like never before.

It didn’t matter if you didn’t agree on 9/10, on 9/11 you were holding hands in a sanctuary, trying to make sense of everything.

You might have two years old, sitting on your mother’s lap as she had CNN on all day.

You might have been seven years old, wondering what was going on and why so many people were so upset.

 

You might have been twenty years old, sitting in a college class, worrying about your friend who lives in NYC.

You might have been thirty years old, a proud military wife for the last ten years, wonder how this will change everything for you and your family.

What Can I Say About September 11th That Hasn't Been Said Before

Whatever you were doing that day, whatever you remember, if nothing else, 9/11 is a memorial day. One in which we can remember those who have lost their lives, lost their families, or even lost their hope.

Here we are, on the 17th anniversary of the day that changed everything, let’s try to show as much peace, love, and hope to others as we can. For that is quite the opposite of what led to that tragedy almost twenty years ago. And that is what will keep us moving forward as a country, despite the struggles and frustrations we face along the way.

Peace. Love. Remember.