Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

24 Years Since Everything Changed

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24 years have passed since the day the towers fell.

When people came together, and we stood together as a country. When we realized that loving our neighbor was more important than any debates we may have had in the past. When we couldn’t figure out why people hated the US so much that they would take so many lives on that one fall day.

On September 11th, the military changed…

There is a pre-9/11 military experience and a post 9/11 one. So many have joined the military because of what happened that day. Going to war changed because of that day.

The US went to war less than 18 months after the attack. A war my husband and a lot of your spouses have also fought in. A war that some think should never have happened. A war that might have been the best way to handle a situation we have never had to handle as a country before.

We can’t forget that we are still going to war and service members are still deploying.

We are still fighting the war on terrorism, no matter who says that it is over on the nightly news. Spouses are still saying goodbye to their loved ones, heading anywhere they are told to go. And we, as American citizens, need to remember that.

On September 11th, traveling changed…

Going to the airport is a different experience in our post 9/11 world. Before 9/11, you could go through security to say goodbye to your family members, regardless of if you had a ticket or not. You could greet your loved ones right when they got off the plane. I have so many memories of doing this with my own grandparents.

We have to take our shoes off and we have to be careful about what liquids we bring. People pack differently because of that day. Every time I get on an airplane, I am reminded about what happened.

I think about American Airlines Flight 11, United Airlines Flight 175, American Airlines Flight 77, and United Airlines Flight 93. About how those people got on their flights, without knowing what could happen. Now we know that what happened is a possibility.

As a military spouse, I know what military families have had to give up in the war against terrorism.

We understand how serious terrorism can be and why our spouses have to serve in certain parts of the world. However, emotionally saying goodbye to them can be so difficult, especially since our country has been at war for so long.

24 Years…

I still remember 9/11 like it wasn’t that long ago. I had just started my last semester of college. Being on the West Coast, I woke up to the news. I got ready for classes and drove the 20 minutes to my school.

Back in 2001, the internet was something you used on your computer. We did not get the news as quickly as we do today. Because of that, not everyone in my first class had heard the news. Those who had, told them.

We talked about what happened. We talked about a possible war and what that would mean. All of it seemed so surreal. It still seems surreal.

Time has moved on…

I got married and had three children. They were born after this tragedy. Anyone under the age of 24 was not born yet, some young adults were too young even to remember. Our country has moved on in some ways, and in other ways, we have not.

The threats are still real. The military is still fighting, and we can’t ever forget those who died on that day. Their stories, their families, and the strength that each one of them showed.

You might be too young to remember, maybe you were just a child and all you know about that day was that your parents watched the news instead of letting you watch cartoons.

Maybe you were like me, in college, getting ready to start your adult life, going out into the world so different than the one you started your college years in.

Maybe you were a young military bride, whose husband just joined the Army, assuming a peacetime enlistment.

Maybe you were pregnant with your first child when your husband who had been debating enlisting decided that now was the time.

I pray that as time moves on, the world becomes a safer place. That the evil that comes from these types of attacks can be stopped. That we will never forget that tragic day in September…one that changed us forever.

Do you remember 9/11? What were you doing the morning of 9/11?

When The Towers Fell

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When The Towers Fell

We didn’t know what that day would bring. Tuesday, September 11th, 2001, started out with clear skies and so much promise.

Kids off to school.

Mom and dad off to work.

People getting to their jobs, some running late, some arriving early.

As the morning began, we had no idea what was planned. We had no idea others wanted to hurt us. We had no idea the world was about to change.

At 8:30 that morning, some wondered what they would have for lunch that day, or maybe if they would be late picking up the kids from school. Some may have thought about their birthday party the weekend before, or what movie they would go to see the next. A new military wife was just getting used to the new PX, and how the Commissary worked, she wasn’t thinking too much of her husband going to war.

Then at 8:45 am…that all changed as the first plane flew into the World Trade Center.

And a little after 9:00 am, we knew, this wasn’t some random accident when the second plane hit. Someone was doing this. Someone was attacking us and life would be forever changed.

At 9:45 am, a plane flew into the Pentagon. For so many of us, this was surreal. Something we had only seen in disaster movies. Something that didn’t really happen in real life.

And then the towers fell, first the south tower, then the north tower, we could not believe this was happening. We could not believe what we were watching.

As the moments went by, we were glued to our television sets. A college student, wondering what this meant for the US, for the World. A young mom, rocking her baby girl, wondering what this meant for her future. A military wife, knowing in her heart that this was the start of something that would change the military forever.

And as we waited and wondered and prayed…

As we hoped and cried and reached out...

As we listened to our leaders try to explain what was going on…

We tried to make sense of all of this. We tried to make sense of what we were watching. We tried to understand what going on but all we saw was a tragedy. One we never would have expected.

Almost 3,000 people lost their lives that day, right here in America. The unthinkable was a reality. A new threat that we still have today. Terrorism wasn’t so front and center as it is now.

Before 9/11, we knew terrorism existed. We knew what terrorism was, but not on this level. Not right here in front of us.

In the days and weeks after 9/11, America came together in a way I had never seen before and haven’t seen since. I remember gathering at a local church, packed with people, to pay our respects, to mourn together, to not go through this alone.

We all felt like family. We were all in this together. We had to be, that was the only way we could get through it.

And now, all these years later, we still think of those who lost their lives on that day, and the days after. From the first responders to those who serve in the military.

We think of their loved ones, those who mourn on a personal level. Those who never thought that saying goodbye that morning would be the last time. And for those who never 100% knew what happened to their family members.

We think of the gold star spouses, and family members, fighting the war on terror. We think of those who are still getting deployed, and who are still fighting for our freedom, against those who want to hurt us.

We can’t forget those who went into the rubble, to help find survivors. Those that were a caring heart in a sea of craziness. Those who worked tirelessly to help those in need.

“What separates us from the animals, what separates us from the chaos, is our ability to mourn people we’ve never met.” – Author David Levithan

As we head into the 22nd anniversary of this tragedy, I will say a prayer for those who are still missing their loved ones. For those who were shaken by what happened in a very personal way. For those who were too young to remember, but still, feel the effects.

I will say a prayer for our military, those who have deployed, and those who will. For their families, and those that love them. For the future and the hope that this enemy can be defeated someday.

And while the years will pass, and time will go on, I hope we never forget the spirit and the love that was shown in our time of tragedy, as our country came together, and as we tried to make sense of everything that happened on that September day. I know I never will.

What Can I Say About September 11th That Hasn’t Been Said Before

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What Can I Say About September 11th That Hasn’t Been Said Before?

Every September, as we get closer to the middle of the month, the memories of what happened on September 11th, 2001 come flooding back. I can’t help but think about that entire morning, at least how I experienced it, from the West Coast.

I still remember when I realized something not so normal was going on. I still remember going to class, and how not everyone in the room had heard the news. I still remember how that was all we talked about for the next two weeks of classes, how could we talk about anything else?

I was only dating my husband at the time, and he was in the IRR (The Individual Ready Reserve,) not active duty or even in the National Guard. IRR at that time didn’t mean a whole lot, just going in for appointments every once in a while. It was more of a technicality.

What Can I Say About September 11th That Hasn't Been Said Before

After September 11th, things changed.

I started to wonder if he would be called up and what that would mean. What that would mean for him, for our relationship. Would we rush to get married? Would be break up? I didn’t know.

As the months passed, it seemed clear that he probably wouldn’t be called up after all. Then time passed.

I had no idea that what happened on 9/11 would change our country, our military, our family.

What Can I Say About September 11th That Hasn't Been Said Before

So as I think about what to write this year, I am not sure what else I could say.

I could give you more details about that day, I know some of you were too young to remember.

I could tell you about my kids and what they know about that day, the kids that were born after 9/11.

I could tell you about how different my military spouse experience has been because of what happened that day, what the war on terror meant on a personal level being married to a service member, or about any fears I still have about having to say goodbye to a spouse as they go fight in this new type of war.

I could leave you with some inspiring words about the sacrifices made.

The men and women who lost their lives in the tower, the ones who did in the recovery efforts, or those who did in the following years in Iraq and Afghanistan because of what happened that day.

I could give you a list of movies and television shows and books that talk about 9/11 or have something to do with that day.

But haven’t we all heard this all before? Is any of it new? Is it even worth repeating?

What can I say about September 11th that hasn’t been said before?

What Can I Say About September 11th That Hasn't Been Said Before

What words can I give that will help you through this day? What can I add to the conversation?

I just don’t know.

I do know that we can’t forget what we as a country have been through.

We can’t forget that morning or what happened that day.
 
We have to keep sharing with those that were not there.

I do know that our lives were changed in the smallest and biggest of ways that day.

I do know that in the aftermath of 9/11, communities came together like never before.

It didn’t matter if you didn’t agree on 9/10, on 9/11 you were holding hands in a sanctuary, trying to make sense of everything.

You might have two years old, sitting on your mother’s lap as she had CNN on all day.

You might have been seven years old, wondering what was going on and why so many people were so upset.

 

You might have been twenty years old, sitting in a college class, worrying about your friend who lives in NYC.

You might have been thirty years old, a proud military wife for the last ten years, wonder how this will change everything for you and your family.

What Can I Say About September 11th That Hasn't Been Said Before

Whatever you were doing that day, whatever you remember, if nothing else, 9/11 is a memorial day. One in which we can remember those who have lost their lives, lost their families, or even lost their hope.

Here we are, on the 17th anniversary of the day that changed everything, let’s try to show as much peace, love, and hope to others as we can. For that is quite the opposite of what led to that tragedy almost twenty years ago. And that is what will keep us moving forward as a country, despite the struggles and frustrations we face along the way.

Peace. Love. Remember. 

A Letter To A New Military Spouse, Starting Their Military Life Journey

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A Letter To A New Military Spouse Just Starting Their Military Life Journey

A Letter To A New Military Spouse, Starting Their Military Life Journey…

I know things feel a bit scary right now. Your loving spouse has just joined the Military. You might not even know how to feel right now. You are likely experiencing a range of emotions. Both happy and sad ones.

You are not sure what is going to happen or what the next few years will be like. You agreed that you would take it one enlistment at a time. Only three years and then if you both want to walk away you can, only, you wonder if you really will.

You wonder if the Military will be your life from now on.

That your spouse will like the military life too much, that you will like it too much or that you will absolutely hate military life and that they will want to stay.

The truth is, it is nearly impossible to know what your experience is going to be like. The Military is different for everyone. Based on where you are stationed, the unit they are in, if they deploy or not, how many times they deploy and how often, the friends you meet and everything that happens between now and when it is time to make that reenlistment decision.

My advice would be to take it one year at a time.

Don’t let a bad situation cause you to change your life. Don’t let a good one lead you into thinking that everything will always be easy. Know that when the time comes to decide, you two will know in your hearts what the next step will be.

You worry about those deployments everyone is talking about. And if you can get through them when it doesn’t even seem like you can get used to them being away during basic training.

Your deployments will be some of the hardest months of your life.

You will miss your spouse like crazy, and you will wonder why you decided that joining the Military was a good idea in the first place. You will cry yourself to sleep some nights and pat yourself on the back during others.

You will have good days and bad ones. You just have to keep on keeping on. You will find your own battle buddies that will help you on the days you just don’t think you can do Military life anymore. In return, you can be there for them during their difficult days.

You will make friends but they or you will have to eventually move and you will have to say goodbye to each other. Always having to make new friends will be difficult but it also makes life a little more interesting.

You never know who you will meet next, where they will be from or what kind of story they will have.

With Facebook, it is a lot easier to keep in touch with others after you no longer live in the same place. This part of Military life is hard but it is something you can get more used to, even if you still don’t want to have to say goodbye to people all of the time.

Military spouse, you are a part of something amazing. A family of other spouses whose heart belongs to someone who serves in the Military. You are a part of history. You will be remembered for what you are about to do, for the sacrifices you will give to your country, and for the strong faith you will show in the midst of difficult situations.

A Letter To A New Military Spouse Just Starting Their Military Life Journey

The best part of being a Military spouse is that you are not alone.

There are a lot of us out there to help guide you through everything you might experience. There really is nothing new under the Military sun. As you move forward down your Military life path, remember why you and your spouse made the decision for him to join. Remember to take it one day at a time if you need to.

You will be okay. You will grow stronger through it all and you will make the best friends you could ever meet through your time as a Military Spouse.

Are you a new Military Spouse? What do you think about this new chapter in your life?

Because I Married a Soldier: Life as a Military Spouse

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Because I Married a Soldier: Life as a Military Spouse

Initially written in 2018!

I always wonder what is next. Will he deploy? Will he stay home? Will he be home more than he is away? As I ponder what this year will bring, I am reminded of what it means to be married to someone serving in the military.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, my husband can be away from us, whether it is for days, weeks, months, or even years. And when he is gone, I stay home and make the best of the situation, knowing he is serving his country in the way he knows how.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I have found friendship with others who have gone through the same thing. We have spent the holidays together and have become like family to one another. We have each other’s backs and know we can depend on one another when we need that extra support.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, what happens on the news affects me in very personal ways. If they say they are sending more troops over there, I worry my husband might be one of them. And then I remind myself that this is what Army service is all about.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I try to be strong even if I don’t always feel that way. Sometimes I merely survive during a deployment instead of thrive, even if that is my goal. I have to take one day at a time, one hour at a time in some cases.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I have moved several times. Starting over in a new place, a new state, a new country. I have learned how to adapt, how to be apart, and how to handle homesickness.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I have learned how to be more patient, how to get through the impossible, how to make the best of a difficult situation. I have learned how to handle what this life brings me, even if somedays that doesn’t seem very possible.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I know I am a part of something amazing. I am a part of something historical. I have those who have come before me, in wars past, from who I can learn. I have those who I walk beside today, going through what I am also dealing with.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, figuring out what I want to do has been more of a challenge. His career comes first. If he is gone all summer, how will I adjust? If he is gone for a year, how will I make my dreams come true? If I am the only parent for months at a time, how will I have time to work on myself?

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I have learned so much in the years since my husband has joined. I have learned about myself, my marriage, and the world in general. I have gained more than I have lost.

I wonder what the next 12 months will look like. Will this year be one of the harder ones, or will we have a bit of a break? Who knows. I just know that I am doing all of this with my husband by my side, with my friends who understand, and with an attitude that I can get through anything this crazy life throws at me.

Because I Married a Soldier: Life as a Military Spouse

6 Resources For Military Spouses Struggling With Anxiety and Depression

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6 Resources For Military Spouses Struggling With Anxiety and Depression

I suffer from anxiety. Having a spouse in the military can add to the struggle. Over the years, I have learned what works and how to deal with my anxiety. Sometimes that means changing little things in my life, other times that has meant going to see a counselor.

I know I am not alone in my anxiety. Other military spouses struggle with it too. Some spouses struggle with depression as well. No matter who you are or what you do, struggling with anxiety and depression can be a lifelong battle.

Mental health is a serious issue in the US and our military. It has touched our family personally as well as many other families I know. We shouldn’t be sweeping it under the rug, and we shouldn’t be embarrassed to reach out and seek help if we need it.

The good thing is that there are resources for military spouses who struggle with anxiety and depression. We don’t have to go through this alone. There is help out there.

Here is a list of six resources to help with your anxiety or depression:

TRICARE

One of the best things you can do if you are struggling with anxiety or depression is to talk about what is going on with your doctor. They can then talk with you about your options. For some, that does mean medications, and that choice should be one you make with your doctor. For others, it could mean going to therapy.

Military Family Life Counselor

The Military Family Life Counselor or MFLC program is where you can find a licensed clinical provider who assists service members and their families with a wide range of issues. They offer this non-medical and confidential help if you need it, but they should not replace going to see a Psychiatrist or Psychologist.

Military One Source

The Military Family and Life Counseling Program offers non-medical and short-term counseling to the military and their families. This can be a good choice if you are dealing with deployment adjustments, stress management, grieving the loss of a loved one, or more. They do not deal with cases of abuse, suicidal thoughts, or mental health issues that may require long-term care or medication.

Military One Source also has articles on mental health and other issues affecting military families.

Give An Hour

This organization has a mission to help others by connecting them with a network of volunteers that can respond to their needs. Since 2005, they have focused on providing free mental health care to the military (including the National Guard and the Reserves), veterans, and their families.

This lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for those in distress or in crisis. Please use this if you or a loved one is in trouble. They also have information on suicide and mental health as well as stories of recovery and hope.

 

If you are struggling, know you don’t have to struggle alone. There are resources out there for you, to help you get what you need to be in a better place.

Do you know of any resources for military spouses with anxiety and depression that should be added to this list? 

4 Great Ideas To Rock Your Next Deployment

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It was Thanksgiving Day. Almost exactly 365 days after my husband had returned from his first deployment. We were not sitting down for a turkey dinner. We were dropping him off for his 2nd deployment.

We had celebrated Thanksgiving the week before. In my head, it was no longer Thanksgiving but D-day, Day 1, the day we dropped my husband off and started our months of separation.

4 Great Ideas To Rock Your Next Deployment

This time, we said our goodbyes rather quickly. We didn’t wait around until the bus left. We hugged and kissed, and I put my boys in the car and we drove home.

I can still remember turning around to my almost-two-year-old and four-year-old and telling them that we “got this.” That we were going to rock this deployment. They were so young, they probably didn’t know what I was talking about but I looked at them as my team. My guys. We were going to get through this together.

This deployment was going to be a year. He left in November, and he came home November 1st of the following year. During that time, we got through a German winter, a beautiful spring, a summer in California, and then a fall waiting for his return.

Looking back, I think this was the one deployment I really rocked. I was able to find ways to make the best of the situation. Although so much about that deployment was very difficult, I was able to figure out ways to speed things up and allow myself to have fun with my boys even though my husband was gone.

As I think about the two deployments that came after that one, I can see what was so different about them and why in some ways they were so much harder even though they were shorter.

How I wasn’t able to rock those deployments as much as I was able to do so with our 2nd one. I would never say I have a favorite deployment. I will say this 2nd deployment was the one I can look back on with better memories and a better understanding of how to get through something difficult.

Here are 4 ideas to help you rock YOUR next deployment

1. Find a Battle Buddy- I went through this 2nd deployment with a friend. We lived about 2 blocks away and our husbands were in the same area. This helped so much. A good friend is a good friend and always helpful but having someone who is going through the deployment too can make a big difference. There is just something about going through something like a deployment together that makes that other person feel like family and you can really depend on each other. Your spouse has battle buddies and you need them too. If either one of us was having a bad deployment day we could make plans to meet up and get through the day with each other. 

2. Plan a Trip- Going on a trip of some kind can really help you during a deployment. We went on three trips during our 2nd deployment. The first was a trip to one of my favorite places, Garmisch in Germany. The 2nd was to visit my friend in Austria for the week. The third and biggest trip was flying Space-A to California and staying there for about three months. We had my husband meet us in California for R&R which was amazing. Going on these trips took a lot of work but they were worth doing. They broke up the deployment and allowed us to have some fun even though my husband was deployed. They allowed us to get out of our rut and enjoy life during that year apart.

3. Focus on projects- Because we were planning a Space-A trip, we needed to plan for it. Flying Space-A takes a lot of research. So, my friend and I would have the kids play together and we would sit and figure out our Space-A plans. This took up a lot of time and gave us something to focus on. It allowed us to work on something we had control over. Projects can look different. Some people want to re-arrange their house, others want to go to school or even work on their career. Think about what you can focus on while your spouse is away. Take that time he will be gone and put those days to good use. You will be glad you did once he gets home and you have accomplished something during that time away.

4.Grow Grow Grow- Take the deployment as a time to grow. To work on yourself. To find yourself again. Deployment gives you space to do this. A time to really get to know who you are without the distractions of another adult in the home. Don’t get me wrong, I would much rather have my husband home then deployed but it is nice to be able to take that time you have to yourself and figure out how to make it work for you. My husband will go to AT with the National Guard later this year and I plan to spend that time away to work on myself and grow as a person.

What are your ideas to help rock your next deployment? What has worked for you?

Want a Guide for the First 30 Days of a Deployment???

How You Can Help A Struggling Military Spouse

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How You Can Help A Struggling Military Spouse

How You can help a struggling military spouse

You are finally feeling good about military life. Nothing too complicated, just a few trainings and your husband will be home for a while. You feel put together, have a good friend base at your duty station, and life seems pretty stable. But you have noticed something going on in your community. Not all of the spouses around you are doing okay. Some of them are struggling.

So, how do you help? What can you do to help a struggling military Spouse?

Or maybe you are not a military spouse. Perhaps you have friends who are, and you see them hurting? Maybe you would like to help them, but you don’t know the best way to do that because you have never been through a deployment or PCS yourself.

Here is what you can do to help a struggling military spouse:

Listen

Listening to a struggling military spouse is one of the best things that you can do. They might just need someone to listen. They might need to just get everything out.

Being able to vent about your situation in a safe place can be very therapeutic. I know on those days when I just couldn’t see the forest through the trees of the deployment, talking it out with a good friend was very helpful. If you have a friend who is struggling, let them know you are there to listen, even if you don’t fully understand what they are going through.

Offer

If there is anything you can offer to this spouse, please do. Offer babysitting, a meal, or even just an offer to be there when they need it. Send a care package if they live far away.

Send a note just to say you are thinking about them. These little things can really help a struggling military spouse who is not having the best of days.

Don’t Dismiss

The worst thing you could do is comment on how their situation could be worse or how they need to just get over it. Everyone handles deployments in their own way. Depending on the situation, some spouses might be going through something you simply will never have to deal with.

That doesn’t mean they don’t have a right to feel the way they do about what is going on. During a deployment, you want to be surrounded by people who are going to support you, and if you dismiss your friend’s feelings, they might push you away.

Give them space

Some spouses deal with a deployment by spending time by themselves. They might need some space to accept that the deployment has started. Make sure to give them space if they need it.

Please don’t assume that they want you there, because not everyone does. Let them know that you are there when they are ready to talk or hang out and keep busy.

Being on both sides

It’s so important that those of us who feel like we have it together don’t make those who don’t feel like they are less than. I have been on both sides of this.

I have been both the one struggling and the strong one. I have been the one pouring out my heart, and I have been the one who sat by listening as a friend poured out her own struggles.

The thing to remember about military life is that it is up and down, it is good and bad, it is happy and sad. When you are feeling good about what is going on, never forget that others are not, and never think that things will continue that way for you. You never know what the next day will bring.

An unexpected PCS? I have known people who have only been given a few weeks’ notice. A deployment that gets cancelled only to have it become uncancelled a week before they are supposed to go. A best friend having to leave when you are just about ready to start a new deployment.

Be there for your friends and the struggling military spouse. This will help out the whole military community and make life a little easier for those who need that little bit of extra love and care.

Have you ever been the struggling military spouse? How have others helped you along the way?